BothSidesNow1

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[A hallway in Sunnydale High. Two janitors take down a banner reading �Valentine*s Day Dance: Fairy Tales Become Real,� which hangs down from the ceiling. Confetti, streamers, and other assorted garbage litter the floor. One janitor puts the banner under his arm. Together, they lift the ladder they had been using. As they begin to walk away, one slips on some trash. He falls to the ground, and the ladder crashes through the trophy case along the wall. Catherine*s cheerleading trophy falls to the ground, and the hallway is filled with a flash of light.]

[Cut to Willow*s bedroom. Willow, wearing her floral pajamas, is sitting at the computer typing. She*s been crying and is still upset. Willow has a phone under her ear.]

Willow (into the phone): Please, I can*t be alone, and I can*t find Buffy. I think we broke up. I don*t even know how it happened�Thanks, I*ll see you in a minute.

[Willow hangs up, as someone knocks at the window. It*s Oz. He has his �cool� hair and a goatee. Reluctantly, Willow opens the window.]

Oz: I think we should talk. Can I come in?

Willow: I can*t have boys in my room. It*s a rule. I follow rules.

Oz: Please. I know things didn*t go the way we planned tonight.

Willow: Didn*t go the way we planned? I was ready for some dancing, some star-gazing, eventually a few smoochies, but then you tell me that we*re not going to be together next year.

Oz: I just said college wasn*t my thing. I don*t want to break up. I just have my own plans for the future. Plans that college is not a part of.

Willow: Then what are your plans? Hanging out with the Dingoes and letting me go off to college alone is no future.

Oz: You know, you don*t have to go away to college. Sunnydale does have its own college.

Willow: It*s just not what I want. You could come with me?

Oz: My life is here.

Willow: What about our life?

[Cut to Xander*s room. Xander is putting on his jacket. Cordelia is sitting on the bed looking crazy angry and wearing an outfit that barely qualifies for the category of dress.]

Cordelia: Why are you going? You don*t have to go.

Xander: Willow sounded really upset on the phone.

Cordelia: It*s Valentine*s Day. We*re alone in the house. We*re in your bedroom. And you*re going to Willow*s. What*s wrong with this picture? Did you even look at the dress I*m wearing?

Xander: That*s a dress? Look, Willow and I have been friends forever. Sure we*ve have our fights. There was that whole Barbie war�it was my Barbie to begin with, no matter what she says. But we*ve always been there for each other. Tonight, she needs me, and I intend to be there.

Cordelia: Is this the way it*s always going to be? Willow first? I thought this, us, is what you wanted. You*ve been whining about it for a year. I guess I was wrong. You know, I*m not willing to be second all the time.

Xander: Can we talk about this when I get back? Hey, I don*t whine. I may beg, even grovel a little, but in a manly way.

Cordelia: If you leave, I won*t be here when you get back.

Xander: You just don*t understand.

Cordelia: I came here to be with you, what you said you wanted. If you*re planning on leaving me here, then you don*t understand anything.

[Cut to the library. Giles is organizing a stack of books on the table, trying his best to ignore Joyce, who is in the midst of a huge harangue.]

Joyce: You can*t just make this choice for her. She should be able to choose which college she wants to go to. It*s not written that she has to go to Sunnydale.

Giles: Well, actually, it is. She*s the slayer. This is the Hellmouth. It*s essential that she stay here. I*ve already looked into getting a position at the Sunnydale College library.

Joyce: There*s another slayer. I just want Buffy to have some choice in her life. Like that girl on tv who goes to New York. Buffy can too. You can*t tell me that New York City can*t use a Slayer.

Giles: It*s not that simple.

Joyce: I*m her mother. I just want her to have some choice as to what her future will be.

[Cut to the graveyard. Angel and Buffy are walking. Buffy is carrying her bag of supplies.]

Buffy: It*s not that I don*t want you to tip me off when there*s vampire activity in Sunnydale. In fact, I*m glad you*re keeping me informed. It*s good for me to have information. Information is a good thing. It*s just that I wonder why you felt the need to warn me about this particular vampire.

Angel: It was vampire. You are the vampire slayer. I was not, I repeat, not trying to find out if you had a date on Valentine*s day.

