BothSidesNow2

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PART TWO

[Oz�s van. Willow�s in the driver�s seat, Oz in the passenger]

Oz: I don�t want to leave things the way they were. Who knows what could happen tonight.

Willow: Nothing�s gonna happen. We�ve survived bigger catastrophes than this.

Oz: I wish I could be so optimistic. We could be stuck like this forever.

Willow: Look on the bright side: at least, then, we�d always be together. [Pause.] I don�t want us to be apart, but we want different things.

Oz: But it seems to me that you don�t want anything. You have no ambition.

Willow: Because I�m happy with where I am, with who I am.

Oz: That will change. Will you be just as happy with who you are when I�m gone? It�s almost like I don�t matter to you.

Willow: You matter. A lot. I love you. But you�re not my entire world.

[Oz looks forlorn.]

Willow (cont�d): That�s a good thing. I�m my own person. I can be independent of you and still love you. It�s a stronger kind of love. I�m glad I�m not your whole world either. I wouldn�t know if you loved me because you wanted to or because you needed me. I love the parts of you that don�t belong to me.

Oz (smiling): I think we just made up.

Willow: Yeah.

Oz: But what about next year?

Willow: Next year is next year. You were just worried about surviving tonight.

Oz: Maybe, even if we aren�t together, we can still be together. I don�t want to love anyone but you.

[They kiss. Willow breaks away laughing.]

Oz: What?

Willow: I�ve never kissed anyone with facial hair before.

Oz: I�m just glad it isn�t your time of the month. Although, it would be interesting to see what being a wolf is like.

Willow: I�m just glad it isn�t your time of the month. Couldn�t deal with that.

[They laugh and kiss some more.]

[Cut to the library. Joyce hands Giles his coat. Giles puts it on and grabs Joyce�s purse. Buffy and Angel get ready to leave.]

Joyce: Remember, if there�s any trouble, don�t try to handle it. Come back and we�ll work on a plan.

[Buffy and Angel exit. Joyce holds Giles back.]

Joyce: Joyce, it�s not my decision, you know. I want Buffy to have everything she wants. Being a slayer often precludes having a normal life. It entails a certain amount of sacrifice.

Giles: All I want is for Buffy to be happy.

Joyce: She can be. She�s coming to terms with whom she is. She�s not under a curse. Her life isn�t all about loss and sacrifice.

Giles: Maybe, but she�s already lost her childhood. How can she have dreams for her future if she isn�t allowed to make them come true?

Joyce: We don�t always get the life we want. Did your life turn out the way you thought it would when you were eighteen?

Giles: The two situations aren�t comparable, and you know it. You may want to put a nice, happy spin on this whole slayer thing, but it�s Buffy who stands to lose everything, her future, her life.

Joyce: I admit my situation isn�t the same as Buffy�s, but I do know about sacrifice and loss. I also know that what I�m doing is more important than anything I had to give up, that�s it�s more important than I.

Giles: I bet you�ve said these lines a hundred times. Do they get easier? Do they help you sleep at night?

Joyce: No. Joyce?

Giles: What?

Joyce: I�m not the bad guy.

[Giles starts to leave.]

Joyce: Joyce, be careful.

[He leaves, carrying Joyce�s purse. Oz enters.]

Joyce (cont�d): Alright, then, Willow, let�s get to work.

[Cut to Ethan*s shop. It*s dusty and empty. Buffy and Angel enter. He makes quick work of the reconnoitering. She lingers by the door almost afraid to enter.]

Angel: It looks deserted. If Ethan*s here, then he*s not here. Too bad. I was looking forward to some violence�kicking, punching, maybe a little reciprocal mutilation. Hey, what*s wrong?

Buffy: It*s nothing. If Ethan*s not here, let*s go. Can you think of any other place Ethan might set up camp?

Angel: No idea.

[He takes a last look around the room.]

Angel (cont*d): It*s Jenny, isn*t it? She*s got you wigged. It was here�

Buffy: I can feel her. It*s almost as if she*s here.

Angel: Like a ghost?

