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DISCLAIMER: Not mine.
SUMMARY: PG. After 'Chosen'. This was their game.
WORDCOUNT: 1258
THEIR GAME
by Leni
This was their game, only they weren't playful about it.
Each step represented a wish, every wish was a lost hope and every lost hope was another
stone for the bridge between them. For they had finally understood that Hope was good only
for those who wanted only a little and sometimes were lucky enough to receive a lot.
But for them?
They who had hoped for the world and beyond, who had been foolish enough to believe in
pure love and happily-ever-afters... How could Hope possibly help them now? No, only by
freeing themselves of their mad wishes and dreams could they begin again.
They had begun this game months ago already, believing it would be easy and never being
more wrong. Five meters always separated them, each one in an opposite corner of the room.
The first said a wish, waited for the other to answer to it. Both accepted it was not to
be, stepped further. Then the second dreamt aloud, and so it went on. The day they met in
the middle would signal their new beginning.
It should be easy, shouldn't it?
That's exactly where they were wrong. Their game was truly a box match always ending with
killing blows.
One always run back into safety, to lick his wounds and face the resuscitated ghost. The
other was left standing, blaming himself for mentioning it and yet satisfied with the cold
revenge (for they seemed to take turns into escaping the truth), with the fact that they
still were able to make the other feel and flee. Both thinking that maybe they'd never
reach a middle ground, that maybe all this hurt was for naught.
Yet they still came back.
Weeks would pass and he'd call her, begging to try again. Or maybe she'd be the one to
come, knock at his door in the middle of the night asking for another chance.
And so they started again.
"I wish we wouldn't do this," she began.
"I wish we didn't need to."
She stared into his eyes, acknowledging the truth and took one step closer.
He motioned at the empty space between them. "I wish everything were different."
"I wish we could begin again," she shot back, an unwanted melancholic note
creeping into her voice. She didn't know what she would do differently, but it was a nice
thought. One which would never happen, of course. Continuing the game she wished for them
to live in the same world.
He chuckled sadly, thinking of his shady business and how it diverged from the path she'd
chosen for herself. "I wish our worlds could meet." He remembered how she'd
reacted the first time he'd said that, accusing him that he wanted to keep her for
himself. That was true, of course. "And yes, that means I wish you'd never leave me
again."
Months ago she'd attacked him with hurtful words, knowing herself to be finally free
again. Couldn't he see she'd grown wings in his absence? The fact that her duty pulled her
out of his city and the States only helped further in her cause. How could he ask her to
give up her freedom? But now, after going around the whole world once and again, after
seeing too much and not having the time to understand it, she'd decided she
needed a place to rest. Freedom was good and okay, but a refuge and someone to help her to
lift the burdens off her wings was better. Of course, there was still a duty to fulfil.
Her "I wish I didn't have to." came in a 'Do you think I want to?'
tone. Naturally, those thoughts only lead for her teenage dream that the Hellmouths -
gotta remember it was a plural noun now - were closed.
He shrugged, knowing that even if those portals closed their world wouldn't differ as
much. His next wish was an old one, too, the first he'd had as soon as he knew about her
fate. "I wish you had a normal life."
Her hand went to her mouth, smothering a cry of protest. She had already spent weeks
accepting that, even after all this time, he still believed she wanted to be
normal.
His eyes studied her face, contemplated her denial and stubbornness, and so he continued
with a defeated sigh, "I wish you remembered the perks of a normal life."
She gave a wry chuckle. As if he were one to talk. Not only because he had never been
'normal' as long as she remembered, but also because the life he was leading now could not
be healthy, not even for a vampire. She noticed his haggard stance... Oh, his steps were
as sure as ever and she knew that, should he have to fight, his attacks would be as deadly
as before. But, under the unbeatable pose she didn't find the spark which had attracted
her to him. Sometimes it was there, when he realised that they were closer than ever in
this game... but it quickly disappeared when he decided he couldn't take it anymore, or
when she run back to her friends.
"Oh Angel," she whispered sadly, "I so wish life meant more than duty and
sacrifice for us. I wish..." She stopped, realising that she didn't know what to
wish. Memories of days long past came unbidden, smiles and talks and innocent friendships
from her teenage years sung a melancholic song inside her. In the end it didn't come out
as a wish but as a plea: "I wish life held more appeal for us."
He looked at her, saw the question in her eyes and heard it in her voice as well. 'Can
you do it?' Angel wished he could, and yet he didn't voice the wish for he remembered
a night weeks ago: Files of Istanbul across his desk, pictures of her fighting madly and
without restraints. There had been a particular photo between them, a lucky shot which
focused on her eyes just as she saw the enemy's blade coming closer.
And he knew.
He knew it with a certainty which made his soul bleed and a silent scream come out from
his lips.
"I wish you didn't still long for death," was his quiet whisper.
Her eyes widened. His look was not unforgiving. Just the opposite, it was so impossibly
understanding that she couldn't bear it. It was the truth. It was the truth and she knew
it. And everybody around her knew it too. Yet nobody dared to so direct about it, none had
told her that her big secret was discovered. Not since...
She stepped back. It was a slow retreat at first; a little waiting for him to accuse her,
a little waiting for his arms to hold her back. But rule number one was that they had to
continue for themselves. Because if they ever found each other without facing all those
issues, then it would be a study in full circles and their hearts couldn't afford that.
So he stayed in his post, watched as her steps became quicker and longer until she broke
into a run away from him and the scary truth.
Angel sighed, staring after her, They had only been a scarce meter apart this time. Three
more steps would have crossed the distance. Three more wishes to make, three harsh truths
to accept... but they had time.
"Until the next time, Buffy," he shouted, knowing that she'd hear it.
Then he turned around and left the room.
The End
17/09/03
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