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DISCLAIMER: Uh... Let's be reasonable for a moment.
SUMMARY: S3, post-Helpless. Missing scene. Willow and Giles talk.
WORDCOUNT: 2056
DEDICATION: for Gwynnega
CLEARING THE AIR
by Leni
When Willow finally found the courage to confront Giles, it'd been almost a week since
Buffy's birthday. Six days since they met at the Summers' house for an impromptu Happy
Late Birthday breakfast and Buffy told them everything.
Willow still couldn't believe what had happened, couldn't grasp the consequences. In the
days afterward, she watched as a tense atmosphere came over their reunions. Buffy was
hesitant around Giles and he just let her be, never wincing when Buffy obviously moved
away from him. But Willow saw how his shoulders drooped when he walked away. Xander, Oz
and herself had formed a defensive circle around Buffy the first few days, but it seemed
unnecessary now. Besides, to be truthful, Willow felt terrible watching Giles behave as if
he wasn't a real part of them anymore.
That day she made sure to send Buffy directly to home after school, Joyce was especially
paranoid these days and had demanded her daughter be home as much as she can. For once,
Giles didn't say anything about the idea, and it was Buffy who sketched a training
schedule. Willow still remembered how he only nodded in the right places without really
looking at any of them.
Getting rid of Xander was easy enough. In first period Willow made sure to mention that
she wanted to go over Trigonometry with him after classes, he couldn't leave fast enough
when the final bell rang. Oz proved to be more difficult, and besides her conscience
wouldn't let her breathe another lie to him. So, in the 'Making it Up to Oz' spirit,
Willow just told him she needed to do something on her own, and could he pick her up in a
couple of hours?
After kissing him goodbye, Willow came to the library. Sure enough, Giles was there, right
at the stacks of his mythical books, passing an impatient finger over them as he tried to
remember which one held the information he needed. At the noise, he turned around, his
lips turned slightly upward when he recognised her and he looked as if he'd go greet her
when he suddenly halted. An awkward pause mid-step.
Willow stood where she was, suddenly unsure why she was here. "Hi," she began,
to fill in the silence.
Giles turned back to his book, his back more rigid than when she found him. "Hello,
Willow."
"I just..."
He picked a book without looking at its contents and hurried back into his office.
"...will be here," Willow continued talking to the empty room. "Doing my
homework." She stood there for a long moment, trying to make herself go to him and
say what she'd come to say. But the words were stuck somewhere in her stomach, clenching
it randomly and refusing to form a coherent sentence in her brain. "Right,
homework," she whispered and went sit down on the nearest chair.
Five Algebra exercises later, Willow was sure Giles wouldn't leave his refuge as long as
she stayed there. She breathed deeply, counted to ten and backwards and reminded herself
that she wasn't afraid.
"Giles," she called, and then she noticed she was already standing at the
office's doorstep. He looked up for just an instant, and after verifying who it was, went
back to his reading.
She stood there dumbfounded, her best Resolve Face slowly crumbling under his
indifference. But Willow had observed Giles before, if there was something she could be
sure of it was that he was always alert of his surroundings. The pen in his hand may not
waver; the sleeves tucked up his elbows may stare at her mockingly; but he was not
ignoring her. So she waited for him to tire of their little stand-off. And waited. And
waited... "This can't go on!" she cried out, furious to discover that note of
classic teenager frustration in her voice. She was mollified when his classic
glass-cleaning answered her.
"I beg your pardon?"
Willow took in the open book and the pen left aside, ready to be taken back to take even
more notes. She saw Giles' look and recognised it as the one he always used to make them
leave because he had 'important things to take care of'. Beating around the bush would do
nothing against that look. "We know what happened on Buffy's birthday, Giles. She
told us."
"Oh. I had, I'd thought she would."
"Well, yes. It was-" She bit her lip. "Difficult to accept."
"Well, Willow, circumstances weren't normal and I certainly understand." He
stood up and put his glasses back on. "But I hardly think this is something to be
discussed now."
Never had she ignored such an obvious dismissal, but never had been it so warranted.
"When will we do it then, Giles?" she asked seriously, finally stepping into the
room. "You're always hiding here, or acting all twitchy and nervous at the
meetings."
"Twitchy?"
He was trying to distract her. But he wouldn't succeed, Willow thought fiercely.
"Yes. You've been tense every time we are here. You barely say a word that isn't
strictly necessary. Even now, you'd have let me come and go without nagging at me once
about my magic!"
"I thought you didn't want..."
"That's not the point," she cried out. "You've been uncomfortable
around us for the last days. It took months to get you relaxed and we're not going through
that. Not again."
"Willow..."
"Giles..." she interrupted in the same tone. "This situation isn't right,
it's not us."
He smiled the barest smile and Willow felt triumph flow over her. "You don't
understand." And triumph fled and left anger and frustration instead.
"Yes, I do." She stuck out her chin in defiance.
"So everything is alright?" he asked softly, adjusting his sleeves and donning
back his jacket. "We continue as it nothing happened?"
