Kieran's Diary

Well folks that's another year started, how time fly's. We all had a great time at Stirling Castle on New Years Eve, a wee bit cold but great fun. Kieran thought the fireworks were fantastic and he thoroughly enjoyed himself.

He was "jigging" to a Scottish folk song and dancing to a Canadian Barn Dance that he got taught at school.

We are due back up to Yorkhill for his scheduled C.T.Scan next Thursday with the results due the following week. At present he is still keeping well.

We received the results of Kieran's CT scan last week and once again the Tumour has remained static. This is excellent news as he continues to keep good health. Kieran has been enrolled into the local Scout troupe and just this weekend he was away to "Lapwing Lodge", an activity center near Glasgow for a day trip and nature walk. He just continues to go from strength to strength long may it last.

We are preparing to launch a model rocket that Kieran received for Christmas in the next few weeks. He is really excited at this, as the rocket is no toy and is expected to reach approx 250 ft in altitude. We are planning to have a launch party with some of his friends attending. (Uncle Stuart better not fly his model plane that weekend) We'll keep you all posted on its success.

Kieran is keeping extremely well at the moment we were away for a short break last month to Aviemore, a small town in the Scottish highlands, we all had a great time here. Kieran even managed to leave a message on his guest book from the restaurant at the summit, the wonders of modern technology.

We have launched his rocket a few time s over the last month and he gets very excited at this as he's the Launch Controller and looks forward to the countdown before it shoots into the sky.

Excellent news from today's meeting with the consultant. The Tumor has once again remained static. The medical team, as well as us are delighted with Kieran's progress over the last 4 years. It was 4 years virtually to the day that Kieran had his surgery. He has progressed so much over these years continually amazing us and going from strength to strength. We are going on holiday next week to Orlando where we are sure to have a great time.

Well folks, we had an excellent time in Florida. Kieran was great and was amazed at the Magic Kingdom and all the other parks. We did all the Disney parks and went to the 3 big water parks. We spent quite allot of time at Cocoa Beach surfing and boogie boarding, unaware that the sharks were biting a few miles up the coast at Daytona. The Space center at Cape Canaveral was outstanding and Kieran was overjoyed at this park. Overall we had a fantastic time and most of all Kieran was of excellent health throughout the trip.

Kieran continues to keep good health and is looking great at the moment. He is eagerly awaiting Santa's arrival although I think this will be the last year we can bribe him with the Santa story. He told me the other day that Santa was a fake.

Although he is keeping well we have been attending Yorkhill regularly to try and get his eating or lack of eating attended to. We have been put in touch with the feeding clinic who are monitoring his weight loss. The consultant has referred Kieran to an Endimetriologist (forgive my spelling) who has a theory that the tumor may have damaged Kieran's Pituitary gland. This is something that we have said all along, so we are grateful at last that someone is taking our comments seriously. This appointment is scheduled for January. We also have a meeting with the Surgeon who carried out Kieran's op, this is just a follow up meeting to see how Kieran is progressing.

We have some snow forecast for this weekend so hopefully Kieran will get out sledging and have some fun playing in the snow with his friends.

Unfortunately we have to start the New Year with some unexpected bad news. Yesterday we attended the meeting that was arranged with the Neurosurgeon and was dealt some devastating news. She had studied in more detail the CT Scans of last August and had some concern over the increase in size of the Ventricles. They have increased in size quite considerably and she needs to find out why. We have been asked to attend the Southern General Neurological ward on Monday for a CT Scan, she hopes to receive more detail from the scan which will determine the future treatment.

We are totally shocked considering how well Kieran is doing. He is showing none of his previous symptoms and is looking fit and well. We hope and pray that because of this the Tumor hasn't began to increase in size.

Just a short update prior to taking Kieran up to the Southern General Hospital tomorrow. He is still keeping well although he complained yesterday that he had a headache and that his eye was sore. Today I took him out on his Quad Bike for some fresh air and he had a wonderful time in the woods, although it was freezing, never mind he was well wrapped up.

Tomorrow will be a testing day for us all but we will just have to be positive and strong for his sake, unfortunately we wont receive the results until later in the week.

Check out the new picture of Kieran on his new Quad that his uncle Peter got him for Christmas.

We attended the Southern General Hospital on Monday as planned and Kieran was seen by a Neuro Ophthalmic Doctor who gave him a very thorough examination, he had his eyes tested, field of vision tested and most importantly he checked for pressure behind the eyes. All test results were good and the Dr confirmed NO pressure within the Brain. This was positive feedback. After lunch Kieran went down to the CT Scanner to have his scan, which he did with ease.

We contacted Miss Brown's secretary on the Wednesday to receive the results, only to be told that Miss Brown had sent a letter asking us to attend the clinic on the 27th Jan. Because of this time scale we are a little bit confused. If the scan was just routine why was such urgency put on the appointment? and if the results of Mondays scan had shown any concerns surely we would be asked to attend a meeting long before 27th Jan for the results? We are still trying to contact Miss Brown for more clarification, in the mean time Kieran is continuing to keep well and looking forward to more Quad bike riding on Sunday.

We attended the Southern General yesterday and had our consultation with the Neurosurgeon. Unfortunately the news was not good, but to be honest was what we were expecting. She showed us the scan results from the previous week and took great time to explain the changes. On a positive side there is NO evidence of the Tumor increasing in size but the bad news is that there is a cyst forming on the topside of the mass.

Miss Brown then went on to explain the options on treatment with surgery being the most likely option that will be taken. She explained that Kieran will require an Angiogram, we hope this will take place within the next 2-3 weeks. The reason for this is to get a more detailed map of the artery's supplying the Brain/Tumor. She is of the belief that when the cyst is removed there may be an opportunity to remove more of the Tumor mass, if she can determine what vessels are feeding the Tumor. As well as this she will replace the Stainless clip within the brain with a Titanium one.

Obviously this is not the news that we would have liked but we are keeping positive that some more of the Tumor will be removed during the delicate surgery. Fortunately we have had 5ish great years with Kieran enjoying his health and we will just have to put our trust in the hands of the specialists and look forward to his recovery.

Kieran attended the Neurosurgical unit at Southern General Hospital today to receive his Angiogram. His treatment all went to plan and Kieran came round from the Anesthetic a little bit groggy but otherwise fine. He was complaining that the area where the needle was inserted was pretty sore but this is to be expected.

We caught up with Miss Brown, the neurosurgeon who said the results were good and had gave her a more detailed plan for the forthcoming surgery. Kieran has been kept in hospital overnight and will have a CT scan tomorrow before coming home.

We received some more news from the Neurosurgeon before e being allowed home today. The images that were taken yesterday and also today's ones indicate that their is a large artery running through the tumor mass. This is not very good news as it changes all the plans that we were hoping on.

Miss Browns states that because of this new evidence the risks are now too high at this stage to carry on with the planned surgery and has resorted back to the Stereotactic needle biopsy option .This will hopefully remove the liquid from the cyst by needle and although still carries a high risk is more favorable than the original plan.

We have to return to the Southern General tomorrow afternoon, with the surgery planned for Thursday. Although this type of operation only takes approx 2-3 hrs Kieran will be in hospital for 5-7 days. We will be keeping our fingers crossed that all goes to plan.

Kieran went down for his operation at 11.45am today and the results were more than we could have hoped for. The surgeon successfully removed -without any side effects occurring 12ml of low viscosity fluid from the cyst. This news was truly remarkable considering the risks that were attached to the operation. By 3.30pm Kieran was sitting up in bed ,drinking and asking for a McDonalds. What a Brave soldier. We will have to wait a few days to see if the removal of the fluid has released the pressure on the area of the brain controlling the left side. But in the mean time we are both delighted to have our special wee boy back with us. We congratulate all the medical team involved in today's operation.

Kieran returned home today, the doctors are delighted with his progress over the last few days. He is continuing to make progress with his left arm and there is a definite change in strength since the op. This is all great news. Kieran will continue on steroids for the next couple of days, these are just to keep any swelling of the brain to a minimum.

We are planning to go away for a short break this weekend to recharge our batteries. Probably through to Edinburgh, this all depends on how Kieran feels over the next couple of days. We don't have to go back and see Miss Brown until 3 months where see will give us the results of the biopsy. In the meantime we are going to enjoy Kieran's good health once again.

Kieran is now back at school and keeping well. We enjoyed a few days break through in Edinburgh last week where we visited the Castle and all the other tourist attractions. Kieran was doing a project at school all about Greyfriars Bobby so we made a point of visiting this area. We are continuing to keep a close watch on Kieran's strength particularly in the left arm but at this stage things are continuing to look good.

Kieran and Greyfriars Bobby - The Scottish Terrier who kept a 14 year vigil at his masters grave.

Since the operation Kieran has kept reasonably well. His left arm has lost some of the strength that he gained after the op. We also raised our concern with Miss Brown, Neurosurgeon that on 3 occasions since the operation Kieran has passed out while being sick. After the vomit has passed he remembers nothing of the incident.

Because of this worry Miss Brown requested that Kieran be admitted back into the Southern General to undergo another operation. This time they would insert a ICP Monitor (Inter Cerebral Pressure) for 24 hours and monitor the fluid pressure within the brain.

I'm pleased to say that Kieran underwent this operation today and is in the Southern for the next 2 days. The operation was a success and we will just have to wait and see what the results bring. If the results show an increase in cerebral fluid pressure he might have to undergo another operation to have a shunt fitted. We will just have to wait and see. Otherwise he is keeping good health and enjoying his school time.

Kieran was re-admitted back into the Southern General yesterday 02.06.04.The results of the ICP tests did show that Kieran intermittently suffered from high pressure within the Brain. It was decided to perform the shunt operation as soon as possible. He was scheduled to have the operation today and as i speak, can confirm that it went as planned.

Kieran will have the shunt inserted within the left ventricle of the Brain. This acts as a non-return valve and will greatly reduce the pressure within the Brain. The shunt will remain in the ventricle for ever only being changed if he outgrows the length or if an infection develops within the shunt chamber.

Kieran is now back home and recovering from the Operation to have the Shunt fitted. So far this seems to be working as he has been sick twice since coming home last week and both times he hasn't passed out or had any seizures. This, hopefully, can only mean that the shunt is performing as it should.

He has to stay off school for the next week so he is excited at this prospect. Although he is still quite weak he is gaining strength each day. Miss Brown told us just to keep a close watch on Kieran but she has not gave us an appointment to go back up to the Southern General to see her, we will just play it by ear and pray Kieran continues to gain strength each day.

Kieran has had a very roller coaster last few weeks since the operation to insert the shunt. He continues to be very lethargic and low in enthusiasm. We did enjoy a short break down at his cousins in Chippenham, near Bristol. We all had a great time here and re-charged our batteries- just what we all needed. Since his return last week he has been complaining of headaches and has been vomiting more regularly. We took him back up to the Southern General yesterday where he was given a C.T. scan and blood tests . The scan was to see if the shunt was working correctly. The results were very encouraging. The shunt is doing its job and Kieran's blood tests were all clear. Miss Brown asked us to keep close watch on Kieran but as far as she was concerned all seemed to be well. We will just have to wait and see, maybe he has picked up a bug when on holiday.

