.:Friday, November 30, 2001:.

overnight healing

The fucking pain is still there but somehow, i'm getting there. i'm nurturing this pain into hatred... when i get over this... there's no turning back.

clock is ticking.... tuesday will come too soon! fuck.... *sigh* *sigh* *sigh*
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 10:32 AM|:. +

commercial

Happy 23rd birthday Nel!

Though he doesn't consider me as his friend anymore… I think its proper for me to mark my journal with this event. He was afterall a special person in my life. But now, he finally bid goodbye..[And we're not even friends] *sniff sniff* Things are really vague.. so many questions left unanswered… but that's what he wants. Got to give the b-day boy what he wants ey?

I've known him for quite a while, he was nice, funny and entertaining. You can talk anything under the sun with him. But with the good side comes a bad side, he doesn't compromise, he doesn't like explanations. And here I thought I'm the only one who say things that I don't mean. [Oh yeah.… he's also guilty of that too]. I just don't understand why things should be the way they are. Although there was a time that I was in pain-- knowing he is caring and loving another person now.. I swallowed that pain and befriended him and his new love. I send him card everyday -- until my heart grew tired and surrender to the fact that I lost him & things wouldn't be the same. I can't live the rest of my life pining over someone who professed to have found the girl he's going to take home to his mom. Oh yes, I endured the pain of knowing that I was not good enough… the pain of witnessing how he can love her more than he loved me. I endured that-- with swallowed pride.. I was just there.. Witnessing all these and yet keeping my mouth shut for fear that I might say things that I would regret later. I do hope that this would be the last time that he'll be able to inflict this pain on me… I do hope that he'll never have the power to hurt me again. Things have been shared, good or bad-- I'm going to keep them.

My birthday wish:
Do hope that things will work out fine now that I'm out of your way.. Live and enjoy your life to the fullest. Know what you want. Strive for it, keep it within your reach, treasure it , hold on to it for as long as you can. Be happy and safe always kiddo!!

I'll see you when the right time comes.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 11:15 AM|:. +

little things counts

Nel and I chatted and I can say that he is happy and truly, madly in love. See? He is a living proof that a perfect partner is made for you. Good thing he found Sophia. His perfect match. She makes him complete and incredibly happy. Even though I don't get to see Nel's face, I can sense that he is beaming -- you know? Glowing and all. :) Ok… our talk revolved around, his love of his life.. Sometimes I ask questions [ I do love psychoanalyzing people] and sometimes he just talk. Somehow, this particular talk that we had was different. Why? Cause I learned something. It's an affirmation that little things count. Little gestures count a lot. It made me realize that Grand Gestures really come from little ones. A gift [whatever it is, regardless of its value] when it is given, was due to the fact that he remembers you. Saying thank you.. And yes, even saying the words "I love you" first. They count a lot. Cause when you are alone in your bed or just day dreaming you end up remembering not the gifts, that stuff that was given to you but how he took care of you, the words whispered in your ears, the affection shared , the way he made you special, the way that he makes you laugh and the way he treated you.

I guess that's why I have fallen for Joey and he for me…[now that makes sense to me, does it make sense to you?]. Spending time… exerting all efforts to be together. Sharing of the mind, feeling the same intensity of emotions and having fun with each other's company. Joey is very appreciative. He says the right things at the right time-- every frigging moment that we spend together. He is a love person… he falls in love easily and stays in love for the longest time. [So very like me] He is not scared of saying what he feels [ok, two defenses down-- one more wall and I'm defeated] He loves photography, target shooting, and arts! [Lord, if he is the one.. don't give me a sign! Pls.!?]

