05/10/03

Well, my mom has figured out why livejournal stopped working and has fixed it. So, I am posting on my livejournal again. Um... I still don't know what I should do with this site. I'm thinking of transfering all of the posts on this site onto my livejournal, but after that, I want to convert this site into something else. If you have any ideas, let me know. Just e-mail me at [email protected]. Well, until next time... Later days! (^^)/

*~Erin~*

Mood: anxious, unbalanced
Music: the random rap stuff some person in my web page design class keeps playing on their computer. (^^;

04/21/05

Sorry I haven't posted lately. I haven't been able to get on the computer much. (^^;;

Spring Trip is only six days away! I know we'll have fun, but I also know that we aren't even close to being ready yet, so I can wait. (^^;

Jeremy is mad at me. Not that I care too much. I mean, I can't afford to let it bring me down. I was only doing my job. Jim is starting to let up on his angry antics. I was really starting to worry that he was begining to hate me. I don't know what started him off on me. I've been told that it has to do with his condition and that most of what he puts out on me is really his anger towards Mike, but...ah well. If I happen to be an outlet for him, then he is welcome to vent all he wants. (^^;

I recieved a letter from Towson about a week ago informing me that I was not accepted into the university. Yeah, it killed me, but I have to keep in mind that the only one I can blame is myself. So I will be going to AACC, and hopefully transfering to Towson for my sophomore year. And you never know, I may find another school.

I tought the Band class on Monday. Yeah, that was, um... interesting. (^^;; They actually got quiet (for the most part) when I told them too. I mean, for a band class of over 100 students, I'd say that's quite an accomplishment. (^^;; lol I feel it wasn't the most productive class, but we did get something done. (^^; Um... yeah. Lots of drama on Monday, but I am going to forget about it. It isn't worth hanging on to. Besides, I need to get my spirits back up in time for Spring Trip! (^^)

I watched Showtime's new movie, "Reefer Maddess" on Sunday. It's really funny. I'm thinking of recording it this weekend. It's showing all of this week. Chritian Campbell is awesome and so is John Kassir, and Robert Torti makes a really hot Jesus. XD lol If you haven't seen it, I suggest you check it out. (^^) I'll put a link up for it later. I'm in first period right now, though, so I'm not willing to do a search with the word "reefer" in it while on my own log-in at school. (^^;

Alex and I are no longer going out anymore. We came to a mutual agreement to end the relationship. Of course, he brought it up online. I wasn't too happy about that, but it's high school, so I let it go.

I finally have a prom dress! I got it on Friday. I have after-prom shoes, which are just some nice looking flip-flops, but I don't have any shoes for prom. But, ah well. I've still got a while. (^^; ... I forgot what I was going to say. Ah well.

I have been pretty depressed and aggrivated lately, but I have been trying to keep a positive attitude. It's getting better. I have realized how trivial and dumb a lot of things really are. Each day, I learn to let something go and I am able to move another step forward in my life. I figure it is best to take life day by day and to not let things get to me too much. I think it's working; I'm almost out of this rut. (^^)

Well, I guess that's it for now. No school tomorrow. It's our one-day "spring break". Weird, huh? (^^;; Until next time... Later days! (^^)/

*~Erin~*

Music: the song "Mary Lane" is stuck in my head. It's from the movie "Reefer Madness".
Mood: Depressed and aggrivated, but I'm still smiling. (^^)

04/11/05

World, BEWARE: I am now a legal adult and I can vote! XD (And drink in Canada! Woohoo!)

Wow, it's been longer than I thought since my last post. Ah well. (^^;;

Well, I hear the bus situation has pretty much been resolved... hopefully. (^^; In other news, I still don't have a prom dress. Mom and I are going out this weekend, and hopefully, we're finding a dress. If not, we're going with the first one we liked over in Annapolis...I think. (^^;

Everyone, thanks for the lovely gifts and hugs and cards and what-not. I really appreciate it. I feel so loved. (^^) *huggles to all*