Kieran continues to keep relatively well. Over the last month he has had quite a few 'off days' where he has been very tired and lethargic. He also has headaches regularly and on occasion is sick. This may all sound as though Kieran is not very well, but all in all he is keeping well. Unfortunately it seems that since he had the shunt fitted he has became more ill. Prior to the shunt being fitted he was only sick on a few occasions.

Apart from his 'off days' we try and do as much as possible on the 'good days'. last weekend we cycled 10 miles round a small island called Little Cumbrae off the west coast of Scotland. The weather was great and the scenery even better. Stopping for a picnic in the small seaside village. Kieran had a great time.

We are expected to meet up with Miss Brown, Consultant within the next few weeks where we will discuss Kieran's health in more detail.

Kieran has had a roller coaster last few weeks. His left arm has become progressively weaker and he has been complaining of bad headaches and pains in his right eye. Because of this he was asked to attend the Southern General on Monday 13th September to receive a C.T. Scan. The results of the scan would allow Miss Brown to see how much the Cyst had filled up.

The results showed that the cyst had filled up since the last C.T. Miss Brown asked us to come back on Thursday 17th Sept for a thorough eye check up with the ophthalmic consultant. This was carried out and Kieran once again took everything in his stride although the Dr had a problem getting the canula in Kieran's wrist. Three times of trying before a success.

We came back to see Miss Brown in the afternoon and she explained the results of both the C.T. and the eye tests. The eye tests revealed that Kieran has some double vision in his right eye, we had expected this for some time as the nerve that was damaged during the original surgery controls the muscle that adjusts the focusing of the eye. We have been given exercises to try and correct this weakness. Apart from that his eyesight is the same as it was in January. This is relief as Miss Brown had thought the cyst was affecting the nerves that operate the eye, giving Kieran pain in this eye.

The result of the meeting is that yes, Kieran will have to have the cyst drained again but Miss Brown is hoping to leave it as long as possible before needing to perform the needle biopsy. She is also going to insert a fibre optic tube into the cyst and this will be left in place allowing her to use the tube to drain the cyst if needed in the future.

At present we are trying to cram as much fun things into Kieran's schedule as possible, knowing that in the near future he will have to have another major operation on his Brain.

Reporting back sooner than expected. Kieran was admitted back into the Southern General yesterday (Friday 1st Oct) with severe headaches and pains in his right eye. On arrival he was sent for a CT Scan to determine if the shunt was performing as expected, the results showed that it was. This wasn't exactly the news that we had hoped for.

On seeing Miss Brown, Kieran's consultant she explained that the most likely cause of the headaches, now that the shunt was given the all clear, was that the cyst had started to cause increased pressure within the area of the right temporal lobe.

Kieran was kept in hospital overnight and started on a course of steroids. We will be going back up to the hospital on Wednesday where he will get bloods taken and meet with the anesthetist. The operation will be performed on Thursday.

Kieran will have another stereo tactic needle aspiration to remove the fluid within the cyst, the fibre optic tube will not be inserted at this point. Miss Brown will wait and see how long it takes for the cyst to fill back up after Thursday's operation before making the decision.

Once again our brave wee boy will have to endure another major operation in quick succession, he is putting a brave face on things at the moment but it is clear that he is getting tired of all the hospital attention. We just try to keep him positive and explain that each time he attends the Southern General it is to make him better.

Kieran's operation didn't go as planned this time. As we expected the cyst was to have been drained of fluid and the tube inserted for future aspiration unfortunately this didn't happen. Yes Miss Brown did manage to withdraw approx 10ml of fluid, much less that she had hoped for, she felt that because of the small amount of fluid that was removed this time it was not viable to insert the tube into the cyst for future aspirations. She also re-inserted the needle into another area of the cyst to see if fluid could be drawn from here. This also proved unsuccessful.

Kieran is now home from hospital but is still in considerable pain. There has also been now improvement to his left arm this time, we have also noticed a couple of other symptoms, a slight tremor in his left hand and he is dragging his left leg. This is not what we had expected.

We will have a consultation with Miss Brown over the next couple of weeks to discuss his future hospital plan. It is becoming more evident that another craniotomy will have to be performed in the near future. This, as Miss Brown has said is only going to be for the removal of the cyst and possibly some more of the tumor mass. It is still not an option to try and remove the complete tumor mass.

As you can imagine we are all a bit demoralized at present, but for Kieran's sake we need to remain positive.

Kieran has had a very bad couple of weeks. Since returning home from the SGH he has continually complained about headaches and sharp pains behind his right eye. On top of this the left arm is virtually no operative. We expressed our concerns during the appointment to remove the clips on his wound. Dr Walsh-Miss Brown's assistant gave Kieran a thorough examination and confirmed our thoughts.

Kieran will have to go back into hospital in the next week or so to have the big operation. It is the intention of Miss Brown that she will perform another craniotomy to remove the cyst and accompanying membrane of the cyst. She will also attempt to remove some more of the tumor. The positive news, if there is to be any, is that the cyst is lying to the right of the main arteries and hopefully clear of any incisions.

At present we do not have a date for this surgery but Kieran has been started back on Dexamethasone, this is a steroid that reduces the swelling in the normal tissue around the tumor. We are confident that the surgery will go ahead in the next week or so and we can then tackle what lies ahead for Kieran.

We received some news today from the Southern General Hospital. Kieran will receive his operation on Monday 8th November 2004.He will be admitted on Friday 5th to get blood taken for crossmatch and meet with the anesthetist to go through the procedures for Monday. Although this will be a very traumatic time, we feel that the operation has come at the right time. Kieran is still under considerable pain during the night from his headaches. He hasn't been able to get a complete nights sleep for over 3 weeks, this has a knock on effect as he is very lethargic during the day. Because of this, he too is desperate for the operation to go ahead as soon as possible.

We spent the day at the Southern General with Kieran today, getting blood taken and meeting with Miss Brown. She went on to explain in more detail the procedures for Monday's operation. It is her plan to remove the cyst and surrounding cyst sack, this will only be possible if is not attached firmly to the Tumor mass. Fingers crossed it isn't. She is also going to try and remove some more of the Tumor mass, as well as removing the metal clips that were used during the operation 5 years ago. She also went onto explain that we are now at the crossroads in Kieran's treatment plan and that she has no choice but to operate on Monday.

Over the last few days Kieran has changed quite considerably, he has become more withdrawn and subdued, almost as if he is mulling over what is going to happen on Monday. We have, as always tried to explain the procedure and what the benefits will be after the operation. Lets hope all our expectations come true.

Well where do I start !! Kieran underwent a 8 hour operation on Monday and although, as Miss Brown said it was a success and was happy with the results. She did take longer than expected to access the Right Temporal Lobe and the tumor. But once she managed to access the tumor she removed most of the cyst sack, the two metal clips from the previous craniotomy and also some more of the tumor mass. This has now created some space within the area of the tumor and should provide Kieran with some greatly needed relief from headaches. etc.

At approx 12.00pm on Monday night just as he was recovering from the anesthetic he suffered a series of Temporal Lobe seizures. These lasted for approx 1 hour and as you can imagine knocked Kieran for six and set his recovery back. He was rushed back down to the Intensive Care Ward where he was put on anti- convulsion drugs and heavily sedated as well as being placed on a ventilator to assist his breathing. Over the last few days it has been hell for all of us and we are just playing a waiting game. Yesterday (Thurs) Kieran began his long fight to recovery and began obeying the Dr's instructions i.e. eye movement, strength of grip etc and today he made the biggest step by opening his eyes. He is know off the ventilator and talking. He is to be moved back up to the ward later today. Although, still very, very lethargic he is gradually coming back onto the road to recovery. Time will be the healer of which we have plenty off. Let's hope he gets stronger each day.

Although the seizures have put a damper on the results of the operation we are confident that Kieran will bounce back to strength and begin to enjoy the benefits of Miss Brown's hard and rewarding work. We all thank her, Mr. Walsh and the team for the tremendous work they all do at the Dept of Neurosciences, Southern General Hospital. Glasgow.

Kieran is still extremely poorly, although he is gaining strength daily he has still a very long way to go in his recovery. This is totally expected but difficult to accept. Personally i am finding it extremely difficult to come to terms with the set back, Lorna, as always is being strong for the both of us. Although we both fully accept that the operation had to go ahead we weren't ready for the set back the seizures would bring. Kieran has difficulty in remembering some basic things as well as a lack of coordination, the left side of his body is also particularly weak now.

On speaking to Miss Brown, Kieran's consultant, she is confident that the operation went well and that the setback's will be overcome. We are just praying that this will happen in due course, but it is still a very anxious time for us all.

On a positive note, Kieran is eating orally again and eating foods that he hasn't tasted for 5 years. Today he had chocolate milkshake and a jaffa cake something that we would not have dreamt of happening prior to the operation.

Kieran continues to make progress albeit very slow progress. He is gaining strength daily and the physiotherapists are pleased with the changes. He has had the gastric feeding tube removed today, so hopefully this will aid the recovery of his sore throat. He also continues to eat a multitude of different foods so this will also aid his recovery and provide him with some badly needed nourishment.

We spoke with Miss Brown last night and she explained that once Kieran is stronger we will be required to meet with the NeurOncology team based at the Western Infirmary and Yorkhill. This is because the Biopsy of the Tumor taken during surgery identified a small amount of aggressive cells. This is all we need at this time, how many blows can we take, and more importantly how many more treatments can Kieran withstand? The meeting with the team will determine if Kieran will undergo a course of Chemotherapy again or a period of Radiotherapy. I will ask about the option of gamma knife surgery as I believe, if possible, would benefit Kieran greatly. (Learn more on the Gamma Knife Treatment)

In the meantime we are taking one day at a time and encouraging Kieran in his development.

Kieran continues to amaze us with his courage and determination. He is gaining strength each day and moving forward in his recovery slowly but surely. He is ably assisted by a team of therapists- phsio, speech and occupational. We can see that the physiotherapist is having the most impact on him as he is beginning to get the strength and movement back in his left side. Only today he pulled himself up from chair to a standing position, not once but 3 times. He is still a wee bit unsteady on his feet but we are sure this will only be a matter of time before he is standing again unaided. His memory is also gradually coming back, today he asked for a McDonalds, we said to him what's that. No, only joking we told him that he could get a McDonalds only as a treat when we get home, we certainly don't want to go back down the chips & soup regime.

Kieran was given a special surprise at the weekend he received a visit from Alex McLeish the manager of Rangers Football Club. This cheered him up and also cheered us up as Kieran remembered who he was. Alex stayed with Kieran for about 40 mins, chatting about football, Kieran and the hospital. He also promised Kieran a visit to meet the players when he is feeling better.

It is hoped that Kieran will get home soon, we have decided to continue Kieran's physiotherapy in the home. We feel that this environment will help him develop more quickly and get him back into a settled routine. We are also awaiting a date for Kieran to have a MRI scan, this scan will act as a base line for the future and he needs to get this before being allowed home, hopefully it will be sometime this week.

It has been the quickest 3 weeks ever, a roller coaster of emotions and our worst nightmare. But now we need to look to the future and get Kieran fully fit before he faces the next battle-his Chemotherapy or Radiotherapy treatment.

Kieran returned home yesterday. It was a great achievement as this time last week he was very ill in bed. Although he is still considerably weak and needs assistance with eating and walking etc he is continuing to get back to his normal self.