Buffy: No. I don*t know. Let*s get out of here, head back to the library.

[Cut to the library. Oz is searching through a mountain of tomes. Xander and Cordelia are seated at opposite sides of the table. Joyce is lecturing them.]

Joyce: I don�t care what happened between the two of you. We have an enormous problem to deal with, and we need your help. Because of this unique situation, you two have to work together. You have to set aside your differences and act mature enough to help all of us.

Cordelia: What are we supposed to do? You seem to have everything under control.

Joyce: Yes, well, I thought about that, and you two can investigate how widespread this condition is. I need you to make sure that we are the only ones affected. Do you think you can handle that? Xander?

Cordelia: Yes, Private Harris is ready and able, not exactly willing, but what can you do?

Joyce: Cordelia?

Xander: If he can do it, then I can do it.

Joyce: Good. Now Willow, have you been able to come up with anything?

Oz: You bet. I found a copy of a spell that could cause this.

Joyce: Excellent.

Cordelia: Well, this is great. Now, all we have to do is reverse it.

Oz: It�s not that simple.

Joyce: Willow is correct. While we have a generic version of this spell, witches, or whatever, tend to personalize every spell. They can be as varied as the witches who perform them.

Xander: Then what good is knowing the spell?

Joyce: First of all, we now know for certain that a spell could cause this. Secondly, we can attempt to manipulate the spell in order to reverse it. If it is a spell, the reversal would be significantly easier if we had the spell book. However, with a version of the spell, we might be able, through trial and error, to stumble upon the correct method to bring about the reversal.

Oz: But that could take a long time.

Cordelia: How long?

Oz: Days. Years. I don�t know.

Xander: Let�s get to work.

Cordelia: And pray we find the spellbook. I don�t think I can take much more of this.

Oz: If it is a spell.

Cordelia: Yeah.

[Cut to Amy*s porch. Giles and Willow glance about unsure of what to do. Giles glances at his watch.]

Willow: Should we ring again?

Giles: No, five times is enough. I guess nobody*s home.

Willow: I did see that light in the window. It went off just as we came up. Take my word for it; I got the night vision. It*s one of the perks of being a were-- Wait, I have the night vision, but maybe Willow*s eyes are playing tricks on me.

Giles: We should get back to the library.

Willow: I think we should check it out. If I were a witch, although I guess I (gesturing towards Willow*s body) am a witch. Anyhoo, I don*t think that if I were up to some nasty witchy business that I would answer the door. Especially not to anyone affiliated in any way with Buffy. I*d shut off the lights and wait until we went away.

Giles: We can*t just break in.

Willow: Of course not, the bad guys might hear us. I was thinking more along the lines of eschewing breaking and skipping right to the entering.

Giles: I would feel better if Buffy or Giles were here.   Let*s find a phone.

[The door opens.]

Amy (smiling): Too late.

PART THREE

[Cut to Angel*s. Buffy and Angel enter. Buffy crosses to the refrigerator.]

Angel: I don*t want to do this.

Buffy: You*re getting weak. If there*s a fight coming, you*ll need your strength. I don*t want you do this either, but I can*t think of another way. Think of it like a protein shake.

[She takes a bottle out of the refrigerator and hands it to him.]

Angel: Yeah, a protein shake. Well, bottoms up.

[He grimaces and drinks it down.]

Angel (cont*d): I think I*m going to throw up for a week. I think I want to throw up for a week.

[Cut to the library. Joyce and Oz are conferring over some texts. Cordelia is on the phone. Xander stands over her.]

Cordelia (in phone): Really, a skirt to match. It was on sale. That*s good. No, Harmony, you can tell me about the shoes at school.   Mules?   Uh-huh. Talk to you later. Bye.

[She hangs up the phone as quickly as she can.]

Cordelia (cont*d): Ack. I*m never talking to any of your friends again. Ever. I*ve learned more about shoes and mascara tonight than I could ever want to know.

Xander: I couldn*t exactly call them. What color mules?

Cordelia: Like I care.

Joyce: I gather that none of Cordelia*s friends were feeling out of sorts.

