(Sydney gets to her feet and looks upwards towards the cave entrance. Anna is long gone.)
Sydney: (sighs) Great. All the other weird shit that Rambaldi came up with, and he couldn�t have created an elevator?
(A light comes on from above, lighting up a previously unseen working elevator shaft.)
Sydney: �I really shouldn�t be surprised, but I am. Go figure.
(Sydney climbs out of the elevator and starts looking around for Dixon. She finds him on
the ground nearby, bleeding heavily from the chest.)
Sydney: Dixon, no! Why weren�t you wearing your vest!
Dixon: (struggling to breathe) Too�heavy� and� looks� stupid�
Sydney: No-one would have seen it under your shirt, you idiot! (pulling out a satellite phone) Hang on, buddy. I�ll get help! (dials CIA) This is Agent Traitor-Against-SD-6, calling with a code 6! Need Medivac helicopter immediately!
Dixon: (barely conscious) Traitor�against�S�D�6�
Sydney: Shut up, you! (knocks him out)
Vaughn: So what happened when you got back to SD-6?
Sydney: I had to come up with a cover story so that Sloane didn�t know I�d contacted the CIA to fly us to a hospital.
(FLASHBACK)
Sloane: So, let me see if I got this right. You found Dixon wounded and bleeding to death, and dragged him back to the jeep, then drove him to the hospital yourself?
Sydney: Yep.
Sloane: The jeep that was a half day�s hike from where you were?
Sydney: Uhh� yeah?
Sloane: � (shrugs) Okay then.
(END FLASHBACK)
Sydney: But Dixon was partially conscious when I made the call to you guys. He repeated my codename. If he recovers, he may know that I�m a double agent.
Vaughn: Okay, we�d better put an agent at his bedside so that we can interrogate him when he wakes.
Sydney: You can�t. When I brought him back to LA, they put him in an SD-6 hospital.
Vaughn: (impressed whistle) J.J. thinks of everything, doesn�t he?
Sloane: I�m looking at her results, but I don�t see anything here that makes Sydney look any more suspicious than anyone else. In fact, these results say she passed with flying colours.
Drier: That�s my point exactly. She�s been trained to fool this test. Everyone else immediately admitted yes when asked about the dirty movies.
Sloane: Fine, fine. If you really think it�s her, I�ll deal with this myself.
Will: So lemme get this straight � Dixon got shot by bank robbers who wanted bank codes in your briefcase?
Sydney: Dixon grabbed me and shielded me. He was amazing.
Will: Doesn�t it seem odd how all these things keep happening to you? I mean, first Danny, now Dixon�
Francie: Oh, stop being so suspicious. Let�s talk about what something more fun. Like my wedding dress! I need a wedding dress, because I�m getting married!
Will: To your evil lawyer.
Francie: He�s not evil! He quit Wolfram & Hart, remember! He�s an American Idol contestant now!
Will: Oh right, like that makes him any less evil.
Sydney: I�ll take you shopping for a dress on Saturday, okay?
Francie: Goodie!
Sloane: The coincidental, non-related-to-your-cover-story bank hold-up I just showed you seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary at first, but we later realised that whilst everyone was busy being distracted by being held at gunpoint, two of the thieves accessed the computers and transferred funds from a frozen bank account.
Sydney: Who�s account?
Sloane: An old friend of ours, Anini Hassan. Remember him?
Sydney: Egyptian weapons dealer and asshole to boot? Oh yeah, rings a bell.
Sloane: We�ve put up with him for awhile, because he�s given us good intelligence, but we�re sick of his shenanigans and want him taken out. Sydney, you�re to go pay his accountant a visit. Hack into his computer and find out where the money was transferred. That way we can tap the account and trace his movements.
Jack: This week�s random accountant is hosting a party at his villa in Tuscany tomorrow night. You won�t be on the guest list.
Sydney: Goody, I love party-crashing.
Will: So, what can you tell me about this thing? Is it a transmitter? It�s a transmitter, isn�t it?
Random Audio Technician: Yes, it�s a transmitter.