He is still bothered by headaches and some pain in his right eye, but Miss brown has stated that there is still some bruised blood between the scull flap and the brain, as well as the post op swelling. This will dissipate over the next few weeks and she is confident that this is the source of the headaches.

We are all delighted to have Kieran home and now we will concentrate in getting him stronger over the next few weeks in time for Christmas.

A huge thanks to all our family and friends who have helped us through the last few weeks, we appreciate all your help, support and concern. Thanks also to all Ward 66 staff for their constant care of Kieran and most of all THANKS to Miss Brown and her team of dedicated professionals.

Kieran continues to make slow but steady progress over the last few weeks. He continues to get stronger each day in his arms and legs and has tried to walk unaided. This resulted in a small fall as his legs are not strong enough yet, but only dented his ego.

We have a meeting planned for next Thursday with the Consultant Oncologist at Yorkhill Children's Hospital to discuss Kieran's future treatment plan. I will keep you all up to date with the decision.

Kieran's Most Recent MRI Scan November 2004 .This Scan Clearly Shows the Diseased Area in the Center of The Brain.

We received very disappointing news at the meeting with the Consultant Oncologist on Thursday. He explained the MRI Scans in great detail and delivered some detailed news that we were not expecting.

He explained that the biopsy taken after the operation indicated that the cells were much more aggressive than first expected and that the tumor had greatly changed its make up. It is now classed as a grade 3 Anaplastic Astrocytoma and because of these changes is now Malignant.

Although we had expected an additional course of treatment after the operation we didn't expect the tumor to have changed so dramatically. It is planned to meet with the Consultant Radiotherapist next week, who will discuss the next stage in Kieran's battle. He will probably start an intense course of Radiotherapy, 5 days per week for 6 weeks at the end of January.

As you can understand we are pretty demoralized at the moment, but once again we will have to try and find the strength to carry on and get through the next few months for Kieran's sake.

We will definitely try and enjoy this Christmas with our family and friends before we have to face the challenges of next year.

Well folks another year another challenge. Kieran had a good Christmas as far as he could he was pretty tired out during Christmas Day but we did try and spread the opening of presents throughout the day. He enjoyed the company of his uncle peter, who is there for us all the time, and is much appreciated. We traveled up to Peters house in Aberdeen to celebrate the New Year, a great time was had by all, although Kieran was pretty miserable throughout the visit. The reason for this was made evident when we had to take him to Hospital at 3.00am on Monday 3rd.he has a badly inflamed throat and has been prescribed anti-biotics.

The next stage in Kieran's treatment plan starts tomorrow. We have an appointment to attend the Beatson Centre, this is the main Radio-Oncology Center in the West Coast. Here he will have a plaster cast of his head taken. This cast will become the plastic helmet in which he will wear each time he attends the Center to receive his Radiotherapy. He will have two more visits before the treatment commences.

At present he is still under the weather due to his sore throat but on the bigger picture he is very slowly regaining more memory and awareness, his left side weakness is still very evident.

Kieran, has over the last few weeks, continues to be lethargic and generally miserable. He still has a very sore throat and has been prescribed different medicine. He has also attended the Beatson Center to have his mask fitted, this went according to plan and a CT Scan was taken after the fitting. The CT scan will now be used as a template for the Radiotherapy beams.

As the headaches have continued to dominate Kieran's health since the operation, we decided this week to contact Miss Brown at the Southern General and request another Scan. The results of the scan showed that the blood clot that was left after the op had now dissolved. This was good news but still didn't shed any light on why Kieran was suffering from so many headaches. Miss Brown didn't know the answer either.

Kieran will be back up to the Southern General for a detailed MRI scan next week and will commence with his Radiotherapy plan on 2nd Feb 2005.The treatment will continue 5 days per week until 17th March 2005.During this time we will continue to be strong for Kieran through this very difficult period.

This image shows Kieran being a very brave boy while his Radiotherapy Mask was fitted and adjusted to fit comfortably. This mask will be fitted to Kieran each time he attends the Beatson Center for Treatment.

Kieran has now completed all the simulations and fittings in his run up to receiving the Radiotherapy treatment. The treatment will commence tomorrow and will last each day for the next 6 weeks with a date to finish on 17th March. This will probably be the longest 6 weeks ever. Over the past few weeks Kieran has accommodated the visits pretty well, not without the odd moan and groan which I expect he's entitled to. In general he hasn't changed except that the ongoing headaches have relented. He continues to be very lethargic and withdrawn and still hasn't made any progress in his mobility. We continue to hope that this area will come back through time.

He was awarded 2 special certificates from Angel Forever Tears, one of the numerous "Angels" who continue to pray for Kieran throughout the world. See the link on the first page or view there comments in his Guest book)

Sorry for not updating the Web page more regularly this month but to be honest there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the days, and on top of this we received some bad, but not totally unexpected news last week from the Consultant Oncologist, albeit it still knocked us for six. Because of this I really haven't had the energy or the enthusiasm to update the web page. The Consultant stated that they were very concerned about the speed the tumour was now growing at. Comparing the MRI scan from November and the one in January there is a distinct change in size and the mass is now growing very fast. We don't really know what the Radiotherapy will do but can only hope and pray that it does some good.

On the whole Kieran is handling the Radiotherapy well and has not had any of the side effects yet. This could and will change as he still has allot of treatments to go. He is still very dependant on both Lorna and I for all his daily help and has still not managed to walk unaided.

As I said we will just have to continue being strong for Kieran and wait for the next set of MRI scans which will be taken after the treatment has finished.

Kieran is doing well at the moment. He is handling the Radiotherapy very well with little or no side effects except that his hair has now began to fall out. He is also becoming more alert and aware of what is going on round about him. Even managing a smile or too. He was very exited last week when we managed to get tickets for a Glasgow Rangers game at Ibrox Stadium. On our arrival we were met by Alex McLeish who remembered Kieran from his hospital visit he took time to enquire on how he was keeping and how we were coping. We had a great day at Ibrox Stadium.

Kieran has just over a week to go in his treatment plan and then we will have a long wait to see if the radiotherapy has worked or not. In the meantime we are trying to do as much with Kieran as his stamina will allow.

Well folks today is another milestone in Kieran's battle. He has now completed the 30 Radiotherapy Sessions of his treatment plan. Once again Kieran managed to handle the treatment with very little side effects and just soldiered on taking everything in his stride. A true star and a very brave boy. We do expect to see some of the post treatment effects kicking in over the next few days. These are expected to be lethargy, sickness and some minor headaches.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank ALL Radiotherapists and support staff at Treatment Room 6 of the Beatson Oncology Center for their care and understanding they showed towards Kieran over the last 6 weeks. They did the NHS proud. On top of the care they decorated the reception with balloon's and a poster saying 'Well Done Kieran' and gave him a gift for being a brave boy. Many thanks once again.

We will now wait for an appointment to see Dr Murphy, Consultant Oncologist at Yorkhill who will monitor Kieran over the next few weeks and will also discuss with us the next stage. In the mean time we are waiting for Kieran to gain some strength before we take him on a well deserved holiday.

The Superstar - Kieran receiving his 2nd last Radiotherapy Treatment. He managed to complete 30 treatments with little or no side effects. March 2005

Once again Kieran continues to reach new high's in his rehabilitation. Yesterday we visited his school and had a good discussion on Kieran's health and ability with his Head teacher .She is very keen to get Kieran back to school and interacting with his school friends. The proposed time for this is to be after the Easter holidays for an hour once a week. Although this time may sound very small it's a great achievement for Kieran.

When we arrived at his class all his classmates treated him like royalty, fussing over him and asking if he required anything. It was like the return of the long lost brother. We stayed in the class for over and hour and Kieran was thrilled with the response he received. We will look forward to his return.

We have received an appointment to meet with Dr Murphy, the Consultant Oncologist at Yorkhill next Friday to discuss Kieran's progress and his general development. At this point we will ask if and when Kieran will have an MRI scan to see if the Radiotherapy was successful.

We had our meeting with Dr Murphy on April 1st.He conducted a thorough examination on Kieran and although he couldn't commit himself to saying things had changed with regard to the Tumor size he was astounded at the changes Kieran has made over the last few months and how he has handled the course of Radiotherapy. He does have concerns over his sight in the right eye and is also going to get his hearing checked. All these things are really small considering how much Kieran has been through.

We are awaiting the help of The make a wish foundation to give Kieran his Dream wish. This is very difficult for a wee boy who had everything he could have hoped for. However he did say that he would like to go and visit Mr. Bush in Washington DC , unfortunately the consultant has said that he cannot fly long haul. Because of this decision he has said he would like to go to Disneyland, Paris. We will just wait and see the outcome of the wish.

Today saw another milestone, Kieran went back to school today. The first time since Sept 2004. He had a great time and was accompanied by Jackie, our respite carer. He is expected to back to school next Monday and also Wednesday.

Kieran getting all set to go back to school, a huge step in his recovery. April 2005

Kieran continues to progress, slowly. He is enjoying the time at school and looks forward to the Monday morning. At present he is sleeping quite often but we think this is the side effects of the Radiotherapy.

We were deeply saddened to hear this week that a special friend Kieran met at the Beatson Clinic, Jack, a fellow Cancer Warrior sadly lost his battle and passed away to a pain free world last week. Our condolences go out to Gillian and her family at this very difficult time.

The news of Jack has effected Lorna and i pretty badly and it has made us realise that although Kieran is doing not to badly just now things can change for the worst very quickly. We only knew Jack and his mum, Gillian from our visits to the Beatson but we have a great deal of things in common and extend our sympathy's to her.

On a happier note we are going to spend some time together over the next week as i am on holiday from work. Kieran wants to visit the Farm Park and has also mentioned the Safari Park at Stirling. I,m sure we will manage to see one.

Kieran is continuing along the long road of recuperation. He is coming along well although he tires very quickly and is very lethargic most days. This lack of energy is down to the side effects of the Radiotherapy and will hopefully ease over the next few weeks. We received an appointment for Kieran to receive a MRI scan at the Southern General Hospital next week but on checking with Dr Murphy, Kieran's Pediatric Oncologist he stated that he doesn't want Kieran to go through any more scans. He will continue to monitor Kieran's progress by how he is actually feeling and progressing.

We didn't get to the Safari park, Kieran and i went up to Aberdeen on the train to visit our family. Although we were only there for a couple of days we had a great time and most importantly Kieran enjoyed the break.

Kieran has been granted his wish from the 'Make A Wish Foundation' He wished to go to Disneyland Paris to see Mickey and friends. We are all looking forward to this and cant wait for the date.

Kieran is doing well at present. He continues to progress slowly and has settled into a routine which suits his needs. We had an appointment at Yorkhill Children's Hospital with Kieran's consultant, Dr Murphy who is very happy with his progress. He is delighted that Kieran continues to be pain free and is optimistic on his future. This is all we can hope and pray for. Kieran to have a pain free future for as long as possible.

He has also increased his time at school from 1 half day to two half days, this in itself is a huge achievement for him. He looks forward to visiting the school and spending time with his friends.

We received news of Kieran's make a wish. We are all going to Disneyland Paris on Thursday 30th June for a well earned short break. Kieran cannot wait to see Mickey and the gang.