It is also important that you two talk a lot …and I mean talk. Sharing of your mind and your heart [Joey and I do this all the time! Yey! Yey!] We talk about lots of things.. Passion, love and life. We also flirt sometimes. Hehehe but of course, where is all the fun without it? Enjoy love -- its fire, its passion and all the things that comes with it… While it lasts...
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:03 AM|:. +

damn it.... 5 days to go..... shit! shit! shit! i just hate it when people leave... and it's shittier cause the person leaving is my bestfriend! damnation to hell.. shit! shit! shit!!!!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 6:17 AM|:. +

fooling in love

There were moments in my life that I played with men's feelings. Yep! I'm guilty of that-- of course the subjects of my attention didn't know about it. For me, it was pure fun-- nothing to be serious about. Nope, I'm not a beauty… Beauty has nothing to do with it… it's all in a strategy. You play with them and they play with you. You would be reluctant at first, you would not care if you fight or anything.. But then I say the things that they want to hear.. Making them feel -- err.. Macho or somekind of a God so that they would reconcile with me. I never did consider anybody's feeling. Not mine, certainly not theirs. Then when things blew out of proportion, I end up feeling lonely and alone. But then someone new will come along and I would forgot all about the past.. And it's a brand new game. A new cycle -- all over again.

Ailes was right when she told me that if you're not serious about it, leave it. It's all or nothing-- Just when I brainwashed myself all those times that It's just a game, I'll play my part until the right one comes along in order to save myself the pain.. I end up hurt and a fucking loser when they give up on me. Somehow, you invest time, care and all those shitty stuff that would make you miss that person so much. And you'll be sorry that you played with his feelings, cause in the end-- you've fallen in love with him and he decided to drop you and moved on with his life. Only then you would realize that IF only you've been different… IF only you gave it shot.. Things COULD have worked out and you'll find yourself in a relationship and not in a frigging game.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 6:14 AM|:. +

happy b-day jane!

It was my bestfriend's birthday [November 26] and I was not able to put it here on time! Better late than never huh? As I have mentioned for the nth time.. my bestfriend and I are together for 8 years. So , we virtually grew with each other. Been through tough and good times… ups and downs. Despite our distance from each other, we always find time to spend moments together.

My Message and B-day wish:

I wish my bestfriend health, love, and wealth. May she be able to adjust to her new home and find new friends. I do wish that she'd be able to get her trench coat and boots. I do wish that she'll have a baby and be a good mother. I do hope that she'll keep in touch with us as often as our schedules would permit. May I say that I'm so lucky that I have a bestfriend like her.. in fact I'm lucky that I have the set of friends that I have now. For all the things that we want [may we get them all], for everlasting friendship, for my bestfriend.. CHEERS! Labyu jen-jen!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 3:09 AM|:. +

fucking shock

Jane will be leaving a week from now.

if i'm not shock.. then i don't know why the hell i'm scratching my wall with my fingernails... slowly.

posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 7:49 AM|:. +

Actual letter found in a bar in Malate

To Marjie,

I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you. Why? What reason you can think about but you're very fat body. I'm thought before that Dennis only use me to his toy but sooner and later I'm realize that he really can't not beared or stomached to be with you anymore because at first, Dennis say he could not stand you're habit of making pakialam all his walks and always calling to their house what time he go home or this or that and then he say he get ashame to met you iether in school or in his family and then asking you to exercise you're very, very, very fat body but you hate it you
thoughth you're the most prettiest girls he know about what do you think you are "Beautiful Girl" of Jose Mari Chan even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do not have the rigth to called me whatsoever or else different name one time or the other for the real purposed to insults my personality because I'm never call you names before iether in front of Dennis or in the backs of Dennis, but if you start already to calling me different name, I'm don't have any other choice but to called you other different name to like you are a PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT AND UGLY SHAPE girl. Shame to you're body that is to a BUDING. You can't not blame Dennis for exchanging you to me because I'm am the more sexier than you when you look to us in the mirror. I'm repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when she is a girl.

FROM: THE SEXIEST GIRL OF D.M.

Ps. You say that I'm the bad breathe
But who is Dennis want to kissed.
Me or you? You or me?

posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 7:39 AM|:. +

happy thanksgiving!

.....darn.. i'm a day late! bwahahahahhaha!! nevermind .. with the time zone..i made it on time! :)
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 4:56 AM|:. +

KULASISI IS ALL DRESSED UP FOR CHRISTMAS! :) yey!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 4:12 AM|:. +

monster

pain brings out the monster in me. sarcasm, over reaction over things, hyper sensitivity.. [and other awful things that need not be discussed for fear of self-humiliation] it's like i'm breathing but not living at all. sometimes i wanna succumb to this feeling and enclosed myself in silence and simply enjoy the serenity of being calm and at peace.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 4:07 AM|:. +

How hard is it to hit a few keys? Argghhhh!!

