.:Monday, December 31, 2001:.

one last look

This is a recap of all the things that happened to me all throughout the year. I'm only going to mention the important ones, how do I do that? I'm going to write here the things that I remember. If I can remember them-- then they must be worth remembering. =)

Year 2001… I started writing a journal, letting out my thoughts, ramblings, and rants without hurting other people's ears. Jane, my sister and I participated the so-called EDSA 2. Neil gave me a layout, which started my exploration with html tags. Been brokenhearted, cried sometimes but I got avenged in other ways. Toyed with other people's feelings, which backfired and caused me sad moments. I transferred into another Law school, which hopefully will let me, graduate. I tried looking for a job, actually considered one company but then it's so far away that to work and study [?] at the same time is suicidal. All throughout the year, my friends and I often see each other and ransack Malate and Robinson's Galleria. This is also the year that I got hooked on chocobons, cuapao, and iced tea. My friends and I often went out of town-- stayed with Joy @ Zambales [Jane and me], Laguna trip [ailes, di, edna, jane and me!], Baguio trip [ailes, di, edna [w/ husband], tom, jane, and me!], Anniversary of BRAVEHEARTS celebrated at a resort [jane, me, dianne, and ailes.] Not to mention the times that I stayed in Las Piñas with Jane. Jane left for New York, which made me so fucking sad. I realized that Sigmans are not for Betans. The latter should not be trusted, although they are my fraternal brothers - they are cursed creatures. Hehehe! Movies I loved-- Bridget Jone's Diary, Harry Potter, Moulin Rogue and Pearl Harbor. Bar operations of 2001, wherein Diane took the bar and I completed the 4 Sundays as well as the sample bar exams!

Family matters-- we got a new addition in the Family, on October 1, Gabriel Luis was born.. After a month he was hospitalized for pneumonia Celebrated Christmas and other holidays… had some escapade with the family and out of town trips too. . People, dropped by my site and leave nice remarks which make me feel warm.

It was not a smooth year for me, had to keep hard, sensitive secrets that to think of them would drive me crazy. Year 2001, year of the snake, my year-- 'twas a year of betrayal, hardship, failure, death, trials, tragedies, lies and lust.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:56 AM|:. +

layout ..an update

Okies... thank God! i'm done with the new layout.. i'm going to give birth to it on Jan. 1 or maybe later.. yey! yey! in the meantime... i'm going to leave my site as it is so that when my new layout is out.. you'll be able to appreciate it! haaaaay! i'm so happy.. *winks*
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 1:09 AM|:. +

i was toying around yahoo's googles.. and typed in the search engine the word "kulasisi". i was surprised to see my frigging site.. even the one i have with blogspot..and my icq communication center... weird. Nino called me up, catched up on things.. chatted at YIM. nice to have my pare back! :)
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 10:55 PM|:. +

headache

My new and upcoming layout is giving me a headache that i just want to call it quits! so in the meantime, i'll just leave this site as it is... and unwind! i need a break.. a smoke.. a drink... and all those nice stuff that would make me happy! haaaaay!! the problem lies to the fact that i cannot put the fucking background image! so, here's my site-- looking like hell... without any means of contacting me... huhuhuhu! if you got any suggestions or if you want to feed and boost my ego or if you simply want to make me mad... write me @ my e-mail addy! o what the hell... leave your suggestion @ my guestbook which is right over HERE. I'll be expecting suggestions and effective results. To those who'll give a damn -- thank you so much!!!! and to those who don't, i don't care a hell bout you too! ta-tah!

oooops, happy b-day to all december celebrants in our clan: tito ernie, evelyn, hergie, renz! i forgot the other 2. hehehhe!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 10:08 AM|:. +

backlog

Okies, took me a while to update-- i really got pissed off with my connection last dec. 26 that i decided not to go online. Been lazing around the house when i decided to fix my new layout! got to have a new layout for the new year!! hehehe! can't really describe it in words!! i got to fix all the problems so i'm trying it out. i really really need an update, my backlog is up to my neck! dang...