Cordelia: They were all themselves, which is really tragic if you stop to think about it.

[Buffy and Angel enter.]

Joyce: Any luck at Ethan*s?

Angel: The little flea wasn*t there.

Buffy: We stopped on the way back for a snack, you know.

Angel: They didn�t need to know. If this nightmare ever ends, I*m going to eat everything well-done.

Xander: It looks like whatever this switching is, it*s just us. Giles had us call all of our friends�well, my friends, Xander didn*t have any other friends. None of them experienced any switching.

Cordelia: Buffy, I had to talk to Harmony. I don*t think I*ll ever recover. I also has a frightening realization. As a man trapped in a woman*s body, I*m no longer attracted to members of the opposite sex. I*m now a lesbian.

Joyce: This is all fascinating, really. Perhaps, we could get back to discussing matters of consequence.

Oz: In my expert opinion, and I think it*s really cool that I*m an expert, I*d say we*re under a spell.

Angel: Okay, that leads to the inevitable question of why. Why would someone want me to be Angel? Or any of us to be anyone else?

Xander: Why piss us off? Why not just kill us? What?

Buffy: Killing is relatively simple and painless. If you really want someone to suffer, then you torture them first. Admittedly, this is an elaborate form of torture.

Cordelia: And you, of course, would be an expert at that.

Oz: Not now, Xander. The spell required to switch us isn*t all that difficult. I was looking through some spells, and I could probably carry it off. And I*m new at this. I could probably only do it for a couple of hours. Amy*s mom was able to be Amy for months.

Angel: Months? Gulp. Look, I just drank blood. It*s not an experience I*d like to repeat�ever. So how do we get back to normal?

Oz: We find the witch*s spell book and reverse the spell. Of course, it might not be a witch. It could be a warlock, a sorcerer�

[Angel glares.]

Oz: But the principle*s the same. So, if we rule out Ethan�

Joyce: Let*s not be hasty.   Buffy and Angel just didn*t find Ethan. That doesn*t mean he*s not responsible for this.

[She gestures toward all of them.]

Angel: God, it could be anyone. We*re not exactly favorites of the creepy and malicious. So what*s the deal with Amy?

Joyce: Your mother and Oz haven*t returned yet.

Angel: They should be back by now.

Cordelia: I*m thinking it*s Amy.

Oz: Why would Amy do something to us? No motive. And you need a motive. With means and opportunity, that*s the big three things you need, and motive*s the first of the three.

Cordelia: PMS?

Oz: That is so sexist.

Angel: That is so beside the point. Willow, Oz could be in trouble and my mom. I*m going to Amy*s. She has means and opportunity. Two out of three is enough to make me worried. Are you coming?

Xander: I*m in. I always knew there was something wrong with that loser.

Angel: Since she*s a witch, stakes aren*t going to do any good. Giles, Will, you better come.

Buffy: Someone should stay here, if it*s not Amy, and try to work out alternate solutions. Or, if it is Amy, so we all don*t go walking into the lion*s den at once.

Cordelia: I*m not staying here alone with Angel.

Joyce: No one person should be left alone, just in case it*s a trap.

Angel: We*ll all go. No arguments. Just going.

Oz: We should leave a note, in case Oz and Mrs. Summers are just running late.

Cordelia: Great, Will, let*s leave a note so the bad guys will know where to find us.

Oz: I*ll just say we had to step out.

[Cut to outside Amy*s house. Buffy, Angel, Xander, Cordelia, Joyce, and Oz charge up to the front door. It*s already open.]

Buffy: It looks like we were expected.

Cordelia: I trust we shall be leaving now? Going back to the library? Engaging in plan formation before entering the house of horrors?

Angel: I*m not leaving without my mom and Oz.   Okay, this is what we*re going to do. Angel and I will hold off Amy. Xander, Cordelia, get the others out. Willow and Giles, you guys, get the spell book and reverse the spell.

Cordelia: That*s a plan.

Angel: A good plan.

Amy (entering doorway): Too bad it won*t work.

