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DISCLAIMER: All hail Joss.
SUMMARY: Willow dreams. post S6.
WORDCOUNT: 695
NOTES: Written for A2Zmom
REMEMBER ME
by Leni
It was the barest whisper, a shadow at the edge of her consciousness, a painful pinprick
on her wrist. She was here for a reason even if she couldn't remember it. If she
concentrated, she'd be able to define the source. But to concentrate her surroundings had
to keep still. She had to be alert. If her attention slipped, if her eyes closed for just
a second, everything would fall and change around her. But rooms didn’t fall and
change, did they? How did she know this one would?
She looked around herself and smiled in relief. Of course. She'd been here enough times,
this room was practically one with her. There was a feeling of belonging here. It laughed
in careless glee with her, whispered her name like a child to its mother. Its walls called
to her, reminded her of times long gone, when her only mission was to say the right words
and to comfort the right people. That had been so easy; the harmony of this room attested
to it. There were the chairs where she'd sat so many times, the computers she'd held as
weapons for years. The cage at which she'd sat patiently and her favourite corner to nap
on those unending nights. Every detail was hers to be recognised and named, how could she
not know every secret of this room? And yet... Her eyes fell on the carefully guarded
books. Those weren't hers. She hadn’t been allowed to reach for them. Far too
powerful, she’d been told. Far too dangerous for the little girl that lived in this
room. Those had been the only secret. Until she'd devoured them...
No.
Her eyes closed and the whisper became a word. Loss. It hurt her, made her bend
onto herself in pain. There was an absence in her heart. If she focused, maybe she'd be
able to touch it.
No.
Suddenly she was a blink away from that safe library. Incense and clover blanketed the
smell of dust and wood instantly. This was a new room. It told her of peace, the candles
lightened its atmosphere into contentment. Her lips tingled for a second, aware they were
missing something they should receive. Everything began with a kiss, she found
herself saying. There had been a spell. There had been friendship. Different than the
friendship the old library had represented. There she had been but a girl-child, with
memories and thoughts full of other children like her. That had been union; it had been
family. But this? This was deeper. Blessed. Love? She murmured the single word and watched
helplessly as the candles snuffed out with each syllable.
No!
The shadow became a definite form. Hers. She only looked in awe at the apparition,
painfully aware that it was something she no longer had. She couldn't control its
presence. She couldn't even make it into the one she wanted to see. Maybe if she closed
her eyes... Maybe... Her lids touched her cheeks as she made her deepest wish. Tara?
Her sight then fell on the figure again, a bright smile tugged at her cheeks, the tiny
movement threatening to distract her as colours coalesced into the shadow. Gold for her
soft hair, pale greens for her kindness, grey for the past and silver for the hope they'd
shared. So many colours swirling around. She extended a hand to touch a stray shade of
laughter. Her finger had but grazed it when it shadowed. Shadowed? Abruptly the entire
picture swirled a mad dance into black. Black: the colour of mourning.
No... please don't.
The pinprick began a steady beat, always a second later than her own heartbeat. It
throbbed. It hurt. It hurt so much. It spread to her arm. To her chest. Her heart broke
and she watched the pieces fall to her feet...
NO!
...and be absorbed by the blackness enveloping her.
Then everything was silence as she kneeled on the ground, desperately trying to
understand. It was loss. It was death and betrayal.
It was everything that had never been supposed to happen.
When Willow finally woke up, it was to find dry tears on her cheeks.
The End
09/10/04
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