• Kelly, I loved the sculpture, even though it fell apart. (^^; The short bread was great!
• Diana, I love the card. I still intend on playing with it eventually. Maybe during lunch tomorrow. XD The rose is beautiful, the cupcakes were really popular and delicious. The book is hilarious, and the balloon with the candy is awesome! XD Thanks!
• Katie, the dog was very popular today. He's so soft, I had trouble putting him down. I loved it! And the candies were great. Thanks a bunch! (^^) I haven't gotten to listen to the cd, yet. But I intend to listen to it when I go to bed tonight. I love Utada Hikaru! (^^)
• Doug, thanks for the card and the gift card to Barnes & Nobles! I know where I'm going this weekend! XD
• Jeremy, thanks for the card. It was great. (^^)
• Jesse, thanks for the Pokemon advertisement. lol That was great! XD
• Jessica, thanks for the invisible balloons. I still have them with me! XD
• And thanks to everyone who gave me hugs and wished me happy birthday, even if you didn't remember. (^^)

Now, there is something bugging me, but I have to wait until after I have worked it out before I can post about it, unfortunately. But, ah well.

I can't believe I am a legal adult now! It's kind of scary. (^^;My parents bought an 18 year-old bottle of Irish whisky 12 years ago, and they have been saving it so they could give it to me today. Of course, we observed my birthday yesterday, although we went out to dinner tongiht, but that doesn't count. Anywayz... they gave me a thirty year-old bottle of Irish whisky for my 18th birthday, and I'm not even old enough to drink it yet. (^^; lol Anywayz... there was note in the case, and I think they actually wrote it twelve years ago when they bought the bottle. It's actually kind of cool. (^^) Even though I don't like alcohol, I'm willing to drink this because they bought it especially for me. And I don't mind Guinness. I can try it without reaching for some water immediately aferwards. (^^;; It's not exactly a taste I like, ut it isn't bad. I seem to like Irish stuff. American beer and wine suck. I'm sorry. But Irish beer, I can see why it's such a big thing over there. lol. (^^;

Wow! I really went off topic. Ah well. I gotta go to bed anyway. (^^; 'Til next time, later days! (^^)/

*~Erin~*

Music: Random videos that aren't completely downloaded yet. Don't ask. (^^;
Mood: Really really happy! \(^o^)/ I feel so loved! XD

03/29/05

Well, I was just looking at my horosopes. I'm not sure why I even look at those things. I guess I just like to see what they say, just for curiosity's sake. Anywayz... They've been pretty accurate lately. More accurate than usual. I mean, they're usually just generally okay, or else completely off. But within the past week, they've been right on the money. Which is weird. That usually only happens about once every few months. (^^;; Anywayz... Here's what it said yesterday:

"You are moving at light speed now, but it's all too easy to get so far ahead of yourself that you cannot catch up to where others expect you to be. Your feelings lag behind your presentation, however, and you can spend a lot of energy stressing over the difference between your head and your heart. Although this may be a familiar pattern, look for the lesson here that you've missed before in order to help you become a more compassionate person."

That's pretty much how I felt about things yesterday. I have been doing what it suggests and I didn't even see this until just now. So that's actually kind of weird. (^^; It's funny, though, because I went to click on the link for yesterday, and immediately I thought to myself, "Just watch it say something about my feelings towards my relationship with Alex. Just watch." Strange how things tend to work out that way, huh? (^^; Anywayz... Alex, in case you're reading this, don't get the wrong idea. I just need to talk to you about something, that's all. No worries. (^^)

And for today:

"The power you feel can be expressed impulsively now, and although you can be quite dynamic, you also can get yourself into a heap of trouble. The continuing issue for you these days is about over-commitment. The solution is straightforward, yet difficult to execute. Don't take on more than you can do."

Yeah, this just goes on about how I need to talk to Alex. (^^; But yeah, it's kind of weird how it turned out like that.

Anywayz... Tomorrow the Choir goes to their county festival, and I have to go with them! (^___^;; <-That's a sarcastic smilie face, by the way. (^^; Normally, I would be happy about another excuse to get out of school, but I have missed so much, and just about every day I have missed has been a B-day. That, and I didn't go to school Teusday of last week, so....this kind of poses a bit of a problem. I kind of need to go to class. (^^; I have never felt this way about getting out of class, before, so this is really weird for me. Well, at least I get to go to most of my Web Page Design class. Now, I don't mind missing out on English too much, even though I am pretty embarasses over missing so much of class, but, I kind of have to go. (^^;; We're getting back at around 15 minutes before school ends, so I'll be missing Jazz Band and English, and most of piano. (^^; I just feel really bad about it. But, ah well. It isn't the end of the world...I guess. (^^;

And for my song of "wisdom" for the day, I give you a country song. (^^)

"I Want to Live" by Josh Gracin

Sometimes I feel like I need to shake myself, to wake myself:
I feel like I'm just sleep walkin' through out life.
It's like I'm swimmin' in an ocean of emotion,
But still, somehow, slowly goin' numb inside.
I don't like who I'm becomin', I know I've gotta do somethin',
Before my life passes right by.

