Buffybot in Tabula Rasa
PAIRING: None
RATING: PG-13
FEEDBACK: Very welcome, to [email protected]
BETA: Miss Murchison - thanks!
SETTING: This fic is set during the events of 'Tabula Rasa' in BtVS Series 6, when the Scoobies temporarily lose their memories. I've twiddled with the time sequence in the episode a tiny bit, but just call it artistic licence.
DISCLAIMER: The characters belong to Joss. I’m borrowing, and I promise to put them all back in reasonably good condition, and only slightly used.
NOTE: This story is a sequel to Buffybot Behind Bars!, but it can perfectly well be read as a stand-alone.
SCENE: A house in Sunnydale
Chapter Five
Buffybot stamped hard with her left-right foot.
There, that was better! It was amazing what you could do even with a simple 5 piece wrench set, when you put your mind to it! She gazed down at her bare feet. She was going to get them all dirty down here in the sewers, without any sneakers to wear. She spared a brief wistful thought for Lara Croft’s boots. But still, a Bot couldn’t have everything, and she was having the most tremendous fun, even without them! She lurched jauntily along, whistling a happy tune, and all senses alert for any evil slimy sewer monsters that might happen to be lurking nearby.
Within a very few yards she heard distant screams, and broke into a run. Golly! It was her day for hearing screams, she thought eagerly. Of course, that might be part of the game ... She stepped out into a tunnel - to find a vampire! He turned and ran straight at her, and she took a moment to ‘tsk’ at his choice of shirt. That Miami Vice look was so yesterday!. But he was a proper Evil Villain, all the same - much better than those scaredy cats outside the Magic Box earlier. He rushed forward, growling, and waving his arms.
“Die, evil creature of the night!” she yelled, (she had a catch phrase! Whee!) and swung her sword low and wide. The vampire fell to the ground with a surprised expression on his face, his legs cut from under him. Buffybot whipped out one of her handy set of stakes and dusted him neatly as he toppled.
“There!” she said. “One down, who knows how many more to go!”
She headed eagerly down the tunnel, imagining herself as Lara Croft, seeking the Dagger of Xian inside the Great Wall of China.. After a moment her super sharp hearing caught a chorus of nervous breathing emanating from a grille just above her head. She leapt up, and caught the bars of the grille and gazed through the bars. There was a collective scream of terror.
“Hi, guys!” said Buffybot, so excited she nearly let go of the grille. “Is there a Clue in there?”
“It’s Joan!” cried Dawn. “Come to save us!” She clambered forward shakily, and after a brief moment while they all tried to calm their shattered nerves, the others all clambered after her.
Buffybot giggled, as she dangled happily from the grille. They were all pretending to mistake her for Buffy! (Joan, she corrected herself conscientiously.) “Joan’s off with Randy fighting vampires and fish!” she said merrily, swinging back and forth as she spoke. “I’m Joan’s identical twin sister, and famous super heroine, Lara Croft!” She puffed up her chest proudly, sneaking just a little glance at Tara, Willow and Dawn to be sure they hadn’t picked Lara first.
The Scoobies drew back from the grille, suddenly nervous again.
Buffybot regarded them bright eyed, delighted that no one had chirped up with a prior claim on Lara. “I’m hunting vampires,” she said, “as well as the Dagger of Xian -and whatever you’re looking for. We can hunt for them together! Next stop the hospital!”
Then Buffybot’s head disappeared, and the grille swung open. The boggled foursome gazed at the open exit, their minds churning over the insanity they had just witnessed.
Alex shuffled forward, and peeped timidly over the edge. Buffybot stood six feet below him, grinning merrily. He drew back sharply and turned to the others. “What do you think?” he said nervously.
Willow gulped, “Whoever she is, she’s clearly nutty as a bag of macadamia cookies.”
There was a general nod of agreement. Clear headedness and mental hygiene did not seem to be characteristics of their new acquaintance.
“But on the other hand, you’ve gotta say she’s athletic, plus she’s a vampire hunter, and she has a sword to protect us with - which is all of the good,” said Tara slowly.