Buffy: You could have easily dusted him yourself.

Angel: Maybe not. There*s always safety in numbers.

Buffy: He had no legs. He had a severe appendage shortage. Your motives were definitely of the ulterior.

Angel: If I wanted to find out if you had a date, there are better ways I could have gone about it, like lurking. I*m good at that. And there are better ways I could have spent my Valentine*s Day.

Buffy: Oh, if you wanted to party down, what were you doing in the graveyard? Trolling for sexy new vampires?

Angel: Was that your way of asking me if I had a date?

Buffy: This is not about you. Well, it is. I mean, it*s not about us. Well, there is no us. But you know what I mean.

Angel: No, I really don*t.

[They are hit by some unseen force and knocked to the ground. After a moment, they sit up and pull themselves together.]

Angel: Was that a ghost? It didn*t feel like a ghost. Wait�what*s going on? I said that. That was me.

[He looks down at himself. A look of horror comes over their faces.]

Angel (cont*d): Angel? Is that you?

Buffy: Buffy?

[Cut to the library. Giles* body faints. Cut to Xander*s room. Xander and Cordelia are staring at each other screaming. Cut to Willow*s room. Oz*s body falls into the room.]

Willow: I think something went wrong here.

[Credits roll. Buffy*s theme plays.]

PART ONE
[School Hallway. Buffy and Angel walk towards the library.]

Angel: We just have to find Giles. I*m sure there*s an explanation for this.

Buffy: How do you feel?

Angel: Well, I can*t feel my heart beat, breathing*s a little tricky, and I*m really hungry.

Buffy: We should have stopped at my place and gotten you something to drink.

Angel: Let*s just get back to ourselves before I need to indulge in an essence of swine cocktail.

[They enter the library. Giles is sitting at the table in utter confusion. Joyce paces deep in thought. When they see Angel and Buffy, Giles runs up and hugs Buffy. He breaks away looking uncomfortable when Buffy doesn*t reciprocate the hug.]

Giles: Buffy, honey�

Angel: Giles, we have a problem.

Joyce: I must say we have a problem ourselves. It*s rather pressing. Can yours wait?

Angel: No, no it can*t. [Thinks for a moment.] Mom, since when do you have a British accent?

Joyce: Yes, well, uh�Angel, did you just say, �Mom?�

Angel: That*s the problem. I*m me. No, see, I*m him. He*s me. I*m Buffy in here.

Buffy: I think it*s going around.

Angel: You too?

Joyce: It definitely seems that way. Okay, when did you notice that you had switched?

Angel: Right away.

Buffy:   About fifteen minutes ago.

Angel: We were in the cemetery. We had just dusted this guy, and we were on our way home. Then, poof! I was him and he was me.

Joyce: I would say about the same time as Joyce and me. I can*t believe it*s a coincidence. Now, there are several causes of metempsychosis, but it rarely happens spontaneously.

Angel: Mom, uh, Giles, I don*t think I*m in Angel*s body. I am in Angel*s body.

Joyce: Not psychosis, metempsychosis, the passing of the soul from one body to another. It can be caused by a spell. Then there are certain mystical upheavals that can cause it. I should go consult my astronomical charts.

Giles: How long will it last?

Joyce: Well, we can*t be sure really. First, we have to find out what caused it. Certain celestial events can cause temporary disorders, which will right themselves when the event is over. Or we could be stuck this way until the event reoccurs.

Angel: How long?

Joyce: There*s no telling. It could be months, years, decades even.

[They all look quite forlorn.]

Joyce: Of course, it could be a spell. Then, all we have to do is reverse the spell.

Angel (raising his hand): I vote spell.

Joyce: Yes. Why don*t you two look through the stacks for anything on metempsychosis, or transmigration of the soul? I*ll go get those charts.

Angel: Wait, if it*s a spell, then we better get an expert on the subject. I*m gonna call Willow. No, if I call her with your voice and tell her to come to the library, she may get weirded out. Angel, you better call her. Ask her to come down. Just pretend you*re me. The sooner she*s here the better. Mom, why don*t you come with me.

Giles (still confused): Okay?

[Cut to Willow*s. Oz is frantically working at the computer.]