so anyway, the new year is fast approaching... and it's big bang time again once more! My sister brought some fireworks but not those dangerous ones... dang! i won't be able to fire some 5 star or superlolo, or bawang.. got to love the fingers! *winks*
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:34 AM|:. +

tagalog

ayos! tagalog ang entry ko! hehehe!! pasensya ka na kulasisi... nais ko lamang ilabas ang nsa saloobin ko sa sariling wika!! hehehe!! Maganda ang aking pasko.. wala masyado pamasko at pera naman e palabas ng palabas... walang bumabalik, e ok pa rin! kasi free online sa REBEL! mula 12:01 am hanggang 11:59 pm. ang galing no!?!?! sana sa new year meron din!! tapos... me mga mangilan ngilan din regalo kaya mas ok... nakausap ko si jane kanina kaya naman ang saya saya ko! =) Tapos si cecil.. sumulat ulit sa blogs nya[actually ako pa rin sumulat nun hehehe 12-25-01 entry]... bago na ang look... check it out! Tapos..nagkausap kami ni sophia(shet ganda talaga name nya!! huhuhuhu!) ok na kami! we are friends.. though cyber lang! hehehe!!

Not a good christmas wealth wise but its mentally and emotionally exihilirating! a good time for renewal... got to hurry my sister is killing me with her looks... been here in front of the pc since forever. ahehe! =) I'm really not good when it comes to using Tagalog as my medium when writing entries! i sounded so e-engot-engot! lolz.. muah kulasisi!! meri pasko!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 6:03 PM|:. +

merry christmas

~~although it's been said many times, many ways...... merry christmas, God Jul og Godt Nytt Aar... S Rozhdestvom Kristovym...Boze narodzenie...Joyeux Noel...Feliz Navidad.. God Jul.... Nodlaig Mhaith Chugnat...Sarbatori Vesele.....Chestita Koleda...Naolig Llawen.... Kellemes Karacsonyi Unnepeket..Houska Joulua.. Kala Christougena....Vesele Vianoce..Sretan Bozic....Glaedelig Jul...Cestitamo Bozic... Buon Natale... Vrolyk Kerfeest en Gelukkig Nieuw Jaar....Een Plesierige Kerfees... Froeliche Weinachten...Noeliniz Ve Yeni Kutlu Olsun....merry christmas...merry christmas to you~~~~~

MALIGAYANG PASKO,KULASISI! ]:)

posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 1:03 AM|:. +

Things to do today:

1.Laundry
2.Change the seat cover of the van.
3.Prepare the Noche Buena
4.BATH! hehehe
5.trifle things that girl my age do. [hwarrk! girl? bwahahahahaha! someone save me from myself!] wonder who's going to be my saviour now... hehehehe.....

i miss my girlfriends.... darn....
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 5:14 AM|:. +

back to homebase

Hola kulasisi! After long, gruelling hours on the road… we are finally home! The darn traffic is so terrible! Maybe its because of the holidays..! :) nothing much happened in this trip. I was not able to drive cause my father won't allow me so I sat there at the back and do things that would make the trip enjoyable. Darn road-- it seem so endless! Hehe! How come tricycles are allowed in the highway? I've seen a hundred or more… They got the nerve to stay in the middle of the road. I lost count of the tricycles that we've passed by.[ they got the knack of driving where they were not supposed to] We got stucked in Uradaneta and tarlac. Haaay… my butt hurts like hell…

The people in ilocos were very nice, in fact they wanted us to stay until Friday and celebrate with them manong mario's wedding day. Anyway, we already have a previous engagement so staying is definitely out. They even gave us half a sack of rice… hehehhe! Cool ey? We just spent 12 hours of our lives on the road.. Doing what? Chattering, teasing, eating, and sleeping… that is the cycle.. hehehe! This is the outline of the trip:

Bulacan- Pampanga (all town included), Tarlac, Pangasinan, La Union, Ilocos Sur, and Ilocos Norte.= 12 hours! Traffic in Urdaneta and Tarlac City included.

ONE day before christmas ..I texted my friends and checked on how they are doing-- Ailes will be spending Christmas in Bataan, Di's spending it at home, Judy is spending it in Camarin and Joy will be spending hers in Zambales. Jane will be celebrating hers of course in New York -- she'll be hosting the Noche Buena. I'm going to celebrate it here at home with my family… Before the end of the year, we're going to meet up and have some christmas party...

