Vaughn: What is?
Jack: Check it out. J.J. spelt the title of this episode the wrong way.
Vaughn: That is odd. Why would he spell it with a U?
Kyle Gon Jinn: Oy! Get outta here, you two! You�re not supposed to be meeting yet!
Jack: But the spelling�
K.G.J.: It looks perfectly fine to me. Now scram!
Sydney�s brain: Oh great. My partner�s dead, and I�m trapped in a loony bin in Romania, surrounded by guards. Now what do I do?
Sydney: Back off and open the front door, buster! I don�t want to hurt you!
(Sydney gets shot in the back with a tranquilliser dart by last week�s random evil doctor)
Sydney: Ow! Whoooa� but I didn�t want you to hurt me, either� sleepy now� (thuds)
Sydney: (wakes up in a bikini, strapped into a bathtub and with electrodes wired to her head) Hey! What are you doing? You�re not going to shock me, are you?
Last Week�s Random Evil Doctor: I got the idea when I strip-searched you for weapons and found out you already had a bathing suit on underneath.
Sydney: Hmm. That wasn�t incredibly wise of me. What do you want?
L.W.R.E.D.: I know you�re an SD-6 agent, and you came here to learn from Shepherd where Parkishov�s body is, so you can use his DNA to read a code. I want to know if he told you.
Sydney: Jesus. I can�t believe I�ve finally met someone who knows what the hell�s going on in this show. But no, he didn�t tell me.
L.W.R.E.D.: Hmm. Too bad I don�t believe you. Now I have to shock you!
Sydney: No, please!
L.W.R.E.D.: Your social security cheque is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!
Sydney: �that wasn�t particularly shocking.
L.W.R.E.D.: Oh. Well in that case� (drops a toaster in the bathtub, resulting in some cool blue lightning effects)
Jack: Are we meeting now?
Vaughn: I dunno. Maybe we should ask K.G.J.
Jack: Meh, I think he�s gone back to sleep. Let�s just get this over with.
Vaughn: Okay. (gets shoved against a wall by Jack, who sticks a pistol in his neck.) Oww! Hey! Don�t you know I�m Sydney�s handler?
Jack: Sure. I just don�t like you.
Vaughn: Ohh. Well you should know that the nuthouse Sydney was sent to is run by K-Directorate.
Jack: It is? Well, that�s no good.
Vaughn: I agree. I want to send in an extraction team and pull her out.
Jack: Well you�re not gonna! Nothing will say �double agent� to Sloane clearer than a C.I.A. team rocking up to Romania and saying, �Hi, we�re here to rescue you!�
Vaughn: We can put her into witness protection. If she�s killed, she�ll never beat SD-6 anyway!
Jack: Yes, and we can have the pleasure of listening to her complain about how we blew her cover for the rest of our lives.
Vaughn: Okay, okay, I get your point. You don�t like me, do you?
Jack: I believe I already told you that.
Vaughn: How come?
Jack: Because you read my file.
Vaughn: �and?
Jack: And copied it for Sydney to read.
Vaughn: �and?
Jack: And you�re a wiener.
Vaughn: Ahh. I knew there was a good reason.
L.W.R.E.D.: Well, you really don�t know where Parksihov is buried, do you?
Sydney: (still in the tub, now with a massive afro) No, I don�t. I�m pretty sure I told you that before you started throwing kitchen appliances in here with me. (apart from the toaster, Sydney is also bathing with a microwave, a blender, and an electric kettle)
L.W.R.E.D.: Yeah, my bad. Ah well, I guess you�re useless to me then. (pulls out a hair drier)
Sydney: Wait! I can get Shepherd to talk! I can get the info for you!
L.W.R.E.D.: Hmmm� okay. I�ll give you until lockdown tonight.
Sydney: Killer. Now, whilst I�m in here, could you pass me the soap please?
Sydney: Hi there, psychotic-british-actor.
Shepherd: Hey. Nice hair. (pauses) �do I know you? From before the throttling, I mean.
Sydney: Oh yeah, like I�ve never heard that one before.
