A jogger is running, by the lake, by the woods. He hears moaning off in the distance. He runs over and discovers a woman propped up against a tree...with no arms and no legs. He says "Can I help you?" She says "I'm 29, have no arms or legs, and I've never been hugged..." He feels sorry for her so he leans over, gives her a hug, and goes on his way.
Another jogger is not far behind, running by the lake, by the woods and hears this sobbing off in the distance. He goes over to check it out and discovers this woman. He says, "Can I help you?" She sobs, "I'm 29 years old, have no arms or no legs, and I've never been kissed." He feels sorry for her, and says "Well, I'll give you a kiss", and does just that.
A few minutes later, another jogger comes along, jogging by the lake, by the woods. He hears this loud wailing off in the distance. He follows the sound and comes across the woman. "Can I help you?" he asks. She replies: "I'M 29 YEARS, OLD, I HAVE NO ARMS, I HAVE NO LEGS, AND I'VE NEVER BEEN FUCKED!"
So the jogger picks her up, throws her in the lake, and says "Now you're fucked!"

What's That

A young girl walks in and sees her mother in the shower. She asks, "What's that, mommy?"
The mother says, "It's a vagina."
So the girl says, "When will I get one of those?"
"When you're a teenager," the mother replies.
Later on, the little girl walks in on her father while he's showering. "What's that, daddy?"
"It's a penis," he replies.
"When will I get one of those?" she asks.
The father says, "As soon as your mother leaves for work."

Mississippi

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more.", "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly, "in this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!", "Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

A Girl Friend

A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red 'H' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue 'Y' on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies. A couple of days later, another girl comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green 'M' on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor. "No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin, Why do you ask?"

Horny Superman

Superman is horny one day so he decides to fly over to get it on with Wonderowman. As he approaches her skyscraper, he notices her sunbathing next to the pool on the roof. As he descends upon her he sees that she appears to be having an erotic dream, for she is writhing and panting.
"What luck!", thinks Superman as he zaps off his uniform and lets Wonderwoman have it with lightning speed. He zaps his uniform back on and blasts off.  Wonderwoman suddenly opens her eyes and asks, "What was that?" The Invisible Man replies, "I'm not sure, but my ass is sure sore!"