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DISCLAIMER: Oh please, please, give them to me!
TIMELINE: S2, pre S/I
SUMMARY: B/A. She comes by one day. Just to say good afternoon, she says. But she
has so much more to tell him.
WORDCOUNT: 1097
OASIS
by Leni
You asked why I'm here so early. You don't believe I just wanted to say good afternoon, do
you? Guessed so. You don't mind if I sit here and tell you everything. Make yourself
comfortable, it will take a while. Yes, cuddling with me does definitely counts as
'comfortable'. Such a silly question! Nuh-uh, no kissing until I'm done. You distract me
too easily, you know?
It is interesting how the more people know, the less they want to understand.
Look at my friends, secure in their knowledge of my secret, trusting me to forever be
their best friend and still save the world.
Sometimes I envy them.
Xander, for example. He looks at me and thinks I hung the moon. I didn't, I swear. It was
there and already acting as the werewolves' mistress before I was born. Xander thinks he
loves me and there were times when I was tempted to bask in it. So simple, so unattached.
He would have only asked me to make him happy, smile at his jokes and kiss him good night.
But I can't be simple, nor can I be unattached. Much less to a friend who only sees what
he wants to see.
Tell me, dear Xander, do you want to hear how it feels to plunge a stake into a heart?
You know my hearing is more developed than yours; do you want me to describe all those
little crunches - bones, flesh and nerves squeaking as they're pushed apart - that you
can't hear from your safe distance?
Xander thinks I would make the perfect girlfriend. He forgets I must be the Slayer too.
Then comes Willow. Sweet, sweet Willow. She only wants a best friend. Another girl to
trust and to talk about boys and clothes. In another life I could have been exactly that,
but Fate is a bitch playing with us all. Willow tells me about Xander, about the first
time she knew she loved him. Then she'll describe exactly how he looked at her in
the morning, and about that ice-cream kiss that I so rudely interrupted. But she forgives
me, Willow says, because now she knows that there's something between her and Xander. She
asks me, blushing and with this silly grin, if I want to be her bridesmaid. Finally she
asks me how long do I think he'll take to notice. I don't know, I want to tell her. I only
know that I have to keep you alive long enough for you to figure this out. And then some.
Tell me, sweet Willow. Do you want me to tell you that I won't do it to your wedding?
That unless you decide to marry between the next few years the only signs of my presence
will be in your memory? Do you want to know how much it hurts to hear your innocent dreams
and blushing questions. I envy you the most, Willow, because you're exactly what I long to
be.
Willow thinks I am her perfect best friend. She forgets I am the Chosen One.
Believe it or not, there's also Cordelia. She lives on the other side of the coin. For her
I am always the freak, the Slayer. But still she trusts me to save her life. There's a
vampire at the Bronze, Buffy. Some weird deaths at the mall's parking lot, why don't you
check it? Never hello, never goodbye and the only thing in-between are her whines as we
convince her to help.
But Cordelia, have you ever thought that I used to be you? With your airs and your
clique and the attitude? What if Fate had been even more bored that day, Cordy? What if,
instead of going to noisy L.A, she'd preferred Sunnydale's tranquil atmosphere? What if
she'd seen you, your majesty? Would you still call me freak? Or would you silently hand me
your shiny crown and accept my half-veiled insults as I send you in yet another commission
which you had to comply because it is your duty?
Cordelia thinks we're complete opposites. She forgets I used to be plain Buffy Summers.
They don't understand. Sometimes I wonder if they even try to.
Not even Giles, who can't decide if he wants me safely at home or slaying dangerous demons
every night. Watchers are supposed to watch, he told me that first day, and yet he's done
so much more. He lets us have sleep-over nights with ice-cream, Oreos and silly films; but
the next night he forbids my friends to come along for patrol. Giles tries. He tries so
very hard. But still, I know he forgets that I can't divide myself in two.
That's why I came here. You understand it now, Angel? The more people knows, the less they
want to understand. Yet you know every detail and still remember that your girlfriend is
the Slayer too, and that the Slayer finds some free time to kiss you mid-patrol.
I finally got it today, when I woke up and realised that I hadn't felt so relaxed in ages.
Just because yesterday I didn't have to wear any mask. No cheery teenager for my friends
while watching movies, no stern Slayer for Giles as we patrol. Just you and me, for hours
on end at the cemetery. Your hand in mine rubbing small circles on my palm. I didn't have
to lie to you, did I? You let me ramble about silly concerns. My hair, school, mom. You
let me take charge of the fights, because that's who I'm supposed to be. And you actually
laughed at one of my silliest puns while I staked a vamp. It was the first time we
patrolled together and, Angel, we have to do it again.
I loved you a little more today, you know? When it finally sunk in how much of a refuge
you're to me. Always there when I need to hide from the world. There's this word, I know
we've used it in Lit class, that is about a place where you can rest and replenish your
provisions after a long trek through the desert. I liked that word, do you know what I'm
talking about?
Oasis? Yes, that must be it. I remember it had many vowels. Don't use that smile, love, a
melted Slayer is no good. But yes, an oasis. That's what you're to me. I feel like I can
always come back to you to find solace. Is that silly?
For the record, I love it when you answer with a kiss.
The End.
27/02/04
Feedback
would be really nice.
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