Oz: Giles. We definitely need to find Giles. But, oh, how do we explain that�that�you know�we switched?

Willow: We just say it. Honestly, this isn*t the weirdest thing that*s happened to us. So we just tell him. Why don*t we try the library? I*d bet Giles is working hard watching and all.

Oz: We can*t.   I*m in�you*re in my pajamas.

Willow: I can change.

Oz: No! Changing bad. Changing leads to nudity and�well�bad.

Willow: Then, you go to the library. I*ll stay here by the phone.

Oz: I don*t think we should split up. You know, in case whatever switched us wants to switch us back. I*ll just look through my spells. I have them indexed on my hard drive.

[The phone rings.]

Oz (cont*d): It could be my parents. You have to get it.

Willow (in phone): Hello? Hey, Buff. No, now*s not a good time. I really can*t.

[Oz looks at her questioningly.]

Willow (to Oz): She needs us to come over to the library.

[Oz frantically shakes his head.]

Willow (in phone): No one. I*m here alone. Just talking to myself. No, I really can*t come. Well, calm down. (to Oz) She sounds desperate, and we could see Giles. Maybe I could wear clothes over�(in phone) No, I*m still here. Yes, I think I can get there.

[Willow looks over at Oz, who reluctantly agrees.]

Willow (in phone): See you in a few.

[Cut to Cordelia*s car. Cordelia is driving while Xander scratches his arms and chest.]

Xander: Couldn*t you wear all-natural fabrics? This is rayon, isn*t it? This is the worst Valentine*s Day I*ve ever had.

Cordelia: Look on the bright side�at least an army of rabid women aren*t trying to kill us this year.

Xander: If I were you, Mr. I*m-so-pathetic-I-need-a-spell-to-get-girls, I wouldn*t continue to bring up that little episode.

Cordelia: I was actually thinking of changing my name to that officially, but it was just too long. It wouldn*t fit in the little boxes on the SAT.

Xander: You*re making jokes. This is the worst thing that has happened to me, and you*re making jokes.

Cordelia: The worst thing that has happened to you? At least you gained something in this trade. I*m finishing the day with fewer parts than I woke up with. That*s never a good thing.

Xander: Okay, wait one second there, Freud. I never wanted any of your parts. I enjoy being a girl. I*m very feminine.

Cordelia: Next time, could you be very feminine in pants and sneakers. I can*t drive in these things.

Xander: Xander, you can*t drive.

Cordelia: There was no other choice. I don*t have a license, and your picture is on yours. If a cop had stopped us, what would you have said? �You see, officer, I have license, but I*m just wearing my boyfriend tonight. He goes with my shoes.� We*re here.

Xander: Thank God. Oh, look�Oz and Willow.

[Cut to the library. The gang, except for Buffy, is arranged around the table looking expectantly at Joyce, who is searching through astronomical charts.]

Joyce: Damn! There*s nothing. No unusual alignment, no comets, no novas, no supernovas. I wish I knew how widespread this was.

Angel: What if all around the world men and women have changed places?

Willow: But there*s more women than men. What would happen to the extra chicks?

Xander: They can teach Women*s Studies to all the former men who need a crash course.

Cordelia: What should we do? Just go up to people at random and ask them if they*re feeling a little funny?

Joyce: If more people are suffering from this, uh, affliction, then it*s most likely some sort of mystical occurrence. If it*s just the eight of us, then I would tend to think that we*re under a spell.

Giles: Now what?

Joyce: What did you and Angel�Buffy find?

Angel: A lot of books that say the same thing: the soul can be moved to another body after death. But I*m not dead. Or, at least, I wasn*t, and most of the rest of you are of the living.

Joyce: Let*s work under the assumption that it*s a spell. That*s something we can control, I hope.

Cordelia: Who would want to put us under a spell?

[They all turn and stare at her.]

Cordelia (cont*d): That was a one time thing. I learned my lesson. Black arts equals big trouble, crazy Willow with an ax and everything. Although, Buff, do you still have that raincoat?

Oz: The black arts aren*t all bad. But having said that, I deny any and all involvement in this spell. Why would I want all you to switch places? I love Oz but not enough to want to be him.