Kieran reluctantly presenting £1350.00 to CLIC Sargent - Cancer Care For Children. He wanted to keep the money for himself) The results of a 14mile Sponsored Walk that his old Dad took part in.

Firstly, may I apologize for the length of time its taken me to update you on Kieran's progress. This I have to admit is partly down to a lack of motivation and also the fact that Kieran is continuing to keep well. But enough of that, what a fantastic last few weeks we have all had.

We had an unbelievable time we had at Disneyland Paris and cannot thank the team from the Make a Wish Foundation enough. They thought of everything, after the flight to London Kieran got into the flight deck to meet the pilots. He was very excited at this. The Euro star train was fantastic and we were treated like VIP,s .Our Disney hotel had a balcony and Lakeside view. When we arrived at the hotel Kieran was given a Disney 'Blue Badge' this entitled him to special VIP treatment. No queuing for the rides or the restaurants. Kieran WAS the star and he enjoyed every minute.

I think his best experience was the ride in the hot air balloon and meeting all the characters at the Disney Breakfast. We thank the team of people who made this fantastic wish come true for Kieran it will last forever in our memories.

Kieran continues to keep extremely well, if i was to be just a wee bit optimistic I would even say that he is as well now as he has been for a long time. We have all enjoyed a very busy summer and have tried to cover lots of Kieran's favorite things. I have enjoyed lots of free time with Kieran over the last few months as, unfortunately my employers found it beneficial to them to make me redundant after 15 years. Talk about getting kicked when your down. We have tried to separate the work problems from Kieran and have told him that I'm on holiday.

A few weeks ago Kieran's uncle Peter treated him to a fantastic surprise-A helicopter trip over Glasgow. We all had a great time and Kieran thoroughly enjoyed the trip, albeit he did fall asleep during the flight.

Kieran enjoying his Helicopter trip. A huge thank you to Uncle Peter for making this wish come true.

Another fantastic event was Kieran's POOL PARTY, we decided to give Kieran a party in a local hotel as he had missed out on a birthday party last year. We felt that now was as good a time as any and Kieran decided that he wanted a Hawaiian themed POOL PARTY. A great time was had by all and Kieran was shattered at the end of the day.

Finally we spent some well earned respite down at our friends caravan at 'Gatehouse of Fleet' near the Scottish border. Here Kieran enjoyed playing with his friends, did some beachcombing, visited an Ice-cream factory and generally chilled. No pun intended .

On a more serious note we had an appointment with the Ophthalmic Consultant last week who confirmed what we had expected. Kieran's left eye has deteriorated since his operation in November and it was confirmed that he has peripheral vision in the eye. Next week we have a scheduled appointment with Kieran's Consultant Oncologist, who hopefully like us will be delighted with Kieran's progress.

Kieran with his friends, Alex and Erin enjoying some time at the caravan. July 2005

Well folks, sorry for the delay in updating the web page but it's great to say that as Kieran is keeping well and is stable at the moment there isn't the need to update regularly.

At the last update we were going to visit the Oncologist for his scheduled review. The Dr was delighted once again with Kieran and we will just attend follow up appointments (unless Kieran deteriorates in some way) at 3 month intervals. He continues to attend school 5 sessions per week, although he is very tired at the end of each day. He still has a very good sense of humor-one day last week I asked him how he got on at school? he started chuckling and said he couldn't remember, I asked why and he replied that he fell asleep 5 mins into the class and asked to be taken to the medical room where he went back to sleep for the duration of the session. Only to be wakened when his taxi arrived. What a boy!!

He was delighted during the month as we had a new arrival to the family- a new baby cousin for Kieran-Baby Sophie was born. Kieran was excited at seeing and holding the new baby until she started crying and needing her nappy changed.

Kieran and his old dad went to the school Trick or Treat party last week and would you believe it- we one a prize for the best outfits, I think the head teacher took pity on us as there were far better costumes than ours. We both dressed as Mexican. Kieran wanted me to be the horse so he could whip me into shape but I drew the line at that. A great time was had by all.

We are now looking forward to Kieran's 10th birthday which is next Thursday. He has requested another pool party for his school friends. What a year it's been. You wouldn't believe that it's almost a year since his last operation when things took the turn for the worst. At the time we didn't think Kieran would be with us the following week. But as always he proved to be a true fighter. We will celebrate this birthday as we did his first.

Kieran continues to keep well at present. He has established a routine which includes regular attendance at school, normally for a couple of hours per day. We have an appointment at Yorkhill with Kieran's consultant tomorrow, this is just his pre arranged appointment and an opportunity for Dr Murphy to see how Kieran is progressing.

Kieran has had a very busy last few weeks since his Birthday party. Last weekend we were up in Aberdeen for his big sisters 21st party. Kieran dressed up for the occasion with his new Scottish outfit and had a great time. He had a great time and enjoyed the company of his cousin Karis.

Kieran received a very special gift from a friend of a friend who very generously arranged for a SIGNED photo from PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH. The package came from the American Embassy in Bahrain and the picture read "To Kieran, best wishes, George W. Bush. He was delighted with this photo and it now takes pride of place next to Alex McLeish. I don't know who's the most important in Kieran's mind George or Alex. But a very big thank you to Tracy in Bahrain for organizing this very special gift .

Kieran was asked today if he would like to go on a very special trip on the 14th Dec- yes you've guest it, to visit Santa and the Reindeers in Lapland. Well this will just finished a very exciting few weeks for him. The trip has been arranged through our friends at the Wish Upon a Star. The only problem is that only one parent can go. Mum will accompany Kieran and I'll hold the fort. Kieran promises to take lots of photo's for dad.

Well folks, we had a truly unbelievable experience Lapland. Kieran was overjoyed to meet Father Christmas and all the Reindeer. Better still Dad got to go on the trip also. After we arrived in Lapland we were taken to the Forest and experienced Reindeer Sleigh rides, Husky rides and ski-doo's. We also had hot chocolate, made over and open fire. All this in -15oc.Because it only gets daylight for 2 hours per day in the winter it was darkness most of the day. This added to the magical atmosphere. Throughout the day Kieran was very well and looked forward to meeting Santa. After the Forest we were taken to the town and meet Santa and Rudolf where all the children were given there presents. After this were driven to Santa's village and meet the elves in Santa's post office, working very hard, preparing for the big day. This location is right in the Artic Circle, Kieran was given a cert to say that he had traveled into the Artic Circle. From here it was back to the plane and then home. A very long and tiring day, but one that we will remember for ever.

Many thanks to all the volunteers and to Wish Upon A Star for making Kieran's dreams come true.

Hi folks, hope you all enjoyed Christmas! Unfortunately Kieran has not been to well throughout the Christmas break. He had a small seizure last Friday and has not really been himself since then. He did manage to open some presents and tried to enjoy the big day but it was all too much for him and he slept most of the day.

I have noticed a considerable change in Kieran over the last few days as he has become more lethargic and is forgetting things more easily. On top of this he has also complained of headaches and backache more regularly.

Because of our concerns I contacted the Pediatric Macmillan Nurse and requested if she could come out and see Kieran. She came out today and has arranged a meeting with Dr Murphy who will arrange a MRI for Kieran. Hopefully this will take place tomorrow.

Kieran received his CT scan at Yorkhill Children's Hospital, this was to be his last scan. The scan was performed without any problems and Kieran lay still throughout. After the scan we made our way up to see Dr Murphy, Kieran's Consultant Oncologist. Dr Murphy explained that the scan results were now complete and that the shunt was working fine, deep down we had an idea of what was to follow.

He explained that the tumor mass had now reoccurred and was very large, spreading downwards towards the back of the brain stem and applying pressure to this area of the brain that controls the main functions of the body, sleeping, breathing, heartbeat regulation ext. This is the cause of the irregular sleep patterns Kieran has developed as well as the memory loss, slurred speech ext .

Kieran had now entered the final kilometer in his long and hard fought journey. Dr Murphy explained that all he could recommend was a course of steroids that may reduce the inflammations which was surrounding the tumor, this may or may not work as the brain sometimes gets immune to the excessive use of steroids. But hopefully it will, and should make Kieran a wee bit more alert and have a better quality of life in the last few weeks.

Dr Murphy continued to explain that because of where the mass was now situated it was most probable that Kieran would continue to become more and more sleepy and would in the end just pass away. He did also say that there may be a small chance of a major seizure ending Kieran's young life. We hope that this does not happen and the best option would be the first.

As you can imagine we are totally shocked and saddened that Kieran has now entered this chapter. We are now fighting with a huge range of emotions. Kieran was our life, we dedicated ourselves to him for the past 7 years of his illness. We went trough every operation, every scan, every headache. Lorna and I new nothing else for this period. We cannot comprehend a life without Kieran. We are also eternally great full for the time we had with Kieran. We had more time than allot of Brain Tumor patients receive. Kieran once again deifying the odds.

Kieran was an inspiration to a huge amount of people and will be sadly missed. He touched the heart and sole of every one from the American President to the Domestic Assistants at the hospital.

We now need to try and pick ourselves up for the last time and be strong for Kieran in the final weeks of his short life, we will try and do things as normal and as much as his small body can take. I will keep you updated as much as I can, but I'm sure you will appreciate time will become more precious now.

I will take this opportunity to thank everyone in the world who has left supportive messages and e-mails on Kieran's web throughout the last few years. I hope that his site gave you as much pleasure reading as it gave me to write. (Up until this last entry)

Kieran has had a pretty rough day today, He has been very tired and withdrawn. He has also had two small seizures which lasted for approx 2-3 mins each, during both seizures he found it difficult to breath and was gulping down breaths. After the seizures have passed he becomes very tired. On talking to Jackie, Kieran's respite carer she requested to have a drug called Midazolam prescribed, this drug will control the seizures quickly.

Today has been a day of very mixed emotions, Kieran had another small seizure at about 3.00 am. We did not have to administer any additional drugs and he came out of the seizure quickly. He had a restful sleep through to approx 8.30am.Through out the day he has been back to his old self. This is very hard to accept, we know our little boy is living on borrowed time but seeing him today you would think that all was well. We had some friends round and their son Richard had his Kilt on. When Kieran saw this he wanted to get dressed in all his outfit. He looked a real smasher. Even managing a smile or two. We know that we have to cherish any good days that Kieran has left but today was one of the few . He is now tucked up in bed fast asleep, hopefully dreaming of better things and preparing for his next journey.

May I take this opportunity to extend our condolences to Dani-Ella's family in Maryborough, Australia. Dani-Ella was also a Brain Tumor warrior who sadly lost her battle against cancer yesterday after a long and difficult journey. Although we are full of grief for Kieran our hearts still go out to her family at this difficult time.

Kieran has had another rest full night and has awoke a wee bit more alert. He has just finished his breakfast and wants a nice bath. Hopefully he will have another peaceful day with no seizures.

We enjoyed another special day with Kieran. After a slow start he picked up after lunch time and enjoyed another seizure free day. We are not naive to believe that every thing is going to be like this for the remainder of the precious time we have left but when we have days like this we grasp them with both hand. I would like to thank everyone who have left messages on the guest book and through e-mail, they give me and Lorna the strength to get through this difficult period. Thanks also to all family and friends who have came and visited. We try and stagger the visits and this seems also to be given Kieran the strength to carry on.

