"And I want to conquer the world. Give all the idiots a brand new religion. Do away with poverty, uncleanliness and toil. Promote equality with all of my decisions." (Bad Religion)
"Heard a sermon from a creaky pulpit with no one in the nave. Paid a visit to a synagogue and I left there feeling blame. No one can tell me what to do. No one has the ability to answer me. What the world needs now, is some answers to our problems. We could buy more time, but our tender isn't valid. If your soul needs love, you can get consoled by pity. But it looks as though faith alone won't sustain us no more." (Bad Religion)
"No match, who am I? So why try do deny? I'm just a regular guy who won't even try it..."
"Well it's so hard to face, that in this day and age, somebody's race could trigger somebody's rage. And somebody's preference could drive some total stranger to make somebody somehow feel the wrath of their anger. Why were we put here? What for? We're unsure. We sure weren't put here to hate. Be racist, be sexist, be bigots, be sure: We won't stand for your hate!"
"Violence! When will they learn? Time's running out and the tables will turn. Days have been numbered and your number's coming up!"
"I've never had to knock on wood, but I know someone who has. It makes me wonder if I could, it makes me wonder if I've ever had to knock on wood. But I'm glad I haven't yet, because I'm sure it isn't good, that's the impression that I get."
"Hey Mister if you walk on water, you know you're only gonna walk all over me."
"Hey brother christian with your high and might errand: Your actions speak so loud, I can't hear a word you're saying!"
"Hey Mister diplomat, with your worldly aspirations, did you see your children cry when you left them at the station?"
"There's a face I know too well, I see it every time I look in the mirror."
"Where do we go from here? And what did you do with the directions?"
"What's the difference between you and me? I do what I want, and you do what you're told."
"It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life."
"You're not being honest, really. You're really not and oughtta be. Take an honest look at yourself, try a little honesty."
"Hey Cletus, you goin' over there to uh, uh, Gunther's house for thanksgiving? I heard he's got a 90-pound turkey he's gonna cook up for the whole town!" "That ain't no turkey, stupid, that's a chicken!" "Nah, that's not no chicken man, that's a BIG cock!" "That's a big cock..."
"She parks her car in the parking lot, says 'Man i really need a shot. Can't you see my walls are crumbling?' And she looks up at the building, says she's thinking of jumping, says she's tired of life... she must be tired of SOMETHING."
"Today is the first day of the rest of our lives..."
"Mr. Jones and me... starin' at the video... when I look at the television, I wanna see me, starin' right back at me. We all wanna be big, big stars but we don't know why, and we don't know how, but when everybody loves me, I wanna be... just about as happy as I can be. Mr. Jones and me, we're gonna be big stars..."
"Just cuz he can't doesn't mean that he's not listening. Listen to your words, he might like what you say."
"Sometimes I just wish I'd get fucked or get fired." Eminem. That guy cracks me up. Not on purpose. Because he's such a dumbass. To find out more, visit the "about the author" page.
"Don't bide your time. Cuz it is almost over, and I know you're down. I'll se you around. And I know it hurts. You're just getting older, and I know you'll win. You'll do it once again.... Just yesterday, it always seemed like such a dream. We're unstoppable. Indestructable. Nothing happens to our machine. Yet it is so hard... You gotta get up off your feet. Cuz the only way, I gotta say, is to move on through the week."
"If it hadn't been for cotton- eye Joe, I'd been married long time ago. Where did you come from, where did you go? Where did you come from, cotton- eye Joe?
"There's no vestige of a beginning, no prospect of an end. When we all disintigrate, it'll all happen again."
"Early man walked away, as modern man took control. Their minds were all the same: to conquer was his goal. So he built his great empire, and he slaughtered his own kind. And he died a confused man, killed himself with his own mind."
"I've got some scattered pictures lying on my bedroom floor. Reminds me of the times we've shared... Makes me wish that you were here..."
"Long ago in a dusty village full of hunger, pain, and strife: A man came forth with a vision of truth and the way to a better life. He was convinced he had the answer and he compelled people to follow along. But the hunger never vanished and the man was banished and the village dried up and died. Don't tell me about the answer cuz then another one will come along soon. I don't believe you have the answer, I've got ideas too! But if you've got enough naivity, and you've got conviction then the answer is perfect for you!"
"If I could have my way, you wouldn't leave. There's nothin I could do or say or nothing I believe. There's gotta be a million reasons to stay... a million more that I've packed away. If I could have my way you wouldn't leave. AND I'D GO... list each one. Where would that get me? It's been said and done it's just a list o' million reasons that I've made!"
"Just a devotion to a potion. Now please no applause. Just a little remedy to help: a crutch, a cure, a cause. What I've counted on to pick me up has knocked me to my knees. Before I hit the floor once more, I'll call it the DISEASE."
"While you were sleeping, well I was listnin to the radio and wonderin what you're dreamin when it came to mind that I didn't care."
"Still counting the days since you left me. 1, 2, 3, 4..."
"I can't be happy without you, you can't be happy without me, still you always wanna pick a fight with me. You say it's written in the stars, some psychic read it in my cards, still you always wanna pick a fight with me!"
"Well I'm down, and you're killing me and I'm down, and you're killing me, when you're down, well I'll walk away, when you're down, well still you mean FUCK all to me..."
"He didn't rob me for food, it wasn't hunger but a jonze. He needed a fix, someone will fix my broken bones."
"I met a man who was already dead, with a needle in his arm and a gun to his head. He said, "I need some money for just one more hit, or at least one more bullet."
"You can fuck with me, but not today."
"Give us any chance, we'll take it. Give us any rule, we'll break it."
"That same old crowd that brings me down, another day in a boring town. That same old crowd that drags me down, a boring life in a boring town."
"It's like every wish I ever made came true the day I woke up lying next to you. Will you be my best friend if I offer you my heart? Cuz it's already yours. We'll hang out every night and watch the sun go down... as long as we can watch it rise again. You gave me a valentine. It's these simple things that stand the test of time. I saved the tickets from the shows that we've been to, and a thousand other memories of you. "
"Life ain't all that bad."
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Good ol' Jack Handey
To the index!
Types of shit!