A man came home from the Social Security Office. 'Honey,' he said to his wife, 'I finally convinced them that I'm old enough to collect Social Security.'
'How?' his wife asked. 'Since the department of records in the small town you were born in was flooded, you can't get a copy of your birth certificate.'
'I know,' the man replied, 'I just unbuttoned my shirt and showed them all the gray hairs on my chest. That convinced them that I'm old enough.'
His wife retorted, 'Then while you were at it, why didn't you whip out your dick and get disability, too?!'

She Want’s It

A husband and wife were having difficulty surviving financially so they decided that the wife should try prostitution as an extra source of income.
The husband drove her out to a popular corner and informed her he would be at the side of the building if she had any questions or problems.
A gentleman pulled up shortly after and asked her how much to go all the way. She told him to wait a minute and ran around the corner to ask her husband. The husband told her to tell the client $100. She went back and informed the client at which he cried 'That was too much!' He then asked 'How much for a blowjob?' She asked him to wait a minute and ran to ask her husband how much.
The husband said 'Ask for $40'. The woman ran back and informed the client.
He felt that this was an agreeable price and began to remove his pants and underwear. Upon the removal of his clothing the woman noticed that the man was well endowed.
She asked him once more to wait a moment. She ran around the corner again at which her husband asked 'Now what?'
'Can I borrow $60?'

The Cherry Hill

One day there was this kid and he was late for school, so his teacher asks him when he walks in, 'Why are you late? Where were you?' and the kid goes, 'I was laying on Cherry Hill.' so the next day he is late again and the teacher asks him the same question, 'Where were you? Why where you late?' and the kid goes, 'I was laying on top of Cherry Hill, I told you!' then a new girl walks in and the teacher asks her what her name is and she replies, 'Cherry Hill.'

Pierre The Fighter Pilot

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says: 'Pierre, kiss me!' Our hero grabs a bottle of Red Wine and splashes it on Marie's lips.
'What are you doing, Pierre?', says the startled Marie.
'I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I like to have red wine!
She smiles and they start kissing. When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, 'Pierre, kiss me lower.'
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of WhileWine and starts pouring it all over her breasts.
'Pierre! What are you doing?', asks the bewildered Marie.
'I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I like to have white wine!'
They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.
Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, 'Pierre, kiss me lower!'
Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Alcohol and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms upwards and screams furiously, 'PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?'
Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, 'I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I go down, I go down in flames!'

I just farted:

There are two gay guys living together and they are always butting each other.One of them says "i have to go to the store , dont jack-off until i get back "and the other guy says "ok". So the guy that went to the store comes home and there is cum all over the walls and he says " i thought i told u not to jack-off until i got back"and the other guy says " i didnt i just farted"