There was this guy named John that just got married and he played golf a lot. He really didn't know how to arouse his new wife. When he was in the locker room he saw this black guy named Jeffrey that plays a lot. He asked Jeffrey if he could help him out. Jeffrey told him to beat his cock against the bed post five times. John told him thanks.  Later on that night when he was getting ready to fuck his wife, she told him that she had a little too much to drink and that she was sleepy.  "No, Honey. I know how to satisfy you now."  He beat his cock against the bed post five times, to which his wife replied: "Is that you, Jeffrey."

How Did You Do It?:

A bartender who had recently open his own place was trying to think of a clever way of genarating some new business. He came up with the idea of placing a donkey behind the bar a putting a sign which read " make the donkey laugh and win $1000 dollars" it was a sucess people started pouring trying to win the money. The bartender was smiling from ear to ear sure there wasn't any way to make a donkey laugh. Then one night this gentleman walk in and asked if the sign was true the bartender replied " why yes it is" the guy got up and went over and whisper in something in the donkeys ear and the donkey busted out laughing the man collected his money and left. the bartender was outraged and promptly changed the sign to read" make the donkey cry and win $1000 dollars" the next night the same guy came in and asked if this new sign was real the bartender replied " yep" the guy walked up to the donkey and all of sudden the donkey was crying before the bartender would pay he demanded to know what the guy done to get the donkey to these things and guy said that the first night he had told the donkey that his dick was bigger which made the donkey laugh and the second night he smiply showed the donkey his dick!

What Size Are You?:

A man went into a chemists looking for condoms. Unfortunately he didn't know what size to get. The pharmacist asks him, 'Would you like to find what size you are, Sir?'  The guy agrees and the pharmacist leads him into a room with a board. The board has many differently-sized holes in it. The pharmacist leaves, allowing the guy some privacy to match up his dick with the right hole.  Three hours have gone by and the pharmacist wonders what is taking so long. So, he knocks on the door and sees if the guy is alright. The guy says, "Forget the condoms, I think I'll take the board."

The University Virgin :

A young girl was having a heart-to-heart talk with her mother on her first visit home since starting university. "Mum, I have to tell you," the girl confessed. "I lost my virginity last weekend."   "I'm not surprised," said her mother. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. I just hope it was a romantic and pleasurable experience."   "Well, yes and no," the pretty student remarked. "The first eight guys felt great, but after them my cunt got really sore."

The Tattoo:

A woman is frustrated with her love life because her husband has a massive crush on Brigette Bardot an ignores her completely. To win back his attentions, she goes to a tattooist to have the letters 'BB' tattooed on her breasts.   The tattooist warns her that age and gravity would probably make this unattractive later in life, and suggests she have the tattoo on her butt instead. She agrees, and bends over to receive a 'B' on each buttcheek. When her husband gets home from work that night, she greets him by turning around, bending over, and lifting her dress to expose the artwork.  "What do you think?" the wife says.   "Uh, who the fuck is Bob?" the husband replies.