Her body froze, torn between the 'yes' she wanted to give and the 'no' that was the real
answer. It wasn't fair. Willow had resigned herself to the fact that her life would never
be normal, even if by some miracle the Hellmouth would close and demons disappeared into
their rightful dimensions, she would still be marked by the last three years. But within
that crazy world there were certainties. Like two and two making four, Willow had thought
she could trust in Xander being part of her life, come rain or clothes flukes. Buffy would
always be the Slayer, her mother would invite them for lunch and treat them like kids,
Angel would be in the shadows, always protecting Buffy. And Giles would be there, in the
library, a safe place to be even when the world was ending. When she murmured
"No", she also gave up all those silly illusions.
"Go, Willow," Giles said softly.
She shook her head obstinately. "No, you still don't understand. Yes, you betrayed us
and yes, we are hurt by it." Giles flinched visibly and Willow automatically
extended a hand to offer some comfort. He stepped back and sat back on his chair, elbows
carelessly leaning on his book and his face hidden in his hands. She kept talking.
"We would have never doubted you, Giles. You have always brought knowledge and facts,
always given us the truth even when we didn't want it. How could we ever doubt
you?" Her hands itched to touch him in some way, just as she did for Xander or Oz or
Buffy when they were feeling down. To control that instinct, she decided to pace. The tiny
space didn't give her much room but it was enough. "You saw us, desperate for an
answer. You saw Buffy. She was so scared. We were all scared, we all knew what a world
without Buffy meant. And you saw us and didn't tell us..." She breathed deeply.
"No, of course things are not the same as a week ago."
She stopped in front of him, only his desk separating them. Her hands slammed against the
wood, the sound startling her too. But it also made Giles raise his head. She had never
seen such a tortured look, except maybe when Xander had looked at her over Cordelia's
prone body... Willow shook her head, dispelling the stray memory in favour of the present.
"But you cannot abandon us now, Giles."
"I certainly will not leave." His voice was a little rougher now.
"I don't mean leaving town."
He nodded. "I know Buffy may never forgive me but my place is in Sunnydale, with her
blessing or not."
Willow furrowed her brow in confusion. "But, Giles, Buffy wants you
here." She remembered her long conversation on the matter with the Slayer. Buffy was
disappointed, and angry, but she still didn't want Giles to leave. After all, he had tried
to cancel the 'test'.
Giles just looked at her, his eyes telling her of all those moments over the past week
where Buffy had avoided him.
"She does. But she just..." Willow tried to find the right word.
"Doesn't trust me?" He supplied.
Buffy had talked about forgiveness and love, never of trust. Now Willow just shrugged
helplessly.
"Would you trust me?" Giles continued.
She thought about it. Before last week she wouldn't have hesitated to answer. She had
always known that if Giles had to decide between her and Buffy, she'd have no chance of
survival. It had shocked her the first time she grasped that concept, but she also
understood how necessary it was. Only now did she understand that Giles would also
sacrifice Buffy for the world. Even if he had pulled out at the last minute, he'd done it
because he acknowledged the uselessness of the 'test'. Willow was somewhat prepared to
face the death of her best friend, never had she considered that she'd have to deal with
their mentor sending her to it. But in the end, if she were in his shoes, wouldn't Willow
do the same? "I trust you to do the right thing," she finally answered.
"That's the only thing that matters."
Giles smiled self-deprecatingly. "I'm sorry."
Willow saw how he tried to hide behind his books again. She squared her shoulders and told
him what she'd been trying to say all along. "You made a mistake, but we've forgiven
you already. You don't have to be perfect, even if it is easier. But don't leave us,
you're the only one who doesn't look at us like crazy teenagers. Or, you do, but only when
we're acting like it." He didn't even smile at her small crack. "Look, if we
just needed someone for the information, we'd work with Google, or we'd learn to use your
books. But we need someone to guide us. Because you do. Not only Buffy, you are there for
us all. We can't lose you, and this certainly is not the right time to make Buffy lose
another friend, no matter how angry she may be with you now."
"I'll stay. Rest assured."
She nodded and turned away. The sound of her name stopped her.
"Why are you telling me this?" Giles asked, jacket half off and his right hand
searching automatically for a pen.
She smiled a little. "Because we're crazy teenagers who can't handle a serious group
conversation and you're a stiff British Watcher who wouldn't respond well to a group
hug."
A small roll of his eyes and a soft familiar laugh told Willow he was feeling a bit more
comfortable around her again. "I'll see you tomorrow, Willow."
She waved him goodbye. Of course, he didn't see the gesture for he was concentrated in his
book. "We'll be here," she muttered. And they would, after all, for nobody else
was school as homey as for the Scoobies and after this long week maybe it'd feel right
again. She returned to her table and finished her Algebra homework in minutes. Then she
tried to sneak around to take one of Giles' occultism books. He caught her redhanded, of
course, her plans only seemed to be successful when Buffy was around. His lecture didn't
make itself wait.
Willow smiled in unveiled relief when Oz finally appeared to pick her up, interrupting
Giles' fifty second rule about magic and its dangers. Really, the next time she'd wait
until she had found the spell to de-rat Amy before bringing Giles out of a funk.
The End
19/08/04
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