.:Saturday, March 31, 2001:.

Bon jour!
The status of my pc is getting worse. ]:( everytime I open it , status BAD. Backup blah blah would always pop-up on my screen. I don’t understand what the hell it means. All I know is that my pc is busted. I don’t know much about computers anyway, except turning it on, surf, chat, and shutting it off. Ate borrowed an installer—some say that I need to reformat the pc, ate wants me to do it. HOW? I don’t even know what reformat is. For me the best thing to do is to bring the pc to the shop. Tsk tsk! Maybe she’s just waiting for me to wreck it totally. Or it could also be that she believes in me that much. I got this feeling that I will not be able to fix it, break it totally, that I can do.
Today is the last day of my exams. Yey! Yey! I will meet Jane, Di, and Ailes later after my examination then we will celebrate the end of school year, my 24th birthday and Diana’s graduation from law school. So naturally, with the problem I am facing with my pc I might not be able to write anything for the weekend. This is the weekend, ahehe! thank god blogger underwent another maintenance check. Cool.

If you hear other people conversations.. is that eavesdropping? When I was on my way home last night, I was seated beside a couple. They are around 18-21 years old, they were talking about their friends and family and the girl’s upcoming debut on the 15th. How the hell did I know that? I heard them. I tried not too. But I can’t help but to hear them. ahehe.. Tried sleeping but the boy is too loud and the damn girl can’t stop giggling at some story her boyfriend is talking about (*personally I think his stories sucks and so damn morbid) I really tried not to understand and to stop analyzing all the stuff that they were talking about—I really did. Funny how relationship works… conflicts and compromises. Yeah , I think that how relationship works, one has to give in to the whims of the other. You see, the girl wants her boyfriend to sleep over to their house….. but the boy doesn’t want to.. so they, on the last leg of my not so boring journey home, argued. The girl was all so sweet—trying her best to persuade her boyfriend—so calm was her voice , the magic of eve and delilah at work. The boy kept on arguing that they had an agreement that the he would go home and that he can take care of himself, typical male. Anyway, when I went off the bus… I heard that the boyfriend would be staying with the girl. Is that eavesdropping?!

‘..Of all the things I’ve ever done, finding you would proved to be the most important one…I would never trade the tears, the conversation no one hears, to learn how to walk before we run…
of all the kites I ever flew, most came tumbling down except the one I sent up with you. You have taught me how to feel what is false and what is real, when every wish I made is coming true, with you…. I think I’ll start and end with loving you….’
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 4:55 AM|:. +

Dear Kumag,

I , I never lost the love that I've given you with all the things that we both been through I never stayed in love before as much as I have stayed in love with you. You, you never thought the feelings meant for you were true. ‘Cause everytime we're all alone, you wonder If I really never change and if I really stayed in love with you. Love, it means just you and me to stay together even if there's nothing more, the best is there forever. Love, we have to stay this way in love forever even if you change your ways.
I'll always stay this way….

Purita

Ps: but then it’s just a song…..
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 8:44 PM|:. +

This is a tiring day. As usual, I have planned to study for my next exam…. But then I have to go somewhere. I hate this side of me… I consider it a weakness among others. I started my day waking up very early, I would have studied but then my sister asked me to accompany her to the mall. The temptation was just too much— so I went with her. We went to this place called Glorietta. It’s far, far faaaaaaaaaar from the place that we live in. Talking about this “weakness”, whew! I’ve tried everything to get rid of it or to correct it. Made a thousand pledges, I even provided fines and punishments just to comply strictly with the itinerary that I made. But one way or another I would always end up throwing the pledge and my schedule in the trash. I have no discipline. Yes, it’s a sad fact but I have to admit it or else I would be in denial forever (*after acceptance, what’s the next step?) If only I can buy discipline… I would buy it in bulks. But I hate it when people get into my way and ruin my schedule for me…. that is the condition I like in a situation like this--- it’s ok to ruin my itinerary, as long as the one causing the delay is ME. So I’m selfish too… I should stop ranting now or I would end up hating myself more.

My nanay, ate and I had this “girl” talk… ahehe! I know we are too old for such, but it’s nice to keep the bond strong and catch up on things.…. It made feel kinda warm and nice. ]:)

I have found my old, lost entries. I can’t put it back in the archive. ]:(
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 8:17 PM|:. +

Just like any “normal” kid I attended kindergarten, when I finished—I went to elementary school. When I graduated from elementary school---there’s high school waiting for me. When I finished high school--- College life was ready to take me in. Then when I received my degree. I went berserk. What’s next? Where am I going now? I remember feeling so lost at 20. It seemed then that a big door has opened…. Offering me roads—where to? I don’t know. And that scared the hell out of me. So instead of working and fend for myself…. I attended law school. In short, I’m a BUM. I would like to qualify that, half-bum (if ever there’s such a word) It’s hard to be a bum. You laze around all day… sleep when you want to, eat when you want to… spending time doing nothing. Being a half- bum is not all about doing nothing or lazing around. I have my share of responsibilities too. I work hard for things that I want just like everybody else. The only difference is that – I have to need it very badly. , And doing nothing makes your brain stagnant. Sometimes I end up surprised that my brain’s still working after a long time of idleness.