I cannot thank Uncle Peter enough for being here with us at this time of need, we do not know what we would do without him, Kieran calls Uncle Peter, Peter the Disciple there may be some truth in that.

Kieran has had a relatively good day today. No more seizures which is the best news, but he has become much more lethargic and gets tired very quickly. He did pick up later in the afternoon and enjoyed playing some board games with his cousin Stephanie, he is now watching Stuart Little 2 on DVD. Incidentally through all the bad news over the last weeks I forgot to mention that Stephanie got Kieran his own star for Xmas. It is called "The Kieran Mess Star" and is situated in the constellation of Ophiuchus for all you night sky buffs. This is a fantastic gift , a star for a star, very appropriate.

It has also been another day of mixed emotions, Kieran is continuing to be stable but I was organizing his Baptism before it became to late. Today was very difficult to get through.

Kieran has had a stable day again today. No seizures, which is good. He has had a few headaches but after getting some Calpol these have diminished. The Pediatric Macmillan Nurse visited today and gave us some stronger painkillers for Kieran as a preventative measure. We have not gave him this drugs just yet as we feel that it's best to keep him alert as much as possible just now. If and when he develops more intense headaches then we will give him this medicine. The side effects of the drug is sleepiness, something Kieran has enough of just now.

It is noticeable that he is becoming very more tired throughout the day and sleeps for a large percentage of the time. After being bathed and freshened up tonight he had an energy burst and enjoyed some quality time with his wee cousin Sophie.

Tomorrow Joyce, our friendly social worker from CLIC Sargent www.clicsargent.org.co.uk is coming for a visit having only just returned from holiday and heard Kieran's news.

We are continuing to be strong for Kieran, don't know where we both get the strength from but we are grateful for all e-mails and guest book entries I think this undoubtedly helps us. Thanks to all.

Kieran has had a relatively stable day. He was woken at approx 4.30am with a bad headache which required the new painkillers. This was to be repeated again at 7.00am.He did manage to go back to sleep and awoke pain free. During the day he was very tired but managed some good time. Peter the disciple has returned from Aberdeen and Kieran managed a wee smile and a handshake when Peter arrived.

We spoke to Joyce from CLIC SARGENT and she pledged as much support and care as we need, now and later. We appreciate all the support from the different areas concerned and are grateful for them being there throughout this long and difficult journey. Even more so now!

He received a special visit today from a young piper who wanted to come and play some laments on the pipes for Kieran. This was pretty emotional but Kieran seemed to enjoy the sounds, although we had to keep the piper outside because of the noise. I don't think Thomas cared. He said that he was grateful to get the time to play for Kieran.

He is now tucked up in bed with his rabbit's, Bun and Poppy. And of course his mum.

It is pretty difficult for us as we near the end of the first week since been given the news. Some days are good others not so good. The good days lead you into a false sense of security, they make you think that everything will be okay. Obviously this is not the case but its hard to take.

Kieran has been pretty poorly since my last update. He had quite a bad night last night and didn't really get much sleep, very restless and his left arm was giving him discomfort. He has slept for most of the day and hasn't really had much to eat. We have seen a clear change in Kieran's illness in that he is much more sleepy and the headaches have increased.

Today also saw Kieran being Baptized into the arms of our Lord. We thank the Rev Symington for conducting the ceremony in the house at short notice. Kieran managed to be awake for the service which was very moving and emotional but was also very personal and something that we felt we had to do.

I'll sign off now, as I was on duty with Kieran last night and as I've said didn't get much sleep so I'll try and get a relatively early night.

Kieran had a peaceful night. Throughout the day he has also been asleep for most of the time. The headaches have been coming more often and he says that they are more like sharp pains within his head. We have been giving Kieran the stronger medication more regularly. This medication has the side effect of also making Kieran sleepy. After some more time asleep he amazingly found some energy and asked to come down and see his cousin, baby Sophie. He enjoyed some family time throughout the evening. And has now gone to bed again.

Kieran received a tremendous gift from his cousin Stephanie and Aunt Liz & Uncle Andrew-A commemorative brick for Ibrox Stadium, home of the famous Glasgow Rangers Football Team. The inscription reads KIERAN MESS a TRUE BRAVE HEART. This is a fantastic gift and we thank them for there kindness. A lasting memory of our warrior.

Kieran continues to remain stable and has had a peaceful 24hrs.He is still getting short sharp headaches and is still very tired. But no more seizures He has slept for most of today only being awake for some lunch. His situation is visibly deteriorating by the day, with Kieran being much more sleepy and non responsive, only being alert for short periods of time.

Thanks to all who have left guest book entries of support and sent me personal e-mails, all support is greatly welcomed by both Lorna and myself. It is comforting to know that Kieran is known and loved so much throughout the world.

Tomorrow starts a new week, we will continue to try and be strong for our precious child and hope and pray that he continues to be relatively pain free over the next few days.

A friend of both Lorna and I sent an e-mail with this poem attached, I feel we should publish it on his site as I think it sums up Kieran, Thanks Sandra

Kieran has once again had a peaceful and relatively pain free day. He has slept for most of the day only being awake for some tea. When he has been awake he has enjoyed the time. I read out the guest book entry from his wee cousin and fellow cheeky monkey, Karis. When I told him who it was from he started to smile and as I was reading it he had a wee chuckle to himself. These are the times we appreciate now, as it was obvious that he remembered who Karis was and probably was thinking about all the mischief that the two of them used to get up to.

Kieran has had another peaceful 24 hours. We have seen a pattern develop, where Kieran sleeps for long periods of time then wakes to have some food and drink. He continues to be seizure free which is good under the circumstances and when he is awake he is alert to his surroundings. We have not had to give him any more of the strong painkillers but obviously this could change at short notice. He is still getting frequent headaches but these tend to disappear quickly.

Kieran has had a pretty restless 24 hours since the last update. Throughout the night he was bothered with headaches and needed pain relief regularly. He is alert for the time's he is awake in the morning but throughout the day his stamina deteriorates very quickly. tonight he did manage to play for a short time before going back to sleep.

The pediatric nurse has now recommended that we start using the stronger pain relief more regularly. I have noticed a deterioration in Kieran over the past 24 hrs as he has become very distant and lethargic.

Good luck to Tracy in Bahrain, on her marathon run "go on you can do it !! " Just keep thinking of our warrior and you'll get the strength from him.

Kieran has slept for most of today, only wakening up for lunch and a small time at tea. He is still getting headaches but these seem to have relented for now with the help of the stronger painkiller. Kieran was awake for a short time in the afternoon as two of his dear friends from school came to visit, Marshall and Jordan. Even a short visit like this makes him very tired. However he was please to see them and was alert throughout the visit.

Dr Murphy, Kieran's Pediatric Oncology Consultant is visiting tomorrow along with Jayne, the Pediatric Macmillan Nurse. They are coming to see how Kieran is keeping and if the care plan is still suitable for Kieran's needs.

I came across this poem that was written for Kieran by the quilting angels many month's ago. I think it is very appropriate just now-

Not much change in Kieran today, still very lethargic and is sleeping for most of the day. We have now got into a pattern with Kieran in that we have accepted that he will sleep for long periods. He is only awake for a short time before going back to sleep. When he is awake there is very little interaction from him now. Most often he is aware that we are with him but doesn't want to do anything.

Dr Murphy visited today and discussed the next stage of Kieran's care. The daily care has now been passed onto the GP and the local team of experts. The local team will assist us in keeping Kieran as comfortable as possible during his final days. Generally, Kieran has visibly deteriorated over the last few days and looks very ill and withdrawn. This is very hard to accept. We are now entering the 3rd week since we received the devastating news from Dr Murphy and are just taking one day at a time.

Kieran has had a pretty rough 24hrs.He had a seizure during the night, throughout the seizure his breathing deteriorated quickly and at one point was only taking 10 breaths per minute. As you can imagine both Lorna and I were very anxious throughout this time. He recovered from the seizure in what felt like hours but in fact was only a few mins and had a peaceful sleep for the rest of the night. During the day he has slept most of the time. He did however have another seizure in the afternoon. Again his breathing was very light and erratic. Once again, after the seizure finished he went into a deep sleep. After being awake for a few hours at teatime he is now in bed and sleeping peacefully. Lets hope that he has an uninterrupted night.

Kieran has enjoyed a relatively good day under the circumstances. He has had a peaceful 24 hrs with no seizures and has not required any headache medication. Today has been out of context to the last few days. He has also been awake more often today ,even asking to go outside and see how the new conservatory was getting on. We wrapped him up well and took him outside, it's the least we could do considering the conservatory was being built for the wee man. I think he enjoyed the fresh air, having not been outside for over 2 weeks.

It is very difficult for all having to go through these changes in Kieran's illness, as I said before, one day we think that he is very close to the end and the next his is alert and aware of what's going on round him.

But ultimately we are grateful for every day we have left with Kieran, good or bad.

Another relatively good day today. He had a peaceful nights sleep last night. Kieran has been awake for long periods of time throughout the day with no more seizures or headaches. Our GP visited today and outlined the next stage in the care plan-Palliative Care. We are very grateful to all the various professionals who have been assigned to Kieran over the years and who have kept us fully informed throughout Kieran's long illness. We, are now entering into a different type of care and thank the PACT Team, CLIC Sargent and MacMillian Cancer Care for there endless support.

Kieran has remained stable today, although he has been more tired and lethargic. Still no more seizures or headaches, which is good news. Tomorrow the pediatric Macmillan nurse, Jayne, is visiting to check up on how Kieran and we are coping and if there is anything she can do to make him more comfortable. We both believe that Kieran is very comfortable being at home and although he sleeps most of the day he is surrounded by love and care. It is fortunate at this stage he is relatively pain free.

Not much to report today. Kieran has been asleep for most of the day, only awakening for some lunch and tea. He did have a peaceful sleep last night up until approx 3.30am when he woke up and asked for something to eat. After getting some Wheat-a- bix he returned to sleep. We have noticed that his speech and memory has deteriorated quickly over the last week or so. It must be very frustrating for Kieran as it takes a very long time for him to say anything and normally he forgets before finishing the sentence.

Kieran has had a pretty poor day today. He hasn't been in any pain or had any seizures but has only been awake for approx 2hrs throughout the whole day. He is now also finding it difficult to swallow his medication and fluids. We are both seeing a gradual decline in Kieran health.

Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since Dr Murphy gave us the news that our brave warrior was losing his final battle and only had weeks left on this earth, I believe that he won't be that far out in his estimation. But fortunately Kieran has defied many specialists throughout his long illness and hopefully will continue to battle on.

Nothing much to update today. Kieran remains pain free and has slept for most of the day. He is pretty much the same as yesterday. He did manage to wake up for a wee while when his head mistress came to visit. Mrs. McKendrick delivered a fantastic book of prayers, written by Kieran's classmates. All the prayers were asking God to help Kieran and to make him get better. It was a really moving compilation by children so young. A huge THANK YOU to all Kieran's classmates for thinking of him. Tomorrow is his mum's birthday, hopefully he will be awake for a small time during the day.

Kieran is much the same as yesterday, very sleepy and non responsive. He did manage to summon the energy to wish his mum a happy birthday. Lorna thoroughly enjoyed that.