Dawn was frowning. She had two big sisters? One big sister was quite enough for her, thank you very much. And this one seemed to be dangerously insane, on top of everything else. However ... “She also seems to know where the hospital is,” she said reluctantly, “which is more than any of us do.”
They all looked at each other - that one clinched it, really.
“Right,” said Alex firmly, “let’s get to the hospital with Lara,” and he slid over to the entrance and slithered down into the tunnel below, closely followed by Dawn and Tara.
Willow, the last to jump, paused a moment and looked down at the scene below. Alex, Tara, and Dawn were huddled defensively in a bunch, like a little flock of frightened sheep, while ‘Lara’ skipped about excitedly, making little swishy gestures with her sword, and giggling to herself. Willow sighed, and slid down to join them, a small crystal falling unnoticed from her pocket to the floor as she did so. It seemed only too likely, she thought, that the only hospital their new friend knew the address for was the local mental hospital.
As Alex dusted himself off,
still feeling a little trembly, Buffybot leant forward, and tapped him very
gently on the foot with her sword. “So,” she said, grinning madly, “which
super hero are you?”
Alex jumped backwards, squashing Dawn. He took in the manic glazed look on
Lara's face, the terrifying fixed grin, and the sword brandished in her hand
- and shivered. Clearly this woman was dangerously insane, and needed to be
humored. He darted a nervous look at his companions. Hopefully they would
take his lead ...“Uh, uh, I’m Mario, super Mario!” he said; cursing his
previous dismissal of computer games as dreck fit only for nerds. He rolled
his eyes meaningfully at the three girls bunched behind him.
“Super Mario is cute!” said Buffybot. “He has a droopy moustache and a silly hat!” She beamed approvingly at Alex, and turned to Dawn, leaving Alex to pat his upper lip self consciously.
“And who are you, Dawnie?”
Dawn gulped, her mind darting around like a rat in a trap. Super heroines, super heroines - why weren’t there more super heroines? “I’m Éowyn,” she blurted, surprising a snort of laughter from Willow behind her.
Dawn turned and glared. “So, who are you?” she asked, “Any kinda gay red headed super heroines out there?”
Willow darted an anxious look at Tara pressed beside her, cursing Dawn under her breath. Clearly she should have known better than to confide in that shiny-headed little blabbermouth!
Tara put a hand on Willow’s sleeve. “Gabrielle’s a strawberry blonde - and, hoyay! to the subtext,” she said shyly. She wasn’t quite sure what Dawn was implying, but Willow looked in need of a bit of support.
Willow smiled at her gratefully. “That’s it,” she said, “I’m Gabrielle.” She held eye contact with Tara for a little moment more, and then turned back to Dawn, and raised a sarcastic eyebrow.
“I thought your name was Umad.”
Dawn stamped her foot. “It is not Umad!” she cried shrilly, “it’s Éowyn, Princess of Rohan!” And then she stopped, appalled at the sheer geekiness of the words that had come out of her mouth.
Buffybot’s grin spread wider. She loved Xena The Warrior Princess and Lord of the Rings! Ooh! This game was soo-oo cool! Really, she was feeling almost over stimulated by the sheer fun she was having. She turned to Tara, expectantly. Tara was bound to have come up with a good choice!
Tara was feeling flustered. She wasn’t really much good at making things up; at least she thought she wasn’t. And having Willow pressed up against her like this was proving to be remarkably distracting. Of course, if Willow was Gabrielle, she could ... but no, she shied away from the thought - she really couldn’t see herself as the tall, strong, raven haired warrior princess. She cast about in her mind. Lara Croft was from Tomb Raider, of course, but they seemed to have strayed from that theme. And anyway, the Sims was the only computer game she could remember right now. She had a confused memory of a lovingly crafted island state, run on mutually co-operative lines by a benevolent caste of magicians, who each had their own magic pony ... “Herald Talia,” she blurted, and then blushed madly.
Buffybot looked from face to face with great interest. The Fearless Five! Lara, Mario, Éowyn, Gabrielle and Talia! Great!
“Let’s go and find the first clue, intrepid hero gang!” she said, striking an appropriately heroic pose. “And if we’re really lucky we should run into some vampires on the way.”
Feedback is very welcome!
Return to Keswindhover's home page