fartguide3

THE RAMBLING PHADUKA FART: You must not be fooled by its
pretty-sounding name, as this is one of the most frightening of all
farts. It is frightening to farter and spectator alike. It has a
sound of pain to it. What is most diagnostic about it, however, is
its length. It is the longest-lasting fart there is. It will
sometimes leave the farter unable to speak. As though he has had the
wind knocked out of him. A strong, loud, wavering fart, it goes on for
at least fifteen seconds.

THE RELIEF FART: Sound or odour don't matter on this one. What matters
is the tremendous sense of relief that you have finally farted.
Some people will even say, "Wow, what a relief". Very common.

THE RELUCTANT FART: This is probably one of the oldest farts known
to man. The Reluctant Fart is a fart that seems to have a mind of
its own. It gives the impression that it likes staying where it is.
It will come when it is ready, not before. This can take half-a-day
in some instances.

THE RUSTY GATE FART: The sound of this fart seems almost impossible
for a fart. Is is the most dry and squeaky sound a fart can make.
The Rusty Gate Fart sounds as if it would have worked a lot easier
if it had been oiled. It sounds like a fart that hurts.

THE S.B.D. FART: S.B.D. stands for Silent But Deadly. This is no
doubt one of the most common farts that exists. No problem of
identification with this one.

THE SANDPAPER FART: This one scratches. Otherwise it may not
amount to much. You should remember that if you reach back and
scratch, it automatically becomes a Scratcharse Fart. Common.

THE JIGSAW FART: A truly awesome fart. It vibrates the farter.
Really shakes him up. People back away. It sounds like an electric
jigsaw ripping through a piece of half-inch plywood. Very
impressive. Not too common.

THE SONIC BOOM FART: The people who believe in this fart claim
it is even bigger than the Biggest Fart In The World Fart. The
Sonic Boom Fart is supposed to shake the house and rattle the windows.
This is ridiculous. No fart in the world shakes houses and rattles
windows. A fart that could do that would put the farter into orbit or
blow his head off.

THE SPLATTER FART: Unfortunately the Splatter Fart exists. It
is the wettest of all farts. It probably should not be called a
fart at all.

THE TEFLON FART: Slips out without a sound and no strain at all.
A very good fart in situations where you would rather not fart at all.
You can be talking to someone and not miss saying a word. If the wind
is right he will never know.