DISTINGUISHING COMMUNICATORS FROM NONCOMMUNICATORS

Diagnosis of the noncommunicative state is the hardest skill to master in connection with deep emotion. Virtually all diagnostic errors are false negatives. That is, you will diagnose a person as a communicator when, in fact, the person is a noncommunicator. I have never seen a false positive diagnosis in which a communicative individual was mistakenly diagnosed as noncommunicative.

The diagnosis of the noncommunicative state requires a "No" answer to this question: Can the person in question contact me with by means of deep emotion? Obviously, the diagnostician pays attention to deep emotion and deep emotion only. The person's words, thoughts, surface emotions and behaviors are all irrelevant.

A Useful Metaphor

When watching deep emotion, it may be useful to keep a metaphor in mind. Deep emotion resembles a spotlight like those found in concert halls. The "spotlight" of deep emotion is located in the other person's eyes. Firstly, like a spotlight, deep emotion may be on or off. If it is off, the person is said to have flat emotion. Secondly, like a spotlight equipped with colored filters, deep emotions shift from one to another. If there is no shifting, the person is said to have static emotion. Thirdly, deep emotion has scope. That is, deep emotion may form a very narrow beam, perhaps four inches (10 cm) in diameter. Or deep emotion may form a very wide beam, "illuminating" the entire hemisphere in front of it. Or deep emotion may form a beam intermediate between these two extremes. Fourthly, like a spotlight with a reasonably narrow beam, deep emotion has aim. That is, the "beam" of deep emotion centers itself on a specific target.

Using the "spotlight" metaphor, let us look at the deep emotion of communicators. First, their deep emotion is always on. That is, they never have flat emotion. Second, their deep emotion keeps shifting. That is, they never have static emotion. Third, the scope of communicators' deep emotion is always narrow. That is, their deep-emotion "beam" never widens. Fourth, the aim of communicators' deep emotion either squarely hits its target or conspicuously misses its target. That target is the eyes of the diagnostician.

If communicators are avoiding deep feelings, then they deliberately aim their deep feelings away from the diagnostician with a full knowledge of, and an occasional glance toward, the feelings' proper target. In other words, communicators know that an adult exists in the environment who can receive and respond to their deep feelings. Communicators may choose to contact that adult or to avoid that adult but they always know he or she exists.

Deep-Feeling Eccentricity

On the other hand, noncommunicators have no experiential knowledge that an adult exists in the environment who can receive and respond to their deep feelings. They may believe, discuss, lecture, observe, speculate, suspect or think that other adults have deep feelings. But noncommunicators have never felt the deep feelings of another adult as a first-hand experience. Because they lack this first-hand experience, noncommunicators handle deep feelings eccentrically in comparison to communicators.

So the diagnostician looks for deep-feeling eccentricity as he or she observes a person's eyes over a period of time, say twenty minutes or more. The diagnostician examines the presence, shift, scope and aim of the person's deep-feeling expression with respect to the diagnostician. If the person's eyes reveal no deep affect (so-called flat emotion), then the diagnosis of the noncommunicative state is confirmed.

If the person's eyes reveal a deep feeling, say pain, and that pain remains fixed over time (so-called static emotion), then the diagnosis of the noncommunicative state is confirmed.

However, difficulty arises when the person's eyes express some deep emotion which shifts from one sort of emotion to another. The chief question then becomes, "Is the person contacting me by means of deep emotion or is the person merely conveying deep emotion to me." In the latter case, the person is broadcasting deep emotion.

If noncommunicators are broadcasting different deep feelings, their scope of deep-feeling expression is likely to be too wide, perhaps spreading out and becoming fully hemispheric. If their scope is too wide, the diagnosis of the noncommunicative state is confirmed.

If noncommunicators are broadcasting various deep feelings and the scope of their deep-feeling expression is reasonably narrow, then their aim of deep-feeling expression will be off, usually to one side or the other of the diagnostician. If their aim misses the diagnostician's eyes, then the diagnosis of the noncommunicative state is confirmed.

The diagnostician should test the person with two kinds of stimuli:

1. emotionally neutral material like shopping or the weather and
2. emotionally loaded material like relationships and traumatic events.

With one kind of material, many noncommunicators direct their emotional expression narrowly and accurately. And then with the other kind of material, they lose the presence, variety, tight scope or true aim of their deep emotion. With either type of material, if their deep emotion disappears or its variety ceases or its scope widens or its aim wanders, then the diagnosis of the noncommunicative state is confirmed.

With respect to deep feeling, nearly all persons show a differential response to men and women. So you can improve diagnostic accuracy if you have a partner of the sex opposite yours join the interview and talk with persons about emotionally neutral and emotionally loaded material. Before the interview, instruct your partner of the opposite sex to interrupt your conversation periodically and ask questions that are irrelevant to your line of inquiry. This irrelevancy disrupts the other persons' cognitive set, allows their deep feeling to emerge and forces them to deal directly with your partner. Make sure that the other persons are answering your partner directly rather than answering him or her indirectly by routing their replies through you. Few, if any, noncommunicators can "fake" emotional contact under all four circumstances:

1. Emotionally neutral material with a man.
2. Emotionally neutral material with a woman.
3. Emotionally loaded material with a man.
4. Emotionally loaded material with a woman.

Absence or fixation or wide scope or poor aim of deep-feeling expression under any one of these four circumstances confirms the diagnosis of the noncommunicative state.

People Who Are Difficult to Diagnose

The most difficult individuals to diagnose are those who broadcast deep emotion the best: well nurtured children and people who work with emotions all day long, like actors and counselors. With children, you and your partner of the opposite sex should examine the child in the child's home with one or both of the parents present because children are freer with their emotions in a familiar setting compared to an office or school setting. With actors and counselors, you and your partner should take extra time and cover an extended range of topics including the subjects' ability to acknowledge deep emotions.

Should you make one of those very rare false positive diagnoses and determine that a communicator is noncommunicative, your mistake will become glaringly evident as soon as you try to make deep-feeling contact with the erroneously diagnosed person. Communicators know exactly what you are doing with deep emotion and know exactly how to thwart your efforts. On the other hand, noncommunicators have no idea what you are doing with deep emotion and mount little resistance to your efforts.

Self-Diagnosis

After reading this material, if you are unsure whether you are a communicator or a noncommunicator, then you are probably a communicator. On the other hand, if you are sure that you are a communicator, then you are probably a noncommunicator.

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