There were people who wrote me.. gilbert of lovemail.cjb.net [dunno if this is real or what-- checked on it but they're asking me to sign up] even asked me to be his partner in his website and be a webmistress.. hehee.. sounds tempting! don't tempt me, i might give in. stephan of walha.lla.de.vu..among others... There were people who write me short notes saying warm thoughts about my page and my writing. i am grateful that they like what i write. . to you people.. thank you very much..]:)
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 3:33 AM|:. +

ilocos trip

We're going to accompany my sister-in-law and her kids to Ilocos Norte.. They're going to celebrate the holidays there.. ilocos is ten hour drive from our place, unlike the trip to Mindoro, my father won't be able to get some rest so he necessarily need an alternate driver-- ehem,ehem.. That would be moi! Hehehe!

Ilocos is such an old but nice place-- the view going there is simply beautiful.. Specially the seaside.. the scenery is awesome-- seeing the waves hit the stones… makes you wanna go down and do some picture taking. What I love about Ilocos are the old churches- there's so plenty of them, the korniks - crunchy corn that I love to munch til my lips turn white due to the salt.. And the tupig- a local rice cake. The last time we went to Ilocos, we were able to go PagudPud -- boundary between Ilocos Norte and Cagayan. It's a nice place… it's a good place for swimming and hanging out. We also visited VIGAN, Old Spanish houses are erected here, this is where you can buy some clay pot and tasty longganisa. This trip would be my 4th time… the last time we had this kind of trip we dropped by Baguio on our way home.. My ate wants to do that again. So, I'll be back here in my cyberplace early Monday morning… when I get back, I'm gonna tell you all about the land of the Ilocanos! =) ooops… we'll back Sunday[ am not sure what time] so that means, my family and I would be spending our weekend on the road, but it's ok… it's gonna be fun having this escapade with my family. ciao kulasisi… sure gonna miss you and my mp3's.. be sure to miss me.

Btw, niño talked to me online-- he said sorry for whatever.. Anyway, I just can't bring myself to hate him… guess I'm still the old connie who let people get away with anything… uhmm… what else? I can't seem to stay angry! Darn! I guess that is a good trait, what do you think?
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:07 AM|:. +

old soul

Yeps, I consider myself an old soul… uhmm…now why did I say that…maybe it comes from the fact that I find great joy with old things… old houses, old churches… Old notes.. Err… mature men. Hahaha! I consider myself an old soul because I'm emotionally [nyak!] and intellectually ahead of my peers. I give sensible, cool, practical, no-non-sense advises… hehe! I guess its due to the fact that I'm surrounded by grown ups and the sad, sad life stories of my mother clouded my brain cells. My nanay and I often share stories…she shares with me her sad anecdotes, problem with my siblings and other blabbering stuff [prices of the commodities, traffic..etc..etc]. Though sometimes, my brain, my heart and my ear couldn't take it anymore - I just have to tell her to stop. Specially when the stories are told over and over again.. But I say it in a nice way-- I simply tell her -MUTE! Then she'll look at me and pierce with a sharp look.. Then laugh! =)

At this moment--I enjoy old music.. Songs from the 70's and 80's. There are also moments that I would smell something and it's like I'm brought back to the past--- it depends on the smell, silly! I remember my kindergarten days… primary school.. My playmates in Sta. Mesa. I remember my childhood. I like new things doubt it not--- but my principles and my point of views will always come from the school of olds. I'm childish at times, playful even but I do have my serious moments.. But I can adapt to the situation when warranted-- really. Old soul in a young [gorgeous …deadly --arrrghhh!] body. god forgive me for lying! hehehe! *winks*
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 8:45 AM|:. +

Lonely afternoon

An old man walks along the path
It isn't raining anymore
The hotel sign reflects a pond
A lowery park below

A kid goes walking home from school
And stands there at the door
Behind the window people sit
Waiting for the bus to go

Another lone, lonely afternoon away from you
And a lone, dark lonely night ahead
It's been a lone, lonely afternoon
Here on my own
Such a long dark lonely night ahead

