Firstly, a confession. I love banter. All I want is banter. It may not be a shock on the scale of Will Young admitting he shoots with the left foot, but I feel it needs saying before I carry on. If they held a referendum tomorrow, I'd be saying Yes to Banter. A staunch pro-banter advocate I am. But I�ll try not to let my position cloud my judgment while, under orders from the Webmaster, I attempt to analyse the ongoing War on Banter. The war seems to be targeting the die-hard fundamentalists, who have in the past year declared Jihad on the beer. Banter devotees are being driven into the metaphorical Tora Bora caves by those who oppose and seek to destroy their way of (night)life.
The previous paragraph may be an exaggeration, but it is true to say that banter is one of the thorniest issues affecting the club. To beer, or not to beer, that is the question. But with the clubs' current poor showing in the USL, banter is being blamed as one of the reasons for this dismal state of affairs. But banter didn't put five past us for Quigley's Point. Banter isn't the reason more people are likely to turn up at a Michael Barrymore Pool Party than training on any given evening.
The crux of the matter seems to be that David Murray has more toes than Keadue have non-drinkers. But you simply cannot order men to stay in of a Saturday evening. This season so far, there have been more weddings than at a Moonie convention. Weddings, Big Fat Greek Ones or otherwise, mean that a sizeable chunk of the squad are on the beer all day on a Saturday. You can't begrudge a man a few pints on a Saturday evening if he knows half the team are steamed already.
The most workable compromise would be to say to men, "Go out and do your drinking on a Friday, then come to training on Saturday morning to work off the beer." After all, we don't want to end up as humourless as the highball, now do we? You may drive banter underground, but you'll never stamp it out. It's an integral part of the club, like it or not. Surely you have to allow men to go on the banter and snoke, if the opportunity arrives. Just because they are useless at both, doesn�t mean they can�t play football.
"I couldda I couldda had class, I couldda been a contender, I couldda been someone, instead of a bum, which is what I am." So said Marlon Brando as Terry Malloy in "On The Waterfront", and while it may seem a little harsh, it is a broadly accurate description of the footballing fortunes of both Keadue N.S. FAIS Six-a-Side winning teams of the 90s. The first win in 1993 was a historic event in the school's annals, the likes of which had never been achieved before by any school in the County. The team boasted a vintage crop of players, Noel Forker, Sean Boyle, Gary Ward and John Gallagher supplying the physical presence, allowing Paul Elliott, David Boyle, Seanie O'Donnell and John Joe McElroy to hurt teams up the field. After a final decided by penalties, the lads came home with the footballing expectations of the area upon them to lead Keadue Rovers to better days in the years to come.
It was no different for the next Keadue team to triumph in 1995. A teamsheet boasting Donal Bonner, Martin Ferry, the Boyle brothers Stephen & Christopher, Prionsias Forker, Martin McGarvey, Con O'Donnell and Kevin Ward conceded only one goal on their way to glory. With a less physical side than the 1993 selection, it was considered the high water mark in schoolboy soccer in the area.
But what of these boys, now men. How many of them regularly pull on the Keadue jersey on a Sunday?. In a word, none. Noel Forker is on the verge of the first 11, Con O,Donnell and Martin Mc McGarvey occasionally tog out, weather permitting, both of whom now concentrate on the highball with varying degrees of success. Paul Elliott moved from the area quite some time ago while John Gallagher is now happily married having done the dignified thing and retired at the top. David Boyle has been a resident of the �Big Smoke� for many years now, while �Crock� and Gary Ward have tried in vain to construct footballing careers at dead end clubs like Maraghy Celtic and Arannmore United, the joys of which, non-football related. Prionsais Forker and Christopher Boyle, while first team fixtures last season, have departed for foreign shores and it remains to be seen whether they have been lost to the game for good before their 20s. Kevin Wards promising senior career tragically never left the ground following a chronic back problem in the late 90s. Seanie O�Donnell holds the distinction of being the hardest man to track down this side of Afghanistan while John Joe McElroy never quite reached the promise land again. We all remember Donal Bonner being �all at sea� in the 1999 Reserve campaign, and all at sea is where he move resides having followed the trawler the following year. Stephen Boyles hero always was Noel Gallagher rather than George Best and the little magician from Arlands can now be found strumming to the sound of �Don�t look back in anger� in the Cathedral town, oh how we do Stephen. It is in fact only Martin Ferry who still plays regular football, having gone across the water to ply his trade with Ayr United in pastures greener, so at least one glimmer of light did emerge from that band of gallant Keadue sons.
It may leave many Rovers die-hards pulling their hair out in frustration, to see such a promising batch of youngsters fall by the wayside. You may blame the 3 vices, wine, song & women. You'd be right with the first two at least.