Life can really be a bitch…. You start your day right only to end up feeling shitty and all messed up. I started law school like that--- started it right… studied …studied and studied. How come I’m all messed up now? I should be graduating this semester and ready to take the big leap to lawyerhood come this September if not for the dumb associate dean of the College. If given the chance to do my thing with her…. she would end up.. DEAD. I can really be devilish when it comes to bitches like her. I technically have killed her…in thousand of ways. Time will come, our paths shall cross again…. And when that time comes, there’ll be HELL to pay. Enough ranting about her… this is my journal not hers. I’m supposed to be the main character here. ]:) My curiosity got the hold of me , so I have peeked at other peoples blogs (*again) ….and I found CLOUD 9 she is simply refreshing. Like a glass of lemonade on a warm day.

‘…..wag kang mag-alala, di ko ipipilit s’yo kahit lumilipad ang isip ko, torete sayo..’
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:53 AM|:. +

GOOD JOB!

]:)
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 11:36 PM|:. +

I'll be sleeping in a while, these are text messages that i have kept in my inbox..

@" so i step into the future as bravely as i'm able, with my heart longing for a time i'll never see again.."sent by Floi
@"Love reminds me of murder, it drills your heart, removing there the flesh with your blood, a tick makes it explode, as your guts paint the room red.."-- morbid sent by Alan
@"when you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss the fun of getting there. Life is not a race so take it slower, hear the music before the song is over.." sent by MYCO

bon jour, mademoiselle...

".. it costs too much to be free.... hey lady i've been to paradise... but i never been to me....."
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 3:04 AM|:. +

There are times when you just want to be left alone.... i'm feeling that way now.

So this is being 24, lolz..... weird. i don't feel anything. Well maybe because this is my worst birthday ever. It's not about the party and all...it's about me, about my so called "LIFE". When i turned 23 last year... i remember getting excited that finally i'm into adulthood..... i'm officially an adult. But now that i've turned 24... suddenly i feel so old. I can sense that life is passing me by without me doing anything productive. Time is running out. I can't beat the time... life they say is not a race, but for me-- it is. A race with youth , with chance, with oppurtunity. Life is a constant battle.. you lose and you win. And when you lose... it sucks!

Now i'm really surprised that kids nowadays wants to grow up real fast. The teens doesn't want to be treated as kids anymore but in fact that's what they are. You can only be young once and be old for the rest of your life. *sigh* Maybe that's why sometimes i'm childish..... i'm holding on to my youth.(*yeah, people thought I'm a retard or something) Adulthood is about weaving your own life. Making your dreams come true. Making and standing by your own decisions.But what is that real scale of adulthood? age? knowledge? experience? Childhood, is a planned stage..( for me at least) whereas adulthood....it's spontaneous. Everything changes with a blink of an eye. It's unpredictable.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:37 AM|:. +

happy birthday to me...... happy birthday to me.. happy birthday.....happy birthday..... happy birthday to me!! to all the people who forgot its my birthday..... shame on you..!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 11:46 PM|:. +

it’s my birthday today…….

WISH

I wish that I would not end up as a failure…. (This is me seriously talking to myself) I wish that I would overcome all my fears…. I wish that I would be able to find serenity, contentment, and fulfilling existence.

GIFTS

I want to get a 2 door green honda civic .. or lots of hairclips . ]:)

Who greeted me first when the clock striked 12?

wala….
after 12 o'clock.....my bestfriend greeted me...then came my chatmates.... then...silence.
' i'm afraid to fly and i don't know why.... i'm jealous of the people who are not afraid to die....it's just that i recall.. back when i was small....someone promised that they'd catch me and then they let me fall......and now i'm falling... falling fast again.....'
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:04 AM|:. +

Damn!! The entries for February was lost.. damn!! Waaaaaaaaaaa!! Where the hell did it go?!?!!? Tomorrow is the first day of my exam…. I haven’t studied yet. Ahehe! IT’S PANIC TIME!! I wasted my days… sleeping….sleeping…..sleeping. damn!

A day before my birthday! Yey! Yey! who shall greet me first?!

‘ I need to know someone whose warmer than the sunshine… who’ll give me everything I need… you touch me deeper darling, all my emotions starting.. come to me now and you will see… that I’m never gonna give you up for someone else’s love…… never gonna let you go and lose the one I love…..’
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 10:33 AM|:. +

It’s 3 o’clock in the morning… I have visited several blogs awhile ago….. And may I say that the Bloggers have their own taste and style. One can really be creative when it comes to html and web making…. But not all of them have nice entries. I know I shouldn’t be criticizing their entries but that is a fact. I really got inspired with all the colors and images that they have in their blogs… so I spent the whole night editing the html that neil gave me. Ahehee! Only to be disappointed…. (*I’m really not cut out for this Damn!!!). What did I get? Headache, backache and strained eyes. There are improvements however , but then one has to look closely… ahehehe! It’s invisible to the naked eye. Maybe someday… when the crow turns white I’ll be able to put colors in my blogs. ]:)

I watched an old movie—and very timely for the Holy Week. “JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR “ the setting was typical ( shot on hot dusty dry land)…. I thought it’s like the other movies depicting the life of Jesus. So I really got surprised when a bus appeared in a scene. And several “hippies” went off. This movie came out 1973. I was not even born yet… it’s a nice movie… it’s a musical. One has to listen very closely to the songs for there are no narration… it’s like an opera. They say their lines through songs. Mary Magdalene’s part is spectacular….. yvonne played it well.

