_{EPISODE GUIDE}

Black Or White

Jim: Who am I, Chuck Woolery? I'm not covering for you this time.

Blair: Jim, it was a simple mistake. Just this once. I misplaced my datebook.

Jim: Who in their right mind books two different women at the same bar, at the same time?

Blair: Maybe I should talk to him.

Jim: I don't think so.

Blair: Why not? Come on. I've been in and out of therapy since I got out of my pampers. Anxiety and panic attacks are a normal state of being for me.

Jim: Why not work from the inside? I mean, you were a good cop.

Candace: So are you. Look, two more churches are destroyed. Sometimes a gun and a shield are just not enough, you know.

Jim: You know, there was this guy on the old Sullivan Show. He did this act with plates and sticks. He'd try and keep three or four of these plates spinning on these sticks, then add another plate, then add another stick. The idea was not to break a plate, right, but eventually one plate always hit the stage. You see where I'm going with this?

Blair: Right behind you, Joel.

Jim: No, you gotta stay here.

Blair: Look, Jim, I can help him out here.

Jim: That place blows, you're going to end up in another zip code.

Jim: ...talk to her? I did. I didn't say I'd convince her.

Simon: Deal with this.

Blair: Hey, Jim...you know, there was this guy on the Sullivan Show -- he did this thing with plates and sticks...

Jim: Don't you have some exams to grade or something?

Joel: All right, we're coming right up. Why don't you come on and give me a hand on the roof, man?

Blair: No. I'm sorry. I can't do that, man. I got this thing about heights.

Joel: Wait a minute. What about that bridge in Nepal you were talking about?

Blair: Uh, well, that was an embellishment on the truth.

Jim: You mean a lie, right? A lie.

Blair: Oh, no. Lies -- they hurt, man. This... Embellishments -- they help.

Jim: Like the embellishments in your love life?

Blair: No, no. I would call those more like romantic obfuscations.

Simon: I'd call it B.S.

Blair: Actually, no. Technically, B.S. is a form of male bonding. It's a ritual, actually.

Jim: What happened to this thing called the truth?

Blair: Oh, yeah, that. That's, uh... totally overrated. Yeah.

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