Buffybot in Tabula Rasa
PAIRING: None
RATING: PG-13
FEEDBACK: Very welcome, to [email protected]
BETA: Miss Murchison - thanks!
SETTING: This fic is set during the events of 'Tabula Rasa' in BtVS Series 6, when the Scoobies temporarily lose their memories. I've twiddled with the time sequence in the episode a tiny bit, but just call it artistic licence.
DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to Joss. I’m borrowing, and I promise to put them all back in reasonably good condition, and only slightly used.
NOTE: This story is a sequel to Buffybot Behind Bars!, but it can perfectly well be read as a stand-alone.
SCENE: A house in Sunnydale
Chapter Four
Buffybot stepped carefully through the broken window of the Magic Box, pushing the metal shutter effortlessly backwards as she did so. Giles and Anya were at the back of the shop arguing over a book; and they looked up sharply, poised to flee, as the shutter groaned.
“Hi guys!” said Buffybot merrily, waving her sword in a friendly fashion.
“Joan! Back so soon?” asked Giles, stepping out from around the counter.
“I’ve damaged my leg, chasing a vampire,” said Buffybot brightly, “But I’m not Joan, I’m ...” she paused, a new and exciting idea thrumming through her circuits. She could choose a name. Any name! And it wouldn’t be lying (which was wrong), because it was a Game. Could she, might she, dare she, be ...
“ ...I’m Lara Croft!” she said, thrilled to the core. She crossed her fingers behind her back - please let no one else have bagged Lara already.
Giles looked blank. “So, your name’s not Joan after all?” he said tentatively. Lara Croft? he thought. That name seems strangely familiar somehow.
“No!” said Buffybot, “Buffy’s name is Joan - and Spike’s name is Randy, and my name is Lara!”
Giles gazed at her, boggled. The perky little stranger had said that sentence as though it made sense, and yet, when you analysed it, clearly ...
Anya looked up from her book for a moment, bored. “Clearly, darling, this is not Joan,” she said firmly. “Different hair, different clothes. Presumably she is Joan’s twin sister or something. Now can we please concentrate on this spell.” She tapped the page reprovingly.
Buffybot hobbled forward, and hitched herself up on to the table with a little sigh. There, that was better. “What’s your name?” she asked hopefully. Surely Mr Giles would be some really cool wizard or something?
Giles coughed. “My name is Giles, Rupert Giles,” he said self consciously. “Um, is there anything I can do about your leg. I know some first aid.”
Buffybot felt a little stab of disappointment. Well, that was no fun! Mr Giles was being a stick in the mud. Perhaps he was too old to play, and have fun? She knew people got all miserable, once their hair went grey, and their joints hurt and stuff. She looked hopefully at Anya - maybe she was the wizard, since she had a spell book? But Anya seemed too absorbed to be interrupted. Buffybot looked around the room hopefully; her leg really needed fixing before anything else.
“I can mend my leg myself,” she said, “if I can borrow your wrench set.”
Giles thought about that one for a minute; he was starting to worry again about whether he might have a concussion. He looked around vaguely. “Um, well you’re very welcome of course,” he said. “But I’m afraid I don’t really know where it might be, if we have any such thing. We’ve mysteriously lost our memories, you know. Joan and Randy have set off to hunt down those vampires, and then get us help from the hospital.”
Buffybot perked up. Mr Giles might not have been able to think of a good name, but he was at least trying to get into the spirit of things! She wondered if there was a costume box around - Spike must have got that ugly tweed suit from somewhere.
“I’d also like some cute shorts, and a backpack,” she said hopefully. “And a real tight little white t-shirt - and hiking boots. I can kick bad guys in the testicles with them! ”
She had caught Anya’s attention at last. The ex-demon was staring at her mismatched footwear. Buffybot had not, in the event, had to debase her Gucci Loafers, or her Blahnicks - but she had been forced to wear one each from her own pair of white sneakers, and a red and blue striped pair she had found in Willow’s closet.