I asked nel to sign my guestbook and he decline.
That fucking hurts.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:00 PM|:. +

I like this song very much.. it's Jane's favorite too.. suits us fine!

Dear jen-jen,

Click the frigging link to ur song! :) haaay!!!

kisskiss,
onie

Tattooed on My Mind
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 8:27 AM|:. +

motherly instinct

I don't know what it is in me that love children… since I was 5 years old I remembered that I took care of my cousin apple. I would steal candies for her from nanay's store just to pacify her. Of course I can't cuddle her since I was still small. But since then-- I adored children very much. I love taking care of babies. Changing dirty diapers.. Changing clothes. Feeding them and all that fuss. I love shopping for baby clothes and things. I love kids. Don't you?

Time will come that I'm going to be a mom and I do hope that I would be able to care for my kid /s the same way my mom took care of us. Parenting is such a hard responsibility-- it is a 24/7 job. Scary but really rewarding. Are you ready for this?!

Am I? [oh-oh!!!]
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 8:24 AM|:. +

the pain of hurting

"Don't you get tired of being hurt?"

This was the question that I asked Judy during our emergency session this evening… yeps! Finally after a week of hibernation, I meet up with my girlfriends. Too bad Dianne was not able to make it. I picked up Ailes from her office then proceed to our school to enroll. There, we saw familiar faces - long lost friends from our Old school and met new faces too-- there was this guy whom I find cute, Ailes like him. I think he is such a cool dude. We chatted with him and yet we don't even know his name. He is cute but definitely a friend material. Thereafter, Ailes and I went to Friday's in Robinson's Place Manila to meet Jane and Judy. We had dinner and loads of iced tea. It was such a hearty meal. Then we went to PASILYO, a cozy place along Remedios St. and had a nice talk over a bottle of tequila.

Sharing good music with good friends over a bottle of alcohol -- I got drunk. We started to talk about Nida Blanca's death and the fact that it was her husband who had her killed… problems in general... From work to heart problems. Then out of the blue-- I asked Judy that question. All my friends gave good sensible answers. You don't get tired of hurting cause in every relationship that you get into, you always strive for the best. Hoping that this time.. You hit jackpot. You don't get tired of hurting cause you don't expect yourself to get hurt when you commit to someone. But though you've been thinking about the possibilities of ending a relationship-- you are just not ready to feel the pain of getting hurt. It's like your insides are being cut into pieces and yet, you can't do a thing about it… yes, the company of your friends help you ease the pain.. But what happens when you are once again alone? It's but a temporary balm.

In all honesty, I'm tired of hurting. It seems that I can't remember a time I'm genuinely loved.[except my family and friends of course…] There's always insecurity and need of assurance. Even at the beginning of possible relationships... I weigh the pain that I might suffer and start to move away. I do nasty things, I cause fights… I say things that hurt people just to end whatever it is that we have. Only to realize in the end that it was myself that I have hurt more.

I lost countless battles that are never fought.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:46 AM|:. +

I sent niño a friendly card, wishing that he's ok or whatever... i got a reply and it allegedly came from his gf. so what did i do? i answered back. here are the 2 letters:

GF'S Email in reply to my card:
hi thanks for showering my boyfriend your love and> kisses. Pero i don't think he needs it anymore kasi pwede kong ibigay yan sa kanya ng higit pa sa iyo.

MY REPLY:
FYI, I got that card from the Friendship section. If ever you got the notion that it means more than that then i'm sorry u got the wrong signal. Just tell your "boyfriend" that i send my regards to him. and you don't have to worry bout me.. i can't do that much from where i'm coming from.. i'm so many fucking miles away from u and ur beloved. it's just a friendly thing really.. i got to go now. do tell ur BF i said hello.i know u won't be amissed of ur duties and responsibilities as a girlfriend.. higit pa sa akin? i'm not competing. is this a competition? i don't think so.. just make him happy, he means that much to me. i'll go send some cards to someone else's boyfriend now byeeeee!!! .. am i going to hear from uagain?