Heavy clouds are forming forth
Another dark and rainy night
A woman hurries home before
The storm begins to break

An as she turns to cross the street
Waiting for the walking light
She glances at her watch
Hoping she won't be late

Another lone, lonely afternoon away from you
And a lone, dark lonely night ahead
It's been a lone, lonely afternoon
Here on my own
Such a long dark lonely night ahead
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 5:53 AM|:. +

keys

there are times when my keyboard is possessed! it can type on its own! wierd! hehehe.... what a better way to tell the world that i don't have anything to say! oh yes, i'm planning the new layout for KULASISI. Been working on it for couple of hours now..and the only thing i can imagine is the actual layout-- as to the tags... darn tags.. they can wait forever for all i care!! waaaaaah! i really suck at HTML and doing the tags! *sniff* oh well....

how come i got this eerie feeling that something bad is about to happen!? omigod! *crosses her fingers* i'll be good promise!!! haaaay!! life is really amusing... one minute you are so happy -- next you are sad-- then u are sadder-- then you are depress-- then you are so lonely--- then you start to see the light and the recognize the beauty and colors of the rainbow, then you smile again. sometimes life sucks.. sometimes life sucks on you. sometimes... you need to suck to get a life! bwahahhahaa!!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:51 AM|:. +

kris kringle

Elo, kulasisi! Been very busy these past days I haven't got the time to drop by.. as you know… it's Christmas already! =)

Yeps! Christmas is just around the corner… Carols are being played regularly over the radio.. the traffic is worst.. The malls are always full… and my pocket is.. err…DRY! [Darn]. The only consolation is that the rain is gone yet the weather remain to be cool.. a pleasant event in itself. It motivates you to move around and visit place plus… the school is out for the Christmas vacation. Christmas Parties are everywhere… so there are lots of drunken people all over the metropolitan. I have done my Christmas shopping already, bought some clothes and some clips.. Bought some gifts too. Not expensive ones, I don't have the budget for grand gifts… Hehehe!! Anyways, despite the ache in my feet and my pocket-- I had a great time shopping! Yes! I do love to shop.. May I say that this is the only activity that makes me happy despite the pain it causes me.

While we [nanay, ate and me] were wrapping the gifts, we were watching TV [multitasking]-- Hehehe! And this particular topic in a certain show caught my attention-- there people who are going to have a sad Christmas [yet for different reasons]. So.. that made me realize that Christmas does not always signify -- Happiness… joy and peace. Sometimes, Christmas also refreshes the pain.. Opening old wounds… making you remember the pain that you once felt, making you aware that you are not yet healed. Somehow, we just know that this season is going to be different-- we are older, we have experienced things and we have gained and lost things or people we love over the year. We would never be the same.

My Christmas is somewhat to this effect - I don't observe simbang gabi but I love bibingka and puto bumbong.. I hate seeing hypocrite people who pretend that they are attending mass whereas in truth they're just trying to be with their GF/Bf or look for one. *Smirks* I love to shop for gifts despite the limited budget I have… I love preparing the table for noche Buena but I hate the part of the washing the dishes! I love seeing my relatives but then we always see each other throughout the year during birthdays and blah-blah… I do believe in Santa Claus! Yey! Yey! Every year, I still hang my sock near the window with the hope that someday, Santa would drop a car key to that sock of mine. I've never celebrated Christmas and New Year away from my family… been that way for 24 years now. =) I love to dress up during Christmas Eve. I don’t know why but I do.. hehehe maybe because I'm luka-luka. Anyway, 7 days before Christmas but I'm just about to mail the cards tomorrow. They'll be late for the holidays! Better late than never. Bleh! =Þ
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:25 AM|:. +

commercial

Welcome to the Christian World, Gabrielle Luis!!!

