All five teenagers found falling asleep to be a bit more difficult than normal, due to the novelty of the links’ added stimuli. Still they all eventually drifted off to sleep; once Ranma slid off, it effectively closed the links, allowing his suitors to do the same. However, while the conscious mind is ordinarily not active during the night, they were soon reminded that this was not always the case….
As soon as Shampoo walked through the door into a conspicuously nondescript room, she knew she was dreaming, for one very simple reason: she heard Ranma and Akane speaking in Mandarin, much to her surprise. Well, Ranma she sort of expected — he spoke Mandarin all the time in her dreams about their future together, but Akane was always noticeably absent from those dreams. Also, in those dreams, Ranma’s Mandarin was almost as eloquent as hers (as she would be the one who would teach it to him), but right now, his Mandarin was as rough as his Japanese. Still, she had to make sure… “Airen? What is going on here?”
The two teenagers turned to face the lavender-haired Amazon. “Shampoo? You’re speaking Japanese?” Akane asked.
“You ask why I am speaking Japanese, but I could just as easily demand an explanation for your fluent Mandarin.”
“What? I’m not speaking—”
“Ya may not be speakin’ Chinese,” Ranma interjected, “but Shampoo’s hearin’ ya in Chinese, just like when I’m hearin’ her think in Japanese. I told ya dreams would be different.”
“Ranma! Don’t say the ‘d’ word!”
“What is wrong with Airen bringing up the fact that we are in the world produced by the mind’s eye during slumber?” Shampoo asked.
Akane looked stunned at the question. “Wow. You’re… you’re actually… articulate.”
“Let me guess; even after Ranma informed you of my eloquence in my native tongue, you still would not believe him, simply because I have difficulty with your language.”
Akane blushed heavily. “Well, I… maybe.”
“And to think that some Japanese wonder why they and their fellow countrymen are stereotyped as racists. But I digress. You still have not answered me as to why Ranma was to avoid mentioning that we are dreaming; for I assume he is referring to what we Amazons call a ‘dream of awareness’ — a ‘lucid dream,’ if you will.”
“We’re dreaming?” came a new voice from behind her. “But that would mean that I’m dreaming. Oh sh—” Shampoo turned around in time to see Ukyo’s form (whose arrival she hadn’t noticed) suddenly disappear.
Ranma sighed. “That’s why. Apparently, Ucchan can’t do the whole lucid dreamin’ thing. I’m thinkin’ that she keeps disappearin’ ’cuz every time she realizes she’s havin’ a dream, she wakes up. Kinda surprised me, actually: one of the first really useful things Pops taught me was how ta get lucidity when yer dreamin’. Said that way I could continue trainin’ mentally even when my body was asleep. I guess I’ll find out what Ucchan’s deal is tomorrow.”
“But can you not simply ask her with your link?” Shampoo asked sensibly.
“What link?” Ranma asked with a smirk.
“Why the link that allows us to hear your thoughts, and you ours.”
The smirk did not leave her beloved’s face. “That so?”
“Yes… why are you laughing, you Culinary Monstrosity?” The Amazon found her rival’s sudden peal of raucous laughter quite irritating.
Akane managed to regain control of herself in time to flash a smirk of her own. “If you can hear him, what’s he thinking now?”
“What a simple question — he’s thinking about…” Shampoo trailed off as she realized that she couldn’t hear what her husband was thinking, at least, not with enough clarity for her to come to any sort of conclusion. “Wait, what’s happening here?”
“Not sure,” Ranma said. “But I ain’t hearin’ any of ya right now… though I think I’m feelin’ some vague frustration from Ucchan; this has gotta be the fourth or fifth time she’s woken up tonight, so she can’t be in a good mood.”
“But… but why would that be the case? Not that I am complaining, mind you — it is good to have something that even vaguely resembles our former situation — I simply fail to understand why the circumstances of our waking life would not be replicated as we dream.”
“Actually, I think they kinda are.”
“But how?”
“Well, think about it. The links basically mean all of ya got access ta what I’m thinkin’, right? Well, this dream is what I’m thinkin’. That’s probably why yer hearin’ everyone in Chinese—”
“Mandarin,” Akane interrupted.
