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In bio practical:
Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?
Sardar: I don't know.
Examiner: You r failed, what's your name?
Sardar: See my legs & tell my name...
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Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
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It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
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Prospective husband: Do you have a book called 'Man, The Master of Women'?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
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Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry .. we still have one engine left."
A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
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Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
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A teacher told all students in a class to write an essay on a cricket match. All were busy writing except one Sardarji.
He wrote "DUE TO RAIN, NO MATCH!"
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sardar returns from London. He calls his wife and asks her, "Do I look like a foreigner?"
She says no.
The answer angers him. "Look carefully, do I look like a foreigner?"
She again replies in the negative. By now the sardar is fuming.
He yells: "Come close and see, do I look like a foreigner?"
The wife says: "No."
The sardar who is seething with rage says: "All those women in London were fools. Every time I went out they would say: `Look a foreigner`."
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NAPOLEAN: "In my Dictionary there is no word called 'IMPOSSIBLE'....
Sardarji: "What's the use of saying it now, you should have checked it before buying THE DICTIONARY !!"
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In an interview,
Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
SARDAR: dhuurrrrrrrrrr...
Interviewr shouts: stop it!
SARDAR: dhurr dhup dup dup dup.
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Sardarji was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said I am seeing how I look while sleeping.
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Sardar: why are all these people running?
Man: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar: If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?
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Flash news:
A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab.
Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more...
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Sardar 1:If you tell me what's there in my basket, I'll give you all the EGGS in it.
Sardar 2: (Thinking...)
Sardar 1:And if you tell me how many eggs are there, I'll give you all the 7 EGGS!!
Sardar 2: (Thinking...)
Sardar 1:And again if you tell me which bird's eggs these are, the HEN is also yours....
Sardar 2: Your questions are too tough...So give me a clue or hint???
Sardar 1:hmmmm.......
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Seen on a famous beauty parlor in Bombay:
Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your grandmother!
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Seen on a bulletin board:
Success is relative, More the success, more the relatives.
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Sign at a barber's saloon in Juhu, Bombay:
we need your heads to run our business.
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A traffic slogan:
Don't let your kids drive if they are not old enough - or else they never will be...
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A beggar walked up to a well dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said 'I haven't eaten anything in four days.'
She looked at him and said, 'God, I wish I had your willpower.'
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Angel said: I cant be everywhere to help u, so i created Mother!
Devil said: Me too cant be everywhere either, so i created Mother In Law!
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Once Former president BUSH went to a school to interact with the children. After having one brief talk with the children he asked them if they have any question to ask him. One boy raised his hand and stood up:
Bush: What's your name?
John: John
Bush: Whats you question?
John: Sir I have three questions
1) Why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO
2) Where is osama
3) Why does America support Pakistan so much?
Bush: you are an intelligent student john. (just then the bell for Recess rang), Oh dear students we will continue after the recess is over.
After the recess
Bush: Ok children where were we? Yes, so anybody wants to ask any question?
Peter raises his hand...
Bush: Whats your name?
Peter: Sir I have 5 questions.
1) Why did America attack iraq without the approval of UNO?
2) Where is osama?
3) Why does America support Pakistan so much?
4) Why did recess bell ring 20 mins before the scheduled time?
5) Where is JOHN?
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A foolish man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells he that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
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One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption:
Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD
After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY
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Three FASTEST means of Communication:
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.
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Let us be generous like this : Four Ants are moving through a forest. They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says : we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says : No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him, because he is ALONE and we are FOUR.
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Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
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When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness.
Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.
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Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY 2 Women?
Because per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.
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Manager: You are appointed. Your salary is Rs. 10,000. Next year it will be 20,000.
Sardar: OK! I will join next year.
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There was a lady from the countryside who came to the city and checked into a hotel.
Then she said to the bellman, "I refuse to take a tiny room like this, with no window and no bed in it! You can't treat me like a fool just because I don't travel much! I'm going to complain to the manager!"
So the bellman said very politely, "Madam,this isn't your room. It's the elevator!"...
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A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".
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A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital. The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. "you're in luck, two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker".
The man quickly responds, "the attorney's".
"Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"
The man says, "I already know enough. Social workers have bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!"