We also managed to get out for a few hours to a lovely restaurant with some friends, many thanks to Jackie from the PACT Team for staying with Kieran and allowing us some free time. Also many thanks to Gillian for organizing the bubbly at the restaurant. We appreciate all the support and messages that are given to us at this difficult time.

Kieran has had a peaceful day. Sleeping for most of the time and only being awake for very short periods. This has developed into the pattern that Dr Murphy explained to us 3 weeks ago. However he did complain of headaches during the night and required pain relief, after getting some painkillers he then went back to sleep.

Uncle Peter has now returned to Aberdeen and is due to go offshore tomorrow. His help and support will not only be greatly missed by both Lorna and I but also by Kieran who he calls Peter the Disciple. We have appreciated Peter being here for us over the last few weeks.

We have seen Kieran's, health deteriorate on a daily basis and are now are just trying to keep him peaceful and pain free.

Very little change in Kieran over the last 24hrs.He continues to sleep all day only awakening for some liquids and food at tea time. We have noticed that his face is a wee bit swollen today. Don't know if he is now retaining fluids but will ask the Macmillan nurse, Jayne. Still no more seizures or headaches. He did manage to get back through to the conservatory this evening but fell asleep almost immediately.

Kieran has been relatively stable over the last 24 hrs, pain free and no seizures. He has been awake more today and enjoyed all 3 meal times. He was however, complaining of back ache this morning. This is not surprising as he is now very weak and the muscles are not getting any use. We will keep a close eye on this and inform his pediatric nurse.

No change in Kieran today, still very, very sleepy and lethargic. We have also noticed that his right arm has lost the strength that he had previously. He cannot hold his cup now. This is a terrible illness and the way that he is very slowly deteriorating is sometimes unbearable. On a positive note ,if there is any, Kieran still hears what is going on around him and occasionally manages a wee smile. He is still very conscious of his mum and dad being there with him, because of this we are continually talking to him .

Below is a picture of Kieran taken quite a few years ago when he was mobile and full of mischief. I thought this would cheer everyone up and remind them that we have had mostly great days with Kieran in his short life and it was not all hospital visit's.

Kieran is very much the same as yesterday although he was very pale today and his breathing was erratic. He continue to be pain free and very peaceful but sleeping all the time.

Unfortunately there is nothing new to report on Kieran, the days are flying in and the time spent with Kieran is very important as each day with him is a bonus.

Today is the 4th week since Dr Murphy gave us the devastating news that the tumor had spread to Kieran's brainstem. It has been an incredible roller coaster of a journey. At the beginning,4 weeks ago, we didn't give up hope of a miracle, but as the weeks have went on and Kieran has deteriorated on a daily basis it is heartbreaking to see our beloved son, not suffering, but having no quality of life left atoll. He is now finding it very difficult to swallow even his medication.

He is continuing to be pain free and is at peace when sleeping. His breathing has become more erratic as the day's have progressed and he is beginning to loose his appetite. Although this is also down to the fact that he is sleeping for most of the 24hrs.

No change today, Kieran has slept for most of the day. We did notice that he was very pale and that his breathing has become more irregular. We have also noticed that he is eating and drinking less during the day. He is a very sick little boy who is continuing to battle on against this terrible disease. Kieran is also still very much aware that his mum and dad are present with him throughout this journey.

Kieran continues to be very peaceful and pain free. Today he was slightly more alert in the morning after having a night of very erratic breathing. He spent some time sleeping in the conservatory with the sun beating down on him, he looked very peaceful and content. He has continued to sleep through out the rest of the day, only wakening for a very short time in the evening.

Thankfully Kieran has had another pain free day again today. He is still able to respond to familiar visitors by squeezing their hand or fingers- usually with the intention of causing some pain !! or waving goodbye. He is peaceful which is a blessing, but its very hard watching him deteriorate day by day, we are just counting every day as a bonus.

Kieran had another peaceful day, sleeping for almost the whole day. He is visibly deteriorating daily, with his breathing being very erratic and shallow. We are also aware that he is finding it more difficult to swallow his food and more importantly his medication. Tomorrow Jayne, the Macmillan nurse and Joyce the CLIC Sargent Social Worker are visiting. We will discuss our concerns with them.

Kieran is much the same as the last few days, very peaceful and in no pain. He continues to sleep for the majority of the day but is still managing some food and liquids, albeit very small amounts. Jayne the Macmillan nurse is happy with his swallowing and has no cause for concern at this stage. He still has his sense of humor, today his nana was visiting and when she told him that she was leaving (Kieran is asleep at this point) he put his hand out for his pocket money. What a boy!!.

My PC is beginning to play up just now, so I pray that it doesn't crash. Not at this important stage. If it does and there are no entry's posted in the diary, please don't think the worst. I'll get back online ASAP.

Kieran has had a very peaceful day today. He has slept throughout the day. We have noticed a further deterioration in Kieran as his breathing has become much more labored, he is also very pale in color. It is becoming very sad to watch our precious son, sleeping all day with no quality of life left. Knowing that he could be taken from us at any time. This situation is far more stressful that the worry we have had to endure over the last few years. The only bonus we have is that he is still pain free and on minimum medication.

Today is the end of the 5th week since being told by Dr Murphy that the Tumor had grown and was now pressing on Kieran's Brain stem.5 weeks of torture and an unbelievable mixture of emotions. Anger, sorrow, love etc you name it we have endured it, but Kieran, he continues to battle on. He is now very weak and is, very ill but fortunately he is not in any pain or complaining. He enjoys going through to his new conservatory and lying in the sun. He looks so peaceful as he sleeps. If it was not for his weight loss you would not know that Kieran was terminally ill. We continue to pray that he will be at peace and pain free.

A fit and healthy Kieran, enjoying some fun down at the rocks. Many years ago (June 2003)

Kieran has had another peaceful day. He continues to be pain free. May I take this opportunity to thank everyone who continue to leave messages of support in the guest book and who send e-mails to me direct. They are a great source of support at this difficult time. Any messages sent to Kieran we read out to him. Thank you all once again.

Nothing new to report today, Kieran had another peaceful day. His appetite and resulting weight loss is very evident now although he is still managing to have some meals and drinks. Tomorrow is the start of another week for our brave heart warrior and his continued battle. We hope that he continues to be pain free and peaceful.

Unfortunately Kieran has had two seizures this morning. After a peaceful night he suffered the first seizure at approx 6.00am.This was very distressing to see as it was not the type of seizure that he has had previously. After we administered the anti-seizure drug Midazolam, he very quickly came out of it and went back to sleep. He had another one at 9.00am ish. Once again it was distressing to see. We gave him more Midazolam. He is peacefully asleep just now. I will update later tonight.

Kieran remained asleep for the duration of the day. He had another small seizure after tea time. We didn't have to give him Midazolam. The seizures are an indication that there is much more electrical activity within the brain now, this is most likely down to the fact that the tumor is pressing on other areas within the brain. We just pray and hope that Kieran is not in any pain when having a seizure. I think we are in for a long and anxious night. Tomorrow the Macmillan nurse is coming into see us and to discuss the use of a pain relief/drug administration syringe driver.

Kieran has remained stable and in a peaceful sleep throughout the day. He is visibly deteriorating rapidly and is not responding to any commands now, although I'm sure he is still aware of who is around him. It is also 48 hrs since he had any food and is just taking small sips of water. We mentioned this to Jayne, the Macmillan nurse but she said at this stage it was not a concern. She is happy with his breathing pattern and his heartbeat. During her visit today she also explained how the syringe driver worked if and when we may need it.

Kieran had a rather restful sleep accept for some involuntary arm movements and grimacing on his wee face, so we decided today to introduce Midazolam to help with this. This has certainly help the situation and he has had a peaceful day and he now looks more comfortable. The respite carers have made a couple of visits today to help us with Kieran and this will probably continue for a few days. The carers have been wonderful and we don't know how we would have coped without their input. We also have had a tremendous support from out dear friends and family for which we are eternally thankful, and also for all the meals which people have handed in.

It is because we have had so many visitors that we have taken the step of setting visiting times so that we can have more time with Kieran without too many interruptions. This was on the advice of many people and it lets us get some quality time together. We have decided that from tomorrow 2pm until 4pm and 7pm until 8pm would be the best times for us and we hope that you can appreciate our request.

Kieran's brick at Ibrox stadium is in place now, so Frank and I will visit sometime soon. I don't normally write Kieran's diary update but wanted to write it tonight to give me a chance to say thanks to everyone for continuing to leave messages of support and comfort on Kieran's web page and also for all the lovely e-mails and cards which continue to arrive daily. I be heading off to bed beside my precious wee boy for hopefully a peaceful nights sleep and Frank will update you all tomorrow.

Kieran has had a peaceful 24hrs but did need to have 2 doses of Midazolam. This was because the involuntary movements were evident through the day. Once the dose is given Kieran relaxes and drifts gently back to sleep. It is very sad to watch our precious wee boy gradually deteriorate daily. Kieran has not been able to eat or drink since Sunday. And because of this and also his illness, he is becoming very frail and withdrawn. Today saw another change in Kieran ,throughout the day his heart rate has fluctuated, reaching 150 beats per min at one stage. How much more can our warrior withstand before he finally gives in.

It is with great sadness that I write today and inform you all that our precious, beloved Kieran has finally succumbed to his terrible illness and passed away peacefully, through the night into the arms of Jesus.

We are devastated by our sad loss but also grateful that Kieran, our Brave heart warrior is no longer in any pain or discomfort and is singing with the angels.

Kieran, as I’m sure you have guessed by reading his web, was a child who was loved by all who meet and knew him. He was an inspiration to many people, young and old, from all walks of life throughout the world. All through his long illness he never once complained about the treatment, surgery or his endless amounts of medication that he had to endure during the 7 years. If he was an adult he would have been at war with the world, but Kieran, he just took everything in his stride, never complaining, never worrying just accepting that everything that was being done was to make him better.

It is sad and disappointing not to know how Kieran would have faired in adult life. But I’m certain he would have made someone a loyal, reliable best friend as he was to me. He would always say “Dad, you are my best friend” before asking for something special. I am also certain Kieran would have grown up to be a very intellectual young man as he was fascinated with facts and figures at such a young age. All the girls had a soft spot for Kieran; I think this was because of his beautiful eyes and gentle smile. I remember someone saying that Kieran would break a few hearts some day. I think today is that day.

What we will take from his short life is that we tried to pack as much as we could into the “good times” and we know that Kieran had great times on holidays, playing with his friends and generally being a young mischievous child. Throughout the “bad times” we gave Kieran the love, support and commitment that all parents would do if faced with this terrible illness. He relished the times his Uncle Peter visited and developed a very special bond with him. Peter treating him as his own child. We thank Peter for his contribution to Kieran’s care over the last few years.

Now, unfortunately, we have to begin a new chapter in our lives, one without our precious child. We are determined to keep Kieran’s memory and name alive in our hearts and soul.

We thank all family, friends, medical professionals and of course our fellow B.T. family’s for there continued support and understanding that they have given us throughout the long journey.