kisskisskiss!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 5:48 PM|:. +

mindoro trip

Our trip yesterday was quite alright-- been eating all the time [har-har-har!], letting my father drive all the way to Batangas… so I just sat there at the back and ransack the grocery bags for some junkies, sleeping once in awhile… and then eat some more. We arrived in Batangas at around 7:30 am, so since only 2 persons are allowed to stay inside the vehicle.. a regulatory scheme of the Port… we have to choose who among us [ my mother, ate, niece, & I] will be the sacrificial lambs. Hehehe.. since my niece is only 3 yrs old and very much attached to my ate plus the fact that my niece is stubborn… my mother and I went down and paid the port fee [ something to that effect]. Inside the waiting lounge -- their going to page us what ship the vehicle would be in and then we're going to buy the tickets. The lounge is clean, air-conditioned and got clean restrooms [thank god!] so we waited and waited… and waited… at this time, I really am glad that man invented cellphones.. then at 8:45 am , the woman in the information counter paged us .. so my nanay immediately went to the ticket booth to get some tickets only to be told that there's no more ticket left and that the ship is due to leave at 8:30. What the fuck!!!?? Anyways, nanay was able to get us some ticket. The weather was not so fine since it's been raining the whole week… despite the rain the sea was calm.. yeps! It was calm until we were in the middle of nowhere.. then the ship swayed sideways, not too strong but you can feel it… i felt it..dang, I almost threw up. I remained calm mind you.. I'm just waiting for the rest of the people to panic and grab some life jackets! Hahaha! [That is not funny…] anyways, we arrived in Calapan at 12:00 and reached Naujan at 1:00 pm…said hello to my lola… asked for some pamasko [I was not able to get some] and then watched tv. Took our baths and then watched some more..

We arrived home after 10 hours of travelling! Darn the Metro Manila traffic! It's a hellhole! It was a tiring trip but then I was able to see my lola.. and the rest of my relatives in Mindoro plus, I was able to see the real estate bought by tito ambo. =)
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 10:21 PM|:. +

magic bra

My family and i are going to Mindoro today... we're going to visit my Grandmother [father side] and going to bring her money sent by my uncle... anyways, so it's clear that i'm not going to school for 2 days... so while i was packing my overnight bag.. i remembered my frigging bra-- it's something that i've missed these last few days.. not that i don't wear one.. hehe... dang.. i thought i lost it! i missed its hugging fit against my boobies.. so i looked everywhere... and i missed one place! luckily i remember that dang closet and looked for my magic bra inside.. there i saw my err.. thingies... and that made me so frigging happy! daaaaaarn! i'm so shallow.... *sigh* *sigh*

i really really hate it when i lose things.. even a dang ballpen! who wants to lose anything anyway?!?!?

posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:48 AM|:. +

story

As I sat there inside the jeepney …watching the scenery.. Trying to comprehend what's going on with my life.. Trying to understand things that I don't have time to ponder on… as I stare outside… looking at the faces of the people I passes by…. Some are alone, some are not… some have this serious look and some don't.. I came to understand that these people have their stories to tell… that little child in uniform… the driver of the jeepney… my co-passengers. They, too, have their own lives to weave.. Stories that no one care to listen to except their own set of friends and family. And then I realized that life is but an entwined stories.. Once in a while people walked in and out of our lives to brighten our story. Just like the classification of stories, our lives are classified. Some lives a life of tragedy, some are fairy tales, some lives a life full of action… some stories make you cry, some makes you laugh and some are mixture of all. My life in not a life of tragedy-- it's not a fairy tale.. it's not a life full of action either. For 24 years… my life is all about family. I haven't been away that much…haven't been far from their love. I'm closely supervised… I am very much protected from all pain. I've never really experience much hurt -- I had a wonderful childhood, I enjoyed it very much playing until I get tired… the only tragedy I consider is the fact that I refused to grow and experience pain as it is. As I reach my destination, I've come to realize that as long as I am alive-- I weave my own story…i am responsible to decide where and when the story ends and what kind of ending my story is going to have.. then I started to hope [again] that when I am old.. I'll be able to tell a story like no other.

