| ngo gong portuguese 11.03.02 |
| I have this weird obsession with culture, specifically in figuring out what really is *my* culture. Sometimes I think it's really clear to me, and then other times I get confused...I've mentioned these moments of revelation in previous entries like this one or this one. I don't think I am the only that gets confused about this either...I have talked to other people...Chinese-Americans, Korean-Brazilians, Chinese-Brazilians who say the same thing that I said. "I don't feel totally comfortable when I'm with all [Asian origin here] but when I'm with all [other culture that they are part of], I don't feel totally comfortable either." This past Sunday, I attended a Chinese Presbyterian church in Liberdade (the Asian community here in SP) with R, who is Chinese-Brazilian. I have not seen that many Chinese people all together since I left Cali! I think the only time I had real contact with Chinese people in Brazil was at the wedding that I attended a few months ago. The weird thing with me is that I don't expect Chinese people to speak Portuguese. If they are not speaking Chinese, I expect them to speak English. So imagine how unusual it is for me to hear the service being conducted in Taiwanese and Portuguese. As I sat there in service, I looked around at the faces of the pastors, the choirs, the kids, the other people in the pews. I could have been back at home in a Chinese church and I would have not known the difference. And I felt so comfortable. Yet when I am in a non-Chinese church here, I am comfortable too, and I am thankful for that. I am not aware or self-conscious about being one of the few Asians. But there is no denying it, there really is something about being in an environment where you really know that despite any other differences, the Chinese in you makes you belong there. I know D. has mentioned this many times in her journal regarding her experiences with a Chinese church amidst an otherwise predominantly white environment in Michigan. I did not even realize the difference that a lack of Chinese contact made in my life. Not like I desperately missed it, but you also don't realize how important it is to you until you have it again and see the difference. So how crucial is it to have Chinese people around? Not really, at least to me. But when I am not in a Chinese environment and then all of a sudden have Chinese people, Chinese snacks, Chinese food, I swell up with pride for my culture. But then like in my entry about Asian night when we went out dancing, I totally felt out of my element with the other Asians. So who knows... One thing that I thought was super cool, though, was that I think Chinese-Brazilians are the perfect blend because you still get to embrace the Chinese culture, yet you have the warmth of the Brazilian culture. As a result, you get huggy, touchy-feely, warm Chinese people---isn't that a sight!! Okay I'm not all here mentally today because I have the dreaded First Day Cramps. Ugghh... |
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