NC-17

Michelle noted the change of expression on Danny's face as they exited the room at the close of the session. The sullen look he had when he first arrived had returned. It was a hard one to miss.

This meeting had been hard on Danny even though Michelle had no idea why. It was as if he had retreated inside himself again. All the progress that they had been making had been all in vain.

"Danny?" she questioned.

"Huh?" he returned his eyes never meeting hers.

"Are you okay?" she reached out to touch him but he pulled back before she was able to make contact. As if somehow that her touch would have made his decision for him. "Danny?" she cried distress in her tone.

"WHAT?!?!?!" Again the walls were in place and the iron gates closed to those awaiting entrance.

"What?" she gasped angst and anger mixing as she spoke, "What......what's going on with you?"

"Nothing," his voice still harsh.

"Don't give me that crap. Hours ago you were mister happy go lucky laughing and joking with me and now it's like you are a completely different person standing before me."

"Forget about it....forget about me,"

"What????......Why??????" she countered.

"It's in your best interest. Just forget that you ever met me!" Danny shouted as he turned heading off in the opposite direction.

"DANNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Michelle's voice echoed off the stark white walls of the hallway. "Wait.....Danny," He was nothing more then a retreating form in the distance. She couldn't do more then watch him walk away from her feeling as though she had just been hit by a Mack truck.

"Michelle?" Kathy asked in a concerned tone. The look on Michelle's face was one the resembled that of shell shock. "What's the matter?" Thoughts of Derrick Lawson marched through her mind.

"I wish I knew," was all Michelle could say.

"What happened? Is it something about Derrick? Did they find him?" Kathy's questions were too fast for Michelle's head to keep up with.

"Not Derrick.....Danny," the pained expression Michelle wore caused Kathy to want to kick Danny Santos in the teeth.

"What about Danny?"

"I don't know. One minute everything is fine and the next it's like the day I first met him all over again."

"I don't understand," Kathy continued, "Like the day you first met him?"

"Exactly! He was such a bastard in the beginning. So angry that no one could get close to him," Kathy remembered the scenario all too well. "Well, I mean at first we were on this roller coaster ride from hell. One minute friends the next enemies for what reason I don't know. Then all of the sudden we clicked. It was like magic but now it's gone....went up in a puff of smoke."

Kathy had a pretty good reason why. She had watched Danny as Jake Matthews told his story in group. Danny's eyes glazed over as Jake repeated how his own stupidity had cost him the only woman that he truly loved.

She could only imagine what games Danny's guilt over Caitlyn's death had begun to play again in his mind. She also wondered if that guilt had branched off into his feelings for Michelle. Making him play a tug of war with the memories of Caitlyn that he held dear and his ever growing feelings for Michelle.

She couldn't believe she was about to break Danny's confidence but she couldn't have Michelle believing that it was something that she had done. Couldn't let her fall back into her own old habits and patterns. Especially not with Derrick Lawson still on the loose.

"Come in my office," Kathy guided Michelle into the room closing the door behind them.

"What?" she questioned.

"There's something I think you need to know about Danny. The real reason he's here."

"He's a drunk! What more do I need to know?" the voice Michelle heard ringing in her ears wasn't one she recognized.

"How about the reason behind it? You know very well my dear that there is always a reason."

"So?!?!?" Michelle tried to push away any emotion that she had had for him. She was sorry that she had let herself be sucked into thinking that this time would be any different.

"Michelle!" Kathy scolded.

"WHAT.............you warned me. I just should have listened to you!"

"STOP IT MICHELLE! Hear me out before you make any snap judgments that you may live to regret later."

"Fine...I'm listening."

"I think you need to cut Danny a little bit of slack........"

"WHAT????? Come again. Wasn't it you who told me what a rotten guy he was. Just last night didn't you tell me to stay away from him?" Michelle said flabbergasted by Kathy's sudden 180 degree turn.

"Yes, but.................."

"But what now you have seen the error of your ways?" Michelle laughed.

"YOU KNOW WHAT?????" Kathy spat knowing full well that this was Michelle's anger and defense mechanisms talking. She was doing her very best to cover the fact that Danny's sudden brush off had stung her. More then she realized that it would.

"WHAT????" she shot back eyes blazing.

"For once keep your God damned mouth shut and listen to what I have to say for a change!" Kathy's firm words brought silence to the office, "I know you are upset. I know you think that Danny betrayed you like everyone else in your miserable life but things aren't always what they seem. Weren't you the one to point that out to me?" Michelle nodded, "There are things about Danny that you haven't a clue about. The real reason behind his drinking. Michelle, Jake's story today in group hit Danny where he lives. He feels responsible for his fiancé's death. She died in a car bombing that was meant for him. He's carried around that guilt for months now. It's eating him up as much as his new found feelings for you are."

