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If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
"My mother made me a lesbian" (and written below that) "If I give her the yarn, will she make me one, too?"---On the bathroom wall of the Infinity Bar in Miamisburg, Ohio 1979
The opinions expressed here are not those of my employer, my wife, my church, or myself...But they are the opinions of Elvis as revealed to me through the medium of my pet hamster, Lee Harvey Oswald...
Join the Army. Meet interesting people. Kill them.
98% of the population is asleep. The other 2% are staring around in complete amazement, abject terror, or both.
If someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Never argue with a man carrying a water buffalo.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
The truth is like ice water, it shocks you when it hits you, but no one's ever died from it.
Always remember to pillage before you burn.
If life gives you lemons, squeeze the juice into a watergun and shoot other people in the eyes.
Question Authority. They usually know where the bathroom is.
MTV's Daria
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Practice makes perfect, but if nobody's perfect, why practice?
Carpe diem - Seize the day; Carp in denim - There's a fish in my pants!
"I intend to live forever--so far so good."
"Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines."
Sleep: A completely inadequate substitute for caffeine.
File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
I want to live forever or die in the attempt.
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
I believe no problem is so large or so difficult that it can't be blamed on somebody else.
I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them, I have others.
I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. - Andy Rooney
I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...
As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
I'm not myself today. Maybe I'm you.
Fear not my insanity, fear the mind it protects.