1:37 CST - We are now safely in Miami, through customs, and have checked our bags through to Omaha. Several of us are taking a welcome bathroom break - welcome indeed. I tell you - after our experience in Haiti, this Miami airport bathroom seems immaculate and fancy. My eyes are already seeing things around me differently now. Lyle generously bought Burger King for everyone - thank you Lyle! Back to the land of greasy fast food and hectic high flying, fast paced lifestyles. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. The group is sentimental but ornery as all out. I will definitely miss the camaraderie of all these wonderful people.

4:30 CST - We have boarded the Miami plane to St. Louis. It is amazing how smooth our transportation issues have gone. The 5 of us from the later leg down had no problems on the way down, and the 20 of us have had no problems returning. (Actually, that number is 16, since we are leaving Jennifer, Josias & Angela behind for more time in Haiti, and have said goodbye to Willi in the Port au Prince airport since he's leaving on a different flight.) Willi was unable to switch to the same Haiti-Miami flight as our group, but the rest of us breezed through check-in, passports, and customs both in Haiti and Miami. Jim H set off the metal detector again - ha! Only this time he was wearing shorts, and could show the Haitian workers the scar on his knee. They brought out the magic scanning wand, and sure enough, his knee was the only thing on him that beeped. Both Harold and Lyle were able to switch from their later flight to our earlier one, and we said "Guten risen" and "au revoir" to Harold here in Miami as he flies Air Tram up to Buffalo. Corey and I have successfully negotiated seats together again (our Omaha-St. Louis leg seats weren't even in the same row, and we only managed seats together on the St. Louis-Miami leg because a pair of newlyweds had been split between our rows... an arrangement which made for a mutually happy switch in the end), and we are looking forward to meeting up with Corey's mom in the St. Louis airport. This trip has been absolutely amazing. The final devotions were led here in Miami by Lyle and Kevin... on joy, love and family. There is still plenty of sentiment among this bunch of crazy Lutherans. Most of us will still see each other at Christ Lutheran, but the relationship and the closeness won't be quite the same. Thanks to this trip, Corey and I have made some more friends at Christ. As for those who are going to different cities... I will miss them greatly - Willi and Harold from Canada, Becky from Kearney (soon to be Kansas City, where she is taking a new teacher call), Enid from Walton, and Ken & Sandy from Sioux Falls-SD. They are neat people, all of them.

Almost nine - We were unable to get together with Mom V due to circumstances... it is a long story and right now seems quite unimportant compared to what's on my mind now. Some days I get so frustrated with my husband... and even though I was trying to blow it off, a few of the team could tell I was frustrated, which made me even more frustrated and all the more determined to hide it or get around it. And people wonder why I try so hard to hide my feelings? I hate being handled with kid gloves when I'm upset. My anger can focus itself on one thing... and I don't like having people know when I'm out of sorts. Oddly enough, right now I'm no longer upset at Corey (I just can't stay mad at him long, which is a good thing) but at myself for being so fallible and stubborn and hard-nosed and independent and fast-tempered and a whole bunch of other things about myself that can be either good or bad according to how I apply these traits in any given situation. I know I'm human but I wish people didn't have to see the ugly parts. I don't want my warts and bumps to show because they're ugly. Maybe I am a work in progress, but the changes can be rocky and long and some of my character traits are still horrible to behold. Yes, I'm human. No, I'm not perfect even though I try so hard (some say too hard) to be that way. And I never seem to be satisfied with who I am. Some days I wonder why I never seem to be accepted for who I am and other days I wonder why some people do. So many days I'm still trying to figure out who I am and what God has in mind for me or if I have any importance at all in the ultimate scheme of things. Why have I been made the way I am? So stubborn? So independent yet so shy and timid with people? So introverted and unable to share my emotions, my thoughts, my dreams, my fears, my very heart and soul and core? Why is it so hard to understand myself, let alone be myself? Why do I find it so easy to notice my faults when so many people find nothing but good things and promise? Why, when I finally get courage enough to strike out and be bold and try something do meaningful and productive I always seem to fall flat on my face again? Why does it hurt so much? When will I ever find my purpose in life? Will I ever become all that God has intended me to be? And what in His great, wide and beautiful world will that be? I think I could use a good, solid cry, if I can figure out a place to go do it alone, away from the group and even from Corey. Have I learned anything at all in my behavior, in my thoughts, while I was in Haiti this week? Have I grown at all during this trip? Or has it all been some great, cosmic waste?