I want to cry like the rain, cry like the rain,
An' shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin'.
Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin',
Fight with the devil an' go down swingin'.
Fly like a bird, roll like a stone,
Love like I ain't afraid to be alone.
Take everything that this world has to give:
I wanna live.

Sometimes I wonder why I work so hard to guard my heart.
Well, I hardly feel anything at all.
I've spent my whole life buildin' up this ivory tower.
Now that I'm in it, I keep wishin' it would fall.
So I can feel the ground beneath me, really taste this air I'm breathin',
And know that I'm alive.

I want to cry like the rain, cry like the rain,
An' shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin'.
Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin',
Fight with the devil an' go down swingin'.
Fly like a bird, roll like a stone,
Love like I ain't afraid to be alone.
Take everything that this world has to give:
I wanna live,
I wanna live.

Somethin' deep inside keeps sayin life is like a vapor:
It's gone in just the twinklin' of an eye.

I want to cry like the rain, cry like the rain,
An' shine like the sun on a beautiful mornin'.
Sing to the heavens like a church bell ringin',
Fight with the devil an' go down swingin'.
Fly like a bird, roll like a stone,
Love like I ain't afraid to be alone.
Take everything that this world has to give.
I wanna take every breath I can get:
I wanna live.

Yeah, yeah

Anywayz... There ya go. I like it. I know it's country and everyone hates country, but it's actually a really good song. And it has some real wisdom. I have realized that the music I listen to greatly influence the choices I make in life. And it was this song that inspired me to allow myself to take the risks I was never willing to before. Anywayz... even though it's country, I highly recommend you listen to this song. I love it and I feel it really says something about letting yourself free from your own restraints and allowing yourself to do the things and feel the things you've always wanted to. To allow yourself to live.

If you don't listen to the song, at least keep the words from the song in mind. Well, this is a really long post and my brain is starting to shut down. (^^; It's been a long day and I've had quite a bit racking on my mind throughout the day, so... Nighty night everyone! (^^)/

*~Erin~*

P.S. Only 13 days until my 18th Birthday! \(^o^)/

Music: DCI performances (mainly Phantom Regiment and Santa Clara Vanguard)
Mood: A bit out of it; embarassed and bothered by a few things; tired. Not a lot has happened, but for some reason, I sure have a lot on my mind. (^^:

03/26/05

Ah man! I was moving my posts around on my page, and I copied the one before February fourth and on my way from page two to page 3, I went and coppied something else, and lost the post. Now I can't get it back. I am so mad at myself. I can't believe I did that! (TT_TT)

03/26/05

I had a lot of fun today. Alex and I hung out at the mall for a while. My mom also had me get a shirt to wear for Easter tomorrow. Alex helped me pick one. Thank a bunch, Alex. I really appreciate you helping me out. (^^) Oh, and by the way, no more saying you have "bad taste in clothes". Everyone liked the shirt you helped me pick out. (^^) lol We also paid a visit into Borders. I bought a new rossini cd to add to my collection, and a "Bach Flute Sonatas: Volume 2" cd. My flute teacher requested that I get some Bach flute cds so I can hear the different interpretations and styles of each player.

Luckily, the only flute cd I found happened to have all of the songs performed with a Baroque flute, which is a wooden flute. So the sound isn't quite as precise as a German metal flute, which is the instrument everyone is familiar with. The sound of a Baroque flute is very hollow and each "toungue", or the definition of each note, is very airy. With the German flute, each "tounge" is very defined and precise and the sound is, as my flute teacher put it, "very percussion-like". So I have to listen to the style so I can understand how I am to play the Bach sonata I am currently working on with my German flute. I expect I will be listening to this cd a lot within the next week or two. (^^; lol

Well, after we left the mall, Alex came home with me and we hung out until my parents got back. They went out to dinner with some friends, which was good since they don't go out much. (^^; They had fun, so I'm happy for them. I'm glad they are trying to have a life beyond Liam and I, since I will be out of the house in a few months (hopefully *crosses fingers*) and Liam will be heading off to college in two years.