Kathy watched as Michelle tried to stop the tears from falling. The realization of Kathy's statements causing her to rethink her whole position on things.

"So you see, it's not that Danny is pushing you away. It's just the baggage he carries with him is cumbersome. So much so that it sometimes gets in the way of what's really important."

"Kathy."

"Yes?"

"What do I do now? I think I'm falling in love with him."

Kathy couldn't believe she was about to say this even as the words passed her lips, "Just love him....the rest will all fall into place."

Michelle walked the halls letting Kathy's words replay in her mind..........Just love him.......Just love him....Just love him. She wondered how Danny lived day in and day out with the facts surrounding his fiancé's death. She hadn't even bothered to find out her name, but she had a fairly good idea that she was the girl in the photo. A great deal of things began to make sense to her now. Why Danny had had such an adverse reaction to kissing her that first time. Why he had freaked out when she accidentally pushed the picture to the floor. She knew why she had immediately felt connected with him. For he too understood the feelings of guilt that came along with death. Feelings that no matter where you ran to hide from them they always found you one way or another.

"Danny," she knocked softly waiting for a response but the was none. Michelle pushed open the door to find Kirk Maxwell sitting with his feet propped against the desk.

"Hello there," he smiled in his cunning fashion.

"I was looking for Danny."

"He's not here right now. Is there something that I can help you with?"

"I highly doubt that."

"Oh you have wounded me," Kirk said clutching at his chest as though he had been shot through the heart.

"What are you doing in here?" she questioned.

"Waiting for my friend. And you?" he countered knowing full well the answer to that question.

"FRIEND MY ASS!"

"Oh feisty aren't we? What happened to the meek little girl who runs at the first sign of trouble?" Kirk pressed.

"Do you want me to call security and have you removed from this room?"

"No need to throw your weight around," Kirk remarked as he stood getting ready to leave, "If you see Danny before me, and I'm sure that you will," he added slyly, "Tell him I have something for him."

"Yeah, whatever....just get the hell out of his room!" she forced.

Kirk glanced back at the desktop as Michelle elbowed him from the room. The first step in his plan had been laid. It was now time for the rest to be set in place as well. If he knew anything at all about Danny Santos he would take the bait hook line and sinker.

Michelle looked high and low for Danny. It was as though he had disappeared completely. Finally it hit her the one place that she hadn't looked for him. The garden. She was certain that's where he had to be. That's exactly where she found him. Sitting on the exact same bench that they had sat on the other day. He was starring blankly into the horizon. Michelle doubted if he even saw the spectacular sunset that lay before him.

"Danny." His coal colored eyes met her brown ones locking instantly. It was hard to miss the tears that still made their home in his. "Is it all right if I sit?" She had surprised herself with her own composure.

Danny moved making room for her beside him yet never speaking. The time alone had done very little to clear his thoughts. And now having Michelle within his reach only caused more confusion. His body reacted in ways his mind hadn't expected or wanted.

"Are you okay? I don't know what happened back there but I didn't like it." Michelle was careful to keep the things Kathy had told her secret. She wanted Danny to tell her on his own.

"I've been better."

"Can I help? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

Michelle felt the frustration welling deep within her. It was so difficult to not reach out to him. To tell him that she knew everything. That somehow someway together they would beat both of their demons.

"Danny," Michelle rested her hands on his as she had done numerous times before. She felt his tremble beneath hers this time. "Please....talk to me. It can only get better from here on in."

"I wish that I believed that." Danny dropped his head sighing heavily for he was slowly losing this battle. Michelle's persistence was wearing down his defenses.

"It's true," The words were hollow even to her. She had heard them said to her time and time again but it wasn't until he walked through the door of The Hillman Treatment Center that she had begun to believe them, "There are going to be dark days. We all have them. But you can't let them consume you. You have to take control of them. Put them in their proper place. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Easier said then done," Danny got up to distance himself from her. The closeness of her body was more then he could bare. Every fiber of his being wanted to pull her into him getting lost in the moment. He wanted to say to hell with the notion of being faithful to Caitlyn. Because she had died, he was to be dead as well. The sight of Michelle Bauer caused him to be very much alive.

Michelle went to him. Pressing her body against his back. Letting her lips rest on the soft material of his shirt. Her hands traveled from his shoulders down his arms, "Danny," she whispered, "I am here. That's all that I can tell you. I am here if you need a friend......"

Before she was able to say more Danny turned to face her his mouth crashing down on hers. The touch of their lips caused Michelle's knees to go weak. She didn't know if the cool night made her shiver or if it was Danny's touch alone that caused the goose flesh. Not that it really even mattered to her. She was lost in his warm embrace.

