.:Sunday, September 30, 2001:.
if i knew
If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your
day, well I'm sure you'll have so many more so I can let just this one
slip away.
For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight and we
always get a second chance to make everything right.
There will always be another day to say our," I love you's,"
And certainly there's another chance to say our. " Anything I can do's?"
But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd like to
say how much I love you and I hope we never forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight.
So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day,
That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one
last wish. So always hold them dear.
Take time to say I'm sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, or It's okay.
And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 11:13 PM|:. + 
.:Saturday, September 29, 2001:.
nothing has changed... i still feel shitty.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 10:12 PM|:. +
.:Friday, September 28, 2001:.
ü
I ache.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 5:29 PM|:. +
.:Thursday, September 27, 2001:.
commercial
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUDY!!!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 1:05 PM|:. +
.:Wednesday, September 26, 2001:.
The True Meaning of Love
Love is a slow kiss goodnight.
It's anticipation.
Love is flirting outrageously and still remembering that the person
at your side is not obligated to do anything.
It's respect.
Love is an imperfection in yourself not bothering you.
It's acceptance.
Love is passing up an opportunity because the time isn't right yet.
It's patience.
Love is a back massage that starts above the hairline and ends
around the insoles.
It's exploration.
Love is not having to say "Let's make love," because you know
what the other person wants.
It's understanding.
Love is being given an honest chance to say no when you thought
you were committed.
It's consideration.
Love is both of you remembering protection.
It's responsibility.
Love is saying the perfect phrase to make a solemn embrace
dissolve into giggles.
It's humor.
Love is being told "Stop and I'll kill you".
It's desire.
Love is reviewing the damage to your living room and realizing
personal effects are strewn in a clockwise pattern from the front
door to the bedroom.
It's abandonment.
Love is seeing what your lover really looks like for the first time.
It's truth.
Love is knowing what time it is and not caring.
It's joy.
Love is the arms around you tightening their embrace.
It's ecstasy.
Love is seeing a new side of a person you thought you knew.
It's renewal.
Love is telling a person if you have to leave, you will let them
sleep, and being told they would rather be woken.
It's tenderness.
Love is waking up to find the subject of the dream you were
having asleep on your shoulder.
It's where fantasy meets reality.
Love is being there to wake your lover. Slowly.
It's sensuousness.
Love is belatedly knowing why you bothered to buy a queen-sized
bed three years ago.
It's practicality.
Love is two people only taking up a third of a queen-sized bed.
It's closeness.
Love is knowing you gave the extra set of keys to your apartment
to the right person.
It's trust.
Love is saying good-bye and knowing you will be back by mutual
consent.
It's faith.
Love is stretching your arms and discovering the real meaning of
the word "sore".
It's a lesson in human frailty.
Love is opening your medicine cabinet and finding your tube of
toothpaste turned into a pretzel.
It's adaptation.
Love is sitting at the window, looking out and remembering who
you were with the night before.
It's reflection.
Love is hearing the weather forecast for a winter storm and
wishing you could spend it in bed with your lover.
It's loneliness.
Love is stories that will never be told.
It's personal.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 1:10 PM|:. +
.:Tuesday, September 25, 2001:.
using
I realized something and it's not good.
For 24 years, I molded myself not be used by anybody. I mastered the art of denial and pretensions. I have this bad idea about people that I meet. Specially when things are getting serious and they are getting closer to me. I have this feeling that they want to be near me cause they want something from me. Of course, you can't just expect me to trust people that I've just met. Trust is earned. But until such time.. I hold all people in contempt. I see them as devious, deceitful creatures. Everything has a purpose. Everybody has his or her own intentions. Don't get me wrong.. I'm not snotty or a snob. In fact, I'm friendly… I smile at people a lot-- I just don't trust them that quickly. So what's the problem? It takes a while for me to trust someone… weeks? Nah.. months? Nope. It took years for me to get rid of that impression. I wonder if this is something that is needed medical attention.
I don't have problems with my close friends. We have been friends for such a long time now... They've come to know me so well that they know when I'm in state of denial. Or pretending. I trust them with all that I am.
I have built a tall wall around me.. not all people can cross the wall. I refuse to be weak. The defense is always high. I have guarded my feelings. But then reality creeps inside my head and made me realize that, real life is about USE & ABUSE. You use people and people use you. Sometimes you know you are being used from the start and sometimes, you don't. You just realize it. Like now..
