Saturday, April 3, 2004
compromise

When I was 15 or 16, I had rather set ideals on relationships and weddings. I declared to my poor aunt, poor because she had to constantly listen to all my mindless ravings, that until I had dated someone for no less than 8 years, I wouldn’t marry. If I felt the slightest doubt about anyone, that I wouldn’t simply try and “work it out”, that the doubt simply amounted to a “no go” for me. Think about it! Imagine spending the rest of your life with someone you weren’t entirely sure about. You’d have to put up with so much over the years! And I didn’t and still don’t believe in divorce, although that might change too.

Ach, like I said, 15 or 16. I’ve mellowed. I’m growing old. I’m almost 20! Or is it that I’ve simply lost the courage and energy to take stands like I used to? I allowed myself to be subjected to emotional and physical abuse over a course of 2 years in a relationship with an utterly despicable, dependent, DERANGED, un-stable, intellectually-incapacitated, smoking junkie loser. I ended up the bigger loser.

I hope that if ever there should come a time when I doubt and when I should know better, that I will be able to look back and learn from that 15 year old I was. The ocean is vast, enormous! And I CAN swim.

“… the ultimate ideal, and the hopeless quest.” –Alfred North Whitehead (although I guess I should mention that he was referring to religion.)

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