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DISCLAIMER: Tu-ru-rú, tu-ru-rú, este número está fuera de servicio.
SUMMARY: Buffy. post-Chosen. No such a thing a plot, but neither is it completely
plotless. B/A. Tiny references to Déjà Vu in the first
paragraph.
WORDCOUNT: 937
WARNING: It may not make much sense unless taken with caffeine and white minty
chocolate.*G*
DEDICATION: to Kristi, in her birthday. Because you're one of the ten
people for whom I'd drag my muse kickin' and screamin' from Tahiti. *hugs*
HUNDRED AND ONE
by Leni
It's been a year since you left Sunnydale, seven months since you all decided headquarters
would be in Italy and you finally saw your friends together again. Ten weeks since Xander
brought him along with another Slayer. One day since you danced together to the
first song you ever danced in his arms. Two hours since you're waiting in the darkness of
the living-room, going over and over about this too sudden but not so unexpected decision
of yours. Now it's only a matter of having him cross that door and when he does...
When you finally are face to face with him, there are a hundred and one things you will
tell him.
That he still is the best memory from your highschool years, or at the very least in
all of them. Like the second you drew another breath and realised you were miraculously
alive (CPR seems like a miracle in those cases, go figure). Or that time you beated the
Master's bones into dust, which, considering, should be a traumatic event but in hindsight
was pretty liberating, what with being able to get even with the one who killed
you.
That you finally understand how lonely he used to be, and that you're happy he found
friendship on his own. Really. Even if it was two hours away. But it's been years, you've
both matured and, well, you're willing to forgive that. After he swears he won't be
leaving again, of course. You've finally learned to cover your bases where it concerns
him.
That he never told you how he found absolute contentment at your side. You used to believe
in a couple reasons (namely love + sex, at seventeen nobody finds many levels to explore
and you weren't the exception), but for years you've tried that equation time and again
yet it has never quite worked. Okay, you admit it, your attempts were utter failures. But
there's no reason to be so straightfowrward about that, is there?
That he should tell you this time - or you will make him do it. Maybe back then you were
too young to understand, but enough time has passed and it'd be actually nice to hear the
words. Note how you're giving him options in this instance, gotta make him comfortable
with this more mature, less stubborn version of yourself.
That you all were wrong before he left Sunnydale. He, you, Giles, Willow, Xander and
everybody who put their two cents about your relationship. It wasn't doomed, it wasn't
forced, it wasn't the shadow of 'before' nor a desperate attempt to mirror easier times.
You know it now, half a decade too late, after you've doomed, forced, drew shadows and
painted mirrors with your other lovers. You know it now, that that bitter time with Angel
never felt half as wrong as what would come after he left.
That you really didn't want to let him go.
That you would have never let him go, except you understood how much he wanted to.
That what you still don't understand is his no-goodbyes policy. Because you couldn't live
without hugging your loved ones before leaving for a big battle.
That you resent how he never called you after he settled down. But you never tried to
reach him either, so you understand how much it could hurt to even consider taking the
phone.
That you thank him for coming after your mother died, even if it hurt so much. Because at
that moment you needed someone who wasn't afraid of death, and he was there when you least
expected it.
That you resent he only called again after you resuscitated. Once.
That you don't remember what you said or how he acted in that short interview afterwards.
It's all a haze, half-memories of mights and coulds, hopes of shoulds that never were.
That you apologise if you lashed out at him - which is a safe bet since you were lashing
out at everybody after Willow raised you from the dead.
That you apologise if you told him you were in Heaven. Because noone deserved to carry
that burden when you weren't ready to carry it yourself.
That you apologise if you didn't go at all. For all you know, you could have stopped
midway, pulled to a side of the road and stared into space for hours, trying not to think
of anything with all your strength.
That you apologise if you stared into space for hours, even if you did meet him.
That you will consider bodily harm if he dares to apologise for Angelus. Again.
That he should expect to be apologising for many other things, including but not limited
to erasing a whole day from your life without your permission.
That returning to life means your entire life returning to you. And, really, hadn't
he known that stunt would come back to bite him in the ass?
That you understand why he did it.
That you would have understood if he had explained his plan back then.
That he could forget about making one more decision on his own about where and how
this relationship would go.
That yes, you are having a relationship. You've been playing cat-and-mouse since you found
each other again; now you're finally ready to cut to the chase. Enough time has come by
and you're sick of trying to find what you had with him in other people.
If that isn't reason enough, you still have seventy-seven chances to tell him all the
moments and ways you've missed him through the years.
Though you'd rather kiss him instead.
The End
19/11/04
Feedback,
Oh please please please please.
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