I’m afraid that I’m having trouble sleeping--- I’ve been like this for several days already. I sleep at around 3 am in the morning, wake up at 10…. I fell asleep at 3 or 4 pm.. Then sleep again at around 7…. Then I woke up again at around 12 ….. and so it goes…. This is not insomia, is it? Could it be love!? Nah! Not possible… love is sucks! Nyehahaha! I’ll be filing my leave of absence from the CyberSpace for one week, it’s my examination already… (yeah right….) 2 days before my birthday--- I’ll be 24…getting older… (*a little wiser too I hope) *sigh* ah yes, a chatmate of mine is arriving from Canada—he wants to meet me. (ngok) should I ? or shouldn’t I? Haven’t decided yet…. Oh great—the longest entry ever!! Lolz…..this entry is good for 2 days… ahehe!

’I’ve been living to see you…. longing to see you but it shouldn’t be like this…. This was unexpected, what do I do now? Can we start again please…. ‘ ]:)~
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:46 AM|:. +

More Quit messages that really caught my attention...

*** JrZeEpNai143 has quit IRC (Quit: http://hometown.aol.com/xxluvnangelxx/ <=-=-cheCK out muh SitE! *iF yOoH LuV yO maN..sEt HiM FrEe...iF hE dUn cUm baK..dEn ByTcH, hE'z WiF mE!*) --bitchy and it stings!!

*** Gardo_V ([email protected]) Quit (Quit: I wish I could love u like u love me, u give me all the love that I'll ever need...but we both know what's keeping us apart, just thank the person before u that broke my heart.) --- too mushy..... yikes!

*** simgirl ([email protected]) Quit (Quit: Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid!)-- It's a fact!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 3:27 PM|:. +

CONGRATULATIONS BATCH 2001

Yey! yey! School is ooutttttttttttt!! summer is here!! to those people who graduated, welcome to the world of the unemployed!! wooooooooo hoooooooooooo! seriously speaking, how many thousands shall be graduating this year? Addtional rivals at prospective jobs. Grrrrrrrrrr!! A problem that can never be solved unless, they close down all the schools here and make schooling a crime. ]:)

Jobs, jobs.... where the hell can u find a decent one here ? one that would pay you what you are worth, gives you all the benefits you are entitled to...... and one that doesn't abuse the workers?! Sometimes i have this conclusion that the Philippines, despite what we have and enjoying right now-- is really a cursed country! With all the negative writings that i have read.... and what we are experiencing now... i don't know.. Maybe I'm cynical about it even pessimistic .... but that is the reality from my point of view. And i am entitled to have my own ideas... ]:)~

posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:36 PM|:. +

Moaning!! =) while i was reading my logs... i found this:
SO MUCH FOR LOVE...

SO MUCH FOR LOVE,
SO MUCH FOR YOU...
IF YOU THINK I'LL RUN AFTER YOU,
FUCK YOU!!!!
IF YOU THINK I'M BADLY HIT,
BULLSHIT!!!
PLAYING AS MARTYR IS NOT MY ROLE,
AFTER WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME, ASSHOLE.
IF YOU WANT TO FIND ANOTHER LOVER,
GO AHEAD, LOUSY FUCKER!!!!

Harsh words and poetry....
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:09 AM|:. +

*** charm``ni_txtranger ([email protected]) Quit (Quit: While U give her love, You gave me sorrow, You Give her rosses, You gave me Throrns, when all she does was smile. all i did was mourn, while she was so happy, I felt so blue, coz while you loved her, I was here Loving You.....)

I took the quit message of Lorie from the IRC. It’s nice… and romantic. What more can I say? I believe there’s a tagalog counterpart. How does that song goes? Ah, yes… ‘mahal kita, mahal mo sya… mahal nya ay iba. Mas mapalad ka mahal kita sa akin walang nagmamahal.’ not exactly the same…. Ahehe! Damn me. It’s nice to read quit messages, countless—muahs, iloveyous, words of endearment.. Etc. etc…some are funny, some are not. Some touches your heart and some makes you flinch.

I still haven’t studied for my Finals next week. I got this feeling that no matter how much studying I do, I’d still not be prepared enough for the exams. I read a little though, but then I always end up sleeping. *Sigh*
Another thing… I’m not feeling well. =( haynaku! Maybe I just need to sleep this off. Ahehe!

Futanginangsheet…. Po. At least I’m polite. ]:) ahehe!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 10:48 PM|:. +

Music is the food of my soul. =) I play one instrument and that is the keyboard…. I mean PLAY as in play. I have tried the guitar but sad to say, the guitar hates me! Tried the drums… but my rhythm sucks. But I love to sing—that’s where music and I meet, in singing. Songs and music, they are the ones who know what I am really feeling. They are my silent and unseen friends. They keep me company all the time. They are my expressions. With the kind of music I am playing and the kind of songs that I sing—you can easily know what kind of mood I’m in. They helped me to get through life. During happy times and especially during bad times. I get to say things that I can’t well say in words through songs and music. They keep my sanity intact. I get to express my innermost feeling through music. Needless to say, I love the radio more than the Television. I can live without TV but not without a radio. Recently I end my entries with a stanza of a song…. And that particular song expresses what I feel at that very moment. He’s my company for the night. *winks*

Poetry is another food that my soul craves for… may it be about Love, Life, Family, Tragedy… my soul is just a sucker for poetry and I’m a sucker for Arts! Theater performances... concerts… paintings… poetry…writings… make my soul complete.