Will: I knew it! So is it government issue? It is, right?
R.A.T.: Yes, it�s government issue, okay? Geeze, who�s the one with the abbreviated name here, you or me?
Will: Sorry, sorry. So what can you tell me about it that I can�t guess for myself?
R.A.T.: Well, it�s transmitting.
Will: What, you mean right now?
R.A.T.: Uh-huh.
Will: Whoops.
Sloane: You know, I�ve always considered you a daughter to me.
Sydney: A daughter you�ve only known for seven years?
Sloane: Oh, I�ve known you way longer than that! I�ve known your dad for over thirty years! I was at your parents� wedding! I�ve always been there in the shadows, keeping watch.
Sydney: Yick. Can you spell stalker?
Sloane: S-T-A-L-K-E-R. Anyways, I just thought you should know that� before you went away.
Sydney: Brrr. That�ll chill the blood.
Vaughn: Okay, Sloane�s full of it, as usual. He�s after revenge against Hassan. Hassan blamed SD-6 when you secretly stole that nuclear weapon from him back in episode 2, so last week he stole a couple of hundred thousand dollars from SD-6, and pointed and laughed at them. Sloane wants to show him who�s boss. He�ll take every last asset in Hassan�s bank account and have him killed.
Sydney: Sounds like him. What�s my counter-mission?
Vaughn: We want to get some insight into how SD-6 does their banking. Just bring us back the account number and we�ll tag it and trace it.
Sydney: That�s a dumb counter-mission.
Vaughn: Tell it to someone who cares.
Sloane: Random Security Goon, take a memo.
Random Security Goon: Yes sir.
Sloane: This is a message to SD-4 in Rome. Send it out on server 5.
R.S.G.#1: Yes sir.
Sloane: �Sloane from SD-6 here. I want to request the assassination of an SD-6 agent. Method of killing � make her dead. She�s supposed to drop off info for us tomorrow night in random park #1, Tuscany. Do it there. Target�s name � Bristow, Sydney Bristow.�
R.S.G.#1: But she�s so cute! And she has such a nice ass!
Sloane: I know, I know. Just do it.
R.S.G.#1: Very well, sir.
Sydney: Wheeeee! (comes parachuting into the garden of a fabulous Tuscan mansion, then rips off her flight suit to reveal an elegant black dress underneath it. She starts to pull this off too, but then realises what she�s doing and instead goes to grab a drink, ignoring a few gawkers.)
Gawker #1: I don�t think she�s on the guest list. Should we alert security?
Gawker #2: Hey, anyone who goes to that much trouble deserves to get in here. Plus bonus points for doing it all with Smashmouth as background music.
Weiss: Guess what, guess what? I get to do something useful today!
Vaughn: What is it, Weiss?
Weiss: I just got this message off the SD-6 worm. Sloane�s going to have Agent Bristow killed! Isn�t that great!
Vaughn: What?!?
Weiss: Here, look! (shows him a print-out)
Vaughn: Dammit! Quick, scramble a team to intercept her before she enters that random park! We�ve got less than two hours!
Sydney: (on her way to the host�s PC, goes past a wedding photo) �uh-oh.
(BACK IN LA�)
Francie: So what do you think, Sydney? Is this dress any good? (does singsong Sydney voice) No, it makes your ass look fat. (normal voice) You�re so mean to me! (bursts into tears)
Random Clerk: Err� yeah�
Jack: (over phone) Yes Vaughn, what do you want?
Vaughn: Sloane�s put a whacking-assignment out on Sydney. We�re going to pull her out of there.
Jack: Give me a break. Sloane, smart enough to figure out Sydney�s working against him? I doubt it. Let me have a look into this.
Will: (talking into the flower pin-transmitter) Okay, Eloise Kurtz was wearing this the day I met her, so you must have heard our first conversation. So that means you know I�m a reporter researching the death of Danny Hecht, and as you probably know by now, Eloise Kurtz. So did you kill them? �Cos if you did, you�re a very, very bad person. And you�d probably have killed me by now too. So maybe you didn�t. Look, please call me. I�m very confused and� (phone rings. He answers it) Hello? Mystery listener? �oh, hey Francie� no, I haven�t seen Sydney� she said your ass was fat? �you mimicked her saying your ass is fat? (covers the phone for a second and talks into the transmitter again) See, I told you I was confused.
