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DISCLAIMER: Can I keep Angelus?
SUMMARY: AR after IOHEFY. Buffy is turned. R-ish
WORDCOUNT: 3955
ANGEL OF DARKNESS
by Leni
The Woman Before Me
The woman before me.
Not really a woman when you think of it. Just a girl. One even younger than me; fifteen,
sixteen at the most.
// I may be the One but we were many.
Unknown faces. Names without past.
A number, a stake, a death and a grave.
Then call the Next to follow this lead. //
I never even got to know her name. Must be the Council's politics. You know, so we won't
acknowledge our mortality until we are under the ground. Merrick never told me much about
her. I was the next. Her fated replacement. That was all.
But I have dreamed of her. One night, some weeks before the Watcher appeared in my life, I
had this nightmare: I was bleeding and crying and dying. Sharp teeth were at my neck and
the last thing I saw before waking up were chocolate eyes.
// I may be the One but we were many.
Bonded by Duty and Death.
All of us have fallen once.
Only I will enjoy this last kiss. //
But not like the ones I cannot see right now. Did she whisper "I love you" as I
am doing now? Did she feel his blood in her throat and swallow it in a rush?
// Kiss me, sweet Death, bring me your secret.
Take me in your arms and come for me again. //
"Sweet dreams, Buff."
I don't care about my dreams. I just want to see him by my grave.
Will Kendra think of me as we kill her?
// Kiss me again. Let me in.
Will you be the first one I see? //
Forgive Me
You are my bestest friend. Sweet, courageous girl. The one who opened her arms and her
house after I came back to my senses last July. Did I ever thank you for that? For forcing
me to speak when no one wanted to even hear me? For letting me cry and swear against my
destiny on your lap? For welcoming a girl who had been destined to die?
Did I ever thank you for being my bestest friend, Willow?
No, and as I stand her I regret that.
What would you do for me now?
// Tell me, dear friend,
Can you remember the days,
where we used to be just girls?
Can you remember the talks,
the chatting and the games?
Do you still see the dreams,
we used to dream over the phone? //
Would you still open your arms for this girl? For the one who accepted and kissed and
drank sweet Death? For the one who sleeps with a demon and screams in the ecstasy of his
arms?
Of course you would.
As always, you would open you doors for me and let me pass and hear me out.
Did I thank you for that, Will? For opening your doors and letting me pass and not
screaming in shock?
I did come for you again, dear friend. You were my bestest friend, how could I ever let
you live in the world we will dispose of? Could I let you see death and watch me imparting
it? Could I let you bury your dear ones and cry for their loss? I could not, dear friend.
That is why I came to you last night. The reason why I stayed so quiet while my lover
drank from your veins.
Can you forgive me for being so slow? For letting him put his wrist on your dying mouth?
For letting you drink of his blood? Can you forgive me, dear friend?
Maybe you cannot. Maybe I never thanked you. I am planning to do it tonight.
// Tell me, dear friend,
do you watch all those films,
where we used to be just girls?
Do you watch me being happy,
you, so lovely and full of life?
Can you remember the dreams
between school and the lost date? //
While I am standing here, waiting for you to reappear before my eyes, I can remember the
conversations we had. Just two more teenagers laughing and joking about life. I remember
you and your smile, the look you would give me when life was too hard.
The same eyes I can see now.
There you are, as beautiful as ever, with those clothes which were your favourite and the
earrings Xander gave you for your last birthday. Don't worry, you won't miss him for long.
"Is that you, Buffy?"
Your voice retains its sweet tone. Will it sound the same way when you call your prey to
you?
"Forgive me." I'm not sure if you've heard me. The stake in my hand is now on
your chest. One last shocked glance before dust settles on the ground. Why is always shock
the last impression you have of me?
// Tell me, dear friend
can you forgive my dark world
for making us more than just girls?
Can you forgive this dark girl,
whom you took as your dear friend?
Can you forget this nightmare,
I had to give you in exchange? //
"Why did you do it, Buff?" Death is calling me now. I belong to the world. The
world belongs to him. This is the only calling I could ever be true to.
"She had a crush on you. I didn't want her making herself any illusions."
His laugh is harsh and loud. It used to make me tremble. Now I only remember that I never
heard Angel laugh.
"Don't laugh. I won't share you with anybody," I snap half angrily.
His hand grabs me roughly from the waist and in a second I am in his arms again, my body
flushed to his. For some reason, though, the stake is just some inches in front of his
chest. It would be so easy...