A short time later - I decided to sneak off to the bathroom to have that cry I needed in the privacy of one of the stalls. Only it seemed that there were witnesses to my escape - a few people realized that I had left a little too quickly (maybe it had something to do with the fact that I told no one that I was going or where and that I just got up and left) and started worrying about me. Vicar would have gone after me himself, but Sandy had figured out where I had gone, told him he couldn't go there (ha!), and had volunteered for the job. She found me, and I was still plenty weepy when she did. We talked briefly, honestly, and openly for a moment, and then when we walked back outside she & Ken suggested that I take a few moments to compose myself before I headed back to the group. Believe me, I needed them. Vicar and I talked a few moments when I returned - in some ways, he and I are fighting similar battles right now. Then Sandy and I talked a bit more. Except for the fact that she's received a few more hard bumps from life than I have (and harder bumps at that), there's a great similarity and a real bond between us. Barring the fact that age-wise she could be my mother, she and I could be sisters so easily. (She actually told me that if any of her sisters had survived, she thinks that they would be very much like me. And I told her that if I had ever had a sister, I would have been very pleased and blessed if she had been like Sandy.) With some of the things I have heard her share about her own former shyness and lower self esteem, I am very much like who she used to be... and if God decided that my future growth should mirror hers, I would consider it a real honor and privilege. Pastor T challenged me the last time we met to think about, even list my fears. I haven't done that yet, but I think I have discovered a very profound one during this trip and especially tonight on the flight home. I am afraid that if people see me for who I really am, with all my lumps and faults and thoughts and habits and attitudes and emotions, that they wouldn't like or accept me any more than I do myself... and I know how highly I don't think of myself. So... I hide away my emotions and fears and faults and attitudes, close myself up to the world & people around me and never share anything - because if I don't share these things, if I don't open myself up then I won't be rejected for them. I've learned all too well how to hide my soul away, walling it up from those who would want to know me better. It's no wonder that I have few close friends, and those that I do have aren't really that close at all. It's no wonder my own mother, my own husband claim that they hardly know me. Maybe I've learned something productive from this mission trip after all.

Later yet - We have returned from Omaha about 1:30 in the morning. When we got into Eppley about midnight there was a good half-dozen people there to see & greet us - a bunch of Jim S's family, Becky's parents, and Phil to record it all on tape. Amazingly all of our luggage - each and every piece, which I counted myself - was in a neat little group off to the side of one of the luggage belts... while everyone else from the flights that hour were still waiting, because the belts weren't even running at the moment. Thank you God, for continuing to look out for us and bless us! We said our good-byes to some in the airport, some in Christ Lutheran's parking lot. Everyone was hugging everyone, and it didn't seem to matter how much you had talked with them, worked with them or not. For some of us, we got quite close this past week or two, and it's very hard to leave that relationship behind. I know I cried pretty hard when I said goodbye to Sandy. That is one very special lady - I know God does not have favorites, but she would be one of mine. Home never looked so good - immaculate, clean, rich and very very welcome. It's also so much cooler - we turned off the air before we left, and it feels absolutely wonderful in here... quite comfortable for sleeping. We should actually get a good night's sleep here. The bed will feel rather good too - not as hard or lumpy as the Haitian beds. I know before I went to sleep last night I thought to myself that it was the last night on that lumpy Haitian pillow and that I wouldn't miss it a bit - but then I remembered where I was and the conditions people faced, and gave thanks that I had a pillow... even a lumpy one... to lay my head on at all. It's amazing the perspective that one gains in a place like Haiti.