Jack: I sent a message to SD-4, but it never went through. I need to see the server logs.
Marshall: Oh, hey Mr. Bristow, you want some candy? (offers him a bowlful)
Jack: (grabs the bowl, turns it over and jams it on Marshall�s head) I sent a message to SD-4, but it never went through. I need to see the server logs.
Marshall: (muffled by the bowl over his face) Okay, let�s have a look�
Sydney: Okay, got the data, time to get going.
Random Accountant #1: What are you doing in here? You�re not allowed in here!
Sydney: Uhh� (acts tipsy) Dude� I love everything about your place� except the spinning� oh dear� too much spinning�
R.A.#1: Are you drunk?
Sydney: Yes, quite a bit actually. (vomits all over R.A.#1�s shoes)
R.A.#1: Oh yuck! Get out of here! Bathrooms are upstairs!
Sydney: (running out of the room with a hand over her mouth) I always knew that my party trick of being able to vomit at will would come in handy.
Vaughn: (in surveillance centre) How�s it looking, people?
Random Ops Guy: Bristow�s expected in approximately one minute. We have three agents doing circles of the random park, looking for the shooter, and we have a further six agents in strategic locations, ready to pull her out as soon as any of them see her.
Jack: (bursts into the room) Do nothing, it�s a set-up!
Vaughn: Say what?
Jack: Sloane sent that whack-request out on server five � the same server that you were getting data from.
Weiss: Right, that�s where our intel came from.
Jack: The worm was found. Server five has been cut off from all outside communications except your own. The message never went through to SD-4. This is a test to see if Sydney is a double agent or not.
R.O.G.: Bristow�s just entered the park.
Weiss: There�s someone coming right for her � looks like he could be pulling a gun!
Vaughn: Jack, tell me you�re not wrong about this!
Jack: Let her make the drop! If we intercept her, it�ll blow her cover! Sloane is bluffing, dammit!
(Sydney successfully makes her drop, and the supposed whacker passes by uneventfully.)
Vaughn: Phew. Good call, Jack.
Jack: Well, I hate to be the one who said �I told you so�� but I told you so! Nyaaaarrrr!!!
Weiss: (whimpers) I was still useful, right? I mean, I still made a positive contribution here, didn�t I?
Sloane: Well, I hate to be the one who said �I told you so�� but I told you so! Nyaaaarrrr!!!
Drier: Perhaps. But if Bristow had been the mole, her people would have rescued her. The assassination attempt would have failed.
Sloane: Oh, get a life. No girl with an ass that fine deserves to die, regardless of their loyalties.
Will: Check this out. It�s some kind of radio transmitter.
Francie: It�s ugly.
Will: Someone�s listening to us right now, but whoever it is, they won�t talk back.
Francie: That�s mean!
Will: Wanna tell them that?
Francie: Okay! (yells into the transmitter) Stop being mean to Will Tippin, you big ol� bedwetting doodyhead!
Will: (answers his phone) Hello?
Anonymous Voice: Tell your friend to stop calling me a big ol� bedwetting doodyhead. (hangs up)
Francie: Who was that?
Will: Uhh� someone looking for Joey�s pizza?
Francie: Man, those guys bug me.
Sloane: Nice try Sydney, but Hassan didn�t want someone hacking into the computer and downloading his bank account details.
Sydney: Like I tried to do.
Sloane: Like you tried to do. However, the info you did get tells us that the bank account number we need is in a safe deposit box at a bank in Geneva. Your mission is to go in and get that account number. Russick will go along as your backup.
Russick: Hello.
Sydney: Hey. You�re back again, huh?
Russick: Apparently so.
Will: (answers his phone) Yeah?