I cannot take my eyes from the wood in my hand. Just a little more force... a small
impulse... I would be free.
I let him grab the stake from my trembling hands and I can feel the pointy end trailing
across my cheek. I smell the blood before his tongue licks it away.
His kiss is slow and goes from under my eye until my left ear. He kisses the last drop of
blood and murmurs softly, "Having naughty thoughts, Buff?"
I moan and before I can fully register it, the stake falls against your tombstone as we
are falling on your ashes.
Falling and falling
Can you forgive me, Will?
"I love you, Angelus."
Do you want to know a little secret, bestest friend? You always shared my secrets... This
will be the last one I tell you. Vampires don't lose their human souls. The demon just
keeps it dormant. Angel's curse was not to give him a soul but to strengthen his. Tell me,
Will, what is stronger than a Slayer?
I am still the Slayer. Angelus knows it as well as I do. We are enemies, and yet our
passion would not be resolved with a stake.
Is there a greater sin than murmuring each other's name in the throes of passion?
Is there a greater sin than making you witness it?
Can you forgive me?
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust.
Slayer to Darkness
Please forgive me, Will.
"ANGELUS!"
Is there a greater pleasure than awakening in his arms?
Sister Of Mine
// Duty called us every day.
Cruel Death waiting in the end.
Was I crazy for wanting to live?
For loving and letting him love me?//
She came for us. Hard, dutiful Kendra came to kill the Fallen Slayer. I was not the one to
fall at the end.
//I am sorry for being so weak.
I am sorry for being in love.
But love was my only strength
and without him, I couldn't stay.
But you didn't care why I fell...
so what if I cried bitter tears?
so what if Death was sweeter than Life?
Will you just kill your Sister and leave? //
When I saw her entering the (our) mansion like a fury, I believed that Giles had sent her
against me. At the end, she confessed that she had come of her own. Her Watcher warned her
of imminent danger on the Hellmouth. As soon as she heard the news, she supposed that I
was the Danger. Should I feel honoured?
Bad thing Giles didn't tell her. It would have been his last good deed before he left for
England. I guess he didn't like my last visit too much. Even if I didn't harm him in any
way. How could I? A Slayer cannot kill her Watcher. A girl cannot kill her father. It
doesn't matter if he never approved of my heart's decision. I doubt he approves now,
anyway.
He was the one to tell my mother the truth. He told her about sweet Willow, and courageous
Xander and innocent me. He told her about our deaths and the threat I now represented for
the world. I guess my Watcher was not as wise as I had made him to be. I am not a threat
to the world. I am the Slayer, do not forget it. I will defend this pathetic world until
my last breath -which already happened twice, but... third time is the charm, isn't it?
It was a good thing he told my mum, though. I just couldn't stand seeing her waiting for
her innocent daughter every night. Poor mum, they never found my body and she hoped
against hope that I had just fled home. Denial much? Was she waiting for the black sheep
to come back and beg for her forgiveness? For weeks I spied on her every night. I saw her
through the window, sitting on the sofa and staring at nothing and nursing my favourite
cup in her hands. One more week of the same and I would have snapped her neck... You would
have been happy, at least.
Yeah, it was a good thing Giles told her.
Nevertheless, I was talking about Kendra. Do you remember her, Angelus? Of course you do.
She tried to kill you once, after all. I never did get back to her for that one. Now all
debts are paid. Nobody messes with my lover and gets away with it.
Not anymore.
// Duty called us every day.
We were Sisters. We were Friends.
But you were only strong Duty,
I could only be sweet Love.
How could our ways stay the same?
Is it my fault if the world moves on?
If our ways drifted apart?
Is it my fault if things are changing?
And this Fallen Sister is your enemy now? //
I didn't plan to kill her. Hurt her, maybe. Make her one of us... it occurred briefly to
me. I always will need someone to completely understand me, and try as you can, my love,
you were never a Slayer.
But, she was past rational thinking. She kept threatening me. No biggie there. Then she
tried to put that awful sword through you. Not gonna happen, I thought. And I killed her.
Simple. Easy. Fast. One second and she was on the floor, staring at me with vacant,
hate-filled eyes and the sword at her side. It is my sword now. The last reminder of the
only girl who knew me better than I did.
// I shall remember you, Sister.
You were Family. You were Me.
Only innocent staining my hands.
Innocent blood instead of mine. //
Sometimes I wish I had left her alive. Or maybe as one of us. I don't know...
She was special.