What's your story?
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:22 AM|:. +

grabeh

Good Morning kulasisi! i got this feeling that i'm going to have a nice day--- hehehe!! *cross fingers* first of all... i'm going to start my serious schooling this week... no more drinking sessions.. no more absences [yeah right] as long as i can manage...i'll begin to read old notes and books [that is if i can also manage it]. Second, i got an email from Nerbie of grabeh.com -- she included my site in her portal's database [after i submitted my site of course!] so if you're going to look for "rants" , you'll be able to find me there. She also invited me to submit write ups which is cool... hehehehe [ makes me feel like err...sensible creature], that is after she said i have a nice blog content. yey! yey! yey! i guess my luck is just beginning!

oh yes, nel got this notion that i'm happy with his miserable state right now ... hmm i can't say, i'm not actually happy that he is sad ... but i'm glad that he is feeling the pain... bwahahhaha! dang.. am i vindictive or what!? Gee...i'm totally over him..hehehe! makes me wanna do the dance of joy! [thank you mama jane for the toink] sometimes, we just get to the bottom of everything and you just don't care anymore. i don't care anymore... =) good for me...
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 6:17 AM|:. +

accomplishments

okies.... i've established our yahoogroup--- hopefully in a couple of days we'll be able to stabilize things and start the adventures of elsa and the superpekpek heroes! oh yeah.. that's our group.. superpekpek!

i'm celebrating my 11th month in blogging! more rants in the future! *cheers* hopefully, no more broken hearts... only broken nose! hehehehe!!!

mama jane sent us an ecard--- thank god!

ailes -- learned how to send email! yaaahoooooo!! next training would be the use of MIRC!

jocel-- we'll.. jocel's uncle died of some illness... condolence my dear.. on the bright side-- he's in a better world now.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 4:23 AM|:. +

in my head

Here I am hitting the keys of my keyboard not knowing what to say or do… I opened my winamp player and enclosed myself with music.. . hoping that with its melody -- my worries and my pain would go away… I keep on typing as I sink into a deep trance and daydream, daydreaming of the things that I used to have and things that I am longing for… as the room become more spacious …. One by one, I disregard the existence of the bed, the closet and the things that surrounds me-- I find myself more relaxed, I can feel the air against my skin as it comes through the window… passing me by as it goes out to the door… I enclosed myself again within the security of the melody.. humming once in a while to the words…I feel it…breathe it.. I lose myself.. I remember things and emotions… images flashes inside my head…giving me an emotional trip or a trip down to memory lane-- reminiscing things that I'm not ready to remember…. Each song, each beat-- touches a part of my soul.. Making me bolder and bolder as images keep on pouring in… it rekindle certain memories and create new dreams… I just type… type.. type.. Hitting the keys.. Capturing my thoughts…. My dreams…. Memories and save them for me to remember this moment or just to share it with people who gives a damn… It disturbs me that I can't trust people that quickly-- I can't trust them unless I am sure that they are fully faithful to me… and all that I am. Where on the other hand… they're just doing the same thing.. I often dream of doing things that I haven't done before, something different…. Original. I want new things…. I want to meet new people… experience life. I want to be free from these shackles around my heels. I want to be free from all expectations. For once I just want to do things that I want, taking my own time…. Living each moment-- making each move, each decision something worth remembering. It's tiring to see the same old scenery and be in the same situation-- solving same old problems all the time. I'm afraid that I would fail.. Somewhere in my past I can feel that I've failed somewhere and I've failed someone…. Making it hard for me to move on with my life and see a clear future… Something is weighing down my soul--- making it hard for me to do things that I badly want to do… it’s like I can't do this or that because I got this obligation and that duty… I live a carefree life--yes-- but it's not the life that I want to live. I badly want to do things that would make me happy-- things that would make me understand the way I am.... How I came to be this way… where am I heading…. What's ahead of me. One thing I like is that I don't get tired of dreaming and hoping-- that one day-- things would change and I'm going to be complete… then, my soul would be free and the wind can take me where it want to take me. I would go willingly....
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 11:40 AM|:. +

Last night, mama jane called me up from NY! it was nice to know that she had a nice flight! she enjoyd it very much. She'll be watching a concert soon-- Brittney Spears! bwahahaha!! let's start the ball rolling!! i miss her so much!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 9:54 AM|:. +

bon voyage mama Jane

One of the saddest feelings is seeing someone you love… someone you've spent your life with, leave. Today, mama Jane left for the US to join her husband and start their own family. Right now, I don’t know where I am heading to- I don't know how am I going to deal with the present much more the future. I really find it hard to believe that today, I've seen the last of Moonwalk, Las Piñas… I've come very attached to their house.. It's like my second home.

