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I have sat backed and pondered... I have stared into space just wondering how... I have conceived these questions and thoughts... and now, I understand that I am just as confused as when I started. How significant is a rock thrown into a lake.. Just a piece of earth with earth, sitting at the bottom with all others. It's the ripple in the middle of the that lake which spreads out and touches everything that we want to understand. We seek. It's this idea that only one of many can mean nothing when you are looking at the one, but look beyond that... look at all the little things of the big picture. What we see... are the effects of our lives. And what this means...

You wake up not really noticing it... but you have this feeling, like you're flying, like you're in the clouds, like a bed of roses, an instant, a moment, a lost moment, a fade, this feeling... you don't notice it, but it's there. Your day has begun. Another one of these have started. Another one passes until the next, to a week, to more, then a year, then more...and more.. passing, weaving, remove the time and then poof... notice it yet? This is your desire to not know, because everyday you do. You know what structure and command is. You know that red means stop and green means go. Dinner follows lunch follows breakfast follows sleep... You know that as you lie in your bed with your eyes half open you switch on your first though and have walked through. A life that you know so much about that means nothing... and you which that you knew nothing and everything had meaning....

We do things to fill the holes. Got no job, get a job, fill a hole. Have a free hour, hit the gym, fill a hole. Lonely, well, some holes are harder to fill than other, but we do fill holes. And they make us feel complete. And make us live our lives they way we do. There seems to be a purpose to it all. And we don't feel so guilty about ourselves because these hole are filled. And we don't seem so incomplete. But it is like the wrong key in the wrong lock. Not every key will turn and not every lock needs a key to be opened. Hole are filled because they need filling. Holes are filled because we fear that they might be empty. With knowing everything, we know how to live our lives by scripture. And after a while, we just don't know anymore. Everything has become this big tangled web and we just go with it because we don't know anything else. We want to be able to wake up and seize the day, but we only seize the moment. And we only know how to let it slip through our fingers. The grass is so green and so nice on the other side that you think about it so much that you can do is stare...

How bad of me to try to make sense of how life is to be lived. Where's my report card? Lets see... To need or to want. Live for purpose or by procedure. Be the one that lead or be the one who follows. So where's my report card? With all the choices that can be made and all the roads that have been taken...

Just wished that I could play by heart... the head will follow...

Throw that rock in the water and turn around, walk away. There's nothing to know.