kulasisi

it's pathetic really... it's just a card without a personal message.. geeze! people now a days are uhmmmm nevermind. On the brighter side, bebeh joey gave me a song and he wrote me.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 11:19 AM|:. +

Jealousy

I used to deny the fact that I'm not a jealous person. But lately, there's just no use in denying that fact anymore. It's not about material things. In fact, I can sum up my jealousy in one sentence. Other people are happier than ME. My jealousy came from the fact that other people knows what they want and they were able to get it. It's more of emotional jealousy really. When relationship ends or my friends are spending time with someone else, I get jealous. I don't exactly feel happy when people are in misery… shall we say, I just want things to be of equal ground- they are happy, I should be happy too. But the thing is, I'm happy, it's just that I am aware that there are people happier than I. this feeling suck.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 11:00 AM|:. +

petition to marry

Now, I know this may sound funny.. Even weird. But the idea really came from my friends, Judy and Ailes but I'm going to discuss it and see where this idea will lead me. Actually the gist of this subject is that women may file a petition to marry the man that they want. And after going through judicial process, the court shall decide who among the petitioners are qualified to marry the guy they petitioned. A girl can petition any men-- regardless of how many, until she finds the right one. In the said petition, the girl would state the grounds why the court should decide in her favor. You know.. Typical things like.. "He should marry me cause I can take care of him better". "I can make him happier"…" I can give him the world" -things. It should be noted, however, those mere words would not be considered & the supporting documents should be attached to the petition. The guy shall be given an option to confide with the judge, he also has the right to file a motion to dismiss. However, the decision of the judge is FINAL AND EXECUTORY. This way, when things didn't work out.. You can easily file for the annulment of your marriage. For the simple reason that it is the Judge that caused you that misery. It was, afterall, his/her fault. ahh.. Yes, the marriage license is renewable.. it shall be valid for 3 years. Only the girls can file the petition and no annulment or proceeding for the dissolution of marriage shall be filed within one year after the issuance of the decree. I know it may sound absurd but then, every work of a genius is weird.

Heheheh -- do I express myself quite clearly? Hmmm *thinks* I think it's a nice idea. I got to think about it more though. Just thinking about the procedure and requirements gives me a migraine.

I miss my girlfriends so muuuuuchhhhh!! =(
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 11:22 AM|:. +

reality bites and love sucks

How do you cope up with the thought that it's finally over and you have to move on? You got to face and accept the fact that, the two of you will no longer see each other…. Will no longer hear from each other.. lead your life taking different ways. Reality do bites and what a sting it leaves!!!

Once in your life, you are in a starring role… the main character of a fairytale. For once, you believed that he made you the center of his universe. It's like, only you matter and no one, nothing else does. Everything else was just secondary to what you signify. You were one happy woman. Then things get nasty and you fight [or could be anything] and you broke up. Thereafter, reality starts to sink in, and you realize you were never a part of his world…you were just like the rest-- a passerby. A memory to be remembered once in a while. And the pain starts to pour in… making it hard to breathe… tears will start to flow unknowingly, making your eyes as big as your luggage bags. Then, you feel nothing. Numbness fills you. You are once again empty. You dry your eyes and say to yourself.." I can do this, I'm strong…I'll move on and he'll be sorry.." but its never easy to move on. In your mind you are ready, but in your heart? Nah- somewhere in your heart still clings to the fact that a pan will hit him on the head and he'll realize that its you that he wants…. Somewhere in your heart, you yearn that he'll come after you. Somewhere in your heart-- you never stopped hoping that one day, you'll be once again be a happy woman. But then, here comes another reality check and you'll find out that your most dreaded dream has come true-- another living, breathing girl. Plus the fact that they are "the couple" now. Not you and him. It's like rubbing salt to the wound. Killing yourself slowly with thoughts of sweet nothings and activities only lovers can do. This time, you're no longer the leading lady… Then your hopes starts to lose its grip and you'll just settle for *smirks* friendship. So that you can still have the opportunity to care for him, to somehow fit yourself into his world and let him know that you do exist. *sigh* see what love do to people?! Love is supposed to shower your world with vibrant colors-- not black, blue, violet and a touch of yellow! Love is supposed to be shared-- not one sided. Not that I'm measuring or something.. but somehow you just got to exert effort to at least move up to the same level of love that's been given to you. I do wonder at times why people still wants to fall in love.. and it made me realize that love teaches you things that you never thought you could learn. It is full of facets. An experience of a phase is not enough to call yourself Doctor Love. So far, love had taught me to suppress my feelings until I lose grip of the person that I care for. Love taught me to lie about my feelings for fear of rejection. Love had taught me to be jealous. Love had taught me to hope, that somewhere in this universe of ours-- whether in planet pluto or mars, someone is created for me. My perfect match. The person who'll love me with the same intensity, passion and madness as I will love him. Love is finding yourself in the eyes and heart of another person. Love is celebration of humanity. Nyaaaaaaaaa! I'm wrong… making love is. Nota bene: Make love , not sex and certainly not a fuck. Love is …. Love is…… sucks!

