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DISCLAIMER: I wish... Wait. I don't. I REALLY don't.
TIMELINE: Read the second sentence and you'll immediately guess.
SUMMARY: Long before the beginning there was a little girl...
WORDCOUNT: 1555
BEFORE THE BEGINNING
by Leni
Momma is crying and Dad is staring straight ahead with a dark scowl.
Where is Grandma now? sweet Kathy asks.
You just watch them mutely and hold your black-clad little sister more securely on your
lap.
Where is Grandma now? comes again and nobody would give her an answer. How do you
tell an innocent child that Grandma is far, far away and never coming back?
She is dead.
Well, that is one way. Your father never had much consideration for young tears or
childish doubts and the hard truth is that yeah, Grandma is dead.
But Kathy still doesn't understand it. And when is she coming back? she asks
innocently
Momma just cries harder and you can see her hand twisting the kerchief until the cloth
strains and... tears. Dad nearly jumps at the sound of ripping cloth and sends an angry
stare in your sister's direction. Why are you making your mother cry? he seems to ask, and
yet the words don't leave him. If they did, it would probably just be a scream, and you
don't want your father scolding Kathylove for something she is not to blame for.
So you carry your little sister and get her to bed. You change her into her sleeping
garments and let her hair loose... You tickle her belly until she laughs and forgets about
Grandma and the black clothes, then you tuck her sleepy form in her covers and sit on the
edge of the bed. Sleep tight, pumpkin, you whisper when she's closed her eyes. And
you caress her hair soothingly, praying she can't hear momma's mournful sniffles and dad's
dark swears.
When is she coming back? she murmurs with her eyes still closed.
You sigh in frustration. You were right in staying here until she fell asleep, you know
her and she would stay awake all night finding answers to her questions. That wouldn't be
good. You don't like to hear her crying and you know that if she doesn't sleep well she
will fall asleep in the morning, right in the middle of her child-sized chores. If that
happens then omorrow afternoon Dad will slap her for neglecting her duties. You don't want
to hear her cry. Ever. Go to sleep, beautiful, you insist softly.
She opens her brown eyes -so much like Momma's- and she stares at you unrelentingly until
you sigh louder and answer her. She is not coming back, you say, and you know it
was the wrong thing to say when she pouts and her eyes sadden by the second.
Never? she sniffles.
Silence is your answer.
Can Grandma not come back from the dead? she insists with teary eyes.
Innocent question from an innocent's mouth... what can you tell her? Be like Dad and tell
her the hard, honest to God truth? You should but, being like Dad? Never.
Close your eyes, pumpkin, you beckon and she obeys. If you are asleep and you've
been a good girl then Grandma will come to visit you every night, you whisper in
conspiracy, she'll sit at your bedside and watch your sleep.
And she'll stay until I wake up? she ponders in poorly-concealed happiness, tears
now forgotten.
Your smile vanishes again. You are happy she cannot see your eyes as you lie to her. But
you need to because you can hear Dad coming this way, and if he finds Kathy still awake...
No, Kathysweet, angels can only go out at night.
Her eyes open wide in cheerful wonderment, you knew this she would believe. She is an
angel? You nod even though you can't believe in Heaven and Hell and even less in
celestial creatures. Just like Father Joseph told us? With wings and a harp? she
squeals in joy.
Shush... You rearrange the covers around your little sister and wink at her. Yeah,
with wings and harps, you lie again. Now go to sleep, Katherine O'Connor; or she'll
never come.
But I want to see her, she whines softly.
You can't, you explain sternly, angels have rules and this is one of them. They
come to visit good children only if they are already asleep.
Why?
Kathy is a curious little thing, and she won't stop until she has her answer. Because
if someone sees them, you begin warningly, then they will never ever come back
again. She looks at you with her brown eyes wide open. And they'll tell their
friends that you were a naughty little girl and that you don't deserve being visited at
night, you finish in an ominous tone.
Oh! Kathy shakes her head readily. I'll be a good girl then, a sincere
promise is made and you smile good-heartily. She lets her head fall onto the mattress and
snuggles into the covers rapidly. She closes her eyes immediately with a soft smile on her
face. Your father's footsteps are already at the door and you breath in relief.
From outside comes another impressive litany of swears against your momma and her dead
mother and why-did-God-send-this-family-to-me? You believe that his everyday behaviour is
the reason, but you'd never tell him that.
Minutes pass and your momma's sobs get weaker, just as your father's voice gets louder and
finally...
Liam? he hollers through the closed door
You steal a fast glance at Kathy's quiet form, check that her eyes are still closed and
her breathing is peaceful and regular. Yes father? you answer obediently when you
confirm that she is indeed asleep.
You can hear the door opening and your father stepping on your sister's room. Your eyes
need some seconds to adjust to the sudden light. What are you still doing there?
comes the question in a disgusted snarl.
I'm watching her sleep, is your response as you rise from her bed to face him.
Quit such foolishness already! You can almost feel his scowl straight through your
clothes, burning on your skin as if it was the very flame which lights the room. Your
mother needs something to calm her nerves. Go to Merle's and buy two pints of his best.
He gives you the money without waiting for your acceptance. You nod anyway as you accept
it.
Your father leaves the room still muttering under his breath. Strangely, the tiny room
seems warmer without the candle he was holding...
You look at the coins in your hand and wonder if you could get to your room without your
parents noticing and take some money of your own. Just enough for a quick game with the
guys, you decide, maybe some beers and, if Betsy is still awake... well, you think with a
smirk, she's always welcomed you with open... arms.
Crash! Something breaks in the kitchen, and your father screams in pain. More crashes and
loud voices... Kathy stirs but doesn't wake up. Thank God for small blessings.
You're sure they won't notice if you dawdle at Merle's, right now your mother needs more
than two pints and, anyways, you father has enough liquor to 'calm' her should he need to.
It's been nearly a week since you spent a fun night... and after Grandma's illness and the
funeral you do need one.
After all, what should it matter? It's your own money you're wasting away. The one neither
Momma nor Dad know you have. Why should you give them all the earnings gained with your
own hands? Besides, half of it you've sworn never to touch, not even if the best horse
comes to Galway and it's a sure bet, you're saving it just in case... in case Kathy falls
ill, just like your other two siblings buried beside Grandma because the doctor wouldn't
bring more medicine.
You can hear Dad pushing his mourning wife into their room. You're sure they won't notice
if you're away for an hour or two... You even bet that's why Dad sent you away. Maybe
you'll find Seyl or Pat for a round or two and, if not, Betsy or any of Merle's girls can
give you a nice ride for the money.
You are already closing the door when you hear Kathy's sleepy whisper. Liam?
What do you want, Kathylove? you whisper quietly back.
One day I'll catch an angel and I won't let it go, she confides.
A smirk touches your lips. I'm sure you will, pumpkin, you answer, have sweet
dreams.
Father Joseph says we all have a guardian angel, she goes on stubbornly, sounding
more awake than a girl who was sleeping seconds ago has the right to. You'll see, Liam;
he'll come for me and he will let me see him! Her last words are already a bit blurred
and she falls asleep again within the next seconds. You bend down to kiss her
affectionately on the forehead and keep her raven hair out of her face.
Standing up you watch her innocent features calm in sleep. Angels... you shake your head
in amusement. Only your four-year-old sister could believe in them. She is truly the only
one fit to be an angel in the madness that is called Liam's Life.
You close the door noiselessly and leave the house making sure nobody's heard you.
Once safely outside you whistle merrily and loudly all the way to the tavern.
But that was long, long before the beginning.
The End.
16/06/03
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