Buffybot noted Anya’s critical regard, and blushed. Color co-ordination was so important!
“What’s with the red, white and blue, Miss Yankee Doodle Dandy?” said Anya. She looked harder. “Two right shoes?” she said, suspiciously.
“I’ve got two right feet,” said the Buffybot, blushing madly.
“Shouldn’t that be two left fee ...” said Giles. He tailed off, as Buffybot leant down and slid off her sneakers, and wiggled her toes at them. There was a long, long silence. Then Anya began to babble very fast in a language Buffybot didn’t recognise - in spite of her download of Babelfish!
“________!” shouted Anya, and pointed a dramatic finger at the Bot. And, Plink! There was a large lop eared rabbit sitting on her left-right sneaker. Anya screamed.
“Ooh!” said Buffybot, thrilled to bits. “Can I keep him?”
“!________” shouted Anya, pointing again, and Buffybot’s sneakers disappeared, to be replaced by a dozen or so Dutch dwarf rabbits, rather unconventionally coloured in red, white and blue racing stripes.
“Anya, darling,” said Giles, sounding rather strained. “Perhaps that is not the right spell to use?”
“I know, Rupey!” shouted Anya, shuddering at the sight of the bunnies hopping towards her. “I was reversing it! Couldn’t you tell I was reading it backwards?”
Giles closed his eyes. “Reading a spell backwards is not the same as reversing it, Anya darling,” he said through clenched teeth. “As any fool should know!” He darted a nervous glance at the Buffybot, who was swinging her two right legs in delight, and gazing at the pretty little rabbits.
Anya narrowed her eyes dangerously, “Just who are you calling a fool, Rupey my love?” she said through clenched teeth. “You, you ... are a stuffy English twit! Sweetie,” she added belatedly.
Giles bridled, offended.
Anya leapt skittishly up onto the counter as the rabbits began to lope toward her. She stared accusingly at the Buffybot. “Just what kind of evil, Right-Footed, Rabbit-Spawning Demon are you, anyway?”
“Oh, I’m not a demon!” said Buffybot merrily. “I hunt demons and I slay them, with my wicked cool sword!” She waved it, causing them both to flinch, and hopped off the table. As she limped toward them, threading her way through the rabbits, she noticed that her leg was much improved. Perhaps I should just avoid cornering at speed, she thought; but still, it would be good if I could get it fixed properly, before I have to start swinging on ropes over bottomless chasms, and climbing up rockfaces while people shoot at me, and other exciting things!
She smiled a dazzling smile at Anya, “That spell was really cool! But can I have my sneakers back now?”
“Not unless you want to catch those rabbits, skin them and sew them into moccasins, no!” shouted Anya, who was feeling rather overwrought.
Buffybot stared at the little patriotically coloured bunnies, dismayed. She didn’t want to harm a hair on their little bunny heads - and yet, she had taken Willow’s sneaker without permission, and then got it transformed into lots of rabbits, which was terribly careless of her! She squared her shoulders. The only thing to do was to find Willow, and to Own Up. Then maybe later she could get a job at a sandwich shop (she felt a delighted little tingle at the thought), and earn some money to buy Willow a new pair of sneakers? She nodded firmly to herself. That was what she would do!
“Where’s Willow?” she said, resolved upon her course.
“She’s gone down into the sewers, with Tara, Dawn and Alex,” said Giles slowly. Lara didn’t seem dangerous, despite her strange deformity. And she apparently knew Willow, and Joan and Randy.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw Anya opening another magic book. He rushed to intercept her, Buffybot all but forgotten.
Buffybot limped toward the trapdoor into the cellar, not forgetting to snatch up Giles’ wrench set as she went. The sewers - how exciting! This Role Playing Game was wonderful.
I wonder how many monsters we’re going to meet? she thought excitedly. I hope there’s lots and lots and lots!
Feedback is very welcome!
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