Love is the silliest of all emotions. If you fail the 1st time.. there's still a 2nd time.. if you still fail.. well.... The best is yet to come... it just mean that you deserve something/someone better. The time will come when, you'll consider-- i will consider-- Love as the most beautiful thing that ever happened to you and to me. Then, Love will bring color to your life. Beautiful, wonderful, & magnificent colors...every waking hour, everyday of your life. :)

So far.. i don't have what i don't need...
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:07 AM|:. +

10 things i hate about ME.

1. i find it hard say No to people i love.
2. i'm a jealous person.
3. i don't easily trust people i meet.
4. i don't easily fall in love. i believe love is for fools though i love the thought of falling in love.
5. when i fall , i really fall... head over heels or heels over head.. or whatever.
6. i'm sentimental when i'm lonely ..( i might be lonely.. but i'm never alone~~~)
7. i don't believe in the saying that "love is lovelier the 2nd time around" ( with the same person , of course! )
8. i say hurtful things that i don't really mean... ( this really suck , since i end up feeling guilty and sorry..although in my mind they really deserve it )
9. i eat too much sweets and chicken. ( god, chicken.. chicken.. chicken!!! )
10. i'm stubborn and [sometimes] i don't admit that i'm at fault. i always find excuses and explanations.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 5:54 PM|:. +

i'm back

after uhmmm many days.. i'm back! belated happy birthday to my NANAY! :) ( november 14 ) she's 57 years old! Welcome Home, LUIS!! :)
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 5:28 PM|:. +

something sentimental

How come people cheat? How come people lie? How come something so right is so wrong? How come some people always end up crying? How come some people always end up alone? How come some people easily forget? Have I done something so bad that I deserve all these? Have I not been a good child? A good person? Have I not loved enough? Have I not cared enough?

Emotional stress is something I fear. It is something that I'm afraid of. I try to cover up my feelings, to suppress what I feel. I consider love & care as weaknesses. I hate to be weak. I hate the feeling of being weak. Many times I have prayed that my heart be made of stone. . Sometimes I pray that I don’t feel anything at all. 'Cause you see…. No feelings = no pain. In our group, it is known that I'm the one made of stone. I seldom let them see the emotional stress and depression that I go through. I'm the one who always makes them laugh when they cry. I can crack up a joke even in a middle of a crying session. I know inside of me, I myself is in need of good cry. Crying cleanses the soul… *sigh* hmm… I hide behind a mask of strength I don’t really have.

I know the day will come that I'm going to be what I've been praying for. A woman with no feelings. A woman made of stone.

Trust your instincts, Trust yourself, Trust your family, and Trust your friends but Never trust the NET. Only a handful of trustworthy people can be found over the net.. MOST of them are liars. You don't believe me? Ask yourself…
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:14 AM|:. +

poor baby..

Luis is sick....... *sigh* he's in the hospital.. darn.. i do hope that he's going to be fine soon. i'll be in the hospital whole day tomorrow. damn needles.. they hurt my baby. :( got to do some real praying later.

missing hurts like hell.. fucking life i got........
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 9:52 PM|:. +

obsess

I'm celebrating my 10th monthsary with BLOGGER and i'm currently obsessed with DARIA. I see myself in her! darn.. my mirror is a cartoon.. :) what else? my eye is better now and tomorrow i can go to the mall... my heart is feeling a little better too.

