welcome to asian night

What do you do during a blackout? You can't read, can't watch tv, can't use your tv, can't cook...you CAN talk on the phone, but how long can you do that for? I opted to write a letter by candelight, surrounding myself with candles resembling a seance. It was such an interesting experience though...not being able to do anything. I couldn't even leave the house because the garage door wouldn't open. I was home alone, candles flickered everywhere, shadows danced on the walls...what would *you* do during a blackout?

It had been awhile since I last went out dancing, and it was finally time on Saturday night. It was also the first time since I quit capoeira that I had seen any friends from there. I pick Raadha up, telling her that I want to be home by 1 a.m. since I have church the next day. Sounds like an easy task, especially since it would only be us two and Israel going to Bas, a club where Jimmy works as security and would get us in for free. In the car, Israel tells us next Saturday is Latino night. Tonight is Asian night. I ask, "Asian night as in a lot of asians being there or just an asian theme?" As we get closer, we see well-dressed asians everywhere, and since we're near the piers/Embarcadero, we know this isn't normal. "It's definitely asian night," Raadha says. No kidding.

We get in line and it's weird already. Asians everywhere...maybe it wasn't such a big deal, but it was just something *i* wasn't used to. The three of us laughed and mentioned how usually we're at these Latino clubs and now this is totally not our element. Everyone seems to know each other...and everyone seems to be on the guest list. Suddenly, we don't feel so special anymore. heheh...We find Jimmy and laugh about him standing around looking mean and buff in his black security t-shirt. It's nice to see a familiar face, though. I actually also ran into a young, married couple from church, which was a little strange. Dancing next to them was even stranger.

The place fills up pretty quickly and we start dancing, although awkwardly. You look around the room and everyone is staring at each other. One person walks into the room and they size everyone else up and vice versa. It's not about staring to pick people up, as the Latino clubs do it...it's about staring to judge and it's all about image. It's pretty intimidating. I couldn't even dance without feeling self-conscious. For awhile, Raadha and I are making funny faces at each other and commenting about what a weird environment it is. It's almost like being at a party where the more people you know, the cooler you are...and if you don't really know people, well, stay out of the way.

As the night progresses, we loosen up (no, we weren't drinking) and I think everyone else does too (yes, they were drinking). People start dancing on the elevated platforms, one girl busts out with a glow stick show, the place is getting more packed. I had so much fun with the songs they played..."Ditty," "Nuthin' but a G Thang," "Brass Monkey," "Ride with me,"...those were definitely "Queencie, you should be here," moments. It was a lot of fun dancing to hip-hop, especially those old songs we love and cherish. I admit, there were some cute guys, but I was already in the mindset that they were probably stuck-up, so I just gave them a passing look. I felt my "don't look at me, don't talk to me" shield go up, but then I realized it didn't matter anyway. No one was going to talk to me.

I left not knowing how to feel. Wasn't this supposed to be my scene? Weren't these "my people?" Why wasn't I feeling like I fit in? Dorc and I just had an e-mail exchange about taking refuge and comfort in a group of Chinese people, when you're in a city of non-Chinese. You feel like there's this automatic understanding of one another and you feel comfortable with them. But on the other hand, here I was in a club full of Asians, but my understanding of them wasn't one that I wanted to associate with. Perhaps it was the scene that launched me back into the days of those high school Zephyr dances where all the supposedly popular and cool people were there and it was just like the night at Bas...you walk in and get sized up. It was like that all over again. I do love Chinese people...I feel at home in Chinatown and I feel at home at my Chinese church. But when it comes to a night out in the club scene, no quiero "Asian night."