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| Chapter 4 I walk down the steps out to the kitchen, and I see Pacey. Well, I see Pacey making breakfast while singing and dancing to a song on the radio. But here�s the really funny part. He�s singing to (You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman. I�m trying so hard not to laugh. �Cause you make me feel� you make me feel� you make me feel like A natural woman�oh yeah�� Pacey�s singing isn�t that bad, but I think he needs to sing a different song. He does a spin and the wham! He sees me and begins to blush and I burst out laughing. �Great singing Pace, real manly.� I say in-between my laughs. �Yeah, well I takes a real man to dance and sing like that.� He says as he points the spatula at me then turns around and walks back to the stove while shaking his hips. �Of course, Pace. How could I forget? You�re the best feminine man I know.� �Exactly.� He splits the scrambled eggs between the two plates he set out. �Here, eat. I made eggs.� �What a way with words you have. Next thing I know you�ll be grunting.� I say as I look up at him, giving him a challenging look. �Hmph. Just keep saying those things woman, and your ass will be out on the curb faster than you can say, Joe Fanny.� �Joe Fanny.� �Exactly. Out on your butt.� Pacey smiled and went back to eating his eggs. �Whatever, Pace. You know it would be you down with me.� �You can�t beat me.� He says matter-of-factly. �Is that a challenge?� I look at him, calling his bluff. �Wait till after you heal Potter. Because today, you�re telling me what happened and then you�re filling out a report.� He looks at me seriously. �Yeah, Pace, I know.� I look down at my empty plate sadly. �Jo, I didn�t mean-� �It�s alright Pacey, I know you didn�t mean it.� We finished our breakfast in silence. Just looks here and there. Afraid to speak and of what�s yet to come. We sat there motionless, wrapped in each other�s arms, not saying anything. Me holding onto him for dear life and him just sitting there, simply complying with my death grip and his soaked shirt. My tears have subsided by now, only a few sniffles here and there. We�re going to the police station later, to give my report, and maybe even begin the process of a restraining order. I pick my head up from it�s resting place on Pacey�s chest, and I look up at him. He smiles genitally at me, we tears in his eyes and I wish I could take his pain away. I know it sounds stupid to say, after all, I am the one with all scrapes and bruises. But I mean, the pain he�s feeling for me, he didn�t do this, I should have gotten out sooner. And I�m not blaming what happened on me, I just should have stopped this a long time ago. He brings his hands up towards my cheeks and brushes away the tears with the pads of his thumbs, slowly drying my cheeks off. Just the smallest gesture makes a world of difference. Solace. That�s what happens when I�m near him. He is my safe haven. He always has been. He helps me fix what is broken, and if that�s not possible, he helps me start anew. �Thank you,� I whisper. These two words mean so much, no matter how small they might be. They have a bigger meaning only he and I will understand. They can never be over used, meaning something different each time. �I know, I know.� He whispers back. I look into his eyes as he looks into mine. I can feel his breath on my face. The smell of bacon and with some pepper. I grab onto his wrists, since he hasn�t moved his hand away from my face and I just hold onto them, my thumbs rubbing the outside of his palm. Back and forth. Back and forth. We just continue to stare, both afraid of to break this silence. Finding peace within each other. �I missed you.� I say truthfully. �I didn�t realize how much you meant to me until everything started going wrong.� He just shakes his head in understanding, know that I have more to say. �I wrote you, many times actually. I just never got around to sending them. I was afraid that he would find out somehow. I didn�t want to take that chance. I wanted to tell you what I was going through so many times, but I didn�t. I�m sorry.� I look away from his eyes, suddenly feeling ashamed. �Oh, Jo. It�s not your fault.� He tries to lift my head up so he can look me in the eyes, but I resist. �Jo. Jo, honey, look at me.� I still don�t budge. �Please.� That one little plea breaks my resistance, and I slowly look up at him. �Don�t blame yourself. You were in a horrible situation and you couldn�t get out until now. How bout for just a little bit we forget about this, and act like all the pain he caused you didn�t happen. I want to see that sparkle in your eye again. I want to hear your laugh. I want to see you smile. I want you to be the Joey that I know so well. Please.� I nod my head up and down a few times, afraid that if I speak, I�ll break down. I stop moving my head and I just look at him. Amazed that he�s really here. That I�m really here. He kisses my on the forehead and my world comes crashing down around me. Because for once, I feel genuinely loved. Just for being me. I can finally say that I�m truly happy, but for how long? For right now, I have to forget about that nagging question in the back of my head. I promised Pacey that for right now, I would put it behind me and forget. That I would smile and have a good time for a few hours. To be my old self. Joey Potter. Smart ass girl from the wrong side of the creek. I think I can do that for a little bit. |