I know today, I left so many words left unspoken… I wanted to say so many things.. But somehow I just don't want to be the one to start the wailing and make it hard for mama to leave. Ah I know, I'll just write it here.

Dear mama jen-jen,

Hey! :) We got home safely…. I do hope that you had a safe flight and nothing traumatic happened to you. I'm here in my room.. Thinking of you and what's ahead of us. I don't feel like doing anything…. I just want to write and let this pain out. It's killing me. Missing you is killing me. Uwi na ka…. Pls!? These are the things that I want to tell you-- I'm grateful that God gave you to me. A sister, bestfriend, savior, protector, listener, adviser… all rolled into one. I've seen you take care of your loved ones in a special way, I've seen you how you can be so generous and how you can love unconditionally. I'm so glad that I've seen you at the stairs during our college days, I knew then that you are one special lady. You love your friends truly and deeply-- unlucky are those who didn't have the chance to meet you and become your friend. They missed half of their life. And to those people who had earned your wrath-- well.. I can only feel sorry for them for betraying you and for letting you go [their lost, our gain!]. There's something in you that leaves a mark although the meeting is somewhat brief. Yep! You are one special person. I wouldn't trade you for the world. I know you are aware how greatly you influence my life and all the decisions that I made. You know me too well same thing goes for me… even without saying a word, you know what's going on inside my head. Thank you for letting me face reality in a gentle manner… Thank you for the toinks on the head whenever i'm in a state of denial. Thank you for you patience when I'm being so makulit and also for laughing at my corny jokes. I love to hear that loud laughter. Thank you for your generosity and for letting me experience the best years of my life. Keep the spirit that everything will be ok. Be positive, alright? Enough with the negativities… we'll be waiting for you. I will be waiting for you.

Though we are apart-- I know that no one can measure up to what we had shared. No one-- from my past, or my future can cope up to what you have shared. You have shared your life with me. You have shared yourself to me. You let me into your life without any conditions… without any pretensions… I would always be grateful for your friendship. You are MAMA JEN-JEN. Iisa lang yan sa mundo!

Take care of yourself always and remember that we are missing you so much. Not a second, not a day, not a week will pass that I won't think of you… don't ever change. I love you just the bitchy way you are.

-koni
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 8:07 PM|:. +

sigh sigh sigh

ok, i finally got the chance to view the surprsie made by my bestfriend. isn't she the best? she made me cry! waaaaaaaaaah!! now what kind of person would not miss her when she is so sweet and so fucking intelligent! i know life would not be the same without her near me.. without seeing her..Things would start to change, i know it is inevitable but change can only be delayed. sooner or later we got to face it. making us better or otherwise. For years i have depended on Jane everyday of my life. i can't really express what i'm feeling right now.. all i know is that a very special person in my life is going away. and i'm not sure if after all the changes in our lives-- we would be still the same. I'm really not good at dealing with changes. not when you have spent 8 years of your lives together. As painful as it may seem -- i do wish that she'll be able to find new friends and keep her stay worth the while. i'm going to miss her so much.

i can feel that my world will stop on tuesday. I haven't thought of Wednesday or the days following her leaving. painful as it is for me.. imagine the pain that my bestfriend will go through. Living in a country without knowing anybody except her husband and his family. I do hope that she'll be strong to hang on and i do pray that she'll be happy half the globe away from me. Needless to say, i do love her. She is everything that I am not.. i guess that's why we are a great team. what i lack-- she supply! i do love u jen! Papa should take care of you or else...... hehehe!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 1:27 AM|:. +

TO MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD...

