Whenever possible during dinner Harm would rest his hand near or on Mac’s. He was testing the waters and couldn’t detect any sign of resistance on Mac’s part.
When it was time to leave he suggested they take a stroll over to the wall. Washington DC was a beautiful city at night. The view anywhere along the mall from the Capitol building to the Lincoln Memorial was inspiring. When they stepped up to the black granite wall, Harm reached over without any thought and took hold of Mac’s hand.
Harm resisted the urge to run his fingers along his dad’s name as he normally did whenever he came to visit. Tonight was not about the life long obsession he had turned his dad into, it was about Mac and his intentions.
Turning quietly to continue walking the grounds, Harm leaned over to kiss Mac on the cheek. “Thank you.”
“What else are best friends for?” Mac smiled softly, basking in the warmth of her hand still in his.
By the time they’d made it to the new WWII memorial, their hands still firmly entwined, and enjoying the long stroll, Harm had found some of his nerve.
“There’s something I’d like to talk to you about.”
Mac could feel the tension flowing through him.
“At the admiral’s dining out, before I knew about your health, I mentioned I was still open to the idea of having a baby.”
“Harm…”
“I know, please let me finish before I lose my nerve.” Harm squeezed her hand.
“Sorry, go on.” Mac prepared herself for the worse.
“We decided that if and when you’re ready, if you’re able, having a baby is still on the table.” Harm paused to take a deep breath. “What I need you to know is even if you can’t have a baby, or don’t want to have a baby, I would still like to spend what’s left of my life with you.”
“Harm…” Mac’s heart was racing, had she just heard what she thought she’d heard?
“No, let me finish. I’m not trying to rush you and I won’t impose myself on you, but I want you to know my intentions. I told you I would always be there and I meant it. If all you ever want from me is friendship, you will always have that. I will wait as long as it takes, give you as much time as you need, but if there’s any way I can get you to love me as much as I love you, I’m going to try.” Harm’s heart was pounding so hard he thought for sure all of DC could hear it.
Oh, good lord. Mac was overwhelmed by an urge to pinch herself and see if she was dreaming. She couldn’t possibly be walking on a moonlit night with the only man she had ever truly loved and just heard him tell her the same thing. This has to be another cruel dream from which she was going to awaken at any moment, probably just as he was about to kiss her.
A sense of panic was starting to race through him. Maybe he should have done as Jen said and taken an entire weekend to test the waters. Maybe he had said too much too soon. Maybe he had finally gone and done what he had dreaded all these years and screwed everything up beyond repair.
“I’m sorry, I should have waited. I have no right to dump all this on you so soon after, well, after everything. I …”
“Pinch me.” Mac stopped walking and squeezed his hand tightly in hers.
“Uh, what?” Harm had taken another step before he realized she had stopped. Turning to face her, he stepped up in front of her.
“I said, pinch me. I’ve dreamt of this moment too many times and I’m not sure I believe it’s real. Pinch me.” Mac stared almost stone-faced at him.
“I can’t do that, Mac.” The chill that had raced through his veins was slowly being over taken by a loving warmth more powerful than he’d ever felt before.
“Will this work instead.” Ducking his head, Harm gently placed his lips on hers.
Mac waited for a phone to ring, her alarm to go off, anything that would wake her from this wonderful dream. Uninterrupted, unable to resist, she let go of his hand and raised her arms around him, pulling him in closer.
She tasted so sweet. Tentatively, he parted his lips and let the tip of his tongue glide delicately across her lips. Immediately his very soul was on fire. She had opened up to him without hesitation. His tongue sliding deep within her mimicked another joining he yearned to complete.
Mac pressed herself against him as tightly as she could. In a matter of moments the kiss had surpassed the intensity of the only real kiss they had ever shared. It had taken all the willpower she had that night to walk away into the arms of another man, tonight she didn’t think she could stand of her own accord, never mind walk away. Her legs were slowly turning to rubber as his kiss fanned a flame that had been kindling within for so very long.
He could feel her fingers pressing into the small of his back. His skin, like everything in him, was on fire. He wanted her like he’d never wanted anyone before in his life. His blood was pulsing rapidly through his veins and pooling painfully in his groin. He had to pull away. It was one thing to declare himself, it was something else completely to ravish her in a public place like an animal in heat.
Slow down, pull back, last kiss, okay, maybe one more. He knew he needed to stop but he was terrified of letting her go. When he heard Mac smother a moan and shift her hips against him, he realized he had let his hands drop and his fingers were slowly kneading circles around her hips and across her six.
The feel of her body brushing up against him, her soft curves grazing across his growing desire was more than he could stand. His mouth opened wide, breaking the kiss, allowing a low growl to escape.
“God, Mac.” His breathing was heavy, his chest was heaving in rhythm to the pulsing of his veins. “I, I think we need to slow down. Actually, I think stopping would be better.” He smiled, dropping his chin on her head. He was still standing too close to her, his body was throbbing with need.
Not sure where he found the strength, he stepped back slightly putting some air between them.
“I’m not dreaming.” Mac’s voice came out barely above a whisper.
“I must be.” Harm mumbled through ragged breaths. His eyes locked on hers.
“Take me home, please.” Mac reached out to take hold of Harm’s hand again. The heat that spread between them from the simple touch surprised them both.
Without a word the two walked back to his car. Harm was silently thankful he had insisted on dropping Mac’s car off at her place before dinner. He hadn’t noticed how late it had gotten and he hated the idea of her going home alone from his place so late at night.
They rode quietly back to Georgetown. The only communication shared was through their joined hands resting on the gearshift.
Smiling at his good fortune to find a parking space in front of her building, Harm accompanied Mac to her front door, grateful for having had time to cool off.
Mac unlocked her door without ever letting go of Harm’s hand. She pushed the door open and stepped inside, startled when Harm hesitated at the door.
“Are you planning on standing there all night?” Mac teased giving his hand a slight tug.
“I think I’d better go home now.” His eyes pleaded with her to understand.
Her eyes dropped to the floor for a minute before looking up into his eyes again.
“If you’d like to stay....” Mac started to say.
“With the stack of files Sturgis keeps piling on us, we both need to get an early start at work tomorrow. If I come in now, I won’t want to leave and Sturgis doesn’t need anymore ammunition against me.” Harm reached out softly and slid his hand down Mac’s arm. He knew when he stayed the night he was going to want plenty of time to show her how he felt. There would be no rushing out the door in the middle of the night or early morning, no worrying about what neighbors or coworkers thought. When Harmon Rabb finally made love to Sarah MacKenzie, he knew he would never want to stop.
“You’re probably right.” Mac smiled feebly.
“I ... good night, Mac.” Harm hesitated to kiss her. He wanted to desperately but he didn’t trust himself completely to be able to keep it simple. Before he could make up his mind, Mac had stepped up to him, gently kissed him on the lips, and stepped back.
“Good night.” She repeated.
“Good night.” Harm smiled walking backwards towards the stairs.
“You’d better watch where you’re going. I have no interest in spending the rest of the night in the ER with you.” Mac held back a chuckle.
Grinning broadly, Harm turned around and practically sailed down the stairs. They hadn’t really spoken about his declaration but if a picture is worth a thousand words, their kiss spoke volumes.