“Huh?”
“There’s more than one language used in China, remember? Shampoo speaks Mandarin, not Cantonese.”
“Oh, right. Anyway, that’s also why Akane’s hearin’ ya speakin’ the same flawless Japanese that I hear in my head.”
“I see… well, for lack of a better explanation, I suppose I shall have to accept this,” the Amazon replied. “Though I do have one further question.”
“Go ahead,” responded Ranma.
“You said that the likely reason for the Chef’s absence is her inability to remain in a slumber once she gains lucidity — is this the reason that the Rose-Obsessed Egomaniac is not present as well?”
“Oh, ya mean Kodachi?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, no — she’s over there in the corner.” Ranma then motioned to the figure of the gymnast, who was currently bound and gagged rather tightly, with an extremely cross expression on her face.
“Ah… I take it she was misbehaving.”
“That’s an understatement,” Akane replied with an eye roll.
“Yeah,” Ranma concurred. “She was the first one ta show up in my dream, an’ she wouldn’t stop pesterin’ me.”
“I see… so you used your lucidity to have her bound.”
“Yup.”
“And I assume that she was not able to free herself because your will is stronger.”
“Not really — I mean, she’s havin’ a lucid dream right now, too. I’m pretty sure she could free herself at any time.”
This confused Shampoo greatly. “Then… why does she not extricate herself from her predicament?”
“Because her ‘predicament’ has nuthin’ ta do with bein’ tied up. In fact, if she had her way, she’d stay tied up.”
“I fail to follow your reasoning.”
Here Akane stepped in. “What Ranma means is that the freak over there wants to be tied up so somebody can… can…. can we change the subject, please?” the Tendo girl suddenly asked, looking slightly ill.
This, however, was enough to allow the Amazon to piece together the reasoning behind Kodachi’s actions. “I see… she wishes Ranma to ravish her in her current bound state.”
“Well, I suppose, but when Akane showed up, she sorta implied that it didn’t have ta be me….”
“Seriously, I’m willing to talk about anything else,” Akane said, even more earnestly.
Unfortunately for Akane’s virgin ears, Shampoo seemed unwilling to let this go. “You mean, she desires encounters with women?”
“More like she don’t care. I mean, she claims that perversion’s some sorta outdated concept, an’ that it really don’t matter how ya get yer orgasm, so long as ya cum.”
Eager to change the subject to something less perverted, Akane decided to try the time-honored strategy of thinking about baseball: “So, did anyone see the game between the Giants and the BayStars last week? That was some amazing pitching, I’ll tell you what.”
This was less than effective, as the conversation continued. “I see. Well, that would explain the cross expression. After all, she’s giving the three of us an open invitation.”
“Okay, how about this? We can talk about how much you don’t like my cooking. I won’t even try to do anything mean to you. You’ve always wanted a chance to do that, right?”
“Well, four, if Ucchan ever manages ta stick around long enough ta figure out what’s goin’ on. But yer right about the ‘invitation’ thing. I don’t think any of us can force any of the others ta do anythin’ they don’t wanna, so right now, all she can do is sit in the corner an’ try an’ look temptin’. Still, even if I was interested, I wouldn’t do it — I mean, I don’t wanna risk bein’ wrong an’ havin’ her accuse me of rape or somethin’ else like that later.”
“Mmmhh hmmmhh mhh hmh!” Kodachi commented from her spot in the corner of room.
By now, Akane had plugged her ears and started singing as loudly as she could to avoid having to listen to conversation about filthy acts of disgusting perversion (like the missionary position): “Cheer up, sleepy Jean! Oh, what can it mean&hellip:.”
Truth be told, Ukyo Kuonji had to admit that lucid dreaming was a pretty cool concept — there was a definite appeal to controlling an entire world, to being able to do whatever (and to a lesser extent, whoever) one wanted. Unfortunately, for Ukyo, lucid dreaming was little more than a concept, because she always woke up whenever she realized she was dreaming. It was as though some part of her mind had decided that reality was the best form of experience there was, and as a result, this part of her mind seemed determined to never let the rest of her have any fun. The chef didn’t know quite why her subconscious was so determined to be a spoilsport, but she suspected that having to deal with the hard realities of running a small business had something to do with it: she was simply too practical for her own good.
