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DISCLAIMER: I wouldn't mind IF they were mine. However, Angel is not mine...
nor Joss'... And from what I've heard I don't think that's a good thing.
SUMMARY: Angel's chance to become human finally comes. With a little twist at the
end...
WORDCOUNT: 1478
BITTERSWEET CHOCOLATE
by Leni
He was tired. That much he knew. He had roamed through sewers and alleys and cemeteries
and now he was tired beyond death.
If only death could be a real issue...
He had been sleeping on his bed... No. He had been unconscious on his bed. Those drugs
could really do some damage, or so Cordy had said when she told Gunn to be careful with
the next dose...
His mind had been foggy and his vision... Vision of what? Oh yeah! Of the girl who kisses
and walks and ignores and jumps... Nice girl telling him that she loved him and then going
towards her own death... He doesn't want those visions anymore... he doesn't want those
drugs...
So he stands up and takes the syringe out of Gunn's trembling hands and he doesn't notice
that his own face isn't human anymore and that he is growling. He also doesn't notice that
his friend is afraid of him and that Cordy's tears are because of him... when he finally
notices he is already in the sewers looking for her scent.
The streets are loud with the sound of her voice. He can still see her footsteps at the
same pier he saw true sunshine again...
If only he could remember that she was never really there... that he erased the words she
said, that she never run to him...
~Delusion?~
No. Delusions are lies and those were the truest moments in two hundred years. A day
living her smile, making her hazel eyes sparkle with his own. Now his quest is to find
that smile again, he won't believe it's six foot under when he can still remember it. So,
delusion is it not. It's a memory. He just doesn't remember the end of it...
And he also doesn't hear his friend's calls. He doesn't smell vengeance in the enemy on
his trail. Because how could he smell such a foul thing when vanilla and roses fill his
memories?
He just kept on walking and walking and looking for her until Cordy's throat felt dry and
Gunn decided to let him be... but still his enemy was walking behind him...
~Danger?~
Maybe is it now. It should be a promise, a last gift for the mourning warrior... only that
none of them knows it. He is supposed to enjoy it, undestand that there's more and better
than the bitter and the sweet... but what would it matter anyway? He doesn't want anything
but *her*, gifts would be a distraction he doesn't need, and promises are made to be
broken... he knows this last all too well.
His shadow doesn't know it has a gift to give, either. It reeks of black rage and red
fury... its hands can't wait to bury themselves in his body. Its mind can't wait to claim
the debts paid...
But the only debt which weights his conscience is a 'forever' he once promised, is not
keeping the 'always' she freely gave him. It can't be too late now, it *can't*. He
remembers they went hand-in-hand through these streets with the sun reflecting on their
eyes, he remembers that he bought ice-cream in that corner... she should be somewhere
still... why, she *must* be somewhere still. His past is a dark place and he doesn't want
her to stay there.
He just keeps walking and walking. Sewers. Cemeteries. Alleys. Green eyes. Where are they?
He doesn't think of lost days and new boyfriends she is supposed to love... Hell, he isn't
thinking anymore.
But he still can remember. And his foggy mind pictures late nights and kisses and
bittersweet chocolate... No. It was no chocolate, it was love. He just preferred to put a
flavour to it because he knew he was tasting her love in her kiss and the only thing that
came to mind was the same he so loved when human and stupid. Bittersweet chocolate. Better
yet if mint and cookies were included.
~Craziness?~
Let him be. It's his only escape. Who knows, maybe one day - when he can think again - he
will find more to it than the black void he sees now. And then it won't be black anymore.
It will be blonde and hazel and will taste like vanilla and sweet, sweet chocolate.
Because when the girl jumped she didn't know that a vampire would come back and cry and
shout and implore. And she also didn't know that his friends would be so worried that they
would drug him for his own good and that in his sleep he would see her death over and over
and that, desperate, he would escape and would roam his city looking for a trace that is
real only for him.
Of course, he doesn't know it either. Just as he doesn't know that something /Vengeance
incarnate? The promised last gift?/ is following him.
Then there is a bright light in front of him. It's the same he remembers making her hair
shine as she looked at him that day. Then... is it sunlight? Couldn't be. He touches his
face, for the first time really looks at himself. Torn clothes, where are the shoes? But
he still is complete, no ashes replace his flesh and blood just to fall to the ground
soundlessly. Then... no sunlight, what is it?
~Delusion?~
Maybe it is this time. Because suddenly he smells vanilla and roses... bittersweet
chocolate teases his senses... Delusion and hunger have ganged up on him and he is so very
tired.... Maybe if he closes his eyes...
/Don't! /
...it will be alright again.
When he opens them he is standing at the Gates of Hell.
/No! Not again, please! /
Hell in the arms of an angel, hell in her kiss...
/No, please, no!/
He has already come down that path, he has the scar to prove it. Damn it, why again when
he can still hear her sobs as the sword ran through his flesh?
But her hands only carry a ring from an old memory, no sobs can be heard...
Her eyes are sad but there is a smile in her face.
But she never smiled in his visions of before... Her face is always grim as she jumps...
and then there's nothing...
Who is this one?
He stops for the first time tonight.
**Angel..** The wind whispers. His name. Her voice? More silence. He is tired and a new
door to hell has opened in front of him tonight. He would pick the locks if she were on
the other side... but she is in this side and he chuckles as he realises that death was
never a real issue for her. It didn't matter to her.
He was death and he didn't matter.
Not now.
Not ever
**Angel**
//First comes Denial...//
She wasn't calling him. He would close his eyes / Close your eyes. / And when he opened
them he would be at home with Cordelia worrying about him and Gunn threatening to stake
him if he didn't rest.
But Gunn doesn't stake him for not resting and the angel doesn't show him a long sword and
crying eyes.
*Close Your Eyes*
But he couldn't.
Not this time.
Never again.
//...then comes Fate...//
He had been so tired that he didn't hear the Mohra demon advancing towards him.
They were supposed to fight and mix their bloods again. The prophecy was meant to become
true tonight.
But there were things meant to be that never happened /He Closed His Eyes/ and things
never planned that became real /She Jumped/.
He has seen her jumping over and over in his mind. He has seen her hurt, broken and crying
in his dreams and in his past.
But she is smiling now.
And seeing her smile is the only thing that could ever put him to rest.
Bittersweet chocolate is it.
//... Death comes next...//
Promises are broken. Prophecies unfulfilled...
Gunn and Cordy would be happy now.
He was going to rest.
Just a minute more.
*Close your eyes*
"I close my eyes," the wind whispers. His voice.
//...and Love always ends up coming, too.//
**Angel...**
He prays that it is really her voice.
~Delusion? ~
Not anymore. She has always been the truest in two hundred years.
The Mohra moves silently towards his prey. A smirk crosses its face as the sword decends.
Death was unforgiving.
Fate was cruel.
Love could only be bittersweet chocolate.
Ashes and Dust.
And if Fate couldn't bring them together in life, then Love would take care of
them...
"Buffy?"
The Mohra leaves satisfied with its vengeance. He had finally killed the one responsible
for its brother's death.
He just doesn't know that he is not the only one smiling.
*At last...*
There are shadows under the moonlight.
//Sweet, sweet chocolate...//
There are kisses in the night.
//Home.//
The End
05/12/01
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