Well, that's pretty much it for today. Happy Easter everybody! \(^o^)/ *throws confetti* See ya! (^^)/

*~Erin~*

Music: My new Bach cd. I love it! (^^) I wish I had a Baroque flute now!
Mood: Just about all of my stress is gone. I'm so happy! (^^)

03/25/05

I went ice skating for the first time in my life, and somehow made it without falling once. I had a lot of close encounters, though. (^^; It was quite interesting, really. It was cold, so if I ever go ice skating again, I will have to remember to bring gloves. (^^; But other than that, it was actually a lot of fun. (^^)

We got a new car today. It's a blue mini van. It felt weird when Jesse pulled up to our house when dropping us off, because, for a moment, I thought my aunt had stopped by or something of that sort. I dunno, but it was really weird. (^^; It's a nice car though. I do like it. And I can actually see over the dash board without having to strain my back and neck. (^^;

My pointer finger still hurts from when I ran into the wall while skating. (^^; Jesse was messing with me while on the ice. So, to get back at him, I was going to lightly give him a little push. UInfortunately, I don't quite have the power or the coordination to do this on the ice just yet. (^^; Well, anywayz... When he realized what I was trying to do, he moved to the side. Well, I don't know how to slow down or stop just yet, so I grabbed at the wall to try and stop myself from slamming into it and somehow hurt the tip of my right pointer and middle fingers somehow. (^^;

I feel sorry for Adam, though. Apparently, he fell forward on the ice and lost a chunk of his chin. (^^; I hope it gets better soon, Adam! I never got to give him a "get well" hug, but ah well. I substituted it with some "get well" pokes since we were on the ice. I was afraid of losing my balance and taking him with me. (^^;;

Well, I was really looking forward to hanging out at the mall with Alex yesterday. Sorry about that. My mom randomly popped the "Let's go get a car" thing on me on her way home from work. (^^; Hopefully we can work something out soon.

I have to admit, going out skating tonight was the first time I have really been out and had fun in a long time. I got to really loosen up while I was out. Even though I was squeaking and almost falling, and covering my face with my hands to protect myself from Mark, Jesse, and Mike for most of the time. But hey, it was fun. I got to try something new that I have always wanted to try ever since I was a little girl, and I got to hang out with my friends. I can't wait to do it again! (^^)

Well, that's pretty much it for now. 'Til next time... Later days! (^^)/

*~Erin~*

P.S. I made into Towson's Music Department! XD Now I just have to make it into the University. They have me on the waiting list, but I hate not being certain, and not be able to be certain until after another month or two. (T_T) In all honesty, I would rather have them tell me that I didn't make the cut, then to leave me hanging like this. Like, I don't even have to think about it, and it still bothers me, because it's back in my subconsious thought. URGH!!! .... Ah well. (^^;

Music: Final Fantasy IX music video to Linkin Park's "In the End"
Mood: Happy, excited, relaxed (as much as possible when excited. lol). I also kind of feel somewhat fulfilled since I got to try something I never dreamed of having the chance to do. It was really cool! (^^)

03/23/05

Yesterday, I didn't go to school. My dad came to make sure I was awake and told me I wasn't going to school. I'm not sure why, but he did. (^^;; And then, they let me sleep until late in the afternoon. I didn't wake up until 2:45! So then I was really out of it until about 9:30, when I actually felt awake. But by then, it was already too late, so then I couldn't sleep last night. And then, just to add to it all, I forgot that we're off from school for the rest of the week and I tried to wake Liam up this morning, thinking that our parents might have over slept. I am such a dork. (^^;

Anywayz... I'm listening to a bunch of old pop songs we used to listen to back when music was good. Back in the 90's! (^^) Yeah, those were the good ol' days, back when songs actually made sense, they made you feel better, and they weren't about any sort of controversy like "You suck, I'm gone", or "Where's my hoes at?" or anything lustful or mean. And few cuss words too. Man, I miss this music so much. Anywayz...

