"He- I-" Her words wouldn't come and she stopped as the tears finally came and forced their way down her cheeks. She turned away from him; she didn't want him to see her cry, most of all she didn't want him to know the reason for the tears.
"Buffy?" Giles voice floated to her on a gentle wave, she could feel the concern in it, she still looked away from him as she spoke.
"Giles, I- I-" She just couldn't make the words come out, the words that would express the feelings that she had been hiding, fighting for so long.
"Buffy," he said as he used his free hand to turn her face to him "Please Buffy, I need the truth. Does Spike make you happy? That is all that I have ever wanted for you, for your happiness. If it takes Spike to do that then, as much as I may not like it, I will back off and leave you to it. But I need to know and I want the truth." He held her chin in his hand and she knew he wouldn't let her go until she answered.
"No." Buffy spat out the word before she even had even had the chance to think about it. She blinked at her own abrupt and matter- of-fact-ness at the admission. Wow, I didn't even know that was there. Oh god, look at his face, major wiggins. I sure would like to lick those lips. Wait what oh god, bad, bad Buffy, this is Giles.
**********
Giles looked at her with confusion as he watched the many emotions
flash over her face.
"No what Buffy?"
She blinked again almost as if she had forgotten that he was there,
and then her face became sad again.
"No, he doesn't make me happy. In fact he makes me more miserable,
he makes me hate myself, but at least he makes me feel *something*"
"Buffy will you listen to yourself? At least he makes you feel *something*? You have to stop this, you have to stop doing this to your self. You are an amazing, vibrant, wonderful, inelegant young woman. You deserve so much more, so much better than just *something*, especially if the something is misery." Giles eyes were pleading with her.
"And who's going to give me that `so much more, so much better' Giles? Please tell me `cause right now I'm not seeing anyone willing to step up to the plate and take a swing" she ask only half sarcastically.
**********
Giles sat back on his cushion for a moment thinking about her question. She's right old man, no one *has* stepped up to the plate, perhaps it's time that *someone* did, someone who has wanted to for so long he can't recall the exact moment when the want, the need started. He look at her pale tear stain face, took a deep breath, grabbed hold of his courage and spit it out.
"Me." He watched her face, looking for any response, hoping she wouldn't simply chew her own arm off just to get away from him. She simply stared at him, eyes wide and unblinking. "Buffy?"
"What?" she blinked at him "What did you say?"
"I said me Buffy."
"You what Giles? I don't understand."
"I mean I could be that someone who steps up to the `plate' as you call it" he waited for her response. After a very long moment it came in the form of more tears.
" Oh god, Buffy, please don't cry I'm sorry I never should have said that I'm a total-"
"Mind reader."
"I beg your pardon?" He was taken aback at her statement.
"Mind reader, I was so hoping you would say that" She smiled at him.
"You-you were?"
"Giles I love you. I have loved you for so long I can't even wrap my mind around it."
**********
She watched as his eyes filled with tears and he smiled back at her, neither of them realizing that the spell that held them together had broken. She slid herself closer to him to leaned in so that their foreheads touched.
"Giles, I think I'm going to have to kiss you now, if that's alright." She grinned at him widely. His smile widened and he beat her to it. His lips brushed lightly against hers, once, twice, then they were fused together as the passion between them rose to a fever. Tongues twisted, fought, and explored what were previously forbidden caverns. Giles broke the kiss first and looked into his slayer's eyes. He reached over and cupped her face in his hands as he held her eyes with his.
"Buffy I love you. It's more powerful than anything I have ever known and I need you to know that this, for me, is so very real. After this night Buffy, you own my heart, please be gentle with it." She felt her eyes begin to water again. The look on his face was so sincere and full of naked honesty. She tried but was once again unable to make words leave her mouth so she took the only other action that she knew that could convey just how real it was for her as well.
**********