June 4, 2003
Back into the routine of life again... It seem so long ago. Away. Alive. Awake...... I've been back shorter than the whole time that I was gone. It's a good thing that I have my pictures. I'm still trying to figure out what happened to that carefree person that not too long ago was beginning to live life again. How soon we forget. I always want to get away, to remind myself what the meaning is. Importance. Definition. Usually a trip a year will do it for me. I get my fix. I'm OK... for a while. Lately I find myself having to escape more and more. Just get away from life. I used to be able to reflect on my travels and understand and see things in a different way... Now I feel like everything was just an implanted dream. Just a figment. I am a prisoner. My time was just an elaborate scheme to hide the truth.. the truth that that are certain things that everyone must live with and accept. We live in a world with certain deficiency. There is no utopia. It does not exist. The only happiness that we seem to make, is a place that we can never get to... this world, too beyond our grasp. That bar has just been set too high. I wish it could all be simplified. If it were only that simple. If there were no expectations of the could be's. If there were no delays to the I wills. If there could just happiness without sacrifice... then where would we be.... not here...
Here...
Not Here........
I need another vacation.....