She is igh school student at Lawndale High, along with her best friend Jane Lane, her sister, Quinn, and her other classmates. Daria lives life on a wave of sarcasm, riding above the superficial lives around her. she is so like me.. :) when everybody else thinks she's a nerd. i really really find her cool.. intelligent and real. i love daria. :)

i visited the sites on my link.. some already moved to another server.. dang.. dedenn!! where the hell are yah girl! she wrote me a note in my email. :) i got to update my link or else....

i love trent also! sheet!! i want the book!! i would kill for the book! in fact i would do anything! :( geeze....
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 9:10 PM|:. +

hmmmm. my fucking eye hurts! :( maybe i should stop all activities that strain the eyes, such as surfing, chatting... what else... reading.... i'll just drink and drink.. and die of alcoholism. hmm.. that's a nice thought.. considering what i'm undergoing now.. i even find it funny..

so no blogs for coming days or even months.... i'm going to move this fucking blogs of mine to a place no one knows... but i'm still thinking bout it...

i do miss my friends.....
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 8:21 PM|:. +

i'm sick...
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 7:37 PM|:. +

yada-yada-yada!

It's the 2nd semester already but I haven't been to my school yet. I heard some bad news from Karen, a sororal sister of mine. She flunked Civil law review together with some of our fraternal brothers. The sad thing about all these is the fact that Karen, took her sweet time.. Loading few units per semester in order to assure that she'll graduate this march. But this incident will cause her another year that is if she decides to stay in FEU. As to most of the brods… well.. They are all admission denied. So they have to look for a new school. Damn the dean and the associate dean… they are reallllly wicked. And to think there were even times that I regret leaving FEU… Diane showed us her Diploma, I'm not impressed with its appearance. It looks so cheap.

My mom got this notion that I'm already out of school! Nyaaaaaaa! I think she is confused about the review classes that I'm required to have and the review classes that I WANT to take up in UP. haaay!! How can I explain it to her when she doesn't want to listen. All she can think of is that fact that last semester-- I didn't go that much to school.. How can I explain to her that I'm trying keep the expenses low!? I'm just trying to save some money not for myself but for us. How come she can't see that? I'm just trying to help.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 9:10 PM|:. +

batoinks!

I've been dreading the coming of this month. =( Soon, mama Jane will leave for New York and things wouldn't be the same. It's been a week since we last saw each other and I miss her terribly. Yes, we talk over the phone and we chat. But nothing compares to the moments that we spent together. Later, I'm going to meet my close friends… I believe we're going to drink and stay over at Dianne's house. I got a reason to drink… no… definitely not a celebration.

I've proved something today…. My mind is stronger than my heart. My brain is saying something and my heart is saying another… my inside is yelling for something and yet I'm doing exactly the opposite. My mind rule over my heart-- and that makes me one hell of a lonely woman.

I'm

bound

to

be

alone.

posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 5:26 AM|:. +

faq's

how do u say goodbye without feeling sad and suddenly alone? how can you go when you really want to stay?! how can you say goodbye when you want to hold on?! how can you love a person that keeps on hurting you? when is it the right time to let go? how can you let go of something that brings you happiness? how can you love someone and end up making them cry? how come it is easier for you to move on with your life??

..... how come you can live without me?

posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 3:49 AM|:. +

voltaire said..

"Sensual pleasure passes in twinkling of an eye, but friendhsip between us, mutual confidence, delight of the heart , enchantment of the soul...shall not perish & can never be destroyed..i shall love u until i die..."

nice quote..
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 8:23 PM|:. +

girls, boys..and toys

I have loved all my toys… I keep them within my reach, protected by my love. But not all owner's treat their toys they same.. just like what we do in real life…

For the past 4 hours or more I've been thinking bout this word ==> "plaything". You know why? 'Cause I got this funny feeling that some people are treating me as such. Easily put aside, remembered only when they don't have anything better to do. But the thing that I really hate is the fact that I let them. I let them treat me that way. I let them abuse me. Use me for what? For their own benefit I guess. I asked myself why I let them and I came up with this answer, I let them because I love them. I love them and they don't even care. But I'm happy that in my own little way, I was able to help them ease their boredom.