This was ironic for several reasons. First, it closed off to her mind one of the most pleasant and entertaining forms of escapism imaginable, forcing her to keep her attention on the stresses of her real life. Second (and far more importantly), it appeared as though her telepathic link with Ranma turned most of her dreams into lucid ones, at least if this past night had been any indication, which in turn meant that she couldn’t dream at all, and therefore wouldn’t be able to get a good night’s sleep. And a good night’s sleep was absolutely essential for someone whose schedule was as packed as hers. Sure, she could handle one or two restless nights, but if this became a regular occurrence, she’d be in trouble.
Such was the train of thought that floated through Ukyo’s still-hazy stream of consciousness as she stared at her alarm clock after waking up for the seventh time that night. 5:00 AM… Damn, looks like this night’s a bust. Might as well get up. The okonomiyaki chef somehow managed to pull herself out of bed and trudge towards her bathroom for a nice, invigorating shower (which she preferred over a traditional furo because it saved money — though Konatsu still contended that it was far cheaper to find a [preferably isolated] stream in which one might cleanse oneself). Along the way, she managed to stub her toe on her dresser, which did little to improve her mood.
As Ukyo stood under the shower head, attempting to wash the sleep out of her eyes, she idly noticed that she wasn’t picking anything up from Ranma. He’s probably still asleep, she thought to herself. And doing Kami-sama knows what with the others. Of course, Ukyo didn’t really think that any of the other four telepaths were doing the nasty in Lucid Dreamland — even if they wanted to (a condition Ukyo wasn’t entirely certain was true in the first place), the presence of someone as prudish as Akane would no doubt deflate any desire for sexual shenanigans rather quickly.
Well, maybe not Kodachi…. Ukyo’s final attempt to join the dream had seemed to last much longer than all the other times, which the chef now realized was likely the result of the others concerted attempts to keep from waking her by mentioning it was a dream. However, even that was short-lived, as Kodachi had reached the limit of her patience and demanded that somebody take advantage of her. When she received four rather firm refusals, she’d reacted by bluntly telling the chef that she was dreaming. A bitch and a pervert — I really feel sorry for Ranchan now.
Ah, don’t trouble yerself over it.
Ranchan? You’re awake.
Uh-huh. I usually wake up around dawn anyway, but I figured I’d get up a little early ta see if ya were okay.
I’ll be fine. I’m just really sleepy, that’s all.
Uh, yeah. Sorry ’bout that.
Don’t be. It isn’t as though you could have known. Though I suppose I’ll have to learn how to have lucid dreams if I want a full night’s sleep from now on.
Well, at least I can help ya out there. Don’t worry; it’s real easy once ya get the hang of it.
Thanks, Ranchan. So, what exactly did you guys dream about? From what I can remember, it seemed like you spent most of the time talking.
Actually, that’s pretty much all that happened. Shampoo, Akane, an’ me decided ta take advantage of the fact that it seemed like we weren’t hearin’ each other in our heads and decided ta just try ta have some kinda normal conversation, while Kodachi tried ta be “seductive,” but all she managed ta do is make Akane feel nauseous.
Sigh…. That girl has got to get over some of her hangups.
I’m gonna ignore the fact that ya just thought the word “sigh” an’ go ahead an’ agree with ya there.
Ukyo felt a bit embarrassed as she realized that she had indeed transmitted the word “sigh” instead of a mental representation of a sigh, but she managed to get off that train of thought by bringing up another pertinent subject. Your ideas about sex aren’t much better. I mean, it’s nice that you aren’t obsessed with it the way other guys are, but you don’t need to be so dismissive of it, either.
I just don’t get what the big deal is. I mean, I understand how havin’ a kid is a real important thing for a couple, but I sure ain’t ready to have one with anybody right now, so why should I care?
Ranma, there’s more to sex than just making babies.
