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Staring out into the blackness of night. The sweet anthems of vocals carry in the background while the rhythmic house beats tilts my head with each progression... The rain trickles by as we cruise on the highway leaving yet another one of these annual Christmas parties. This was supposed to be a gathering of celebration and a time of joy and exchange of good fortunes for the year with laughter and conversation. Why does it seem like a forceful meeting rather than what it was supposed to be... a party.... I am lost in my thoughts... I stare out into the darkness. And now, through mist and fog... my darkness has turn to haze. Still the same thoughts... It is apparent that the baggage of life is in all of us. Our smiles are all forced a slight bit. Consciousness tells us not to let loose and to hold back that one extra beer. Forearms are turned up to see where the hands are on that newly bought thousand dollar watch... It is apparent that everyone's mind is slightly off in another place. Focus here, not there! Where are the hugs?... replaced by awkward moments.. soon turned to goodbyes.... The group disperses... and the night ends and my eyes turn outside of the car to this haze... It is apparent that everyone is taking that step in their lives. It's the transition.. It's the change... It's what we as adults should be striving to become... be more aware of our environment and how we fit into this picture... if it be committing yourself to your job... or your lover... or a child... it is somehow the advancement and it is change.... It is taking that one step forward...

So why is it so much easier to take that step forward and so hard to take a step back... Cause and effect issue here. Put in more effort..... and get back more return... basic investment theory... Pretty easy reasoning right? So why do I want to cash out... You'd think that the more you know the happier you'd be.... Knowledge is a killer.... and I don't want to be ahead... and I don't want the days to just pass me by... and I don't want people to meet up because the have to... and I don't want to....

Just step back, it's supposed to be that easy... the picture should become more clear... I suppose....

Inside the car... eyes to the skies... mind in the stars... and wishes to only fill hearts that bleed...