finally, after 8 yrs. of spending virtually everyday of our lives together, talking on the phone, ransacking malate for all that place is worth, haunting every mall we could find...
i have to say goodbye for a while. the hardest thing to do right now is leaving YOU. it's like half of my heart will be torn away, leaving me with just enough to sustain my life, living a painful existence.
i apologize that you had to put up with my mood swings lately...we know the cause of that fucking episodes... i apologize i won't be there for you in an instant whenever you feel distraught or bitchy... most of all, i'm sorry that i had to be the one to leave, i know the pain of being left behind and the scar it leaves is really unbearable.
i'm thankful for the years that we had, growing up together, experiencing new things that left our mouths hanging open, discovering the facets of life that made us stronger and bitchier... i thank you for being the wonderful person that you are... i thank the heavens for bringing you into my life.
i believe in your strength... i believe you can do and have whatever you want, simply because it has to be that way. I believe in your love, always true, never pretentious (although you always beg to differ). i believe in your pure soul, carry that clarity of thought and ironclad faith wherever you go.
i may be gone but always remember this, there's nothing in the world that i want more than to see you happy. FOR MY BEST FRIEND...ONLY THE BEST!
I LOVE YOU FOREVER! ................jane ganda
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 1:21 PM|:. +

look at me and my bestfriend

I love that girl so much... i'm going to miss her when she goes to her new home on tuesday. Bespren, You be good aight!? cross the street using the fucking pedestrian lane! i do love u!

this is me alright! darn...

posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 3:16 AM|:. +

song, sung blue

Singing is one hobby I really, really love. It's a good exercise for the lungs and it makes my diaphragm stronger. It still amazes me how I can change the weather with a single song and summon the rain with my voice. [Makes me feel like Goddess or something, but sometimes..it really is embarassing to sing when its raining. making me feel that it's all my fault!] I love singing dance music but I think I'm better at singing love songs. You know? Those kind of mushy, slow and honest to goodness heartbreaking songs. When I'm upset or depress I turn on my CD player and play sad songs. They make me release the sadness that I feel inside; music is my silent, unseen listener. I talk through songs. Sometimes I also associate people with music. To me, they have a certain song. Everytime I hear that song-- I remember them…
Songs that I love

- Fallin'[teri de sario]; awit para sa kanya[true faith]; if I believed[patti austin];songs by rey valera… mostly old opm songs. I do have songs by foreign artists but at the moment, I'm really into old opms. I spend time in the net downloading "baduy" songs. But for me, though rey valera may sound so baduy.. His songs are simple, has good melody and cool soothing voice. Check out my list of OPM songs. Complete list is this way. =)

- My tatay and nanay's: Love and Devotion.. a really really nice love song. Of course they have a separate favorite song but they are a couple, one body and soul. One count. Hehehe!

- My ate's song is: True Blue [madonna] , she always sing this song whatever the occasion is.

- My bestfriend's [jen-jen]songs- Get here[oleta adams];til they take my heart away[claire marlo]; nobody does it better[oleta adams] her husband's[papa]- Old photographs

- Ailes' song is: Love moves [julia fordham] DI's: All my life [america]; Judy's: If you ever change your mind [singer unknown]; Jocel's: friend of mine [odette quesada]. Bebeh Joey's: lonely afternoon [shakatak];

Even people that I only consider as acquaintance, people from my past have their own song, but due to the limited space, plus the fact that this entry is long enough to last me lifetime to read… I have to cut the list short. Songs that my heart sings.. Songs that my heart listens to. These are the songs of my life.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:36 AM|:. +

.:|HOME|:.

© by Kulasisi series of 2001, 2002

.:|Updated on|:.

.:|I Feel|:.

.:|I am Reading|:.
--------

.:|I am listening to|:.
Sana by Viktoria

.:| Fast Facts |:.
I was born on the 26th of March year 1977, which is year of the snake under the Chinese Calendar. I was born under the sign of Aries. So that makes me, a snake with a pair of torn.
I have:
º An older sister and brother.
º A bestfriend, named Jane.
º Tons of cousins and friends.
º A pet named Albayno, which is a Fish.
º A dog named, Clinton.

.:| My Button |:.

AOL Nickname: koni26
ICQ #: 72200173
@ Guestbook

powered by: bravenet

« blogs by women # »
« # FlipBlogs ? »
< # blog girls ? >
« ? Bloggers # »
« asian log »

.:| Journals |:.

º Arminaº
º Atomic Dropº
º Erapº
º Jaimeº
º Karlaº
º Margeº
º Peachº
º Superpekpekº
.:| Sites |:.

º Emodeº
º Grabehº
º Inq.7º
º Yahoo!º




Past Entries