After a while of playing the toys are brought back to the shelf. ..soon to be forgotten, only played when remembered. What if they don’t remember? What if something new comes along? Something more beautiful… aaaah! No need to worry, someday that something new will be brought to the shelf with me.. but the joy that I have given will be mine to cherish. Always. The joy that I have felt when it was my time-- is mine to keep. FOREVER.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 1:05 AM|:. +

.........speechless..........
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:10 PM|:. +

wat da pak..

Chatting leads you to many things.. Infidelity, love, lust, countless fights and friendship. I would concentrate on the lust part since this is the most interesting topic out of all the things that I have mentioned. Lust comes into different forms.. flirting, cybersex, sex on phone, sex ebs.

Flirting is common in chat rooms… so it's useless to discuss it further.

Cyber-sex -- I thought that cybersex can only be had in sex channels only to discover that some lustful sheep have gone astray and look for cybersex in wholesome channels. I chat in wholesome channels and I had encounters with these sheeps. Darn.. This kind of chat really uses up all your time and your attention… yes.. I tried it once. But unfortunately I end up getting disconnected several times. In short-- I was not able to see how some people can be satisfied with countless oooohs and aahhhss. All I got in the end was a broken keyboard. After that, I no longer desire to have some…

Sex-on-phone -- ok, this one is sensitive cause somehow this one is interactive. Based on my research [I'm not going to divulge how I got the data-- I swore secrecy] There is actual voice and moaning and all…. According to my reliable source.. This kind of lust is arousing cause you got audio. Meaning you're able to hear the ooohs and the aahhhhs… aside from the fact that that you get to imagine the person on the other side touching him/herself. Some touches themselves and some don't. I guess this based on the fact that some of us are born with acting talents. You moan and the other person though you are doing something kinky… you moan louder and the other person thought you are doing what they think you are doing. This one releases the heat inside… cause once you got aroused you got to relieve yourself and how do you do that?! My source told me… by masturbating. Of course, masturbating is a normal occurrence but then you don't go out and yell to the people that you do masturbate. If you do that, you're one hell of a sicko! I would have told more but the space is very limited. Darn…

Personally speaking … I guess it is ok to do this cybersex and sop thingies. It's a way of relief.. And as long as they don't bother me, who am I to stop them from having some. We are only humans and humans have needs. Sex is a need [last time I heard].

Sex-eb is synonymous with one-night-stand. Sexual encounter between two person who chatted with each other and decided to meet to have intercourse. It's really a different story.

I was apprehensive whether or not to push through with this topic… but I was dared.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 5:12 AM|:. +

men and their flirty ways

Men are such interesting subjects. Most of them are predictable creatures and some are not. I would have talked about their "good" sides but then, that would be a boring.

Men are flirty creatures. And they can flirt in open public making a girl feel special or cheap. Depending really on what kind of flirting they are executing. The thing I hate about men flirting is the fact that they would flirt and they won't care. They would say and do things only for you to realize in the end that they were all for FUN. There are plenty of flirts out there. One thing is for sure though-- flirty men brings out the flirty side in women. Of course, women don't have the choice but to fight back so to speak. I mean, it's just words.. (Given is the fact that flirting is mostly done through saying words) you can easily say words… specially if you are a wide reader. You can simply pretend that you have done things and lead those frigging flirts to believe that you actually have done it. *smirks* A little touch here and there and viola! You got them where you want them. But I've seen these victimize women, in the end -- women fell in love and got themselves hurt. Promiscuity is not synonymous with flirt. But the latter leads to the former. It's as simple as that.

Men should be cautioned that women too could play their game. And it would hurt.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 10:19 AM|:. +

commercial

happy b-day ninang gaying! =)
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 10:19 AM|:. +

drunk and weary

my cousins and I had a drink.. and I'm drunk.. suddenly my mind is full of thought I cant ponder on.

I'm loving someone and it hurts… =(
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 11:34 PM|:. +

happy halloween

long weekend ahead! got to have a good time kulasisi!! =) heard from someone that i've been missing! thank god! =) bless u. bless u.. im so haaaaaaaaapppppppy! see my grin?
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 3:14 AM|:. +

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