Thanks to Kuja 024 (or whatever her current s/n is) for most of the ideas, and taking my Biology notes for me when I was hurriedly scribbling this monster the last minute before it was due. (Hey, the teacher said "an independent creative writing piece". He never specified on what...)
Toilet paper is one of the severely under appreciated items of society. There are many more uses than the traditional use--one just needs the initiative and imagination to find them. Of course, most of these uses are for pranks (especially is one does not have the money to buy Duct Tape), although there are more practical uses as well.
If one has pets (fish, hamsters, or cats), toilet paper can be very handy. Running out of fish food? Shred the toilet paper into tiny pieces, and the fish won't know the difference. (Warning! Do not do this too often or you will exterminate your fish.) For hamsters, replace their bedding with it. It is much softer, and can be "fluffed" to make it even more comfortable. Depending on your hamster, leave it in strips, rip it into squares, or shred it. Let your hamster decide which it prefers. Cheap cat toys also work; just drop some in he toilet and let the cat investigate (we suggest cleaning the toilet first).
It also comes in very handy during the holidays. If you celebrate Christmas, you can use it to replace the tinsel in the tree, especially if you have cats who like to eat the tinsel. Giving gifts? Toilet paper is great. Not only are you unique, but you may get some laughs out of people too. This works especially well if you're too tight fisted to buy the real stuff (which usually ends up being thrown out anyway). Many people are also fond of going away from their homes to visit exotic places around holiday or vacation times. When going on an extended visit, these people generally stay in hotels, motels, youth hostels, and whatnot. Hotels, in particular, are very stingy about their towels. However, there are always at least two rolls of toilet paper (three if the management is feeling particularly generous). Make the connection.
Ah, now for the pranks. Most of you probably skipped down to here, you dirty cheaters. Let's start with the traditional "toilet-papering". This generally happens on Hallowe'en, is initiated by a group of "wild" teenagers and involves plenty of toilet paper, and the residence of someone stingy with their Hallowe'en candy. After the candy goers have all gone home and have started counting their loot, the teenagers gather their followers, carrying at minimum, five rolls of toilet paper for each. They continue on to their victim's house, check to see if their target is sleeping, and proceed to string the toilet paper all over the property and the house itself. Continuing on the Hallowe'en theme, if you're on a tight budget for a costume, go as a mummy. If you're really into the Egyptian thing, wrap a few strips around your cat and carry him/her along with you. The whole haunted house thing (people jumping out of coffins, fake blood, ghosts made from sheets, etcetera, etcetera)... those are getting pretty old. Try a toilet paper one (wrap strips around trees) with a toilet paper maze around it. You're sure to be a big hit; at the very least, you'll get a lot of attention.
If you need something more mundane for everyday life, try a twist on the old spit ball. Besides, toilet paper is easier to rip into smaller pieces, and it soaks up spit better than paper.
In conclusion, toilet paper has the potential to be used for many things that people overlook. It is surprising that small children or teenagers, who are generally more creative than adults, haven't been able to discover this. One would think they would at least have discovered its potential for the pranks which could be pulled using it, knowing their love for pranks. At the very least, one could have written a paper about it.
I suppose this could be a semi-sequel to The Wonderful World of Duct Tape,
even though Duct Tape is only mentioned a few times... hmm, I think I sense yet
another idea for randomness concerning these topics...
-Krazy Kazuko
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