'Poetry is simply the most beautiful,impressive and widely effective mode of saying things,and hence their importance.' --George Arnold

posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:31 AM|:. +

I need to reinstall WIN 98 to normalize my PC! I hate it when other people mess up my things! I mean, I leave the house with all my things intact only to find out when I get back that it’s broken because someone used it. GRRRRRRRRRRR! It’s ok to use other people’s things… just take extra care when using it. With deepest gratitude, thankies to Neil, Alan, Papa Tats…. For saying the same thing! Though Neil elaborated it more! Salamat

My review is starting tomorrow. And my birthday is 4 days to go. I still don’t have any plans. I would have celebrated it differently this year, but then fate has a different plan so I’ll just wait for the Big day to come. I just hope I can comply with the itinerary that I made.

I learned new phrases today…. “Ginahigugma ta ka!” (Ilonggo) ,” Ay-ayaten da ka” (Ilocano), “Inaro kita” (pangasinan), all refer to the phrase.. Mahal Kita. (*cool huh?!)

‘ .. di ko nais na magkalayo tayo, nagselos ka at nilayuan mo ako…. Buhay nga naman tunay bang ganyan.. bumalik ka naman. Kahit na ano pa iyong gusto, ok lang basta magka-bati tayo, minamahal kita, hihintayin kita, sorry na pede ba?! Buhay ko’y, nasa iyo matiis mo ba ako o baby! Wag sanang magtampo, sorry pede ba?’
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 1:58 AM|:. +

tough questions
when i was reading the news over the net and browsing at the same time, i got hold of this joke... it's so funny and so true. I should have put an article about love (*again ) but then i'm not in the mood for that right now. maybe later. ahehe...

"..and eventhough we ain't got money, i'm so in love with you honey.... and everything will bring a chain of luck.."
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 9:36 AM|:. +

I’m freaking tired! Waaaaaaaaaaaaa! My head aches, my back aches… Nevertheless I had a fun weekend! I kinda wrecked our van, Hmmm… What happened? I miscalculated the space between the left side of the van and the garage. I heard a loud thud from the back. I looked at my left side mirror and viola! Ahehe! I went out to take a look only to see that damage is quite visible. A lot of scratches too. Damn me! I didn’t tell my father and mother about it last night for fear that I’d be scolded, I was scolded early this morning when my father discovered it. Thought I’d get away with it. It was like when I was still a kid, ahehe…. I really got a knack of hiding my so-called crimes. Only to find out that it’ll be discovered and I’d get scolded twice, one for the “crime” and another for not telling them sooner. I never learn. Lessons: no matter how much you keep a secret, sooner or later—it’ll come out and then it’s too late; If there’s smoke, there’s a cigarette.(*ahehehe!) ; Crime does not pay (*eyngs???!)

We went to SM Pampanga , it’s so small….. The only consolation is that the travelling time is short. =)

”……marami na akong nahalikan at marami pang labing matitikman, kay rami ng napusuan ngunit ganun pa ma’y ikaw pa rin……. Ako’y iyong nginitian at magmula nuon NGAYON, BUKAS, KAILAN PA MAN ikaw pa rin…”
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:27 AM|:. +

What you learn as you mature:
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big weenie or huge boobs.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place.
I've learned that we don't have to ditch bad friends, because their dysfunction makes us feel better about ourselves.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 10:31 AM|:. +

Dear Kumag,

kamusta ka? ikaw ay walang pinag-iba... ganun pa ren nung tayong huling nagkita.... tandang-tanda ko pa habang akoy papalayo.....nyaak! tinitingnan kita hanggang wala ka na! e wala ka na , kaya babay na lang.

nagmamahal,
purita

ps: i'm so high i'm almost pure...
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 1:44 AM|:. +

I have a loving family. I have lots of friends. We have our own house, our own vehicle, we have a backyard. Fresh air, I wake up every morning and hear the birds chirp. I have flowers that bloom everyday. I have a personal computer. We have food set on the table every meal. I almost have everything…. Almost.

I have asked several people if they are happy… they said they are. Good for them. I’m happy but how long shall this happiness will last? An hour? A day? A week? Happy but not satisfied. =( I have lead myself to believe that I can be happier without exerting any effort. I was a fool to believe that I can have the best of both worlds. In the meantime I have to keep in mind that there’s no such thing as absolute happiness. I’m happy yet there are people out there who are happier than me. Maybe they appreciate life more… they appreciate the little things that they have. They see beauty in small things. Whereas I, I’m just an ungrateful bitch.

” ….. and I’m finding out the hardway, it’s gonna take some tears, a little bit of heartache.. we’re like islands in a stream, watching all our dreams starts to fade….fading away..."

posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 1:35 AM|:. +

Finals are here...

It’s that time of the school year I love the most! FINALS! Its the end of those sweating and mind boggling recitations. And to top it all, It's the end of the school year! Inspite of that fact, I dreaded getting my grades. It’s like dying… scary and exciting. It’s like having your tooth pulled for the first time, going out on a first date, having your first kiss. Your palms are sweaty; your mind couldn’t stop thinking. You are nervous. As you stand there before the secretary, scene flashes inside your head…then you get the piece of paper being handed to you by the secretary. You stop breathing and ask yourself, should I look at it now? What if I failed? Should I take a peek? What happens after really depends if you pass or if you fail.(*ahehehe, so anti-climatic!)

