Continued...
I say "I love you" to family and friends,
And when I finish a pray I say "Amen."
When I wrap things up with a customer I say,"Have a nice day."
But when it comes to ending a conversation with you I dunno what to say.
I called Jesse on the phone today and was all"Is there ever a time when you don't carry your bible around?"
"Nope."
"How about when you're mountain climbing?"
"MIght need it when I get to the top."
"How about when youre sky diving?"
"Might need it when I get to the bottom."
"How about when youre...doing the macarena?"
(thougth I had him stupped)
"The macarena is gay-when is this going?"
Frustration...lol
JESSE IF YOURE READING THIS-A COUPLE THINGS MIGHT STING A LITTLE.NO HARM INTENDED.
Today is Chris and Peter's bday...well and Jesse-he started dating again evidentally. Says he's been seeing "this girl." hmmmm no name? Not that I want a physical relatioship with him or anything-but whats with all the mixed signals,huh? Why -what is so wrong with me that I'm not good enough? Probably because I'm fat or something else lame. I know Im not excessivly overwieght-I just can't think of why he must treat me this way. I've always said that I don't need guys. Especially the Grief they come with.
Peter and I broke up. Actually about 2 weeks afo-prick. Oh well-good riddens! BUt now I'm feeling neglected on all sides altogether. I bet Jesse could do just fine without me. Why do I put myself out on a limb for that boy!? Physically-he's not my type at all! His humor,though at times it is cool, is dry and repeatative. Its not like he's tall,dark, and beautiful- in fact he's kinda plain. And now on top of that-he's bald too!haha
At least he supports himself. I'll give him that much. It's just that I can't figure out why he's always ment so much to me. Maybe he's intimidated by me somehow. Oh! I don'tknow. His excuse before was that he wasn't in the whole dating thing-needed God Time. Or something. Guess he found someone whose worth it.
What makes me so bad? What makes me work so hard for his affection and love? I mustbe desperate. But that's not like me. Jesus-I lift me and jess up to You. It's in your hands now....Amen.
"Cut and Dry"
Jesse-There's something I need to get off my chest.In every relationship I've ever had-be it family, friend, or more-than-friend, there's always been this thing where they needed me. If I started to feel neglected or hurt I'd distance myself and eventually they'd come around. Thus, showing me that they cared enough to set things right with me-showing that they do-in fact-NEED me. But you, you're different. There is a point to this and I'll get back to it in a sceond. Now a couple of weeks ago you brought something up. The conversation went something like this:
JESSE:"I know things get a little touchy on the subject of dating-but dating would'nt neccisarily make our relationship better. Do you know what I mean?"
SARAH:"Yeah-I guess. But you can't say the thought has never crossed your mind-you brought it up."
JESE:"Well-its just-i still don't know really know how I feel about you-"
HOLD UP!
Okay-first thing-you know how you feel. Stop acting immature and lame. You want friendship vs. you want more.Those are your options. Stop leaving hanging-its so uncool.
Second-since when was it your decision anyway?-What if I don't want to date you? you speak as though you're the final word in the matter.
Thirly-about the point I was trying to make earlier in this letter-about being needed in a relationship....I tried distancing myself from you before. I'm the one who felt the loss-you did just fine without me. This tells me you don't need me! As much as you say you need me at least.
Boy-I never chose to like you. As I told you before-it just happened. As far as we go-as far and you go ever-You're still just that boy I met at bible camp-an accuaintance! So why-why are things the way they are?
Friends vs. More than
Dating vs. Beating around the bush
Needed vs. Better off without
Those are your options....
Now I told you that you're just a mere accuaintance from bible camp two years ago-now thats only partly true. Because there'sthis great guy I know who went out of his way to visit me and my cousin around Halloweem-was my date to the senior prom-and found me all alone on the football field-and in the midst of all the tears and sad goodbyes (none for me) who else but him-he found me and held my hand away from that field and into adulthood.