Cordelia: Yeah, I hear you. When I said I wanted to be inside Cordelia, this isn*t exactly what I had in mind. Did I just say that out loud? I think I need to be somewhere else right now.

Angel: Yes, well, we should probably make a list of everyone we know who could do this spell. There*s Will, but I think we can rule her out.

Xander: Then there*s that loser who knocked me down during tryouts. If we stay like this forever, I*m going to have quit cheerleading, won*t I? Can you imagine these legs in my uniform?

Oz: But why would Amy want to do this? I mean, we got her her body back. She should be grateful.

Angel: Then there*s Amy*s mom.

Cordelia: But she*s elsewhere, Buff. Remember the big swirling vortex in the science lab and bye-bye mommy?

Oz: What about that English guy who tattooed Buffy? You know, your friend, Giles?

Giles: What was that about a tattoo?

Joyce: Ethan isn*t exactly a friend. He is capable of something like this, but I just can*t imagine why he would want to switch us.

Xander (getting up): I*ll be right back.

Cordelia: Where are you going?

Xander: If you must know, I have to powder my nose.

Cordelia: No, you don*t.

Xander: What?

Cordelia: Some things are private.

Xander: Xander, I have to powder my nose.

Cordelia: Just hold it.

Xander: Can we have this conversation outside?

[He takes her by the arm and pulls her into the hallway.]

Joyce: Besides the people we*ve mentioned, our enemy could be someone we haven*t heard of, an unknown factor. We shouldn*t rule out anyone, except for Willow, of course. Okay, let*s see. If it is Ethan, he could be quite dangerous. I think it would be best if Buffy and Angel go check Ethan*s old shop. It*s a long shot, but I can*t think of much else. Oz and Joyce, why don*t you go to Amy*s and just talk to her. Even if she*s not responsible, she may be able to provide us with some useful information. I know you two don*t know Amy, but she knows Willow and me.

Oz: Send Xander, not Oz. Xander knows Amy, and, well, he*s not wearing my pajamas.

Joyce: I*m afraid to send Xander and Cordelia because of that whole business last year. Willow and I can stay here and try to work up a solution to this whole mess. I*m sure I can think of something for Xander and Cordelia to do. There*s some books that need to be shelved, I think.

Angel: There*s just one problem�Angel*s missing. He stepped out for some air before the others got here, and don*t you think that it*s been some long air?

[Cut to hallway. Xander and Cordelia are walking.]

Cordelia: How do you know you*ll be able to figure out how to go?

Xander: I pretty much figured it was instinctual�just point and shoot.

Cordelia: That*s a delicate area you*re talking about. You could do some irreparable damage.

Xander:   That*s okay. After what happened earlier, do you really think I*ll let you use it?

Cordelia: Are you still upset about Willow?

Xander: One day, you were going to have to make a choice. Tonight, you made it. Now, it�s my turn. Goodbye, Xander.

Cordelia: That�s it? One fight and �Goodbye, Xander?�

Xander: One fight? Where have you been? Oh, that�s right. You haven�t been with me. You�ve been off in Xanderland mooning over Willow or Buffy or any number of girls who are not me.

Cordelia: That�s unfair. I think about you too.

Xander: Good to know. That�ll keep me warm at night knowing that I�m one of the girls you think about. I�m not sure that you�re up to the challenge of thinking so much; your brain probably isn�t used to all of the activity. So I�ll make it easy on you. You don�t have to think about me anymore, and I won�t be thinking about you either.

Cordelia: What are you talking about?

Xander: Go think about yourself. I�ll go to the little girls room.

[He stalks off around the corner as Cordelia follows. They come upon Buffy, who*s spinning, her arms stretched wide. When she sees them, she stops and lowers her head, embarrassed.]

Cordelia: Having fun? You know we*re sort of in the middle of a crisis here.

Buffy: I know. I just�I*m going to go find the others.

Cordelia: I think you�re enjoying being a girl just a little too much. I have to say I�m afraid. Oh, hey, Isadora, you broke the trophy case.

[Cut to the trophy case. The front has been smashed, and broken glass is on the floor.]

Buffy: It wasn*t me. It was like that when I got here.

Part 2 of "Both Sides Now"
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