Continued...Again
He taught me how to butterfly kiss, and to be patient and not to judge. That when I look into those cool-blues the world is at perfect peace again-if even for a moment. It's a moment that I still haven't fotgotten. He isn't perfect-but its the imperfections that I love so much.
Then there's this guy whose never around. I catch a glimpse-then he dissappears. Sometimes I doubt my sanity on this point. One moment there's a spark of recogniton and the next he's a total stranger.
I get first kiss jitters when I speak with him on the phone. After I get off of the phone I can't seem to figure out why. Why I feel I have to prove myself worthy to know or be ecknowledged.
These persons are all one and at different times-in different ways. But they all make up one whole Jesse.
*Indifferent accuiantance
*Lifelong Friend
*Relentless test
I sometimes feel like you're a test of the things you taught me-patience,wisdom,holding my tounge,staying within God's will for my life. I'm so hopeless and its all your fault!-And mine-it has to be. I feel like youre my testing ground and my hint sheet. You're my clarity and the confusion. I want to give up on the idea of you-but sometimes you're all I've got to tell you the truth.
I may be being entirely too truthful for my own good right now. But If I loose you-its not like you'll call less than you already do!lol
What if all I wanted from you was honesty-with me and with yourself. If you want more than friendship but can't tell me...If you just are trying to spare my feelings-spare me! I care too much about ou to let my faulty feelings and clumbsy walk get in the way!
You're my best friend Jesse. If nothing else know this-you are my friend and my confident sent straight from God himself. I have learned so much of the nature of God through you-you-his willing vessel. I don't care if you screw up! But always be truthful to me I deserve that much. Treat me like the friend I long to be for you again.
I've been patient...but standing in one place for long amounts of time if not my forte. throw me a friggin bone here. As I told you before -"this is suppose to be brain surgery." And it isn't!
You have always in a way been a brother to me-more than just a brother but also a very close friend. I hope I'm yours enough for you to confide in me. I miss you-the "you" that surfaces every so often. Much Love,
That Sarah girl from Needles California:)
SARAH"I call it 'Mixed Signals'."
I may, caould feel like I've lost someone here. Like I once lost my best friend Charlie to drugs-or my mother in a sense. But on the contrary, I have a dad who loves and takes care of me. I have sisters who look up to, care about, respect, admire, and love me. I have co-workers and friends who are curious about, care about, know somewhat, respect, and love me. And once upon a time Jesse I respected and admired you-but I will never know you. Youve made sure of that. But I understand that God does-and thats all I really need to know-S.
So-this is how it feels to be let down in the biggest way. Actually it doesnt hurt as much as I thought it would, God is the best friend I'll ever have. How could I expect anyone to live up to those kinda expectations? I love him. Hes been a good friend up to this point. I guess I'll just cool it for a month and give him some breathing space.
I dunno. He's rounding out to be a perfectly selfish bastard in a truth. Guess he knows me well enough to know what disgusts me. More power to him. I still have my God-my family-and my real friends. And to think that he was my best friend. At least he was for a time. Ultimatly he got my full attention and a good amount of my desire-and he-blows it. I actually made myself get up and do something this morning because-"what would Jesse think of me-just laying here during late morning hours."
Seriously, take away that bible of his-what is left of this boy...Jesse? When you get down to it-nothing special there because just like him-everyone to the core is only God's grace. And no matter how much he messes up-it just exsercises the cente of all human existence His grace. Not my grace. take away my voice-pleasant appeance, intelligence, social flare, odd sense of style, cheerful outlook, and everything hidden under that lovly layer of me-there again is God's grace. And it is his grace alone that makes me worthy. Jesus loves Jess-so in turn I must too.
It would probably make everyone happy for me to give up on him. But I'll do something else. Put aside my pride and just wait. Like the prodical son and the father. I love my friend that much. Jesse I owe you that much a thousand times over. You've changed my life-my out look-your friendship is my treasure forever.
THANK YOU. Tomarrow is graduation for Mohave High again. Wow! A whole year!
God Bless you Jesse Boy,
Miss Sarah Jane.