In my entire life as a student, I never get to experience “summer school”, however, it has its advantages… I get to have my rest, go to places I’ve never been, and visit my Lola in the province. Maybe this summer, I can look for a job and start making my own life. =) Enough ranting about school... oh yes, it’s 9 days before my birthday… I’m crossing my fingers… will I get to live ‘til then? I will. My birthday wish? I wish I can kill people and get away with it! Aahaha! I wish I can take all the worries and pain and suffering of the people I love. (*parang si jesus christ ahehehe! )Seriuosly , LIFE: I want to lead a happier life. LOVE: I wish.. I wishh…… what the hell., love is sucks! Hahaha! CAREER: finish school and get out of that hellhole. FAMILY: strong bond and health. FRIENDS: spend more time with them so we could hate our enemies together. Then party, party, paaaaaaaaaartyyyyyy!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:14 PM|:. +

Mama replied to the letter that I sent her…… it is a cliché, but she made me cry. I just can’t let the letter be hidden in my inbox forever. The letter reads:

bespren!

ano ka ba?! iiyak ako! kagigising ko lang e yun ang bumulaga sa kin! waaaaaa!!! well, i think you know how important you are to me naman din. sobrang important nga e, ikaw lang lagi ang gusto ko kasama. i think it's because of what you said, you're the only one who understands me thoroughly...i'm just really the jealous type...especially when i hear about other people who gives you a good time...ako lang! grrrr! hehehe! and you're right, life is a constant struggle and if you give up on petty things easily, you lose. it's not a question of being bitchy, but knowing that there are things you simply don't put up for. it's survival! for those who don't understand you, tough luck for them, shows their stupidity for not seeing the bright and colorful person that you are...same goes for me! wehehehehe! almost half of the happiness i experienced in my whole adult life i attribute to you, we have gone through so much i can't fathom how i would survive when i'm already far and you're not within grasp! well, i'll have to make do with calls and mails, but you know me! that can't make up for what we have now. THIS is real life now that i think of it, choosing what is best for your life doesn't necessarily mean it will make you happy, but you simply have to do it because otherwise, that happiness you have right now would not be enough to sustain your soul...because happiness hides itself in things not pleasant. the only way to achieve it is risking the wonderful life you have now and going through a lot of heartaches and constant pain, then when you look back at it all trust me, you'd smile a lot! this is what i'm sort of half-feeling right now, and i hope, even with all the sordidness attached to it, you would too. because nothing in the world is sweeter than seeing my best friend strong, successful, bitchy! hehehe! last note...thanks for putting up with me, i'll never find anyone like you, or greater than you, lesser...maybe but nevermind, she would be jologs and not worth my time! i'll love you forever... kisskiss, gorgeous jane

WE TRULY ARE A PAIR.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 3:19 AM|:. +

Letter for my mama

Dear mama,

Mabuhay! =) how are you doing? I’m in hotseat again….. lolz.. they freaked out when I got home late. Anyway, I just want to write u a letter… napapraning na naman ako. How many years na ba tayo? 8 years na no? tagal na pala…

I grew up with you, do u know that? when we were still in college, we used to talk about petty childish things..our dreams and hopes. Now we talk about LIFE! As in REAL LIFE. We still talk about our dreams but now we have to consider reality and all possibilities. Ang lufet ko no? You made me realize that life is not just fun, fun, and fun… it is a struggle… struggle to get things that you want.. a struggle to make yourself happy. Alam mo naman ang gusto ko di ba? I just want a simple happy life. Pero ang sabi mo nga…. Walang ganun. Life is a constant struggle..buti na lang I have you… my ate and my family. When I start to lose grip, when I start to lose faith in myself.. I think of you guys. Kasi kayo lang ang maasahan ko. There are so many possibilities that I’ll end up as failure. Haaaaay! People tend to mistake you for being mataray and masunget! E tama naman sila ahehehe! But they don’t know you the way that I do. To hell with them! care naman natin no?!

Have I thanked you for all the things that you have done for me? for sharing me your thoughts, you mind… and your life. Kadire no? nag-iinarte ako! Lolz. Di bagay sa personality ko! I just hope that I’ll be able to send this before I get ashamed of the things that I’m writing here. I’m really not good at saying mushy stuff. They make my skin crawl. Mahirap pala ang maging secured…. I really felt so undeveloped to the realities of life. o baka naman brat lang talaga ako? I’m going to be really really sad when u leave. Basta ako lang bestfriend mo! Dahil pag humanap ka ng iba, ipapatay ko yun! Lolz..

For the friendship and everlasting sisterhood…..
Para sa batchmate ko, sa mama ko., sa bestfriend ko-- *muaaaaaaaaah* *hugsssssssss* labyu!

Connie
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 11:27 AM|:. +

I had 5 hours of sleep. It’s almost one in the morning, I should be sleeping right now. But obviously I’m not. I got hold of a copy of this song…..kinda old but the melody is so damn good, I can’t resist it.