Shepherd: No, seriously. I�m sure I�ve seen you somewhere before.
Sydney: That�s great. You can hit on me later. Right now, we need to escape, or else the guards will kill us.
Shepherd: But I don�t wanna leave. I�m working out my freaky!
Sydney: Do it in another asylum that isn�t run by homicidal madmen!
Shepherd: Oh, good idea. Where would you suggest?
Sydney: Uhh� well� hmm.
Shepherd: My point exactly. (pauses again) Why are you wearing a bikini?
Sydney: (pouts) Last week�s random evil doctor wouldn�t give me my clothes back.
Shepherd: And here I thought I had problems.
Sydney: Then you�ll help me escape?
Shepherd: No.
Sloane: Marshall.
Marshall: Hey, Mr. Sloane! C�mon in and relax on my inflatable furniture!
Sloane: (hesitantly stretches out on the inflatable couch) Hey, this is actually really comfy! Ooh, I like this!
Marshall: Would you like me to order one for you? They�re not that pricy.
Sloane: I�ll think about it. I wanted to talk to you about the worm you found.
Marshall: Oh yeah. I plugged it up for you. No more mole snooping around on our server.
Sloane: Good. I wanted you to know it was just a drill. Security wanted to see if anyone would notice a hacker on our servers, and you were the only one who found it. Quicker than we expected too. Nice job.
Marshall: Wow� wait a minute, are you lying because you haven�t ruled out my being the mole?
Sloane: �no.
Marshall: Oh. Then if I did that good, can I have a raise?
Sloane: �no.
Marshall: Please?
Sloane: No.
Sydney: Please?
Shepherd: No.
(LATER)
Sydney: Pretty please?
Shepherd: No.
(LATER STILL)
Sydney: Pretty pretty please?
Shepherd: No.
(EVEN LATER THAN LATER STILL � WHICH IS A LOT LATER)
Sydney: Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top?
Shepherd: Can�t the guards just kill you already?!? Listen to me! I like it here!
Sydney: Then it�s my opinion that you have very poor taste.
Shepherd: Hey, I�m not going to be told I have bad taste by someone wearing a lime green bikini!
Sydney: (looks down) �this bikini�s red!
Shepherd: �it is?
Sydney: Yuh-huh!
Shepherd: Oh. My mistake.
Sydney: You�re red-green colour-blind, aren�t you?
Shepherd: Maybe.
Sydney: (to herself) They must have trained him to become colour-blind whenever he was on an assassination, so that he would think he was just dreaming it all� but now he�s seeing everything in red-green. This means his training�s unravelling� he�s getting better!
Shepherd: Ummm� you want to back up a second there? What was that about me assassinating little red and green men?
L.W.R.E.D.: So, did Shepherd tell you where to find Parkishov?
Sydney: Umm� (looks at her hand, where she�s written, �Yes.�) Yes!
L.W.R.E.D.: Marvellous. So where is he?
Sydney: Err� (didn�t think to write down a fake location) Would you believe I forgot?
L.W.R.E.D.: No. (zaps her with a cattle prod)
Sydney: Owie!
Shepherd: Hey, you forgot to pay your electricity bill! (pow)
L.W.R.E.D.: Arg! My face! My valuable face!
Sydney: Shiny toy. May I? (grabs the cattle prod and starts shocking L.W.R.E.D. mercilessly.)
L.W.R.E.D.: Mummy!
Shepherd: Can we go now?
Sydney: (zap zap zap) Later. Busy right now.
Shepherd: So hey, I figured out where I�ve seen you before now.
Sydney: Really? Where?
(FLASHBACK TO EPISODE 1)
Sydney: You killed the man I love!
Sloane: No Agent Bristow, you did.
Assassin (Shepherd): Ahh� sorry to be technical and all, but it was actually me. My bad!
(END FLASHBACK)
Sydney: Oh yeah, I remember now.
(SEVERAL MINUTES LATER)
Sydney: �wait a minute! You killed my fianc�! (bursts into tears)
Sydney: Here�s Parkishov�s location. Louisiana swampland, it would seem.
