If I could tell the world just one thing it would be, we're all OK
December 13, 2004 at 12:08 a.m.
When you get to that point in your life where you know you have to think, it has a tendency to shake you up a bit. I need to reassess my values, and take a look at my life as it stands right now.
So, if I seem quieter lately, please know that nothing is really -wrong-. I'm not going to die, I'm not going to do anything stupid.. I'm just thinking. I need to think. That happens to a person sometimes, and I feel that now is that time for me. Or at least, it's one of the times.
There are some things in my life that I refuse to give up. I absolutely refuse. I refuse to give up my love simply because others view it as wrong - and it warms my heart to know that there are those who do not view it as wrong. I refuse to give up my writing, my friends, my family.. And while this may sound horrible and childish, I refuse to give up Achaea. However, I do know that I need to start spending less time there. I can't keep living as I have been, or I'm going to destroy myself in a manner entirely different from the manner I destroyed myself in two years ago.
Onto a slightly different subject, I talked with both Rath and Ecchi-san on the phone tonight. Hum.. Something felt kinda off when I was talking with Rath, but I'm not worried about it. I don't feel that it was anything to be worried about. Ecchi-san's conversation was interesting though, that's for sure. It turns out that sometime last year, before Rath and I started going out, Ecchi-san accused me of loving Rath, and I denied it.
Ha, lookit where I am now. Ironic, isn't it?
Ecchi-san basically called to tell me, though, that Matt proposed to her. It's uber-sweet and cute ^_^ When I reacted that way, she said Matt had guessed I'd react that way.
It sort of led me to thinking about my actions. I've decided that there are two groups of people. People who can predict my actions, and people who can't, because they don't truly know me at all. So far, the list of people who I feel/know can predict my actions consists of: Rachel, Angela, Kasey (Ecchi-san), Matt, Sarah (Risu), and maybe Mel. I don't mean the occasional actions, or the actions brought forth by my lies, but my -real- actions and responses.
I've decided that I'm going to start making goals every week, and keeping them for that entire week. For one week, I'll be dedicated to that one thing.
I do believe that this week I'm going to start with, first of all, writing one thing everyday. Whether it be a story, a poem, a rant, it just needs to be something. Writing has always helped me clarify my life and situations in my life.
There was a whole list of other "goals of the week" I'd thought of, but I've forgotten them. I'll think of them again, though.
I'm off to write a poem, and get to sleep soon. There's an edited version of this in my LJ, for the sake of people having something to read.
If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all OK
And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful
And useless in times like these
I won't be made useless
I won't be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear
My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
Poverty stole your golden shoes
It didn't steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me
But I knew it wasn't ever after
We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
I am never broken
In the end only kindness matters
In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
I will get down on my knees, and I will pray
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
My hands are small I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken
We are never broken
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's mind
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's heart
We are God's eyes
God's hands
God's eyes
We are God's hands
We are God's hands
Next week, my goal is going to be not worrying.
-Kaiya-
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