"Minsan , kahit na pilitin mong uminit ang damdamin ay di susunod at di maglalambing.
Minsan , di mo na mapigil na mapansin na talagang wala ng naiwan na pagmamahal
At kahit na anong gawin ay di mo na mapilit at madaya
Aminin sa sarili mo na wala ka ng mabubuga

Parang isang kandila na nagdadala ng ilaw at liwanag
Nauubos rin sa magdamag
Di na madaig o mabalik ang dating matamis na kahapon
Pilit may tuyo ng damdamin….. "

Obviously the song talks about falling out of love…(*ok, here I am again…. Wushu!) What did floi said about love? Ah right, he said—Love does not suck…. It is falling out of it that sucks. Broken Heart sucks, Heartbreakers sucks! Nyehahahaha! And I realized—he is quite right. Lolz….. I’ve seen it from my friends…experienced it technically speaking. So that’s it. If only… and what ifs….. my list is getting longer and longer… I’m feeling a little drowsy now. Big day ahead---- got to have my rest now. My birthday is 10 days away….. and it’s gonna be great. Just great. (“,) For whatever it's worth, thank you.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:40 AM|:. +

I'm going Crazy

i'm crazy for i take for granted things that are essential and think only of the things that i want.

Sometimes called Ungratefulness.

i'm crazy for i care for people who doesn't even know that i exist.

Sometimes called Love.

i'm crazy for i long for things that i'm aware that i can't get.

Sometimes called Hope.

i'm crazy for i like to do things spontaneously.

Sometimes called Free Spirit.

I'm crazy for if i am to choose between pleasure and business... i always end up choosing the former.

Sometimes called Relaxation.

i'm crazy for i live in a crazy world. hmmm..I'm just a crazy person living in a crazy world...person living in a crazy world..... i'm normal.

"....well i'm a man of many wishes, i hope my premonition misses.... but what i really feel, my eyes won't let me hide cause they always start to cry.....cause this time could mean goodbye.... "
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 7:59 PM|:. +

Jane, Ailes and I met last night. It was the first time I have seen Ailes since she started working in a law firm. She stopped schooling and decided to work. I have the same dream, working in a law firm… getting first hand experience of what we have studied inside the classroom. Having my own money. Spending for my studies. She told us about her work. She makes the pleadings and other documents that should be done by the attorneys themselves. She would be the one to draft it and all the attorney has to do is to sign his name. I asked her about the salaries and benefits that she is enjoying… she started to freak out. Her salary: 5,000 php, that would be 2,500 every 15/30 of the month. They don’t even have a payslip. Her benefits: transportation allowance (*no taxis and FX’s) jus PUJ fare are reimbursed. Tsk! Tsk! She is being abused by her boss. And her boss is an attorney, the one who took the oath that he will uphold the law and blah blah, is actually the one breaking it. He is in plain words, a CROOK in disguise. The world is full of them, BEWARE.

posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 6:51 PM|:. +

I had a terrible day at school.(*march 12,01) Well during the first subject at least. It was our last day today, on both subjects. That’s the only consolation that I got.

If I want to, I can take the bar this year. However,I have to transfer to another school. Pay my tuition for the past school year and viola! I can attend the Bar Review Classes and consequently take the bar. It is very tempting. I want my diploma. Especially now that our school is really a pain in the neck. I have a classmate who has not yet taken Legal Profession, a one-unit subject. And he is not graduating. If I can have my way, I’m going to do it. I’m not sure if I am ready or not…. As of now, my fondest wish is to get my diploma. In that school, a unit costs 400 pesos… in my present school a unit costs 750. I got to talk to my father about it. *sigh* And the finals shall be from March 26 up to April 3. In my old school, they no longer have classes….. (*I should stop reminiscing….it's making me sad and regret the actions that I made,daims)

Big day ahead, I have to attend my election law class. I hate the subject! Waaaaaa!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:43 AM|:. +

Neil's recent entry(*march 4, 01) really caught my attention -->> why blogs in tagalog?

I have been doing my blogs for 2 months now. I've read the past entries, and some of them are in Tagalog. But lately I find myself writing in English.

I am Filipino, Tagalog is my dialect .Now, why do I write in English?!

I have discovered that I'm not a good user of Tagalog, That whenever I write in Tagalog, my entries seemed to be senseless.
In writing in tagalog, I end up writing more that what I want to write. Meaning, the longer I write--- the entry becomes a story without a story... *nyaaks!*
There are certain words that I can't well say in Tagalog but sounds nice in English such as, *bleep* *blip* , and *bleeeeeeeeeep* all of which are curses by the way.
For academic purposes-- I get to check the mistakes that I have committed as to grammar, conjunctions, and sentence structure. Then I correct them. Kind of a seatwork for me really.....
I do not want to use Taglish...for obvious reason that it does not sound nice and there is no such Dialect or language. It is either I write in pure English or in pure tagalog. And besides, I don't want to sound like Kris Aquino. (*a lesson that I have learned from my past entries.... ahehe!)

Who cares if I commit mistakes? I don’t.

posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 9:31 AM|:. +

aaahh.... i really got pissed off this afternoon. The damn entry was deleted! daims! *stupid me*

"Strike me if you must, but hear me out first"

We were taught in the College of law that Due process is the essential element of democracy.In fact it is the basis of Law. Due process connotes, notice and hearing. That before passing judgement both sides must be heard. So, what does this got to do with me? I refuse to answer the damn question. In every story there are 2 sides....Common sense dictates that you hear both sides before you decide which side is right and which side is wrong.

