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DISCLAIMER: Joss will be screaming to be allowed to play with them on-screen
again if he ever reads this. *smirks*
SUMMARY: G. Futurefic. Friends help each other... and sometimes they have too much
fun doing it.
WORDCOUNT: 1831
THANK YOU: to my entire Flist
for bearing with me while I cried, ranted, moaned and generally whined about this story.
*hugs* And especially to Faithgirl for the beta.
For Sathinks at the Angelthon.
TWILIGHT ZONE
by Leni
Angel had lived for 250 years and he was convinced that the adage 'nothing new under the
sun' fit him. He'd seen everything there was to see and done everything that could be
done.
He was wrong.
Hell was a test he'd passed more or less successfully. His time walking the fine line
between right and wrong at Wolfram & Hart had showed him what his true destiny was.
There were no other lessons the world could teach him anymore.
He was wrong.
Because in two and a half centuries and during his stay at Wolfram and Hart never had he
gone to the mall... with two women who'd gone from sugar-high companions to effective
torturers hours ago.
---
"Candles!" Willow suddenly said, snapping her fingers as the idea hit her.
Angel's eyes widened and he looked longingly at the close 'Exit' sign. Please, no more,
was his only thought.
But Dawn was already nodding thoughtfully and paid no attention to Angel's reaction.
"Yes, candles. Possibly something else for a mellower atmosphere."
"Hmmm, maybe incense?"
"I don't need them," he interrupted their musings, already knowing that
such a small detail wouldn't deter them.
Willow laughed. "Of course you do, you can't have a romantic dinner without
candles."
"I bet they have candles at the restaurant!" he said hopefully.
"Restaurant?" Both shook their heads disapprovingly.
"I'm taking Buffy to Chez Monique."
"No, you're not," Dawn told him. He looked down at her in bewilderment.
"Angel, it can't be a surprise if you take her out."
Okay, Angel could see the logic in that. But... "I already made reservations."
Dawn's eyes brightened. "You did? Too bad. You will prepare a fantastic dinner
for my sister and make her feel like a queen in her own home." The smile that had
been teasing her lips blossomed now. "I will take care of those reservations, don't
worry."
Angel threw her a dark look. Of course, he was sure that Dawn and her boyfriend of the
week would 'take care' of them.
Willow giggled. "Angel will cook?" she said dubiously.
Dawn nodded, not bothered that he had never agreed.
"He can?" the redhead asked, amazement in her voice.
"Oh yes." Dawn nodded cheerfully. Surely remembering the times she'd managed to
butt in on his and Buffy's only-for-two dinners. The girl could be very stubborn, Angel
thought. "He makes the most wonderful lasagne," she added dreamily. Angel felt a
little forgiving at her enthusiasm for his cooking.
Willow smiled, looking at him truly appreciatively for the first time since the Dress
Disaster. Angel shifted the various bags in his arms for better balance and shied away
from the memory of that hellish episode. Of course, as the women in front of him began
discussing the pros and cons of a man in the kitchen, he had no choice but to tune them
out and relive the scene at Carmelle's.
***
At Carmelle's
Dawn tugged him relentlessly into the classier store. He could only look enviously at the
men strategically standing meters away from the door, smoking, making polite conversation
and trying to ignore the shopping bags they were all carrying. Angel looked longingly at
their freedom before Willow pushed him the last step into the shop.
For a moment he felt the looks on him, all the women in attendance staring curiously and
wondering why a man would cross the threshold. Then the moment passed, and he was still
being stared at.
"Why are we here?" he whispered.
"We need a dress," Willow answered, eyes already sweeping the place for their
next purchase.
Angel looked down at the bags in his hands. He was sure that at least two of them
contained clothes. "But we already bought a dress - or three." He really tried
to keep anything close to a whine out of his voice.
"Those weren't right for the occasion," Dawn cut in, leading them deeper into
the store, stopping when she spotted a mannequin dressed in a long, burgundy dress. She
nudged Willow and the other girl looked at the dress carefully.
"Thin straps and they're all too short," the redhead added before being
mesmerised by the dress too.
Neither saw Angel's eyes harden as he raised the bags in the air and harshly shook the
ones with the dresses they'd already bought. "Then why," he began slowly,
"did you buy these."
"They're classics," Dawn answered easily, moving to the rack of shawls and
inspecting them.
"She'll look perfect in them during the summer," Willow muttered, still admiring
the burgundy dress and scratching her chin thoughtfully.
"Aha!" Dawn came back triumphantly with a sheer black shawl in her hands. The
delicate embroidery on it made it look almost untouchable. Angel had to admit she'd chosen
well, he'd buy it even if Dawn didn't cajole him as he knew she would.
Willow was the one who voiced his thoughts. "Oh, it's perfect!"
Dawn smiled and handed him the shawl. Then she stared dubiously up at the dress they'd
been considering. "Now I'm not sure about the dress though." The other two
looked at her. She had been the one who'd chosen the dress in the first place. "I
don't know... the colour..." She shook her head. "And it's the wrong size."
