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This last week has been one of optimism and energy, as we've seen Travis released from the hospital. Even though he was re-admitted two days later, we have continually remembered how lucky we are that he is in such good shape, and that we are right now, only dealing with a blood pressure problem related to the medication doses (He goes between "volcano" and "calm lake"). This is a problem that we feel confident will be solved very soon. So other than the inconvenience of having to split up again between the RMH and the hospital, we have enjoyed a lot of laughs together and tried to do things during Travis' breaks from the hospital that will bring us strength and energy as a family. And it has ? other than the blood pressure issue, Travis' counts continue to progress (slowly but surely) and he feels absolutely great most of the time. Spencer has grown so much over the weeks-he has really found the stability underneath him and is making a wonderful place for himself. Joe and I are hopeful that the worst is past us.
Last night we were abruptly reminded that we are not in this alone, and that this is serious business ? this cancer and this leukemia. As I bounded up to our South American neighbors (a BMT family with whom we share a bathroom at RMH) and brightly asked them how their daughter was doing, they quietly looked down and shook their heads "No, no-- no good." When we arrived here, the daughter was at RMH recovering from her BMT, having some better days than others. She always looked weak when I saw her, but had a shy smile during the odd hours they came out of their room to eat meals when few people were around. Shortly after Travis' BMT, I knew she was re-admitted, but had thought she was doing better.
I felt terribly awkward when I interrupted this couple, and told them our prayers are with them and quickly left them alone. Later, Joe and I spoke with another BMT family here, who told us these parents had been at the RMH for 3 days straight now, without being at the hospital. We also learned that their daughter's room at the hospital was empty. Last night I prayed so hard that this 20-year old woman was in Intensive Care or something. Today we learned that, last Thursday night, she passed away.
We have been so focused on our own lives and our own counts, and own scheduling issues that we hadn't even known what was going on around us. This kind family, thousands of miles from home, who do not speak much English, had done the same. They had a job to do ? do everything in their power for their daughter. I can't even describe how hard it has hit me ? watching this couple come and go now at the RMH, avoiding people's faces and attending to their details of what comes next. The RMH sent around an announcement that a service will be held at a local church for their daughter. Joe and I will make sure one of attends to show our support for this family and for all families who are facing this frightening disease.
This is my first experience personally knowing anyone who has died from cancer after BMT. We've been so "hip-happy and hopeful" this past week, that I had pushed away even the possibility of death after BMT, as if it is THE CURE for anyone who has the procedure. This has brought death so close to home. But I am firm in my mind that every case is different. That Travis' case is different ? that he is strong and doing as well as anyone could imagine at this point. So I'm pretty sure I am keeping this separate in my mind. I am determined to think this way even if it means that I am denying possible outcomes. I only have enough energy to believe one way for Travis. But my heart bleeds for this family and for all the families who have lost the fight.
Those of us that are still fighting have the spirit of one more looking after us ? that of this young woman. And we won't give up. One step at a time and for each of us, the next step is different. For us, that means getting Travis stabilized and out of the hospital again (for good ? dare we hope?).
In the meantime, tomorrow evening (now tonight, as I send this), we will be blessing the memory of our neighbor, who fought hard and died with the love and devotion of her parents surrounding her. We will be honoring her parents, who stood by her side every moment. Please keep them in your prayers. And us, and the other families going though this.
Thanks everyone,
Melanie, Joe, Travis and Spencer.