Sadly Missed, But Will Always Be In Our Thoughts

Fly, fly little man,
Fly beyond imagining,
The softest cloud, the whitest dove,
Upon the wind of heaven's love,
Past the planets and the stars,
Leave this lonely world of ours,
Escape the sorrow and the pain,
And fly again

Fly, fly precious one,
Your endless journey has begun,
Take your gentle happiness,
Far too beautiful for this,
Cross over to the other shore,
There is peace forever more,
But hold this memory bittersweet,
Until we meet

Fly, fly do not fear,
Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear,
Your heart is pure, your soul is free,
Be on your way, don't wait for me,
Above the universe you'll climb,
On beyond the hands of time,
The moon will rise, the sun will set,
But We won't forget"

Troon Old Parish Church, Ayrshire at 1.15pm and Then On to Troon Cemetery For The Committal at 2.00pm.

Psalm 91

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I will trust".

It has been 5 days since Kieran passed away in our arms and I have to say that I don't think that the reality of his passing has actually sank in yet. I sometimes think that we have been grieving for Kieran for not only these last 5 days but for 7 years. At various times along these years we have grieved for different reasons, for the healthy 3 year old boy who became a cancer patient. The attempts to surgically remove the tumour, the Chemotherapy and Radiation courses, these we all times when we grieved. But probably the last attempt at surgery when Kieran ended up in ICU and having gone through all of this to end up in a wheelchair, this really gave us a reason to weep. So although our loss of Kieran is enormous we have had time along these years to prepare as best we can for Kieran's passing. We think of ourselves as' lucky' in the respect that we were both their for Kieran to the very end holding him and talking to him. Not everyone gets this chance, we will always be grateful for this. We know that it will be difficult for people when they see us, but we want everyone to know that we were so proud of Kieran, his bravery and his courage that we are at ease to talk and to not avoid mentioning his name. The house has been busy with visitors and this has kept our minds occupied but when they all go away each time we are left feeling empty and at a loss. We will have to be brave and soldier on just like Kieran did. Each day brings more sympathy cards and with each of these brings more tears, we will continue to be strong as we have learnt to be these last few years. We have had tremendous support from family and friends, today family from Aberdeen and England have started arriving so we will be kept busy with them. We have been inundated with cards, flowers and messages of condolence for which we are truly thankful.

For all our Dear Friends who cannot join us in Celebrating Kieran's Life today.

I have posted a copy of the Funeral Service. Please join us in Remembering our Treasured and Dear Son Kieran.

I will post the Rev Symington's transcript / service when I can scan it onto the web page.

Today is the 9^th day since our precious son passed into the arms of the lord and started his endless journey. The longest 9 day’s that we’ve ever had to endure! It is also the longest time that we have ever been apart from our treasured son. As the days come and go the numbness also disappears and the reality is now beginning to set in. The reality of how do we fill our days without Kieran? The emptiness of the home now that all the visitors and friends have gone? Questions that somehow we need to overcome.

Kieran’s service was just as we planed, an array of family and friends celebrating Kieran’s oh so short life. We thank all the family who traveled from all over the country to attend the service. We thank everyone for the huge amount of cards, letters, flowers and e-mails that have poured into our house since Friday 10^th Feb. We thank the Rev Symington for delivering the service with compassion and commitment, and covering a large amount of information on Kieran’s life in the service.

We have been visiting the grave on a daily basis and are astounded at the amount of beautiful flower’s and the lovely messages left on the cards. We take comfort and strength from this knowing that for such a young boy, Kieran was loved by so many people

For the future I have decided to work on publishing Kieran’s web into book form. Although this diary only starts from 2003 I have hard copy of the diary right back to the day in August 1999 that changed our lives forever-the day we were told Kieran had a Brain Tumor. Sales from this will go towards my other project- I intend to start up THE KIERAN MESS FOUNDATION. Although this may take a wee bit of time to get up and running it is something I want to channel my energy into. I thought that if I could arrange some sponsored events etc throughout the year, raising funds that would, on an annual basis generate enough money to send a B.T. family on holiday to some magical place. This may sound like a snap decision but I have been thinking about doing this for some time and I’m committed to carrying it through.

Although I won’t be updating the web page as frequently as I used to please continue to check for updates as I’ll post new entries regularly.

What a life to celebrate today - Kieran lived that life and inspired every single person who came in contact with him - from the medical staff who worked tirelessly over the last seven years to give him life, through his friends in all corners of the world, to his friends locally and above all else to the family who have shared his terrible roller coaster of ups and downs with Kieran and gave him a lifetime of happiness rolled into these far too few years.

I want to speak about Lorna and Frank first of all. Yes, this is Kieran's moment - the day we hand over a wonderful boy to God - but it's a day to acknowledge that Frank and Lorna have been the sorts of parents who in good times and in bad are an example to every single one of us. They loved and they gave: they sacrificed: they laughed: they went on the unknown journey with their son: and they made rich a life which was destined to be only ten years in duration. And yes, we could all say that we would do such a thing for a son or daughter of our own….but saying it in theory is so very different from facing up to it in reality. Frank and Lorna did that - and there's a wee boy in heaven now who's telling about the love story he has known from those who loved him closest of all.

But the whole family has weighed in too. His uncles, Peter, the disciple, Gavin, Robert, Raymond and Douglas, his aunties, Shirley, Carol, Sandra and Lorna knew Kieran as their nephew and all helped enrich his life. His big sister Yvonne and his cousins Robert, Katy, Stuart, Sarah, Gary, Natasha, Stephanie, Karis and Sophie - all of them, all of you, as well as his much loved granny, Rita and his grandad Alec, have been integral in Kieran's life and you take with you now so many memories and so many experiences which have enriched you every bit as much as they enriched Kieran.

I can't really begin to describe the things Kieran did and accomplished in his life. He was a typical boy - from infancy he had bun, his pet toy rabbit, who has been scuffed to baldness as the best loved toys always are: he enjoyed having George, his pet tarantula: he loved swimming and the pool parties he enjoyed at birthdays: he was into thunderbirds and transformers and quad biking. He was glad to go to school whenever he could and his friends and teachers have been such a huge support to him - not the least with their recent book of prayers asking God to help him and love him. I know he was particularly glad for family and school friends, Alex and Erin, Kirsty and Eilidh, Chloe and Jordan, and he loved football. I think he's got the largest collection of football jerseys in the country - but he had a particular soft spot for Rangers and for Alex McLeish who visited him and helped make a visit to Ibrox for a game such a great experience for Kieran.

And travel - Lorna and frank have made sure that Kieran saw and enjoyed the things that over a longer lifetime he might have experienced. All over Scotland - a helicopter ride over Glasgow - to Orlando in Florida - to Paris Disneyland, skiing in Austria and only a few weeks ago really, a memorable trip to see Santa in Lapland.

My friends, Kieran has fought a tumor since he was three - for seven years he has gone through so many visits to hospital, so many operations and at every turn he came back to live his life and face every new tomorrow. So many of us have followed his story on his own web site - itself an inspiration - and all of us are so deeply saddened that there was one last battle he couldn't win.

But in fact he did. He never flinched, never felt sorry for himself, never gave in. He was a boy who loved Braveheart. Frank tells me that there was a memorable visit to the Wallace Monument near Stirling - up the winding stairs and Kieran having great fun as his young legs took him to the top, while his dad was left peching behind. And I think he loved Braveheart so much because he was one such himself. Not so long ago at home, Braveheart was mentioned and Kieran, alert to the end, heard the word. He summoned up his failing energy and raised his hand high and said Freedom.

Kieran has that freedom now for he, in fact, won the final battle. Baptized into Christ, loved by God, Kieran is now home in heaven, the victory won. And we'll miss him - a star who will go on and on shining for all of us who knew him - but we're enriched by having known him and seen such a brave boy conquer life. And today, with thanks, we commend him now to Almighty God.

It has been over 3 long weeks since we laid our precious son Kieran to rest. I say long weeks but really the days have passed very fast and if I was to be honest it has passed in a blur. We still really can't believe that Kieran is no longer here with us, some days are easier than others but all are a struggle. Lorna and I went away for a few days last week to Prague, it was very different being on our own but we did try and enjoy ourselves and the scenery within the city was fantastic.

We are back home and back to the emptiness. Tomorrow I start back at work, this again will be another big step on the road to normality.

Progress update on the Foundation and publishing of the web page-I have contacted the Scottish charities commission and applied to have Kieran's Foundation be given charitable status. This unfortunately take's time to cut through the red tape but at least the first sod has been dug. I have also contacted a publishing company with a view to getting Kieran's web page published in book form. The company are extremely keen to move on this but I have to decide if I want to keep it as a diary or change it to a novel. Once I have decided, I have to move all the text across to word documents and put the book into a format. This will also take time, but will happen.I'm determined to publish and leave this as a lasting legacy to our dearly missed warrior.

I have been inundated with offers of help and support for the Foundation already, family and friends offering to donate or raise funds. All I can say is a huge thank you to you all. I will call on your help when I get the authorization and the charity go ahead. I believe there is a huge amount of ways to raise awareness of this terrible illness and also raise funds to help other family's that have been put in this position.

Sorry for the delay in updating the site. I appreciate that there are lots of people still viewing daily for updates and news, unfortunately I've been selfish and haven't had any enthusiasm to update the diary. Time is flying in, we are continually trying to fill our day's without our precious son. I am back at work and are getting back to some sort of normality but I find it very hard when I come home and not see or hear Kieran. The emptiness is heartbreaking. We try and visit the grave every other day, just for a short time, I believe it gives us some comfort. We just tidy the flowers and lay some fresh ones.

We have arranged for a granite memorial in the shape of a Celtic Cross, engraved with thistles. Very apt for our Braveheart Warrior. This will take approx 6-8 weeks for delivery. We have also arranged to donate a lovely wooden bench to Kieran's school with a memorial plaque, for the children and teachers to remember Kieran by. As well as this we have asked the Headmistress if we can donate a memorial trophy to the school, this would be given at the annual prize given ceremony, and awarded to the child who has shown the greatest improvement and commitment over the year. Something that Kieran always strived for.

The Foundation is coming along slowly. I have read up more on the criteria for the charitable status and I think I'm ready to submit the application. Many thanks to all who have offered help to donate and also to help out at fundraising events. Once I get the authorization you'll wish you hadn't offered. We have many ideas for fundraising that we would love to get up and running. Although the Foundation is not officially started it has over £800.00 in the account, this is even before we have started fundraising. Many ,Many thanks to all family & friends who have donated money to the Foundation. It all going to a great cause.

It has been over 5 long weeks since we laid Kieran, our beloved and treasured son to rest. The days don't get any easier. They do get bearable, but Kieran is never far from our thoughts. Week ends tend to be the worst. These are the times when we used to do most things with Kieran but now they are the emptiest. We try and keep busy, with the summer coming upon us we will be out in the garden more. I'm continuing to work on the decking, it feels like its taking ages as I started it when Kieran was with us. He used to rest in the conservatory and watch Graham,Peter and I work on the decking. Unfortunately he never managed to get the benefit from it.

There are so many memories of Kieran in the house he is never very far away. This is obviously a good thing but it also brings it all back that he is not here and that our life now is very empty. There is still a feeling of numbness with us as sometimes we cannot believe that he is gone forever. I realise that it is early days but it is very hard to contemplate how we are going to get through the next months. Each month there is an anniversary-yesterday being mothers day. Lorna was particularly down but managed to get through it, and there will be lots more days like this that we will have to pull on our resources a struggle through. Kieran would not have wanted it any other way.