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"You will be pleased with me today, mother," said Dick to his mother, coming home from school. "I saved on fares. I didn't go to school by bus, I ran all the way after it."
"Well," said his mother laughing, "Next time you should run after a taxi, you will save much more."
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Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?" The Sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn`t riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too.
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Once gunda goes to buy parachute, he ask for the best parachute, and the shop person exspalins that" sir this is the best parachute, if its malfunction when your using it, paisa wapas,!!!!{money back}
Gunda Replied- "Thanks a lot"
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Sardar is watching STAR PLUS. Suddenly, announcement comes "U R watching STAR PLUS".
He wonders "Oye... How did they know that I am watching STAR PLUS??!!"
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A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
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Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.
One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."
"But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."
And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."
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Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the Shell station!
Q: Why did the chicken scientist cross the road?
A: To invent the other side.
Q: Why did the chicken lawyer cross the road?
A: To corrupt the other side.
Q: Why did the chicken IRS representative cross the road?
A: To bankrupt the other side.
Q: Why did the chicken lawyer cross the road?
A: To get to the car accident on the other side.
Q: Why did chicken Dr. Kevorkian cross the road?
A: To help the patient find the other side.
Q: Why did chicken Jim Morrison cross the road?
A: To break on through to the other side.
Q: Why do birds fly South?
A: Because it's too far to walk.
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The HR manager received the following appraisal report one day:
1 Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2 hard at work at his desk. He works independently, without
3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4 thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and always
5 finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7 breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be
11 dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13 executed as soon as possible.
Later that day, the same HR manager received the following addendum:
Addendum:That idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
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A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
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Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.
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A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, "Bow-wow!"..
The cat ran away. "What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse.
"Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."
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My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"
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A men thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and, also, their anniversary.
He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband."
His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets later, when men came home, kissed her and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, where'd you get them?"
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A little girl asked her mother: How did the human race appear?
The mother answered: God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.
Two days later she asks her father the same question.
The father answered: Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race was developed.
The confused girl returns to her mother and says: Mom', how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says they were developed from monkeys.
The mother answers: Well dear, it is very simple. I told you about the origin of my side of the family while your father told you about his side.
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A man walks in a bank, gets in line and when it's his turn he pulls out a gun, and robs the bank.
Just to make sure he leaves no witnesses, he turns around and asks the next customer in line, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The customer replies, "Yes!"
The bank robber raises his gun, points it to the customer's head and BANG - shoots him in the head and kills him.
He quickly moves to the next customer in line and says to the man, "Did You see me rob this bank?"
The man calmly responds ... "No, but my wife did!"
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Sardarji went to party and introduced his family to his friends.
I am Sardar and this is sardarney,
this is my kid and this is my kidney.
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One day sardar will fall down when its raining and then thunder will come and then he will tell "oh god!!you are so rude when i fell you are taking my photo"....
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Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the station arrived.
This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 Rupees, the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber quietly shaved off his beard.
When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly screamed when he saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What`s the matter?"
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up someone else"
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Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian.
The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer.
When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.
When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left.
Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow."
When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?".
Sardarji replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder."
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A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after Every 10 second a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.
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Sardar-why are all these people running?
Man- This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Sardar-If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?
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Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Sardar: The future tense is "you will go to jail".
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Sardar gets ready, wears tie, coat, goes out, climbs tree, sits on the branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Sardar:"I've been promoted as branch manager."
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Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote : Yes!
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One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to his college. you know Why?
Because he wanted to check where the question paper is leaking...
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Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what? take an umbrella and go.
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Sardar found the answer to the most difficult question ever - What came first, Chicken or egg?
O Yaar, what ever you order first will come first.
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Sardar wins Rs. 20 crore from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer gave Rs. 11 crore after deducting tax.
Angry Sardar: "Give me Rs. 20 crore or else return my 20 Rs. back.!
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Postman:- I had to come 5 miles to deliver you this packet.
Sardar:- why did you come so far. Instead you could have posted it....
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Sardar proposed to a Girl......Girl said 'I'm 1 year older to you'
Sardar said 'Oye no problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.
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Sardar's wish :when i die,i wanna die like my grandpa who died peacefuly in his sleep not screamin like all the passengers in the car he was driving..
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Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that's a mirror!
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Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked:" Why are you writing so slowly?
Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast.
Krishna N