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 10:53 AM|:. +
.:Monday, September 24, 2001:.
bar ops `01 (final edition)
The bar examination finally ended this Sunday! Yesssss! Time for the barristers to look for a job, take a rest, unwind, have fun and start praying for their passing. After years of studying, I believe they deserve it. On Last Sunday, they will take up- Remedial Law in the morning and Legal Ethics in the afternoon. There are few things that I look forward to this Sunday:
- The oblation run - this is where naked men run along Taft Avenue butt naked. They are neophytes of APO. Alpha Phi Omega, a fraternity in UP Law. This is the chance for all the girls to have a peek at the uhmm of the men!! Nice experience.. Some are white, some are dark, some are fair, some are hairy some are not… some are big and some are small.. Lots of variety to pick from. 4-5 pm.. Every last Sunday of the BAR. [ I didn't get to watch it since there are lots of people ]
- The Shindig - this is the party exclusively held by the fraternity every fourth Sunday of the BAR. This is where the old and new brods and sis get together… drinking, dancing, just having cool clean fun. [ it was a blast, lots of betans and sigmans attended the party.. I really enjoyed the company of my sisses specially the residents. They are cool. I can truly say that my sisses are the coolest in the world! Mama jane and Rox finally had it out, mama jane talked to her and I hope *crossed her fingers* that they would be able to settle things. The brods of course got themselves drunk! And we, the cool sigmans just had fun. =) we ate, laugh til I almost die.. danced with our brothers and smoke until I can feel that my lungs will bursts. UE Chapter, visited us. great number in attendance. ]
- The parade - usually held at 5 pm while the barristers are leaving La Salle. This is where the different fraternities shout and cheer! [ Taft Avenue smelled like a cheap bar due to the throwing and pouring of beer as closing ceremony of the BAR EXAMINATION ]
- Television coverage- representatives of the network interviewing the barristers and the crowd.. of course hoping that we get to be interviewed or at least be catch on Television and get discovered by Movie Outfits. (yeah right…) [ as I've said.. yeah right.. well there's still next year..]
I had a wonderful month.. hopefully by next year.. I would be taking my bar.. And I do hope that Jane will keep her promise that she'll be here. Nothing beats the presence and moral support of your family and friends. It makes you feel assured that whatever happens… whether you blew it or make it.. They can only be proud of you. And they'll still like you as you are. I don't worry with my family and my friends. I love them and I know that they love me. *sniffling* *wipes her nose*
Hooray for the takers of the BAR 2001!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 1:48 AM|:. +
.:Friday, September 21, 2001:.
hmmmm..shet!
"... and it seems i'd spent my whole life waiting for love.. ane when it comes, i always run.. away."
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:18 AM|:. +
.:Wednesday, September 19, 2001:.
zharky
I was just about to go to bed when I remembered zharky... his real name is Michael. He's my age and from Cubao. I met him on line (summer 2000) but I never did get the chance to meet him in person. Honestly, (damn) he was a cyber boyfriend. He's funny , makulit… superrrrrrrr sweet.
how we met:One late night.. a person went in the channel and he doesn't have a nick. So, I helped him. He asked me bout my name and I gave him the name of my older sister.. he insisted on using the nick "tinael" came from the name of my ate which is Tina and his name which is Michael. it was a fun night. I can still remember that I looked like a fool. Smiling in front of the PC.. Laughing out loud at the things that he was saying. That was the start of our friendship… I would go online late in the evening just to check him out.. and he did the same. Then one day, he asked me if I got a cellphone. Since we were friends already, I gave him my number. And he started calling me every night. He would call me after our chat to say goodnight.. he would text me whole day, asking how my day was going… telling me to eat lunch and those stuff. He would send me cards and letters everyday. Although we are not together, he exerted all the effort to make me feel his presence. The thing is…. He became a part of my daily life. Eventhough he has work in the morning-- he would stay awake most of the night just to talk with me. I missed him like crazy when he doesn't call… or if we didn't get to talk.