If i sound grouchy.......and you are offended.... sue me.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 10:03 PM|:. +

I went to the dentist... she told me i have a nice set of teeth.... ahehe! i'm very much flattered! ganda ba talaga ipin ko? let me see........ =D --- pede na ren! yey! yey!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 9:38 PM|:. +

It is true that men as a general rule, easily forgets everything! And i mean everything...... No explanation needed. It is a proven fact.

There are exeptions of course--- there's just got to be!! I'm not perfect myself when it comes to remembering dates, names and faces. In fact, I have a poor memory. But then, I'm a woman! lolz(* what better excuse can i give?) so I bought an organizer to remind me all the things that i want and needed to remember. I just have to remember where i have placed it then everything will be a-ok! *winks* Got to get some rest, big day tomorrow. What's the occasion? I can't remember! night-night.....
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 11:34 PM|:. +

Good news!!!!!!!

My sister-in-law is pregnant! Yey! Yey! It is time for my niece to have a baby sister or a baby brother. She is becoming much of a spoiled brat being the baby of the family. Besides, she’s growing real fast….. it was just like yesterday *reminisce* when I held her in my arms… aheeheh! Now she’s 3 yrs. old! Sooner or later, she’ll be 18 already and me? by that time—I’d be 25 , I’d be stuck !! Ahehe! Imagine that! It’s just nice to have a baby in the family… too bad they are not living with us anymore! It’s just nice to once again cuddle a baby. To be able to sing him to sleep .. staying up all night just to make milk and to change diaper! I must admit that I love children and in a way I know that, children loves me. I am great at playing with kids, but in the discipline section.. ahehe, I really suck! So that’s it…. We’ll have an additional member of the family, the dining table has to be replaced. Some say it’s going to be a boy, (*something to do with the backhair of my niece.) whatever the gender would be he/she is a part of our family. We are really excited! =)
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 11:24 PM|:. +

"If you press me to say why I loved him,
I can say no more than it was because he was he and I was I."
- Unknown

-- Unknown is really a great writer and poet.... =) happy ...... happy.. ahehehe! *muah* *hugs*
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:03 AM|:. +

Our school is celebrating its 49th Foundation Day (*day or year? whatever.) But unfortunately…. The College of Law is not included. =\ We still have to attend our classes while the undergraduates are having fun in the activities. We were the only ones left inside the classroom to suffer the sweat of recitation. What a Life! Needless to say I’m envious of the undergrads. Wish it’s summer already! Then I won’t have to attend school… I’m going to stay home, then have a vacation in Mindoro… stay with my Lola for the holy week.
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 11:39 PM|:. +

BP..... Last episode. este Final (?) issue na pala (?)
*sigh*
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 10:08 PM|:. +

ok, so i was able to put the frigging link to the archive..... aehehehehee.. kudos to me! but my page looks so damn stupid! waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! got to figure how to make it look pleasant! *sigh* heeeelp!
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:52 AM|:. +

maligayang kaarawan ate vivian

posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:27 AM|:. +

I visited a friend's blog site hoping to read an update on her life. Too bad.... the last entry is dated Feb 18,2001. =\ what's happening to her?! *sigh* too busy? maybe. lost of interest? possible.

I don't have class today.... i'm going to have my hair cut. Should i cut my hair short? nah! I would look like ensaymadang malolos..... aehehehhee! better to keep my hair long. I have bought lots of hairpins and all, they would all be put to waste if i can't use them.

A few days ago jane and i talked about Maningning Miclat, she was an artist. She killed herself by jumping off a building. She jump off from the 7th floor of the Technology Building of Far Eastern University. She was a professor there. I know that artists are eccentric people. They love to be unique, to be different. They always love to make a statement! And maningning made her statement by jumping off a building hence losing her life. Why did she do it? --- she's brokenhearted. The love of her life left her. For another woman? That i don't know. Maningning has everything-- beauty, brains, fame, material things and talent. She was a good poet. She has everything except love and happiness.... and to her-- that's what matters. No one can comprehend why she did it. Some even say "sa pag-ibig lang? tanga naman nun! Ke dami daming lalaki sa mundo" aaaaah, don't condemn her for choosing the easy way out. She fell deeply and madly in love ,got her heart badly broken---- her dreams of happiness shattered. The reason for her living, Gone. She was just a girl whose love exceeds the love for her very own life. I don't know her. I don't know why i'm writing about her. All i know is that she needs peace. She needs freedom. She needs rest. And i find myself feeling a little relieved for reasons i don't know, for reasons i don't have any intention of knowing.(*takot ako.....*)

"..sleep my child in deep slumber....... claim the peace that you've been yearning for. be not be afraid, I'll not leave your side-- i'll be your strength, your guiding light. Sleep my child and have your rest.. i'll enclose you with love and soft caresses. Be calm, be still ....."
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 2:24 AM|:. +

Ok, my entry is a day late. =\ I was so tired last night.

We celebrated Kyle's birthday last sunday. It was a simple affair. Mostly relatives and family members. Out of politeness we invited our neighbors but they didn't come-- *muka nila*. My bestfriend called up and informed us that she'll be coming over. yey! yey She arrived at 6:30 pm. We decided to spend the night drinking, so she bought a couple of bottles of beer. My cousin bought with her a bottle of gin. I didn't drink that much. My cousin got drunk and kept on singing. It's time for our neighbors to have a taste of their own medicine! Ahehehhe!! am i vindictive or what?????