But I couldn't let her kill you, could I? What kind of girlfriend would I be? As soon as I
saw her ready to deliver that last stroke, I attacked. Kendra thought she had a chance
against me. Poor foolish girl, didn't she remember our last fight? Didn't she know that
only her pulse and her heartbeat saved her that last time? Didn't she know that attacking
you she had sealed her own fate?
// Duty called us every day.
Now another shall hear our Call.
Now you are dead. May you forgive me.
You deserved your Destiny more than I deserved you. //
I killed her. I killed my sister-in-arms. It just couldn't be otherwise. I am feeling sad.
I am feeling guilty. But regretful, I am not. Shouldn't I? You were the one with a soul.
Did you feel regret while you possessed it? I am sure you did. Then... does that mean that
I don't have one either? Then why do I feel like protecting the world every night? Then
why am I so eager to know the new slayer and protect her as well?
Do you think she would let me? A non-souled vampire-Slayer protecting the rightful one.
Would it be too scandalous? Maybe she will come for us just as Kendra. And then I'll have
to kill the girl I want to protect with my own unlife. That would be ironic.
However, I know that the Slayer will come to this God-forgotten town. Kendra told me that
something here threatened the world, and her replacement must be sent here to finish her
job. What worries me is that Kendra mentioned prophecies and *you*. She assumed that you
turning me was it. But it isn't, is it? I could never destroy my world. I cannot say the
same about you.
Will you try to? I am the Slayer. I cannot let the world fall into nothing. Would I be
able to thwart your plans, beloved? Of course. Would I be able to kill you to save this
pathetic world? Not without condemning myself along with you.
Because I cannot go on without you, lover. And the world can't go on without me, either.
Then I guess that the world will have to look for a way to go on maintaining you on it.
Otherwise, the three of us will fall together...
...and it won't be pretty.
Angel Of Darkness
I love her.
That was the first thing that crossed my mind as I saw her in that apartment. Little
blonde girl trying to accept that her lover was no more and there only was a shell left. A
shell called Angelus. A shell that still loved her with all his unbeating heart.
I knew I was lost when I thought that corny phrase.
Nevertheless, what could I do about it? Tell her of my -literally- undying love and be the
laugh of the entire demon community? Not likely. It was bad enough when I had a soul and
was tied around her little finger. As sweet and suckable that said little finger was, I
wanted more.
A century of being locked up by a soul is not easy. You lose the respect of fellow demons.
You lose your minions. You even lose a bit of your sanity. I wanted them all back. And I
wanted Buffy on top of that. And on top of other things too, of course...
Every Watcher or demon who has been interested in my story knows the basic principle of my
unlife. What Angelus wants is what Angelus gets. I wanted a living proof of my skills and
my capabilities and I got Dru. Who better than my crazy Childe to show what I'm capable of
doing? I know my soul was petrified when it thought of what I had done to that girl...
Then I wanted a nickname which would show my assets, and I got 'The Scourge of Europe'. Of
course, I had to go through a lot of blood and mayhem and torture to get it but it was
worth the effort. I have always thought it has a good ring to it, don't you think?
Now, I wanted Buffy Summers as my lover and mate. Of course, I also got her. Thanks to two
angsty ghosts who pushed her -literally- into my arms. That night, she came into my arms
out of some strangers' love and she left them consumed in death and desire.
Her blood was so delicious, honey dripped in her strong essence, life force wrapped in
each drop. Giving it to me, she gave herself. I could have never refused her.
// Angel of Darkness.
Deliver of Death.
With the face of an innocent
and the hands like my own.
How could I not love you?
How to be willing not to touch that sweet face?
How not to taste the blood running on your hands? //
I carried her back to the mansion and laid her on my bed amidst Dru's cries of 'Daddy's
new girl'. She was lamenting that the Slayer would occupy her place and 'Daddy' wouldn't
have time for her and her birdies anymore. Drusilla can be crazy, but she is rarely wrong.
I guess that her Daddy's loss is what compelled her to suck the world into hell. I could
have told her that it was a bad idea. My new lover doesn't take kindly anything that tries
to end her pathetic world. Add that to her irrational jealousy (Spike was nice enough to
let her know of my escapades with Dru.) and I doubt that Dru will be more than ashes by
the end of the day.
I cannot say I'm sorry for her demise. If she was crazy enough to go against my mate's
rules, then I don't intend to keep her any longer.