Then things changed when I came back from a vacation in Zambales. We would still call or text each other but things were not like before. Then school started and I got so busy… we didn't talk as often as we used to. I figured out maybe he has real GF and who am I to demand things from him? We haven't met each other in person…so I let him go. So finally, on July 2000-- zharky is no longer existing to me, but I called him when he celebrated his birthday. I also text him once in a while. One day I got this shitty text from someone and I guess it's his GF. Fucckkkkkk!! She was saying a lot of awful things to me… fucking bitch.
where he is now:December of 2000…I was checking my mail when I saw him online -- I asked him how was he doing after all those time… and he said he was doing great and getting married. Guess what? He even invited me to attend his wedding (now isn't that sweet? akkk!) I was like.. "hey mamen, good for you!!" but inside I was --"fuckkkkk.. Married? You're marrying the wrong girl idiot!!!!" When I talked to him, I can sense that he really doesn't love the girl, he's marrying her cause he got her pregnant. I didn't know that mike is stupid enough to have sex without using contraceptives. Mike is a Daddy now. His wife gave birth last March.. so he got a 6 month old baby! Wow…
why did I miss him:I don't know… suddenly I miss his jokes and the way he loves to make me mad… or could be of the music that I'm listening to right now. Frankly, I haven't met anyone as sweet as mike. Though there is someone right now-- he is also sweet but he's so far away, like 10,000 miles away from me… haaay… Got to rest my tired mind. =(
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 10:29 PM|:. +
Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them...it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes… traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound, you know that your own life is inevitably consumed within the rhythmic beatings of his very heart. We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart. A feeling. Only felt.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:11 PM|:. +
.:Monday, September 17, 2001:.
excellent!
Today is Mama Ailes natal day!! =)
Lots of things happened… and they happened very fast. Imagine how a few minutes can change your life, your outlook and your belief. I was scolded for coming home late. Oh what the hell -- I had fun and that's what important… I get to spend time with my friends.
Lesson that I've learned-- rejection has a lot of faces. And no matter how it was executed, no matter what the situation is -- being rejected still hurts or in the least it'll leave a pang inside your head and in your heart. *squirms* darn life.. It made me think what the hell is wrong with me.. I mean.. Hey, I take my baths, I brush my teeth, I'm funny and witty [and all that narcissistic stuff]. Maybe I was too hopeful. Maybe I made myself believe that I can go on fooling myself that things will get better. It wasn't my fault that my friends didn't believe me when I told them 'bout the frigging situation. They thought all the while that I'm in denial. Who could deny the wonderful feeling of happy, complete and in love? Idon't ,ok I do. I can't explain it, I'm just that way.
The solution to the problem is to move away. Stop inflicting pain on yourself. I don't think I have found the One. So even before the real game has begun, I have to pack all my bags and leave the game. I don't think the prize that I would get is worth the pain that I'll go through. It's a cowardly act-- but that's the way life goes. I'm not willing to take the risk. The f*cking stake is just too high -- my pride, self-esteem, everything that I am. Someday I hope, ( I just don't get tired of hoping ) I'll be able to write about beautiful and happy things about me and my friends. All of us enjoying a happy life. I don’t know if I'm mad… I'm confused at the moment-- all I can think of is the pitcher of Zombie… sticks of cigarettes that I had, the music and my friends. I love them no doubt…
When you love…you don't think about pride, self-esteem, … you're willing risk your whole self. I'm willing…for… the… right… person.
Ooops, yeah I forgot.. darn, I got busted by my father-- I'm grounded. No drinking and partying for a while… shall we say.. 2 days? Bwahahaha! Damn.. I need to suck up again!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 4:11 AM|:. +
.:Saturday, September 15, 2001:.
been a long time
hey there kulasisi... been a long time since i logged in.. i have so many mails... but many of them are junk mails anyway, so i deleted them all. I'm with amam jane and mama ailes here in the mall.. they're having their feet and hands done.so while waiting for them, here i am -- checking out the cyberworld. it's nice to know that papa tats is ok in NY. =) hmm.. i guess i don't have anything important to say.. Last night, i was able to watch The Bridget Jones' Diary... it was a nice movie. Funny and cool.
I'm in a cafe right now.. darn counterstrike!! i can;t think of a thing to say!! waaaaa! damnation to hell!
Tomorrow is the 3rd Sunday of the BAR-- Barristers shall be taking Criminal Law and mercantile law.. the semester is going to end soon. Yey! yeY!
Happy Birthday to Mama Ailes!!! ~~>celebration shall be held tomorrow after the bar exams
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:44 PM|:. +
.:Wednesday, September 12, 2001:.
war?
At 9 am [new york time - 09-11-01] America was attacked by the terrorists. They hi-jacked a passenger plane and crashed it to the World Trade Center causing the said buildings to collapse. Killing and hurting a lot of people. Same thing happened to the Pentagon in Washington D.C. The US government declared the said attack, as 21st century Pearl Harbor and that the American People should consider it as an act of war. It is an aggression, an act of war on the part of the terrorists. I heard from the news that earlier on, the Palestinians admitted that they were behind the said bombing only to retract the said statement after a while. Terrorism is not tolerated under the International Law… a country who gets involve in said activities become "enemy state", they are ought to be persecuted and punished accordingly , their citizens included. There is still a lot of questions left to be answered. I just hope that the FBI would find out whose behind this tragedy and make them pay.