Willow checked the tag. "It's a B."
Dawn chuckled. "Oh please, I am a B."
And she definitely had a fuller body, not that Angel would ever say that aloud. In fact,
he wouldn't even think about it.
"Okay..." Willow went diligently though the dresses. "Found it." The
pale blue version she held now was somewhat smaller than the one in display. She moaned in
distress. "Uh oh..."
Angel had learned to fear those sounds. They only could mean a bigger dent in his bank
account.
Willow showed them the back - or lack thereof - of the dress. Angel gulped. Oh, he really
really liked this one.
Dawn bit her lip. "We'll need a special bra for that."
Angel paled. No. It'd been against his every instinct to set foot in this store, and he
would not go anywhere near the underwear section he could already glimpse some
meters ahead.
Unaware of his escape plans, Dawn looked at him and asked for Buffy's size.
"Huh?"
"Bra size, Angel," she explained.
He shrugged. "I don't know."
Dawn's eyes widened. "What do you mean, you don't know?"
"I don't think he wastes time measuring them," Willow snickered.
Angel glared at her, not missing Dawn's slight shudder. This was too much. They'd taken
him up and down the mall mercilessly. They had happily burdened him with countless pink
bags with girlie names on them. They had complete control over his credit card and had
unrepentantly transformed the small shopping trip he'd had in mind into some kind of religious
experience. Now they were making fun of his sex life too? "As if you measure
Kennedy's when you're with her," he barked, never bothering to check his words with
his brain first.
The girls froze.
All the women around stared at them, several giggling before whispering between
themselves.
"Could you have been louder?" Dawn hissed angrily, obviously wondering why her
sister would choose such an unsatisfactory specimen for herself.
"That was totally out of line, Angel," Willow said icily, turning around and
stalking off to the underwear section.
Angel suddenly understood he'd made a terrible mistake.
Dawn glared.
"But... She just...Argh!" Angel was completely at a loss. He was prepared to
deal with his oversized guilt and a entire firm of demons. But not with young women -
unless they were Slayers, and even they had their 'difficult' days. "I only turned
the tables a bit."
"Angel," Dawn said patiently, and now it was amusement more than annoyance
colouring her voice. Angel didn't know which one he liked less. "I'm Buffy's sister,
Willow is her best friend, of course we can joke like that. Do you have any kind of
prerogative over Kennedy's life? Or even Willow's?"
He shook his head dumbly. What could be said that wouldn't anger them further?
Dawn took the shawl from his hands. "Look, why don't you hmm... go outside or
something. I'll talk to Wills."
Angel sighed. Women! But it was his ticket his freedom too. He obediently turned around.
"Angel?" Dawn called him back. He stopped. "Your card? Hello?"
She held her hand to him.
The murderous look he threw at her along with his Visa was thoroughly ignored.
---
Back in the present Angel found himself leaning against the exit door, with another bag
filled with candles, in all colours, shapes and sizes, plus the most ridiculous amount of
incense. All of them with names he could barely recall even as the girls had been listing
them.
Meanwhile, his newest nightmare-duo had gone collect what they'd termed as 'the final
touch'. Angel had only breathed in relief and wholeheartedly shooed them away before they
decided to bring him along. Anything for some moments of quiet and peace...
...which didn't last.
"Angel!"
He was immediately suspicious of the twin grins his torturers wore.
Willow began, with the sweetest 'Willow, the High School Years' voice in her repertoire.
"We weren't sure which one you'd prefer..."
Dawn picked the sentence, obviously in synch with her fellow shop-addict. "... so we
brought out two final choices with us." She grinned before she added. "Oh, we
had to leave your credit card instead."
Angel took a menacing step towards them. They what?!
And right there, where dozens of people could see it, Willow brought out a tiny piece of
green cloth and dangled it in front of him.
Angel gasped, realising too late that Dawn was holding something blue and slightly larger
in her hands.
"So, Angel." Willow smirked slowly and Angel could see in her eyes how sweet
revenge could be. "Boxers or briefs?"
---
Angel woke up, breathing heavily.
He looked around fully expecting to find the girls in front of him.
Nothing.
Instead the still furniture of Buffy's bedroom stared back at him.
Just a dream?
He breathed deeply, this time in relief. A second later he discovered what had woken him
up in the first place.
"Angel?" Buffy called.
"Here!" he answered, rising from the bed and, after grimacing at his crumpled
clothes, went to find her.
She greeted him with a tight hug. "You're the sweetest, you know?"
Angel smiled, surprised at the unexpected compliment.
"I called Willow just to check if we were still on for tonight and she 'fessed
up." Buffy chuckled against his chest. "She never could keep a secret." She
took a step away and looked at him reproachfully. "But Angel, really, if you wanted
to surprise me then you could at least have kept the bags out of sight!"
Angel froze. Indeed, all around them were the bags he could remember carrying for hours...
in his dream? He gulped and had to sit down, unaware of Buffy's perplexed expression.
The girls would never let him live it down.
The End
11/06/04
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