"You cold?" he asked never releasing her from his grasp.

"A little," she lied not wanting to let on just how much she wanted him.

"How about we head back to my room?" he questioned surprised at his own faith in himself. Going back to his room was a true test for him. He hoped for both their sakes he didn't fail.

"Sure."

Danny closed the door behind them. For a moment it was awkward, but Michelle's need to be close to him again took over. She found herself easily wrapping her arms around his waist. Her fingers tugging at the T-shirt forcing it to be released from beneath his jeans. Her hands traced the hard muscles of his back. Each touch sending shock waves to Danny's very core. The more he tried to control his desire, the more it eluded him. Michelle felt his manhood grow next to her. The heat radiating from his loin beckoned to her. Michelle rubbed her hands along the form beneath his jeans. Even through the thick fabric her caress caused him to shudder.

She looked into his eyes as her fingers toyed with his zipper. She watched as he nodded while she released him from his constraints. Before realizing what was happening Michelle dropped to her knees bringing her mouth down covering him. The deep moans that escaped from his throat propelled her further. Melodically, her tongue encircled his erection. Danny let his head fall back welcoming the sensations that she was eliciting. It had been such a long time since he let himself feel pleasure that he wasn't about to let this come to an end. If was though she had swallowed him whole. The waves of excitement had peaked in the form of tremors wracking his entire body and soul.

Gone were thoughts of Caitlyn….thoughts of the fiery crash that had claimed her and gone was the guilt that had consumed him. The only thoughts now were making Michelle Bauer completely his.

He joined her kneeling on the floor. His desire for her evident in his eyes. Danny stroked her alabaster skin reveling in its softness. Bringing his mouth to hers again yet this time with less hunger but just as much passion. Easily she parted her lips to let his tongue find entry. Each one searching the other. The intensity of the moment causes them both to be breathless. In this deep exploring experience was one that Michelle had never been party to before. This time it was different from all the others. For once the high that came along with it wasn't drug induced. The heightened pleasure was completely hers and she wanted never to go back to the other.

Danny let his hands travel beneath the fabric of her shirt. The tips of his fingers brushing against the lace of her bra. His touch shot electric pulses throughout her body. Danny watched as she bit at her lower lip when he made contact with her nipples. Working the straps off her shoulders, Danny released her breasts from their resting-place. He stood in awe of the sight before him. She was breathtaking. Cupping one in his hand, Danny partook of it in his mouth. Michelle's soft moans as his tongue teased the pointed peak was enough for Danny to feel himself grow once more.

Danny took Michelle by the hand leading her to the bed in the corner of the room. The moonlight casting golden shadows about.

Michelle watched as Danny removed his shirt. She licked her lips in anticipation of what she was certain was to come next. She felt his body make contact with her own as he brought himself on top of her.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered pushing her hair from her face.

"Thank you," she returned kissing him passionately once again. Michelle ran her fingers through his thick chocolate curls. Everything about this man sent her heart racing. She felt her body arch to meet his. Her desire causing her to become wet.

"Danny?" she questioned. His attention was drawn to the desk. He looked as if he had seen a ghost. It was then she saw it as well. A photo of him and whom Michelle assumed was his fiancé. It was their engagement announcement. It was hard to miss the loving way they look at the other. Instantly Michelle felt awkward lying half-naked beneath him. The headline read…..Daniel Santos to wed Caitlyn Rodgers………..

Michelle looked on as Danny was drawn to the picture. It was though some irresistible force was propelling him forward. Completely beyond his control.

She watched as the tears cascaded like a waterfall from his eyes. The sobs were loud and hard. She was torn. Part of her wanted to go to him yet another part held her locked in place. It ripped at her heart to see the torment on his face. She could only imagine what was going through his mind.

"I'm sorry," he spoke to the photo as if Michelle wasn't even in the room, "I couldn't help myself…its not that I don't love you……."

His words pricked at Michelle's heart. For all intensive purposes he was apologizing to a dead woman….her picture to boot. Michelle recalled Kathy's words. How she thought that Danny was struggling with his feelings for her as well as the memory of Caitlyn but at this very moment she didn't give a damn. She felt the fool. Sitting there half dressed while Danny expressed his guilt to a picture was more then even she could bare.

It wasn't until Danny heard the slamming of the door that he came out of his trance. "Michelle," he said turning to find her gone. Going to the door he saw her as she ran down the corridor. He closed the door again not knowing whether to stay or to go.

Michelle raced from the room. Danny's blatant apology for his actions with her had caused her head to spin. It was all a bizarre dream that she couldn't wake from. She could still hear him saying that........it's not that I still don't love you.........those words roared in her ears.