I feel so bad about Monday. I was all caught up in thinking that the Jazz Band goes to the county festival with everyone else, that I totally screwed up Alex's day. And he didn't have his books with him, so he couldn't exactly go to class either. And it's all my fault. Alex, if you're reading this, I am so very, very sorry. (TT_TT)

The groups were great at County Festival, though. Everyone is going to state. (^^) The band and strings all got straight ones (though I don't know how that happened. lol) and the full orchestra recieved two 1s and a 2 in sight reading. (^^) Though, I think we were saved by the fire alarm, because no one was counting when we first started and it was pretty obvious. But, heh, it works. (^^;

I squeaked on the second note of my solo during "Incantation and Dance", but apparently, nobody noticed but me. (^^;; But ah well, it happens. It's kind of like the "William Tell Overture" in Ocean City, only I wasn't so nervous, the part wasn't nearly as challenging, I've actually played it right multiple times, and I could actually hear myself... Okay, so maybe it wasn't like "William Tell", but you get the idea. (^^;

I really enjoyed Monday, as guilt ridden and nervous as I was. (^^; I got to hang out with everyone, and I even had a bit of time to think over some things. Which reminds me, I want to see if I can get some people together to just hang out at the mall or something tomorrow. I think it would be fun. (^^)

You know, Alex likes to mentioned every now and then, how much different the two of us are. I get the feeling that it bothers him or something. Which is kind of sad, because I love it when I get close to people who are different from me. I get to learn new things. You know, see things from a new perspective. To me, getting to know someone different just adds that extra spice to life. Like a little extra ginger to go with the chicken, sort of thing.

But I've also realized, that while he is focusing on how different we are, I'm realizing the similarities we share. We have so much in common and we don't even realize it. I know I wouldn't feel this close to him if we were complete opposites. I don't know. Maybe it's just one of those "in the gut" kind of feelings.

I'm thinking I should probably practice my flute at some point during the day, before my lessons with Melinda tonight. (^^; I've only practice the music she gave me once since my last practice. But it is so cold in the house, it's just....it doesn't quite work, you know? (^^; Ah well. I'll probably end up practicing anyway, which is a good thing, so I won't complain.

I need to get the details for Friday night from Jesse. I can't believe I'm doing it again, but what the heck. I need to get out and have some fun, anyway. I've been too uptight lately. I can feel it all the time, and I just need a chance to just hang out and relzax. Loosin' up a bit and really be myself again. Oh, that would bring such a relief, I almost can't wait. (^^;

Well, this post is pretty long, so I won't keep you any longer. Call me or IM if you are interested in doing something either today or tomorrow, or heack, even Friday. I don't care. I just need to get out. (^^; See ya! (^^)/

*~Erin~*

Music: Billy Joel, Savage Garden, Train, Sugar Ray, Eagle-Eye Cherry, the good ol' stuff. (^^)
Mood: post-stressed (the feeling's still there, but the most of the actual stress is gone)

03/20/05

I feel so awkward. I've been rambling lately and feeling sorry for myself and it almost feels like I shouldn't be. I just want things to work out for once. They never really have before, so it would be nice to have a change in luck. I really just don't know how to feel about anything anymore.

I really want a relationship to work out between Alex and I. I mean, for the first time in my life, I have strong feelings for someone who actually likes me. That has never happened to me before. Usually, I just have to watch from afar and pretend like everything is alright even though I am being torn to pieces inside.

You see, with Alex, it's more than just a crush. He is the first guy I have ever liked that I wasn't shy around. I can be near him and talk to him and still be myself. ............. *Blah* My brain just died. I think I should just give up while I still can. I feel like such a dork. (^^;

My thought process keeps stopping just as I am organizing my thoughts. I think it might have to do with the fact that I didn't get any sleep last night. (^^;; Diana doesn't seem to be talking to me, and all because Mike and I had mentioned that she needs to let Corey be able to do things on his own. Jason doesn't seem to be willing to talk to me. I guess I can't really blame him...I think. In all honesty, I don't know what to think anymore. Gosh, I feel like I'm in 10th grade again. This sucks. (-_-;;

Anywayz... on the bright side, I downloaded this song from the anime Full Metal Panic called "Arashi no Mae", and I think I have finally found a new piece of inspiration to get me started with my music videos again. (^^) It's really short, lasting for only two minutes and 25 seconds, but it really breaks through everything and completely catches you off guard. I love it. (^^)

Anywayz... That was my random speel for the day. See ya! (^^)/

Erin

Music: DCI shows, random bits of Robin Williams doing stand-up comedy, "Arashi no Mae", and the opening of Fushigi Yuugi. Of course, I'm only hearing half of it all at the moment. Stupid brain. (-_-;
Mood: down and really out of it. ... That and I'm hungry. Food might be a good idea. (^^;

1 | 2 | 3