Yeah, I know it feels real good, too, but if I want that, I can just jerk off. Don’t see why a girl’s even gotta be there unless yer tryin’ ta make a baby, much less all the weird stuff Hiroshi and Daisuke are always yammerin’ about.
What about intimacy?
Unfortunately, Ranma wasn’t willing to discuss this further. Sorry, Ucchan, gotta go — Pops just woke up, an’ that means it’s sparrin’ time. Can we pick this up some other time?
Ukyo sighed in defeat (for real this time). Sure, Ranchan.
Great! See ya at school — whoa!
As Ranma’s attention swerved to something else (presumably an attack from his father), Ukyo finished rinsing off and stepped out of the shower to dry. She slowly shook her head as she tried to process everything that had happened; it had been less than 24 hours since that airhead of a genie had managed to make her life (and the lives of four other teenagers) immensely complicated, even by Neriman standards, and her instincts were telling her that things were going to get worse before they got better. Of course, that might just be the result of living in Nerima.
Shampoo felt somewhat confused upon awakening, mostly due to the sudden turn for the weird that the collective lucid dream had taken in its last few minutes. After the Flowery Egomaniac (whom she now knew to also be the real Perverted Girl, rather than Akane) had woken up Ukyo, there had been a round of stern rebukes, the sternest of which came from Akane, who delivered hers in the form of her trademark hammer. The Amazon took this as a demonstration of extreme frustration, as it was rare that Akane used said hammer on a girl (except for Ranma-chan, but she didn’t really count since she was actually a “he”).
It was soon after this that her Airen had stated that he was going to wake up to check on the chef, so she bade him a temporary goodbye… and he didn’t do anything. Then he suddenly swept her off her feet, speaking in the smooth, refined Mandarin that he normally spoke in her dreams, which made no sense, as she’d by now accepted that Ranma’s mental process wasn’t really capable of any sort of refined speech pattern (at least, not without a lot of concentration on his part). It was only when she saw Akane become assimilated by her own cooking in a disturbingly Akira-esque fashion did she realize that she was no longer sharing her dream with anyone; as far as she knew, the Kitchen Destroyer didn’t think her cooking was that bad. This made sense, sort of: Ranma was like the hub of a wheel, and they were the spokes without Ranma, there was nothing to connect his suitors. It also explained why Ranma hadn’t poofed away like Ukyo; he had just been replaced by her regular Dream-Ranma.
But Shampoo wasn’t particularly interested in Dream-Ranma at the moment; not after she’d just spent so much time sharing a dream with her true Airen. But as long as she continued to sleep while he was awake, it appeared she’d be cut off from him. Thus, Shampoo chose to make a conscious effort to wake up. When she did, the stream of information from her husband came flooding back into her mind, leaving her feeling somewhat disoriented.
—ld man thinks that old trick’s still gonna work, does he? Well, I’ll show him!
Airen? Is something wrong?
What? Gya! Yipes, that was close. Uh, mornin’, Shampoo. Uh, I’m kinda busy trainin’ right now….
Shampoo sighed in relief. Of course, Airen would be training, wouldn’t he? Sorry to interrupt you.
No prob’.
The Amazon clambered out of bed, intent on heading towards the bathroom. Halfway there, she spotted Cologne. “Good morning, Great-grandmother.”
The reply was uncharacteristically morose: “If it is a good morning, which I doubt.”
“Great-grandmother not sleep well last not?”
“More like ‘not sleep at all,’” the Matriarch explained.
“Why not?”
“Because of your situation, of course.”
“What Great-grandmother mean?” Shampoo asked, somewhat confused. While it wasn’t surprising that she would be concerned about the situation, it hardly seemed like something to lose sleep over, as it didn’t seem to be endangering anyone.
“Let’s just say there’s a slight complication that had to be taken care of.”
“Oh. Did Great-grandmother find solution?”
“In a manner of speaking — at least, a temporary one. By the way, I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For this.” Cologne suddenly hit a series of pressure points on her great-granddaughter after which she immediately hopped onto her shoulders and proceeded to expertly apply the Formula #411 Amazon Memory-Wiping Shampoo™ (Pat. Pending) to Shampoo’s skull.