How had she let this happen? How had she once again been drawn into a spider's web.....where the black widow was waiting to claim it's next victim. More importantly why was she always that victim? That was the answer that continued to elude her.

She didn't have a clue where she was running to. The only thing she did know was that Danny wasn't chasing after her. That fact tore at her heart. Moments prior they had been inches away from making love.....or at least that's what it would have been for her. However, she couldn't rid herself of the feeling that for Danny it was more of reliving the past and she had only been an inadequate replacement. Not that that surprised her all that much. Michelle had spent her entire life being just that. At least in her own mind that is.

Michelle tugged at Danny's shirt. Earlier it had brought her great comfort yet now all it did was serve to remind her of a man who had burned her but again. Even the scent that had encompassed her now only served to nauseate her. If she could have, Michelle would have ripped it to shreds the way her soul just had been.

She walked aimlessly looking for any place to crawl into and disappear. The need to flee encircled her. The familiar feelings filled the crevasses of her brain. They called to her. The voices summoned her home.

She fought the urge...the need to escape the only way she had known. She did her best to recall all that she had learned. All the things that Kathy had stressed. What a wonderful sensation it was to feel whole again. Danny had enabled her to feel that way but in seconds he had ripped it away.

Possibly Kathy had been right when she said that Michelle had been looking to Danny to be her savior. And that she had to be the one to save herself. That no one could do that for her.

Those were tough words to live by at the moment. Saving herself was the last thing on her mind. Escaping the hell she was feeling this instant was a far greater need.

Michelle found herself sitting on the hood of her car. Debating whether to stay and fight for her soul or leave and become condemned to a doomed existence. It wasn't an easy decision. The latter was far too enticing. It was a quick fix for a continual problem. But staying and fighting, that was a longer haul. One that Michelle doubted she had the courage for or hell maybe not even the desire for.

"Really what's the use?" she said to the dark night sky, "What does it matter anymore?" Her anguished cries echoed off into the distance. She toyed with her car keys. The voices growing louder by the second.

"Give it up.....it was foolish to think that you could get away that easy........" the voice in her head prodded sounding so much like Derrick, "You know you want it.......Just go get it.....It's still out there.....Just grab it and this will all be over..................."

"You are strong........" the voice of reason persisted, "Don't let this stop you........You don't need to run anymore......You can do this without the drugs......Stand your ground, Michelle"

Michelle's clenched her fists driving her nails into the palms of her hands. The pain forcing her mind to focus on something other then the voices warring in her mind. It was then her own words came back to haunt her. Closing her eyes she saw Danny and her standing in the garden..................,

"There are going to be dark days. We all have them. But you can't let them consume you. You have to take control of them. Put them in their proper place.................."

At that moment the voice prodding her to seek escape faded into the background letting the strong one take center stage. She heard her own words again and again. It was time that she took control of her life. That she stopped letting every bad thing that happened to her or every bump in the road she encountered send her back into the abyss that had been her life. Danny Santos or no Danny Santos she deserved that. She had worked hard to achieve it. And she was damn well going to have it. No matter what it took to get there.

Michelle returned the car keys to her pocket and turned to go back inside. This wasn't over....not by a long shot. She wasn't about to give up without a fight.

A pair of strong hands stopped her before she was able to move forward. "DON'T THINK YOU ARE GETTING AWAY THAT EASY!!" the raspy voice purred in her ear. She felt the needle pierce her flesh as the world faded to black around her.

There Danny stood alone again. The silence of the empty room was deafening. His thoughts tearing at his mind body and soul. He wanted to run after her. Try to explain the unexplainable. But his legs would not comply. They were frozen to the ground.

He brought the newspaper clipping into his line of vision. The memories of that night flooded him. It was as if the damn had been opened and the waters it once held back relished in their freedom.

Danny was still able to taste the strawberries and champagne that he and Caitlyn shared alone in his room after their guests had left for the evening. How beautiful she had been in the soft flickers of the candles glow. That had been the happiest day in his existence. That night Caitlyn had agreed to become his wife. Placing the ring on her finger was a high that Danny never thought he would experience again. That was until the day Michelle Bauer entered his life. Now the vision before him was skewed. Michelle's image had found it's way into the equation.

Danny shook his head doing his very best to make her leave. The more he tried the more steadfast the illusion became. He felt as though he had stepped out of his life and into an episode of the twilight zone.

There they were the three of them coexisting as if it was common place. A chill ran down Danny's spine at the mixing of his two very separate lives. It was an eerie combination that he wasn't ready for.

The sad look in Caitlyn's eyes as she looked at him was undeniable. He saw the disappointment she felt for his inability to stay true to his word. Words that now Danny wasn't sure were truly meant to be. The moment she died Danny's life had been turned upside. He would have done or said anything to make the searing pain go away. In many ways he had. Killing Rico and promising Caitlyn that she was his one true love hadn't done anything to stave the downward spiral that he ultimately let himself be drug into.

