Stones cast at my body leave welts bright red, tearing through my skin. Pain searing, stabbing, throbbing, every ounce of my being on fire...Still I stand, crooked, cast away like some worn and torn shoe that nobody needs, or cares about, thrust into the dumpster or left to the dogs to eat...
I feel nothing...the wounds that were inflicted upon me, will heal soon enough. The pain, though, the heartache will remain, like a sickened blister, boiling with pus, oozing out across my body until I putrify. Nobody cares. Nobody wants me. Nobody feels for the lost ones. Nobody...
Everything is numb...my head...my body...I can't feel anything. A sickening smile crosses my tear-stricken face, one of insanity...one that people would run from...
"Everyone will feel my pain sooner or later." The words kept repeating across the vast expanses of my mindscape... Pain was inevitable. I would bear the heavy burden across my thick rippling shoulders like it was a barrel of water. Then every person I cross to will feel my sickness, my disease, my pain...gradually everyone will feel what I'm going through...
The foamy blue water slaps itself across the jagged rocks, willing itself to break upon the shoreline. I see the whitecaps across the choppy water and envy it, wishing I could dive down...down...down deeper, smash my weak body atop the rocks like some unseen assailant. Impale myself. Just hurtle myself across the edge, jump...anything to relieve me of this awful burden called heartache...Anything. I stare down closer at the shallow water, seeing the floor of the ocean beneath it...wanting to go nearer, nearer, ever so close...just to touch it...But everything seems so far away, so very unclear. I turn my head, cast my eyes upon something else...something more drab and dreary than the beautiful ocean rocks. Back home in the bleak and boring lands that hold not one treasure to me. The reddish gold horizon peeping through grey clouds of strife, trying to reassure me of some beauty in this place. Nothing. Nothing holds my interest here...All I want is away...back to the rocky shores of Whales, or the foggy moors of Scotland...Take me away. Anywhere but the disgusting scenery, the places that hold every day memories, good and bad...Take me away...I call and pray to some divine source to drag my pitiful body, down deep beneath the seas...somewhere I can fade away, unnoticed, uncared for...Would anyone miss me? If I just drowned somewhere in the depths of the azure seas? Or took a free-fall from the Colorado Book Cliffs?
My eyes turn away, now prickling with hot moist salty tears, edging down the corners, attempting to escape my eyes...suddenly they drop, one by one, trail and trickle down my cheek and onto my satin shirt...I stare into the mirror and wonder, contemplate...everything my life has given me, and every life I have touched...What do I find? Next to nothing...here I have lived almost two decades and I have not once found a person I have changed...Everyone turns the favor to me...but am I even any good in this estranged existance? Do I ever help anyone each day? Work, sure, I serve someone...but that is different. Who have I helped? Hmm? Name one...
Pause for the silence. Didn't think so. Now...Tell me my life is important. Tell me I am of some use. Tell me that I have accomplished something.
Waits again for the silence. Here I stand...on my deathbed...here I stand crying out for a way to leave this world as I know it, the bleak and boring world of mortals...Here I stand with a knife in my hand...never to get my wish granted. I close my eyes and disappear........