The Xi Fa Xiang Gao shiatsu technique is not the type of technique that could go unnoticed over a psychic link, especially one as strong as that which existed between Shampoo and her beloved, which meant that the aforementioned beloved reacted in a rather obvious way: by shouting “What the hell?!” and allowing his coordination to be thrown off slightly. Unfortunately, when one is sparring with a martial artist of Genma Saotome’s caliber, “slightly” is more than enough to turn the tide of a fight.
“You should pay attention to the fight, boy!”
“Wha—” Ranma didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence, as he turned his head right into his father’s rather effective left hook, sending him flying towards the Tendo koi pond.
Ranchan! Are you okay?
Ugh… I’m fine Ucchan — just a little wet an’ female at the moment.
But that outburst…
It’s Shampoo. Somethin’ weird’s goin’ on in her head… an’ whatever it is, it definitely ain’t normal. Look, could ya do me a favor an’ check up on her? I can’t come up with a good excuse ta do it myself, least not without lettin’ Pops and the Tendos know about the links, an’ that’d just delay me more.
Sure, Ranchan… I’ll head over to the Nekohanten as soon as I can.
Thanks.
Ukyo was true to her word; sure, her relationship with the Amazon was often antagonistic, but now that these links had been established, anything happening to Shampoo’s mind could have an effect on Ranma (which in turn could have an effect on her). Besides, the lavender-haired teenager wasn’t that bad, when she wasn’t trying to assert her status as Ranma’s “wife,” at least. Thus it was that Ukyo dressed, ate a quick breakfast, and headed over to establishment of her competitor in both love and business.
After bursting into the Nekohanten with such force that it left Mousse momentarily stunned, Ukyo called out, “Shampoo? Where are you?!”
“She’s right here, dear.”
Ukyo spun around to see Cologne balancing on her staff next to Shampoo, who had a somewhat perplexed look on her face. Ukyo supposed that made sense, but considering the intensity of Ranma’s request, she had expected Shampoo to be displaying emotions stronger than mild confusion. “What… what’s going on? I came here because Ranma told me that something weird was happening….”
The Matriarch smiled. “Yes, I supposed it would be ‘weird’ to an outside observer, wouldn’t it?”
“Excuse me?”
“You needn’t worry… I’ve simply taken a minor precaution to make sure that no complications are created by the ins and outs of Amazon law, which, as you know, we tend to enforce quite strictly.”
“A minor… precaution?”
“Yes… it’s only temporary, I assure you. I’d probably be removed from my position as Matriarch if it was permanent.”
“You didn’t hurt her—”
“Goodness, no. When I said I could be removed from my position, I meant that this could be used as proof of senility if I tried to make it permanent.”
“What the heck are you talking about?” Mousse suddenly intruded.
“Nothing that concerns you, Mister Part-time. Now get back to the kitchen and finish getting ready… and put your glasses on!” Cologne sighed to herself as the bespectacled master of Hidden Weapons walked away warily. She started to give an explanation, but Ukyo was rather distracted by a sudden mental outburst from Ranma.
She did what?!
Cologne paused briefly before continuing. “I’m going to assume that those winces were the result of Ranma learning what happened from my great-granddaughter. I expected as much… after all, he didn’t particularly like it when the Xi Fa Xiang Gao was used on Akane, either.”
“The Xi Fa Xiang Gao?” repeated Ukyo.
“Ah, yes, you hadn’t arrived in Nerima yet—”
“You don’t need to go into a lengthy description; I already know what it is. You actually erased Shampoo’s memory?”
“I haven’t erased it, I’ve simply blocked certain sensitive facts from her access until a more permanent solution can be found.”
“Huh?”
“Just make sure to come back here once Furinkan lets out — I’ll be able to explain everything then.”
“Oh, okay….” She glanced over at Shampoo, who still hadn’t said anything; though she could tell from her access to Ranma’s stream of consciousness that the most likely reason for that was that Shampoo was trying to explain things to him, it was still rather off-putting to see her like that. “I guess I’ll see you this afternoon, then.”