Anonymous Voice: Go to the phone booth at 3rd and 72th. (hangs up)
Will: 72th? That�s not even a word! Don�t you mean 72nd? Hello? Hello? Dammit. And that�s all the way across town, too.
Vaughn: We still want that bank account number too. Here�s a transmitter, just read the number aloud when you find it. Russick will get it, but so will we.
Sydney: Can�t I puh-leeease do some damage to SD-6?!? Just let me blow some shit up, or something!
Vaughn: No.
Sydney: Fun Nazi.
Will: (answers a ringing payphone) Hello?
A.V.: Are you ready to learn the truth, Mr. Tippin?
Will: Probably not. But count me in anyway.
A.V.: Good enough. (hangs up)
Will: (sighs) Well, whilst I�m here� (changes into Superman costume, then runs off, flapping his arms and making zoom-zoom noises.)
Sydney: Okay, I�ve knocked out the bank head who brought me into the vault, broken into the safe� right, here�s the number. Delta-Omega-Zeta-Epsilon-Gamma-Beta� geeze, how many Greek letters can they fit on this slip of paper? �four-two.
Russick: Good work, Sydney. Now get out of there before some random security goon finds you.
Random Security Goon #2: Hold it right there!
Sydney: You mean like that?
Russick: Yes, like that.
Sydney: Oh, thank god! That guy just fainted, you have to call an ambulance!
R.S.G.#2: Yes, I�ll do that. You�re free to go.
Sydney: Really? You�re not suspicious at all?
R.S.G.#2: Are you kidding? Your tour guide is unconscious, I can smell burnt lock mechanism, and you�re standing in front of an open safe deposit box, rifling through its contents and talking to yourself. What possible reason could I have to be suspicious?
Sydney: You�re right, I don�t know what I was thinking. Later!
(Will goes back to his car, to find that someone has written �Glove Box� on the dust on the windscreen. Getting in the car, he opens the glove box to find a cassette in a paper bag inside. He inserts it into his portable tape player, to hear some static-key voices talking, one male, one female. Then there are several gunshots.)
Will: Oh� my� god� whoever broke into my car stole my speakers, man!
Marshall: Ahh, Mr. Drier? You wanted to know if anything weird relating to Sydney came up. Well I detected a second transmission coming from Geneva when she was in the bank � and it wasn�t made to us. �did I just get Sydney in trouble?
Drier: (evil grin) No, not at all.
Marshall: Really? So you�re not going to capture her, beat her up, torture her for information and then kill her?
Drier: Of course not, don�t be ridiculous.
Marshall: Phew. That�s a load off my mind.
Drier: Well, I hate to be the one who said �I told you so�� but I told you so! Nyaaaarrrr!!!
Sloane: Are you still here?
Sydney: Dixon, I�m so glad you�re not dead!
Dixon: (in hospital bed, looking like hell) Me too. Thanks for saving me.
Sydney: Hey, no biggee. Say, you don�t remember me doing anything strange when I found you, do you?
Dixon: I remember you using non-SD-6 equipment to make a distress call, using a different handle than your SD-6 one.
Sydney: (horrified) You� you remember that?
Dixon: (bursts out laughing) Naah, I�m just messing with you. I can�t remember a thing.
Sydney: Jesus Dixon, you scared the shit outta me!
Dixon: By the way, you owe me a beer.
Sydney: I do?
Dixon: Go look back at episode 3.
Sydney: (pulls out her laptop, and logs onto www.geocities.com/kylegonjinn) Hmm. I guess I do. Nuts.
Sydney�s brain: Hmmm� awful lot of goons wandering around the parking garage in this place. I wonder why they�re here? (notices them starting to chase her) Oh poo!
(Sydney goes to run, but before she can make her escape, gets smashed into by a passing car. She goes flying across the windshield, over the roof and onto the ground.)
Sydney: Oww! Where�s my stunt double when I need her?
(The goons knock her out, throw her in the back of their van and speed off.)
Random Car Driver: Oh, thank god. I don�t have insurance! (gets back in his car and continues on his way, whistling nonchalantly.)