Circus Bizarro
Debbie: "This is bizarre. What kind of circus is this?"
Mike: "This is that new wave, European circus fantastic. Hurry, hurry, step right up, see the Circus Bizarro! Come one, come all. Step right up, little lady, don't be shy, don't be stupid."

Cotton Candy
Debbie: "Nobody stores cotton candy like this."

Get Help 1
Dave: "I've seen enough. One baker five. Kurt, do you read me. Over.
Mooney: "One baker five, this is Mooney speaking. I was a little worried about you, thought the big, bad clowns got you. Over."
Dave: "Mooney, I want you to listen to me and don't say anything. I want you to call the state police and get help. There are clowns and they are killing people. Over."

Get Help 2
Dave: "Jack...Jack, we need your assistance. The town's gone crazy. People are being killed. Over."
Jack: "What's all these reports about circus clowns?"
Dave: "These clowns aren't people. They're some kind of creatures, things from another planet... Look, Jack, they're killing people. Officer Mooney is dead. I know, I saw it. He was killed by one of these things. Could you send all available units immediately, please. Over... Come on, Jack!"
Jack: "Okay, calm down buddy. Help is on the way."

JoJo Command
Terenzi: "I am the great and powerful JoJo. I command you to stop. Do not hurt them, let them go. You will obey me, let them go."

Klown Laugh 1
Klown: "[evil laughter]"

Klown Laugh 2
Klown: "[evil laughter]"

Look, A Klown!
Mike: "Look, a clown! Right there!"

Mercy
Mooney: "I don't know who you are, but before this night's over you're gonna be begging for mercy."

No Funhouse
Mike: "This is no funhouse."

Don't Worry
Mooney the puppet: "Don't worry, Dave. All we wanna do is kill you."

Scary
Terenzi: [in funny voice] "Oooh, Scary. "

Shoot The Nose
Mike: "What are we gonna do when we find them? Can we kill them?!"
Dave: "Yeah, you shoot them in the nose."

Shooting Star
Debbie: "The shooting star!"
Mike: "What are you talking about?!"
Debbie: "The shooting star we went to go look for, we are in it!"

Sound FX
Elevator buttons in spaceship: "[misc. sound effects]"

Circus Tent
Mike: "Oh, shit! This is bizarre, it's like, uh..."
Debbie: "A circus tent."
Mike: "What's a circus tent doing all the way out here, a real lousy location for a show."

Thoughts
Dave: "Why are they here? Why clowns?"
Mike: "They're not clowns. They're some kind of animal from another world that just look like clowns. Maybe their ancient came to our planet centuries ago, and our idea of clowns just comes from them."
Terenzi: "How come they're not funny?"
Terenzi: "Maybe they're from a dying planet. Maybe their sun poofed out and they need a new place to live."
Terenzi: "Maybe they use us for experiments to disect and study."
Dave: "So, that means they're intelligent. So, why don't they communicate with us. I mean, talk to us, instead of killing us."
Terenzi: "Maybe they're just cruising through the galaxy and stopped here for a bite to eat."

UFO
Debbie: "I've never seen anything like this before. Have you?"
Mike: "No."
Debbie: "Well, that's because nobody has. I don't believe in UFO's, but if they do exist, then we're trapped in one right now."
Mike: "Debbie, would you just calm down. There's gotta be a logical explanation for this."

Killer Klowns
Mooney: [whistles]"Killer clowns from outer space... holy shit."

Balloon
Mooney: "They took your wife away in a balloon. Well, you don't need the police pal, you need a psychiatrist!"

Ice Cream
Paul: "Mike, what do you want us to do? We have ice cream to sell tonight."
Mike: "Paul, this is more important than selling ice cream. There's clowns going around killing people. We're all in danger!"

Roommates
Rich: "Does she have any roommates?"
Mike: "Yes, she's got two. She's got two beautiful roommates... with big boobs!"
Paul: "Do they like ice cream?"