PART FOUR

[Cut to Amy*s living room. The entire gang is tied to the furniture, arranged in a circle around a table covered in the accoutrements of witchcraft. The order of the circle is Xander, Cordelia, Giles, Joyce, Buffy, Angel, Oz, Willow. Catherine is tied up in the corner. Amy stands by the table working on another spell.]

Xander: How did we get here?

Cordelia: Better question�how do we get out of here?

Angel (to Amy): I*m assuming you*re Catherine?

[Angel frantically works at his bonds.]

Amy: You have an amazing grasp of the obvious. Do you think I*d give up an opportunity to gain twenty years?

Angel: Maybe I*m missing something, but why one earth would you want all of us to switch places?

Amy (waving the trophy): Do you have any idea what it was like to be in this thing for two years? I want you to suffer, and you will. This is just the beginning. You*re going to see hell.

Buffy (working at her bonds): Been there; done that.

Angel: Suffering, I get that. But this whole Victor/Victoria thing, it*s a little weird.

Xander: Why me? What did I have to do with you and the trophy? I didn*t even like them then.

Amy: In the months I spent as Amy, I came to a conclusion about you, Cordelia. You*re a bitch and must be destroyed.

Xander: Hey! Fine, don�t everyone rush to disagree.

Cordelia: Amy does have a point. Well, except about the destruction part.

Oz (meekly): You weren*t exactly nice to Amy�or anyone, really.

Amy: Hey, tied-up people, here*s the rules: you don*t talk.

Willow: Well, see, that was only one rule. By the way, I didn*t know them or you, so why me? It*s not a big deal, just curious.

Amy: Life*s not fair. Okay, who wants to be the trophy? Any volunteers? Raise your hands. Oh, my mistake, you can*t. I guess I get to choose.

[Angel and Buffy break free from their bonds. Buffy turns to her right to untie Joyce. Angel turns to his left to begin on Oz.]

Amy (cont*d): No time for eenie-meenie-miny-moe. I choose Buffy.

[Amy waves her arms towards Angel, and he*s knocked to the floor.]

Amy (to Buffy): Now, let*s see. Where I can I put you? How about that poinsettia? [Pointing to a nearby plant.] They*re perennial you know.

[Cut to Giles. He*s alone on his side since Buffy have finished untying Joyce. A look of terror comes over his face.]

Giles: What*s that?

[The gang looks over to see what he sees. Angel has gotten up off the floor. His eyes glow red, and he*s about to make a meal of Oz, who*s closest. Buffy launches herself across the room and tackles him. As they fight:]

Joyce: If Buffy*s in the statue and Angel*s in Buffy, I would guess that that is the pure demon part of Angel.

[Buffy is thrown to the other side of the room.]

Oz: Make it stop.

Joyce (to Amy): Dammit, put Buffy back in there.

[Before Amy can respond, Angel grabs her and closes in for the bite. She uses her magic to ward him off for a moment. They engage. Joyce searches through Catherine*s spell book.]

Joyce: Here we go. (looking around) Where*s sage when you need it? (sees it) Good. A little of that in the cauldron. (He mixes in a few more ingredients.) Corsheth and Galeo! The gate is closed. Receive the dark. Release the unworthy. Take of mine energy and be sated. Release!

[Angel gains the upper hand in the fight, as Amy becomes disoriented.]

Amy: Oh God, I didn*t think I would ever wish to be my mom again, but now would be a good time.

Cordelia: Good going, Giles, reverse *that* spell first.

[Buffy regains her composure and tackles Angel before he can kill Amy. Buffy and Angel roll on the floor struggling. Buffy is able to pin Angel to the ground.]

Cordelia: Stake it before it kills someone.

Buffy: I*m not going to kill myself. Giles, get Buffy back! Now!

Joyce: I*m working on it. Willow, can you figure this out?

Buffy: Hurry!

[Oz looks at the spell book.]

Oz: I think that if you invoke that god first you might be able to�

Buffy: Invoke whoever you have to; just do it now.