Now Michelle's gentle touch beckoned him to her. In her eyes he saw a woman who knew his agony. Someone who had lived the tragedy that he had. A woman who didn't give a damn about the baggage that was his life. A person who didn't cringe at the sound of his name. That felt good to him. Felt great as a matter of fact. It had given him a freedom that he hadn't possessed before.

A freedom to know that he could get through this. That this time he didn't need the walls. That they only served to isolate him further instead of protecting him. He had been looking for safety....security.

Kathy had told him safety was an illusion we chose to create. That we weren't ever truly safe if we were living. And living was something that Danny hadn't done in awhile............if ever really.

His guilt wasn't about to let go....it was by far done with him. There were many buttons left to push. Too many cards left to play in this devil's hand of poker.

"What.....you think that you deserve a life after you cost Caitlyn hers........You think that you can just walk away and start anew.......

You know that the life you lead will be your downfall every time................You ready to bury another woman just because she has the audacity to fall in love with you.........,"

Danny pressed his fingers to his temples willing the images that this voice conjured to vanish. Closing his eyes only served to bring them to the forefront. He saw a funeral but this time it wasn't Caitlyn's. The picture beside the casket was one of Michelle.

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" his cries boomed around the room breaking the ever present silence.

All the while the fiend in his head laughed at the torment that it had caused. Took delight in the misery it evoked. Danny vaguely wondered if this was payback for all those things that he had let happen to those around him. Even the ones who had been his enemies. The saying what comes around goes around was ringing true in it's purest sense of the word.

Danny heard Michelle's voice once more. He turned circles doing his best to find the face that accompanied the voice. Her earlier words beckoned him to listen..........

"There are going to be dark days. We all have them. But you can't let them consume you. You have to take control. Put them in their proper place."

"I am here. That's all I can tell you. I am here if you need a friend....."

Danny's heart quickened as he entertained the thoughts of her touch. Take control she had said. The problem was with that he had always been in control. It was when he let himself be out of control that caused the problems.

Yet, in this situation control wasn't the kind that he had been used to. In his world control was equated to power and swift actions. Here control had a completely different connotation. It meant taking back his life. It meant rebuilding what had been torn down.

Danny wondered if he could really do that. Could he break down the walls that encased him. Brought what he thought to be safety. The only thing Danny was sure of was that he couldn't let Michelle just vanish from his life. That wasn't an option for him. But how to bring her back was another whole ball game.

Kathy glanced at the clock hanging on her wall. It was well past the time she should have left for home. Something in her gut kept her behind her desk.

The way things had played out between Danny and Michelle had her concerned. She knew Michelle well enough to be certain that she hadn't handled Danny's rejection well. She wondered if Michelle had heeded any of her words. If she had truly listened to what she had told her with regards to Danny. More importantly if she had been willing to accept them.

That was the fact that troubled Kathy the most. Could Michelle get past her own insecurities. Was she able to rise above the things that weighed her down before.

Kathy got up from her perch and paced about the room. She considered looking for her. She wanted to ensure that Michelle didn't let herself be sucked back into old behaviors. She stopped short of the door. She couldn't keep chasing after her. It was time that Michelle chose her path alone. Kathy knew the drill all too well. She couldn't save Michelle. Michelle had to want to save herself. All Kathy's persistence enabled Michelle to do was continue eluding responsibility for her own actions.

Yet, throwing Michelle to the wolves wasn't easy either. This time Kathy had done something that she knew was against every rule. Michelle Bauer had become far more then a patient to her. She felt as though she was her surrogate mother. Kathy had taken a greater interest in her recovery then she had ever done before. She had gone as far as getting Dr. Chajson to hire Michelle to work in the office. She did that hoping to keep Michelle on the straight and narrow and more importantly keep an eye on her. An action that went against all the rules of counseling that she had been taught. Still she had done it none the less.

Kathy's hand rested on the cold metal of the doorknob. "To hell with it!" She pushed the door open coming face to face with Danny Santos.

"Is the offer to talk still on the table?" he said defeat in his tone.

She felt torn. The biggest part of her wanted to lash out at him for what he had put Michelle through. She had made herself perfectly clear how fragile Michelle's state of mind was at times. She recalled Danny's words, that he would look out for Michelle. Kathy had a tough time believing that's what he had been doing when he had pushed her away

Yet, Kathy was by no means being fair. She was looking at this only from one side. That side being Michelle's alone. Looking at Danny now, she was forced to see the forlorn and lost soul in her midst.