Maybe it confuses you that Buffy still wants to save the world. At first, we believed she
had kept her soul. The last kills had proved otherwise. I have a theory though: Slayerness
is not about souls. The notion to protect humanity is engraved into each one my mate's
nerves; her every cell screams to kill Dru and stop her from awakening Acathla. I won't
stop her from her Sacred Duty. Why would I? Only Dru could be crazy enough to want Earth
sucked into *Hell*.
// Creation of a lifetime.
Pride of the old, tarnished soul.
Bonded by Light and by Death.
Love will serve our dark purpose.
How could I not love you?
How to order my hands to stop wandering over you? //
The first weeks were difficult for us... We both believed that she still had her soul. Of
course, she could not go back to her Watcher, how would she explain him about her new
status? Moreover, she told me, she could never leave my side. That was good, because I
would have never let her go, either. Blood, mayhem and torture, remember? Luckily, it
didn't come to that.
Those first weeks she made me remember my own pitiful, souled self. Only drinking the
lowlifes, the thieves and the assassins. Her favourite meals were abusive parents (she
smiled when Mr. Harris ceased to scream.)
I did not stop her. She could do as she wanted (she always will.) I just followed her
around and finished whatever she left unfinished (I had it for Xander for a long time) but
then Kendra reappeared in Sunnydale and my Buffy killed her. That was the great revelation
because, how could a souled Slayer kill her sister-in-arms? We both knew that she could
have found another way to make her stop. Killing Kendra meant not having a soul. Not being
a Slayer was another thing altogether. Not everything can be perfect, I guess...
So yes, the Slayer is my newest - and last - mate. So what if she is still the Slayer? Now
she is only mine. She surrendered to me that night at her school, and now I surrender to
her every night. However, our relationship isn't really about submissions and conquests,
it never could resemble a war. She isn't like Darla in that respect, she doesn't want me
in her hands obeying her every wish (even when she enjoys that I do, and I enjoy that she
does) We are not Master and Childe, nor Vampire and Slayer, we don't talk about dominance
and weakness. We are equals, that's all.
She still hunts, though. Vampires when they are a threat for our way of life, dangerous
demons when they intend to end the world (Poor, poor Dru, she doesn't have a chance now),
Slayers when they come to kill us (I know that the next will try, too, and the next and
the next after that...)
What do I do with a Slayer as my lover? Many things, most of them in the privacy of our
room. But I accompany her to her hunting sprees, too. After all, I cannot stay at home
while my Slayer goes fighting and still claim to be a Master. Therefore, I always end up
fighting at her side and guarding her back as she fights.
Sometimes I think that not even my souled self could have caused such losses to the
demonic society. Only the fear keep them (in their majority) from betraying me. But when
they do (it has already happened a couple of times), well, then they wish that Buffy had
never been turned. We are unstoppable, they say, and I intend to maintain it like that.
I know that sometimes she wonders if she could stake me. Just as I contemplate breaking
her beautiful neck when she goes save the world. We could never do it. More than predators
we are lovers. The passion between us could never be resolved with a stake and she knows
it as much as I do, in fact, those were her own words.
I need her, maybe even more than she needs me. It does not matter if she still believes
that the world is worth her (our) caring, she is the only one I will care about.
I know I loved her when I had my soul. But we have learned that love is not about souls or
hearts, it is about blood. Mine called for her since I saw in L.A. so many years ago. If
once I loved her because of her innocence and purity, now I love her for her strength and
undying love. Who deserves my love more than the one who stood against me? How could I not
welcome her when she admitted whom she belonged to?
// I call you my Childe. (with souls we are destined)
I call you my Lover. (without them we're together)
I call you Buffy. (my Angel of Darkness) //
I watch her as she plunges the stake into my eldest Childe's body. I should be screaming
at her not to, but I won't. Dru deserves what she is getting, she should have known better
that to try to go against my Buffy. However, somebody is screaming. Glancing at my side I
see Spike preparing to bolt through the door.
A second. A stake. And my Grand-Childe is only history.
"Why did you do that, lover?" I asked the same when she staked Willow. I shall
answer the same mix of truth and lie.
"He was beginning to like you." I shrug. "Now that Dru is gone I didn't
want him to make himself any illusions."
She laughes. A carefree laugh that makes me grin in return. I bring her closer to me and
kiss her full on the lips. "I won't share you with anybody," I repeat her own
words against her lips.
She smiles briefly before bringing me into a deeper kiss.
If this is what I get for saving the world, I guess I can get accustomed to it.
// I call you my Childe. (with souls we are destined)
I call you my Lover. (without them we're together)
I call you Buffy. (my Angel of Darkness) //
The End
18/01/02
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