It has now been 8 hard weeks since we lost our precious son. There is not a minute goes by that we don't think of Kieran and the emptiness that his passing has left in our lives. Some days are better than others. Last weekend we spent time away with our good friends Anne & Graham, this was a break to re-charge our batteries, we had a great time and thoroughly enjoyed our weekend. Many thanks to Linda for organising the fabulous hotel.

I received an application pack today from the Scottish Charities Commission, now I can get this filled in and hopefully we'll get the authorization soon. We are desperate to get started on the Fundraising even though we have over £1000.00 in the fund through donations by our family and friends, many thanks to all.

Today we marked Kieran's memory by having a small get together with Kieran's friends at the graveside. They all let off a balloon with a small message. I think all the kids enjoyed being together and letting the balloon's loose at the graveside was very appropriate. Everyone misses Kieran very much as he was loved by many.

I have created a link from the homepage to take you to a new page highlighting the "Kieran Mess Foundation". Here I will keep you all informed on how we are progressing in the challenge of raising enough money to help children who are suffering from Brain Tumours.

On a personal note we are still trying to come to terms with the loss of Kieran. Some days are better than others but all are difficult. But all in all we are doing fine. Looking forward to getting involved in the challenges with the Foundation.

This week has been pretty hard, it has seen the arrival of Kieran's memorial .This in it's self was very emotional as it now seems that a final door has been closed. This of course couldn't be farther from from the truth and it is a fantastic piece of sculpture and a fitting tribute to our dearly missed warrior. I think Kieran would be very proud to see that he had a stone like this. A true warrior. This week (Friday) was also the first anniversary of Kieran's friend Jack's passing. Jack is buried a few meters from Kieran. Our thoughts and prayers go out to Jack's family at this very difficult time. I think the two boy's will be helping each other on their next journey, playing with all the angels in heaven.

It has been just over 12 weeks since our precious Kieran passed away.3 Months. To be honest it feels like very much longer. Life continues, but not without us thinking of Kieran each day .He is forever in our thoughts and never far away. The days, particularly, the weekends seem to drag in and it is at the weekends that we miss Kieran the most. I don't have anything to keep me busy anymore, the decking is at long last finished, it went from the original design up to an addition 4 stages. I think Kieran would have been proud of it now it is finished. All homers gratefully accepted (only joking). The application for Charity Status in now complete and awaiting postage. The trust deeds took longer than I expected to complete but they are finished now.

I have continued to be busy organising the 2 fundraising events which are taking place in the next few weeks. (Check out the foundation link for updates) The Kieran Mess Foundation The fund total is continuing to rise. A huge thanks to Tracy in Bahrain for pledging £400.00 for the signed Rangers F.C. Shirt. We will as promised keep this as a tribute to Kieran. Thanks again Tracy. With Tracy's donation the total is standing at £1740.00.And that's without the fundraising donations.

The school has been in touch and we are going up to present the Bench and the Trophy on the 22nd July . The kids are proposing to hold a special event at the same time. The pupil council decided that the Trophy will be awarded to a "Playground Citizen" . A child that, throughout the year shows care and friendship to other children. I'm sure Kieran would have welcomed this choice, as he was a very caring and loving child. I don't know if I mentioned this on earlier updates, but Kieran's pet Tarantula George passed away 2-3 weeks after Kieran. This was very strange as Kieran had kept George as his pet for the full duration of his illness. In fact when Kieran was told he would be getting Chemo he asked if he could get a wee dog. This idea was ruled out due the chances of infection and believe it or not he asked for a Tarantula. I think George had no more reason to be here and decided to join Kieran in Heaven. We buried George next to Poppy, Kieran's favourite pet Rabbit.

I'm sure you'll agree that the memorial stone is a fitting tribute to our warrior. We are delighted with our choice and commend the workmanship. It is just the way we hoped it would be. The memorial is never short of fresh flowers as each day our friend's "look in" on passing the cemetery and leave some flowers for Kieran.

Some visitors to the Guest book are still leaving PRIVATE ENTRIES, please don't as I cannot access them. If you want to leave a personal message you can e-mail me direct.

Well folks, time marches on. Each day comes and goes but never gets any easier. We continue to think of our brave warrior and take comfort that he is at peace. We have just returned from a holiday in Tuscany. Although the break was much needed and the villa and company was excellent it gave us too much time to reflect and think of Kieran. As you can see from the Foundation page we are continuing to raise funds and have exceeded all expectations so far. On a much more personal note Lorna and I are expecting another child, we have known for a couple of months but have waited until the 16 week period to inform everyone. We believe Kieran has spoken and requested this to fill his mummy & daddy's life after his passing has left such a void. After all we are not getting any younger. We are both delighted although it is difficult to understand how life takes it's journey. The date for the birth is Dec 4th.This has given us something to plan for and look ahead to the future. Unfortunately I have been made redundant again! if only I could have as much luck in the job front as we are having with the Foundation things would be okay. Never mind I'll just need to keep positive and hope that something comes along soon.

It has been 6 months to the day since our precious son was taken from us. Each day comes and goes and does get slightly easier as time goes by. Kieran is never far from our thoughts and there is never a day that we don't talk of him. Lorna is keeping well albeit getting fuller, she is going back to work next week after the summer break. This will only be for a short time as she gets tired easily.

On my job front, I have been for a couple of second interviews so I'm hopeful something positive will come out of these. I am updating the web from the Glasgow to London train as I'm on my way down to the big smoke for another interview.

The Foundation continues to go from strength to strength and I have another meeting with the travel agent on Friday to finalize the "Kieran's Travel Club" info. I'll update the Foundation page when I get all all details.

We have been invited by our friends at Yorkhill to attend a Memorial Day on Sunday. This will be at the National Stadium in Glasgow. It is an annual event to remember all the children who have sadly passed away from the Shehallion Ward over the past 5 years. There will be a name reading ceremony and a balloon gets released for each child. I'm sure this day will be quite difficult for us to get through but it will also assist us in moving on.

We had some more bad news today. Kieran's Nana, Lorna's mum passed away peaceful in hospital after a very short illness. We believe that she has now finished her job here and passed on to care for the brave warrior in his new life.

She will be buried next to Kieran on Tuesday. This will be a very emotional time as Kieran's funeral is still very much in our thoughts.

Well folks the magical day finally arrived today. Joshua Kieran Mess was born at 5.15am and weighed 3.69kg.(8lb 1oz) Today has been a very emotional day. Joshua looks very much like Kieran when he was born. Both Lorna and Joshua are well and back home already. We are both delighted to have been blessed with another beautiful baby boy and grateful to have this opportunity again.

It is very difficult to believe that it was almost a year since we were told that Kieran's battle had came to an end and that we should take him home to prepare for his final journey. A huge amount of emotions have came our way throughout the year .The Foundation has developed far beyond our wildest dreams. The generosity and support of our family, friends and most recently my new work colleagues has been fantastic. Thank you all for helping us get through the year.

Undoubtedly the biggest and most welcomed of surprises this year was the arrival of beautiful Joshua. A gift from Kieran. It has been hard to come to terms of loosing our brave warrior and gaining another beautiful child, who very much looks like Kieran, within the same year.

Kieran would have been so, so proud of his little brother. Although I don't think he would have appreciated the noise Joshua make when he cries. I am sure Kieran will be looking after him throughout his life. A true Guardian Angel .

Tomorrow will be a very difficult day for us to get through but with the help of having Joshua around it will make it a wee bit easier.

Below are 2 poems that depict Kieran and how we feel without him being here at this time.

When the branches of the tree's
are weighed so heavily with snow
My heart might feel as heavy
cause this Christmas time I know
that you're not hear to bring me cheer
with all your happy ways.

But thoughts of you will be with me
through all these festive days.
And just as snow wraps the entire world
in beauty that brings such pleasure
just remembering all that we have shared
surrounds me with feelings I treasure.

You were someone special in my life
from the time that you where born.
And I’m always thinking of you
for I never could forget
the many special memories
of our happy times together-
Memories that will live inside my heart
forever and ever.

CHRISTMAS 2006 OUR 1^st ALONE WITHOUT YOU

Christmas time 2006
what does it mean for us?
An empty chair at the table
No one to make a fuss

No presents round the Christmas tree
No jolly ho ho ho
Just another lonely day
With memories - but no……

Wait - Christ was born this happy day
And lived and died for all
So we shouldn’t be too unhappy
We’ll just wait for Him to call

We’ll try to live as He would want
And not be in despair
For He has shown you heavenly things
And we’re sure you’re happy there

The day won’t be the same without you
No day ever will
But we’ll make the best we can of it
With memories growing stronger still

So have a happy Christmas
In heaven with God above
All we can send is lots kisses
And a present of our eternal love.

It has been a year since our brave warrior passed away to start his new journey. Yesterday was a difficult day for us all but not much different from every other day. We continue to miss his cheeky smile, his laughter , his presence. There is not a single day goes by that we don't think of our precious son. I believe Kieran is still with us in some strange way, guiding us and helping us to accept what has happened and giving us the strength and energy to carry on.

I don't read the diary very often now but I read it today! Reminding myself of how much Kieran had to endure in his short life. The endless hospital visits, operations, jags, medication, good as well as bad news, the rollercoaster journey- but never did he question or ask WHY.He was and still is a unique little boy who is an inspiration to many. He won many battles but unfortunately lost his final one.

The last year has been a very difficult one but having lost our precious son, his nanna and my job, we have been given another chance with the arrival of Joshua. We believe Joshua was a gift from Kieran, someone to give us hope, to care for, to love, to give us the energy to carry on. Thank you Kieran . I am sure that you are now at peace in heaven with nana looking down on little Joshua and making him into the kind, gentle and precious wee boy that you were. His true Guardian Angel.

On a positive note the KIERAN MESS FOUNDATION is his lasting legacy. Set up in his name to provide additional quality of life to children with Brain Tumours. It has succeeded in its goal in such a short space of time, gaining charitable status, smashing all donation targets and most of all sending 2 family's on holiday at the end of last year and looking to provide for another 3 over the next few weeks. I sure Kieran would be proud.

The Foundation WILL continue to keep Kieran's memory alive and will give a lasting legacy to this special, unique little boy who touched so many hearts with his kindness, enthusiasm and presence.

Don't grieve for me,
for now I'm free
I'm following the path
God laid for me.
I took His hand when
I heard His call
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day,
to laugh, to love, to work or pray.
Tasks left undone
must stay that way,
I found that peace at
the close of day.
If my parting has left a void,
Then fill it with remembered joy.
Perhaps my time has
seemed all too brief,
Don't lengthen it now
with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts,
and share with me
God wanted me now,
He set me Free.

We would like to thank all our friend and family for the support and understanding they have shown throughout the year and in particularly yesterday. Thanks for the cards, flowers and kind words they are much appriciated.

Could I possibly ask all viewers not to leave PRIVATE ENTRY'S in the guest book. Please continue to leave normal guest book entries as we get great support and strength from these. Unfortunately I cannot access the private entries and would love to. If you would like to leave a special personal message please send to my e-mail address- [email protected] (lower case). Could I also ask the visitors that have left private messages over the last few weeks if they could resend to my e-mail.