Joyce: Here goes. Corsheth, look upon the enemy and release her soul from the dark place.   Release! Corsheth!

[Angel regains the upper hand in the fight and rolls on top of Buffy. Just as he moves in for the kill, he goes limp. Buffy reaches up and touches Angel*s face.]

Buffy: Buffy?

Angel: Yeah. I*m here. Are you okay?

Buffy: Yeah. I�ve never fought my inner demons in quite such a literal way before.

Angel: Let*s not do that again.

[They get up off the floor and dust themselves off.]

Xander: Okay, get us back where we belong now.

Oz: See, Cordelia, most people would thank us for saving them from the evil, vampire demon before making demands.

Xander: Fine. Get on with it.

Amy: Thanks. Sorry for all the trouble.

Angel: That*s what we*re here for. What are you going to do now?

Amy: I don*t know. Probably try to convince my dad to move away, far away.

Willow: Okay, what are we going to do with the witch?

[The gang turns to the corner where Catherine was tied up to find that she has escaped.]

Oz: Uh-oh.

Cordelia: I second that.

Joyce: We have Catherine*s spell book. It will take her awhile to reconstruct it and cause any more mischief. Hopefully, by that time, I*ll work on a binding spell to prevent her from using her powers. But first, we*re going to get back into our own bodies.

Oz: Oh, lemme help.

[Joyce and Oz begin flipping through the spell book.]

[Cut to the park. Angel and Buffy are walking home.]

Angel: So, are you okay?

Buffy: Yeah, I*m glad to be me again. You know, not made of brass, complete with heartbeat. Although I must say, you see a whole other world from up there. The vampire thing wasn*t so bad this time. I*d been a vampire before, not quite for so long though. I was crying I was so afraid. But I wasn*t scared this time. Well, I wasn*t as scared. In a weird way, I felt safe. I*m glad it was you. I might*ve felt dirty�violated. My mom looked like she wanted to send her body out to be dry cleaned. The others, I don*t know. Oz kind of plays things close to the vest. Will actually looked disappointed that she didn*t have any of Oz*s animal urges. Xander and Cordelia were acting weird, even for them. I don�t know what�s up, but I don�t think all�s right with their world. And Giles, Giles needs a playmate his own age whom he can share with. How about you? Are you okay?

Angel: I had forgotten what it felt like to be alive. The silence of it. Every cell vibrates. I could feel your heartbeat inside me, and it was yours. It*s been so long I couldn*t even imagine a heartbeat being mine. The whole time, I just kept thinking how it was yours, fluttering in me.

Buffy: Wow.

Angel: It was amazing. That, more than anything, made me feel alive and still does.

[They pause unsure of what to say next.]

Angel (cont*d, filling the silence): There*s a theory that in any pair of binary opposites�

Buffy: This doesn*t have to do with computers, does it? *Cause I suck at computers.

Angel: No, just in any two opposite things, one is always believed to be better. You know, like good versus evil? Well, between dead and alive there*s no comparison.

Buffy: After tonight, I can say I*m happy to be alive. What about male versus female?

Angel (after a pause): There*s no right answer to that one, is there?

Buffy (laughs): I guess not. Mortal versus immortal? Although if we say alive is better than dead, then I guess the answer is immortal.

Angel: Mortal.

Buffy: Really?

Angel: Yeah. I don*t want to live forever. I was thinking about it tonight as I was fighting the demon, my demon. If I could have been assured you would get back where you belong, I might have considered dusting me, even at the moment I felt most alive.

Buffy: You want to die?

Angel: No, but I might have considered it. It was just for a moment there. It*s not easy. I*m not dead, and I*m not alive. Not all vampire, but not human. I can see you but never be with you. I*m tired. �Sleep after toil, port after stormy seas, ease after war, death after life does greatly please.� I*ve lived a long time, Buffy. I*ve read everything I could possibly want to read, twice. I*ve traveled the world many times. I*ve loved, and I*ve been loved. There isn*t much more than that. Forever is a long time. I don*t want to be around when you*re not.

[No one can think of anything to say. They walk on in silence.]

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