"Of course," she said ushering him into the room. Kathy looked to the darkness besieging the night sky. Asking the greater powers to keep Michelle safe.

Danny dropped into the chair adjacent to Kathy's meager desk. He search for the words to even begin to explain. The thoughts were nothing more then fragments that bounced in his brain. He lacked the logic necessary to form whole sentences. Everything for Danny right now was racing at the speed of sound.

"Danny, what's wrong?"

"I......Michelle......it's a mess. I should have just left well enough alone," Danny's voice escaped with a heavy sigh.

"What do mean?"

"I mean....she would have been................"

"Been what Danny?" Kathy's tone heightened in frustration.

"I don't know what to do with these feelings. I thought I could handle them. I can't. I can't get her out of my head!" Danny cried.

"Who Danny, Caitlyn or Michelle?" Kathy questioned.

"Both!" Danny covered his face with his hands.

"I don't know what to tell you," Kathy remarked honestly. Dealing with death was a difficult thing. Each person reacted completely different. When you added the guilt that Danny carried with him to the mix it only served to be get more complicated. How do you tell your head that it's okay to listen to your heart. How do you make your head understand that the heart has found someone new to take up residence there. It wasn't an idea that the head relented to quickly. That was where Danny was at the moment. The ever present tug of war.

"What do you mean you don't know what to tell me?" Danny asked exasperated looking to Kathy to make sense of this mass of nonsense in his brain.

"I can't tell you who to chose. Only you can do that. I understand that Caitlyn was your everything. That you truly expected to spend the rest of your life with her."

"Yes...yes, I did."

"So now you are asking yourself how is it that someone other then she can occupy so many of your thoughts?"

"Exactly."

"I don't have a good answer for that. Actually, I don't have an answer at all. Love is a mystery. You should know that. There are always more questions than there are answers. By the grace of God you were lucky to find someone to help heal you......"

"HEAL?!?!?" Danny cut her off mid-sentence, "You think that I'm healed?" he spat. "That's a joke. I can't look at Caitlyn's picture or close my eyes without seeing the explosion over and over again. I find that far from being healed."

"Danny, no one is telling you to strike Caitlyn from your mind. There would be no way for you to do that. But that certainly doesn't mean there isn't room in your heart for another."

Danny wished that he believe her words. His thoughts and actions towards Michelle were the ultimate betrayal. At least that's what he thought.

"How? How do I do that?" he questioned praying for some sort of resolution in Kathy's voice.

"One step at a time."

"I think I missed a few of those steps," Danny commented thinking back to how close he had come to making love with Michelle.

"How so?" Kathy countered.

The bright red lights and blaring sirens beckoned them both to the window. Forgot was Kathy's question or Danny's answer. The ambulance barreled into the lot coming to a screeching halt along side Michelle's black car.

Danny was out the door with Kathy on his heals.

Ray looked at the information in his hands. It still was something he was unable to fathom. The words he found there were beyond all reason all comprehension. He had wanted the ammunition to bury Bernard but he didn't want to bury Danny along with him.

Ray was certain that this information would do just that.

None the less, Danny deserved the truth. All of it. Not just a scaled down version.

Ray was fearful of exactly what Danny would do with the facts he had. Danny's actions with regards to Rico had been swift and severe. There was no telling what he would do when he got his hands on this.

Ray glanced at his watch as his car rolled to a stop at the red light. It was well past visiting hours at the center, but this couldn't wait. Not one minute longer, would Ray let Danny live a lie.

As Ray guided his little red sports coupe into the lot his head lights illuminated a shadowy figure running at the edge of the lot. At that moment he thought not much of it, until he saw the body sprawled on the pavement. With his car barely in park, Ray sprang from the driver's seat striding to the motionless body. His mouth went dry rolling the petite frame over revealing Michelle's face. Running purely on instinct, Ray pulled out his cell phone dialing 911.

"911.....nature of the emergency," the monotone voice returned.

"I don't know......I found a woman....she's unconscious."

"Is she breathing?" the voice asked.

"Barely," Ray brought his ear to her mouth and nose. The breaths that did escape were so shallow.

"Does she have a pulse?"

"What's with all the questions?" Ray bellowed agitated by the inquisition.

"Sir, I am only trying to assess the patient's condition," the voice countered calmly.

"SEND A GOD DAMNED AMBULANCE!!!"

"The address sir," Ray was astounded by the sedate way the operator spoke.

"The Hillman Treatment Center. I don't know the address. I'm sure you know the place!" Ray spat. "We are in the parking lot. Hurry......she's barely holding her own." "An ambulance has been dispatched to that address. It should be there momentarily."

Ray tossed the phone aside starring at this young girl. Given all he had learned in the past twenty-four hours, he wondered who had been responsible for this. He couldn't shake the sinking feeling that he already knew. He had wished the he had gotten a better look of the figure running from the parking lot. That would be the final nail in the coffin if it had been who he thought it was.