It was nice to have a party...but it's damn tiring!! ahehe!

Ate's birthday came and went...... just like that! lolz.. =) she's -- yrs oldddddddddd!! i wonder when she's getting married.... *thinks* haynaku......
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 10:32 AM|:. +

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ATEEEEEEEEEE!

posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 12:24 PM|:. +

Last night, I was able to attend for the first time a party…that is for that particular channel only.. the party that i attended with Jane's not included. (*EB in the chatter’s dictionary if ever there is one). It was kinda scary--- I don’t know any of them personally. So I asked my ex-pare (*he’s my pare again…. Yey! Yey!) to meet me. We met at qc, had dinner together and proceeded to glorietta to meet the others. I was scared shit—ahehe…. But nevertheless my good side was out last night so everything went out fine. I was able to meet the people I talked to over the net—as common as it may sound—they are no longer letters. They are people… honest to goodness HUMAN BEINGS. Finally, the muah’s and hugs thrown out in my screen became real. =D The “lolz” were loud laughter and nobody got Disconnected and lagged. The sad part of it all was that , even before the real party begun, I have to leave. I have to attend to another EB— and there I realized.. Different channels are comprised of different people. It’s a blessing that you jive with them.

The second party is in Las Piñas also. The people who attended it were mostly teeners or those who is in their early 20’s. There we get to talk…. Talk… talk some more.. and talk. Ahehehe! So I stayed there together with my bestfriend ‘til 4:30 am. =)~ Thereafter, we had breakfast at TAPSI. They didn’t expect us to attend the party … we would always come up with a good excuse or something would come up.

Ok, here are some of the people whom I met last night and my first impression. (*According to their appearances… ahehehe!)

Me—no comment.
Floi—he is my pare, I have seen his picture even before we met. He’s a nice young man. Good-looking, *naks* , what’s that term?? Dashing debonair? Nyehahahaha!!
Lei—she is a joker and always ends a sentence with a punchline.
Gemma—she is the bestfriend of floi, she is direct to the point.
Marjorie, Hannah and Cess--- wackos!
Alan— good looking guy *no joke* lolz… best word to describe him? Heartthrob?? Gloriously good-looking?? What the hell… he is all that. And He is nice also.
Others (* I have to cut short the list ) --- they are nice =D

I was not able to attend school today- the traffic was so terrible. Wonder what happened… Today is Kyle’s birthday, she’s 3 years old. But we’ll celebrate it tomorrow. And in the end, it was a nice experience. Worth remembering.

” ~~to have a boy like him is really a dream come true, out of all the girlies in the world he belongs to you…. ~~~
posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 9:58 PM|:. +

Good morning to you....

I missed my blogs.... =( i was out last February 28 and was able to reach home at 11 pm March 1. Here is my story......
Ok so I gave in again to whims of my bestfriend…. As usual we met at SM manila…. Had dinner and proceeded to Malate. We went to our usual hangout. One of the reasons why Jane wanted to go out on a Wednesday night was to catch Retrospect and catch up on things. =) We were able to do the thing that we badly wanted to do -- Finally we were able to dance! Yey! Yey! Yey! We didn’t dance much but it was much better that sitting and keeping the seats warm. I got tipsy…. As always, I laugh and laugh even if there’s nothing to laugh about. I am aware of what’s going on, it’s just that I cannot control myself. I say what I want to say and I do what I want to. But I know what is shameful and what is not so there’s really nothing to worry about.

We went home at 2 and finally had our rest at 3:30 (*we still have to review what has happened.. ). We woke up at 11 am…(*march 1, 2001), we had our lunch, then took the bath and guess what?!?! we went to SM ! lolz…. There were just so many things that we wanted to do , like playing arcade games…. Singing , ride the rollercoaster and ride the bumpcar. Too bad, I got to catch a class at 6 pm. I was able to buy a book---- YOUNGBLOOD 2.0 – hehehe! nice buy at that too…. As I browsed over it--- this one talks of Death more.. of pain and loss.

It’s really hard to grow up.

I attended my review class…. At first I can understand what my professor was saying but after a certain topic--- I could no longer catch up—I can’t understand what he’s talking about. I found out later that most of my classmates didn’t understand either….(* just great…. Who am going to ask for a tutorial now?! Daims!)

I got a class later – a make up class at that subject again, afterwards I’m going to attend a party. I do hope that everything will be fine. Time for a rest.

~~if the words don’t come quick , don’t let each other go remember there’s no yes or no. Just maybe there’ ll be no falling stars this time around.. I still believe that honesty is all you’ll ever need ….. you and me again …. Maybe.

posted by .:|[-koni-] @ 1:38 AM|:. +

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© by Kulasisi series of 2001, 2002

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.:| Fast Facts |:.
I was born on the 26th of March year 1977, which is year of the snake under the Chinese Calendar. I was born under the sign of Aries. So that makes me, a snake with a pair of torn.
I have:
º An older sister and brother.
º A bestfriend, named Jane.
º Tons of cousins and friends.
º A pet named Albayno, which is a Fish.
º A dog named, Clinton.

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