Papa Tato is in New York and needless to say I'm scared shit at the moment. The city has been sealed and phonelines were cut off. He hasn't called yet-- I hope that he is ok same with the rest of his family. =(
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:18 AM|:. +
.:Monday, September 10, 2001:.
How could something that gives you so much pleasure causes you so much pain?!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:08 AM|:. +
.:Sunday, September 09, 2001:.
bar ops `01 [prt 2]
Second Sunday of the Bar…. The barristers shall be taking up Civil Law in the morning and Taxation in the afternoon. I hate taxation-- I can still remember the hardships that I went through just to pass the frigging subject. There was even a time that I cried cause it seems that my studying is hopeless and that there's no hope for me… thanked God I did pass the frigging subject. Bwahahahha!
I'm going to the site today and I'm going to get a copy of the bar exam in Tax and Civil Law. Good day to you…
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 9:55 AM|:. +
.:Saturday, September 08, 2001:.
happy b-day
Happy Birthday to the Blessed Virgin Mary!!! Cheers!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 8:01 PM|:. +
.:Thursday, September 06, 2001:.
love
it's envitable, the harder u try to ignore it the harder it pushes you.. so what do u do? Just grab the oppurtunity to love... explore on it.. enjoy it..savor the moment while it last .Only you know what can make u happy, what can make u complete. Love gives you the reason to live and enjoy life. Of course not all stories have happy ending.. you just have to pray that your story , the one that you are writing now.. the life that you are weaving, would end up the way you want them to be... ]:) love is the color of your life [ this is copyrighted! --kudos to the author]
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:39 PM|:. +
.:Wednesday, September 05, 2001:.
i hate fucking players! this is a hateful entry-- i feel very hateful today! i'm tired of games! darn!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:26 AM|:. +
.:Tuesday, September 04, 2001:.
fuck all insensitive people! may they all rot in hell where they belong! am i pissed off? yeah i am and no one can do a thing about it.. i hate fucking liars too! you know people who would told you things and then do exactly the opposite! darn! good thing i love my toe ring.. i can love it with all my might and it dont have a choice whether to accept my love or not-- bwahahha!!
one of these days... oneof these many many days you're gonna see the light -- and i won't be there...
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 11:54 PM|:. +
toe ring
I bought myself a toe ring. I don't care if my parents hate it or if the people around me don't like it. It's what I am. This is my fashion. I would have got some piercing but that I think that is too much for now. I don't want to kill my parents or them killing me…
It's a silver ring composed of small flowers interconnected with each other. I would have gotten some other design but when I saw this particular ring…. I just got to have it for myself. I love my toe ring..
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 10:06 PM|:. +
.:Monday, September 03, 2001:.
jocel
jocel is here with me.. she stayed the night! woooooooooo hooooooo!!! bar ops' was very tiring!!! ]:)
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 10:19 AM|:. +
.:Sunday, September 02, 2001:.
bar ops '01
Bar Examinations' 1st Sunday today. The barristers shall be taking up Political Law in the morning and then Labor Law in the afternoon. I'll be going to the site today and meet my sisters in the sorority. I believe this is the most strenuous bar operation I'm going to attend to next to the taking of the Bar myself. Lots of my classmates who graduated this march shall be taking the exam. Bar Ops is basically about moral support--- you're there not because of socializing but basically to give support to the barristers. They needed the pampering very much-- as much as possible they have to be given the comfort that they deserve that all they've left to do is to study and get ready.
Bless all barristers. Bless Beta Sigma Lambda and all my brothers and sisters who'll be taking the bar. Bless Diane.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 8:13 AM|:. +
.:Saturday, September 01, 2001:.
porn misconceptions...(for the mature)
WHAT PORNOS WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE.....
1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more
than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange
man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but
rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat
them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged
men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a women off a
speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there
was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a
man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it
repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each
other (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend
having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't
bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove
your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can
really excite a woman by giving her a gentle
slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patients cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head
from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily
pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's
important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a womans butt is a
satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised
when they open a man's trousers and find a
cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will
always place one hand firmly on the back of the
kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on
his hip.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:06 PM|:. +
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