"Michelle," Ray's voice sounded raspy as he cradled her limp body in his arms. His fingers ran along her wrist desperately searching for a pulse. He wasn't sure if it had been his anxiety causing his inability to locate one or that she no longer had a pulse. That thought sent his head reeling. Ray knew how Danny felt about this girl. It was written all over his face the minute Michelle Bauer came into his line of vision. He was certain that if she was to die it was something that would crush Danny beyond all recognition.

Before long Ray heard the sirens in the distance. Each second their blaring swelled until the ambulance was thundering along side of him.

The paramedics went to work swiftly moving Ray into the background. He listened as they shouted medical terminology amongst each other. The one thing that was able to summize was that at least Michelle was breathing.

"RAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Danny's tortured voice rang out into the night, "MICHELLE!?!?!?!" His eyes averted to her limp body as the EMT's gently lifted her on to the stretcher. In a flash Danny was transported back in time. Carried back to eight months before. The tightness grew in his chest as he heard one of the men shouting that they had lost her pulse. He watched as the scene around him pass by in slow motion yet in reality it was at much faster pace.

"OH MY GOD................MICHELLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kathy's voice too echoed into the blackness. "What....how.....god what has she done?" Kathy let the scenes fly past her mind's eye. So many options to choose from.

The three bystanders looked on as the paramedics went to work feverishly trying in vain to jump start Michelle's heart. Danny wasn't able to do more then focus on the sounds around him. None of them made any sense. The were a mass of familiar notes yet out of order.

"I got a pulse. It's weak but it's there. We had to move...NOW!" There was no mistaking the urgency in the man's voice.

"Where are you taking her?" Ray asked as he stood between Danny and Kathy both were dumbfounded into silence.

"Mercy," the man returned quickly before closing the door to the ambulance.

The three of them stood helpless as the ambulance sped away.

Danny paced in the waiting area of the ER. He listened intently to the voice droning over the intercom. Each time wondering if the calls had been regarding Michelle. It seemed as though they had been waiting a lifetime for word on her condition. Finally a man in a white coat approached them, "I'm looking for Kathy Stewart. Kathy Stewart."

"That's me. How's Michelle?" Kathy asked in a whisper as she reached out to Danny. At this moment they were all the other had to hold on to.

"I believe it's some kind of drug overdose. I am running a tox screen to find out exactly what she has taken."

Kathy felt the world spin under her feet. If she had only gone after her when she had first thought of it. Possibly this wouldn't be happening.

"That can't be true," Danny heard his voice but didn't know where it was coming from. "Michelle would never overdose. She wouldn't.....she just wouldn't do that."

"I'm sorry but it's true."

"Is she going to be all right?" Ray stepped forward to ask afraid of the answer.

"Right now I can't answer that. We have her stabilized but it's still touch and go. I will be better able to make that assessment once I know exactly what it is she has taken."

"Can I see her?" Danny asked. He couldn't stop the urgent need to be with her from filling him.

"Right now we are moving her to a room. In a few minutes you can. She's unconscious still so don't expect much," the man's harshness grated on Danny's already raw nerves.

"I don't give a damn. I need to see her."

"Fine. I will have a nurse alert you when she's been moved."

Danny sank into the bank of chairs. It was almost like he needed to instruct himself how to breathe. Even the simplest things were lost to him right now. All his energy was focused on Michelle. He couldn't believe that she had overdosed. It was a feeling that ate away at him but he couldn't shake it. This entire situation didn't smell right.

What had Ray been doing at the center at that hour anyway? Had he come up with something on Derrick Lawson? Danny's blood bubbled with the thoughts he entertained of Derrick. It stood to reason that he had something to do with all of this. He had come back to finish the job he had started the other day. Danny's clenched fist found it's way to the wall. The contact was hard crushing his bones. Yet there was no pain. Only the adrenaline that coursed through his body.

The fire in Danny's eyes Ray had seen it before. Ray watched as Danny had moved into mobster mode once again. It was an instinct that he would never truly lose.

"Danny," Ray's voice fell on deaf ears.

"I swear to you Ray..............Derrick Lawson is a DEAD MAN!!!"

It was as if Danny speaking his name that he had somehow conjured Derrick out of thin air. For at that precise moment Derrick Lawson came running through the swinging doors.

Danny watched the doors to the ER swing open as Derrick Lawson emerged between them. He frantically made his way to the desk. Danny heard nothing that Ray was trying to tell him. Trying to explain that they had more problems then just Derrick Lawson.

What Danny had heard was Derrick's biting voice asking where Michelle was.