Sloane: Ah, one of the more romantic holiday destinations. Good work. And Shepherd?
Sydney: Yeah, he killed himself.
Sloane: Hmm. Well, if he did somehow survive, I�m sure we�ll be hearing about him again.
Sydney: Why would we be hearing about him? I told you! He killed himself! He�s dead! Why would we be hearing about a dead man?
Sloane: What about Danny? He�s dead, but you�re always rabbiting on about Danny this and Danny that!
Sydney: That was below the belt. Hey, aren�t you curious about why Fisher didn�t come back?
Sloane: Not even remotely. I already told you that his real name included the words random and expendable. Hell, I would have been surprised if he had come back.
Sydney: Point taken.
Sydney: I told Sloane that Shepherd killed himself, but I really let him go. He�s just as much a victim of SD-6 as I am.
Vaughn: You lied to Sloane? Naughty girl! I�m telling on you!
Sydney: Can I go home now?
Will: Happy Thanksgiving Syd!
Sydney: Thanks, c�mon in!
Jenny: (holds up a bottle of wine) I brought something to drink!
Will: (points at Jenny) And I brought something to bone.
Sydney: Lovely. Can I take your coats?
Charlie: Mmmm. This has got to be the best burnt turkey I�ve ever had.
Francie: Are you just kissing up to me because you�re about to propose?
Charlie: Yes.
(Doorbell rings.)
Sydney: Oh thank god.
Sydney: Dad, what are you doing here?
Jack: I came to give you this. (pulls out a folder) This is the missing page from my file. It clears me of all accusations of being a traitor. It was a time when everyone was suspected of being K.G.B. � please understand. Now, since I am offering this to you and seeming to finally let you know the truth about the whole kerfuffle, will you believe in my innocence?
Sydney: Yeah, okay. I guess I don�t need to see that page then.
Jack�s brain: Oh yeah, I totally rule.
Sloane: We found Parkishov�s body, and used his DNA to decipher the code. Guess what? It tells us where to find another fun toy made by our favourite dead white guy!
Sydney: Rambaldi again. Always with the damned Rambaldi!
Sloane: Indeed. We�re sending you in to get it, but be careful. Hours after you escaped Romania, Anna Kournikova was sighted shooting the shit out of everyone at the loony bin you were in.
Sydney: Aww, not her again! It�s been a few episodes since she last showed, I thought we�d seen the last of her for sure!
Sloane: Hell no! She hasn�t acted on Dixon�s threat he made in episode 2 yet!
Sydney: I guess. So, you going to explain why you�re telling me all this from an inflatable couch?
Sloane: It�s comfortable. Wanna try it?
Sydney: Can I?
Vaughn: My girlfriend dumped me.
Sydney: My best friend got engaged.
Vaughn: Sounds like we both had shitty Thanksgivings then.
Sydney: Sounds like. Did we meet to discuss shitty Thanksgivings or to assign my counter-mission?
Vaughn: I forget.
Sydney: (going through her mail) Bill� bill� early Christmas card� threatening letter from debt collector� subscription to Playboy� postcard from raving-psychotic� wait a minute!
(Sydney looks at the postcard, on which someone has sketched a very good picture of her in a red bikini. On the back, it reads, �Red is definitely your colour. Thanks for everything.� There�s no return address or even a name.)
Will: (peers over her shoulder at it) Ooooh, gimme! You look great in red!
Random Voice on Phone: So, you believe you have a mole?
Sloane: Yes. I�ve been digging around in the basement for hours, and all found was three hedgehogs and an echidna.
R.V.O.P.: Not good enough, Arvin! Do you at least have any suspicions as to who the mole is?
Jack: (offscreen) Why the hell did you bring me burnt turkey?!?
Sydney: (offscreen too) It�s a peace offering! I�m trying to make the relationship between us a little friendlier!
Jack: But it�s all burnt! I don�t want it!
Sydney: You�ll eat what�s put in front of you, old man!
Sloane: None whatsoever.
R.V.O.P.: You�re dumb.
Sloane: I know.