"I'm looking for Michelle Bauer. Can you please tell me where I can find her?" Derrick pressed as the nurse before him continued her phone conversation.

"WHAT YOU COME TO FINISH THE JOB?!?!?!?!?" Danny's irate voice boomed over the commotion of the emergency room. Without warning Danny grabbed Derrick by the jacket hurling him to the ground.

"DANNY!!!!" Ray tried to make his way to them but the crowd that had formed around them wouldn't allow it.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!! You think that you can come in here acting all concerned so that you can get close to her. So that this time you can make sure she's DEAD?!?!?!?" Danny thrust his foot into Derrick's chest forcing the air from his lungs.

"I don't know what you are talking about," he gasped.

"FUCKING LIAR!!! What the hell did you give her this time?" Danny spat through clenched teeth.

"Danny, let him up man," Ray pleaded. Ray's request fell on deaf ears. Danny was lost in his own world. A world where those who dared to cross him paid a high price.

"I just heard about what happened to her.......I wanted to see her....really that's all I wanted," Derrick heard the words escaping from his lips. The fear evident in every syllable. Michelle had actually gotten herself a white knight this time. Danny Santos was not a man to be fucked with. Derrick knew that now. He wasn't about to get himself killed for the likes of Michelle. But he couldn't stop himself from coming to see her. It hadn't always been this way for them. In the beginning he had actually cared for her. Wanted the best for her. Somewhere along the way things had gotten messed up. He had gotten messed up. Yet there was a part of him that still loved her. As warped as his version of love was.

"You really are a stupid fuck you know that? Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you right here, right now?!?!" Danny seethed.

"Cause I wasn't the one who hurt her. I could never hurt her!" The irony of his statement enraged Danny to a point of utter frustration. Dropping hard and fast Danny's fist made contact with Derrick's jaw.

"YOU LYING SON OF A BITCH! That's all you have done is hurt her," Effortlessly Danny picked Derrick from the floor crashing his body into the cold concrete wall. Danny let his full weight come to rest on Derrick's chest once more.

"I swear to you man. I didn't hurt her," Derrick whined. "Not this time," he added.

Danny's hands found their way to Derrick's throat. Without even thinking his fingers encircled his neck. Danny bore his thumbs into Derrick's Adam's apple laughing all the while Derrick gasped for each breath.

"Danny," it was Kathy's voice that forced him to remember exactly where he was and what it was he had been doing. He dropped Derrick to the floor as if he had been a hot pan burning into his skin. "This isn't going to help you. Not anymore then it did the last time." Kathy wasn't sure where she found the strength to speak but the words were there.

"I WANT TO HURT HIM LIKE HE HURT HER!" his voice was a violent whisper.

"What the hell's going on here?" Officer Coury inquired walking into the chaotic scene. "Lawson? Shit what are you doing here? I thought we made it clear to you....one more screw up and you would be doing time for stalking?"

Danny stood listening in amazement. The meaning of the officer's words eluding him. For if what he had just heard was true, he almost killed an innocent man. He looked down at his hands and shuddered at the thought.

"How's Michelle?" Officer Coury asked never releasing Derrick from his grip.

"No word yet," Kathy said.

"Are you saying that he was at the station the entire time?" a look of disbelief etched on Danny's face, "That he was with you all night?"

"We picked him up early evening."

"Why didn't you call and let us know you had him?"

"We were kinda unsure what the DA intended on doing with him. Since this was his first offense against the restraining order....................."

"FIRST OFFENSE MY ASS!!!!!!!!" Danny spouted.

"Well this was the first reported offense, the DA had no choice but to let him walk."

"So how can you be certain that he didn't do this?"

"I swear I didn't," Derrick insisted.

"Enough Lawson," Officer Coury said, "We just released him less then fifteen minutes ago. There is no way that he is responsible for what happened to Michelle."

The reality of those words hit home. Could Michelle have really overdosed? It was a thought that Danny didn't care to believe. So many visions clouded his mind. Danny could still see Michelle's face as she ran from his room. He wondered if in someway he had been responsible for this. That his need to be faithful to a ghost had sent Michelle careening over the edge. Danny rubbed his hands over his face trying to put order to his thoughts. He knew in his heart that Michelle hadn't overdosed on purpose. That couldn't have been what had happened. He just didn't know what did. He needed more then anything to find out though. Needed to be sure that he hadn't been responsible for but another persons demise.

"Mr. Santos," the nurse said pulling him from his thoughts.

"Huh?"

"Ms. Bauer is in room 318. If you wish to see her."

"Thank you," Danny returned as he made his way to the elevator.

Ray looked at his cousin and saw a mixture of the old and new Danny Santos. He wondered which one would win out. Especially after the bomb that he had waiting.